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CAPTAIN (NAVAL), not much used. DOCUMENTS. - When intended to be "Jolly."

destroyed are torn up, never burnt, or how CASTLE. Always " feudal."

could they subsequently be pieced to. CHARACTERS. It is usual to have a bad gether ? young man and woman, a good young man DUCHESS. Is “dear,” portly, and reand woman, two or three unintelligent old spectable. persons neither good por bad, and a few DUKE. Not much used. dummies of either sex, who perhaps ought EARS. “ Shell-like" for heroine. not to be included under the head Charac- EYES. Violet for heroine ; brown for ters.

honesty ; grey for cruelty. CHLORAL. The poison administered to ELOPEMENT. Alınost obsolete, owing to themselves by women intending to com- the telegraphic system. mit suicide. (See also “ Arsenic.”)

FIRE. Only breaks out when girls are CONFESSION. When you have got the desired to appear in deshabille. See story into such a hopeless mess that your therefore that the fire never occurs during murder cannot by any other possibility be the daytime. discovered, then naturally your murderer Foot. “ Dainty” for heroine. will coofess.


A shady character, of CONFIDENCE. A secret told to a friend whose antecedents nothing is known, but and confided by him to others.

who nevertheless gains admittance to the COTTAGES. Are “nestled,” not “situ- most select circles. If " • wealthy,” he ated,” and be careful not to forget the wears a fur coat and smokes big cigars honeysuckle.

and " delicately perfumed cigarettes." COUNTRY HOUSE. If large, always FRENCH. Is the language authors beElizabethan.

lieve themselves to be using when they CRIME, An illegal act committed in or introduce and italicize words which they der that it may be discovered in three know are not English. volumes. Crimes are of two sorts : 1. GHOSTS. None except those conformthe high life; 2. the low life. There are ing to the rules, regulations, and bye-laws three in the first class, viz., forgery, breach of the S.P.R. admitted. of the seventh commandment, and mur. GOVERNESS. Either spiteful, and mars der. The two latter also appear in the the heroine; or delightful, and marries second class, together with burglary, as the hero. sault, theft, and kindred offences.

GUARDS. Heroes are usually recruited CRITICS. You know the celebrated defi- from these, or from some section of the nition invented by Théophile Gautier and Household Brigade. copied by Disraeli. By the same token, HAIR. May be any color. If false, it you may be one yourself some day. denotes bad' morals. In the case of a Therefore, restrain your abuse of them. woman, it is either “gathered carelessly We never know what we may come to. into a knot,'

"“ drawn back from the foreCURATE. Is expected to use bad lan- head,” or “braided at the back.” It is guage once in the book.

always done "simply,” and nothing but DAGGER. Only used in exoteric novels " a single rose "is ever worn in it. and such as deal with low life. Owing to HERO (or HEROINE). A portrait of your. the recent glut of “butcher" literature self as you think you might have been. they have gone somewhat out of fashion. HOUSEHOLD BRIGADE. (See“Guards.") Thé Venetian glass dagger, of which the HUNTING. An opportunity for flirtation handle is snapped off, is the best, since it and a means of death. leaves no wound apparent. But poison is, INDIAN NOVEL. Make your characters after all, the nicest.

decidedly black, and your story rather DEATH. Is caused by arsenic, broken hot. Learn from troopers, and describe heart, chloral, consumption, decline, drown- those details of fighting which officers ard ing, duel, fire, hunting, pining away, shoot. gentlemen are wont to conceal. Be cyning, suicide, and wounding.

ical, be slangy, and the public will swarm DELIRIUM. (See “Secret.”')

to your productions like the flies that July DETECTIVE (in English novels). A pro- evening in Poonah round the But fessional intended to be outdone in his that is another story. own line of business by an amateur in the INGENUE. A useful novelistic fiction.

JESUIT. A clever scoundrel who sucDiary. A vehicle for conveying incrim- ceeds in the first volume, is baffled in the inating information which otherwise could second, and shown up in the third. not possibly have been discovered.

LAW. Always at fault, and never even



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moderately equitable unless some woman you can best explain — to adopt the form can outwit the villain's solicitors.

of belief professed by yourself. LOVE. Four out of the five letters composing "novel” spell “love,” and hence the sixpenny handbook in question, but

(N.B. You will not refer specifically to four-fifths is the proportion indicated by the inventors of the English language of you must read it. In the actual text it

will be sufficient to allude generally to love to the whole matter of the book.

Kant, Hegel, Reid, Berkeley, Hume, LOVERS. The rule is, “ Two to each

Fichte, Hobbes, Schopenhauer, Descargirl, if good ; one apiece to the rest; one rejected lover at least to remain single all Wolff, J. J. Wagner, Spinoza, Zeno the

tes, Plato, Apollodorus the Epicurean, his life.” MARQUIS. An old and wicked French

Eleatic, Pherecydes of Syros, and, of

course, men like Metrodorus of Lampsa. gentleman. MARRIAGE. In first volume, dismal ; Mothe le Vayer, with others of like im

cus, R. Lambruschini, François de la in second, doubtful; in third, happy. MONTE CARLO. Describe the scene ;

portance.) introduce the expressions, Pair," " Im- PLAGIARISM. It is generally conceded pair,Croupier," "Le jeu est fait, rien ne that this is impossible, therefore copy va plus,” and make one person at least freely. break the bank, and have his (or her) win- Sreerwell. Haven't I heard that line nings stolen the same night.

before ? MORALS. Most modern novels are with

Puff. No I fancy not. Where, pray? out morals.

Dangle. Yes, I think there is something MURDER. A crime committed by an

like it in " Othello." apparently respectable person, the suspi

Puff. Gad ! now you put me in mind cion of which is attached to one who is

on't, I believe there is. But that's of shown to be innocent only towards the end

no consequence; all that can be said of the third volume.

is, that two people happened to hit NAMES. Take a “Peerage," and choose

upon the same thought, and Shakereal names from those of well-known fam.

speare made use of it first, that's all. ilies. It adds piquancy, and if you


(The Critic, Act III., Sc. 3.) anybody wince, why should you care? Your withers are unwrung.

Formerly plagiarism was considered to be NOSE. Usually described only in the as possible as squaring the circle was case of women.

impossible. Now the reverse is the case. NOVELs. If alluded to, speak disparag. An author gains admittance to a (not very) ingly of them. Théophile Gautier says particular literary circle, and, by conformnovels have two uses — one, material; and ing to certain well-understood rules, finds the other, spiritual. The material use is it possible to square it; after which be to enrich the author, to adorn the library, can cause it to be demonstrated by any increase the profits of paper merchants, member of the circle that plagiarism is provide wages for printers, and so forth. a chimera, and originality a necessary The spiritual use is this — that by induc. virtue. ing sleep, they prevent the reader perusing Plot. It is still usual to have one; useful, virtuous, and enlightened journals, some prefer two. If the latter, then reand other indigestible literature of the member Puff's dictum, " The grand point same kind. (See also “Indian Novel,” in managing them is only to let your un“ Philosophical," " Railway,” “Social,” der-plot have as little connection with your and “Sporting” ditto.)

main plot as possible.” (The Critic, Act NURSE. Avoid young women who nurse 11., Sc. 3.) male friends with a view to matrimony. Poison. (See “ Arsenic,” “ Chloral.") This use of illness has been done to PRINCE. Always Russian. When a girl death.

is in love with one, she addresses him

as Oaths. Many lady novelists still make “Mon Prince." great use of these.

PUBLISHER. A necessary middleman PHILOSOPHICAL NOVEL. Describe the standing between you and the reading mental history of some misty-minded in- public. dividual, whó is led by information de- RAILWAY NOVEL. Books of this class rived from a sixpenny Handbook to phi- are read by travellers on long journeys losophy to abandon the faith of his youth when they have exhausted their newspain favor of chaotic agnosticism, and then pers, and have perused not only the adin later life is influenced — how and why I vertisements, notices, and cautions put up in their compartments by a considerate mediately went to her publishers to say railway company, but also the directions that this title also had been forestalled. printed in small type on the backs of their She next proposed to call it “ Barbara's tickets. Having regard to the probable History,” but discovered that “Barbara's condition of the reader's mind under such History had already been written. circumstances, it would seem immaterial Finally, the novel was christened, “The ho:v the railway novel is composed. It Story of Barbara ; Her Splendid Misery should, however, be light to hold in the and Her Gilded Cage.” This shows the hand, and the leaves should be perforated need of aiming at originality in titles. near the back so that they can be easily None of the rest of the book need be intorn out and made into spills, etc.

tentionally original. (See " Plagiarism.") RELIGION. Nothing need be said on UNCLE (Avunculus legans). A person this subject.

who makes money presents and leaves SALE. If you follow the advice given in unexpected legacies. He must be carethese Maxims you are pretty sure to be fully distinguished from the Fleet Street sold; the only question is, Will you be variety, Avunculus tripilaris. bought?

VILLAIN. SECRETS. Are always divulged except

When the villains fail or mend when first mentioned towards the close of the book. The methods of divulging are

The story always ought to end. six: 1. by leaving about papers on which

VOLUMES. The first should titillate; the the secret is written ; 2. by talking loudly second, mystify; and the third, explain. in the presence of those from whom it is WIDOW. A very wicked or a very pious desired the secret should be kept; 3. by female. somnambulism or talking in sleep; 4. by

WIFE. If introduced as such at the delirium ; 5. by visions in dreams; and 6. commencement, a little dallying with the by blotting paper.

serpent is expected. SOCIAL NOVEL. A blue book with a WILL. Is made to be altered, left about, yellow back.

or lost

if irretrievably, then see that a SOCIETY. Use only the highest or the subsequent and more equitable will is lowest, though you probably know notb-discovered. ing of either, and show only the “seamy

WORLD. Consists of Great Britain, side."

Paris, the Riviera, Rome, Naples, Venice, SOMNAMBULISM. (See “Secret.”) and Homburg. Some novelists believe

SPORTING NOVEL. Take two or three that there are other places, and occasion. descriptions of runs from a sporting ally allude to them; but it is unsafe to weekly; see that your heroine is always venture beyond the localities indicated. nearest'the brush; make your hero speak YEOMANRY. Give balls. of her as a "filly,” and propose to her in YOUNGER SONS. Call these " detrimenhunting phraseology on a frosty morning tals,” but make them better than their in the kennels; spin the abové material elder brothers. Of course you must never into three equal volumes, and you will find give them any money to begin with, but that such men as Surtees and Whyte Mel- this need not prevent you putting them in ville are not even in the same field with the Blues or Life Guards.

EGOMET. you.

SUICIDE. d convenient method of weeding out bad characters whom the rest are too virtuous to murder. (See also “ Chloral.”)

From St. James's Gazette. SUSPICION. Odium attached to the in.


THE present memorable winter will have TEETH. “Pearls" for women, “reg. left no more striking a record than the ular” for men. They may be spoken of list of deaths directly due to cold. The collectively as a pleasing set,” and are following are among the more noticeable then usually said to be " displayed ;” e.g., cases : On December 15, an old man was when the hero smiles.

found by the police at Totnes suffering TITLE. Miss Braddon once published a from exposure. He was removed to the serial story under the title of " Her Splen- workhouse, but died on the way. On Jandid Misery.” Before long a fellow-author uary 8 a laboring man was frozen to death wrote to say he had already so named one near Limerick. The same day a woman of his novels. She accordingly changed was found by a policeman, at six o'clock it to “ Her Gilded Cage.” Some one im- | in the morning, lying insensible in one of


the recesses on London Bridge. She was frozen to death sounds a most dreadful taken to Guy's Hospital, but life was ex and painful thing; but, happily, there are tinct. This is an interesting case, because good grounds for thinking that it is not an inquest was held at which the following so. The capacity to feel pain (to experifacts came out. The woman was fifty- ence vivid sensations) is a sign of vitality. three years of age, of sober habits, and in fact, it is not death which is painful

, worked as charwoman in the City. She but the struggle between life and death, left home at half past five the same morn. and that is here reduced to a minimum. ing to go to work. When discovered she There is no obstinate encounter between had 18s. 64. in silver upon her. The a full-pulsed, vigorous vitality and a still house-surgeon who made an examination more powerful enemy; as when, for infound the body well nourished and healthy, stance, a strong man dies with a clot of and in his opinion death was due to shock blood in the lungs, fighting for life and full caused by the cold. On the ninth a tramp of it to the last. Nor is there prolonged was found near Whitstable frozen to death torture, wearing out the strength by dein a barn, in which he had passed the grees, as in lingering and painful illness. night. On the following day, in the early Under the influence of cold the vital powmorning, a poorly clad man was noticed ers are stolen gradually away, and among by a policeman leaning against a wall in the earliest is the power of feeling; insenTanner Street, Bermondsey. He was sibility comes long before death. We all shivering violently, and complained of know what being cold is like; it is very feeling very cold, having passed the night unpleasant, but not nearly so painful as a in the streets. The constable offered to great many other things, such as toothtake him to the workhouse or the hospital ; ache or a kick on the shins; and in all but he presently fell down insensible and probability those who perish from it suffer died. Inquest was also held in London no more than this, perhaps not so much. about the same time on two women be- This is certainly the case with frost-bite, tween seventy and eighty years of age; which is death from cold on a small scale; and in both cases death was attributed to insensibility in the part affected sets in cold. Another woman was found at this early. Chilblains, again -a milder form time frozen to death on a waste piece of of the same thing - are more painful for ground at Fenton, near Stoke-on-Trent. that very reason, the mortal process is On January 15 an inquest was held at incomplete. Nottingham upon a remarkable case. A This view is borne out by what we know young lady travelled from London to Not of the physiology of cold.' Its first effect tingham on the night of December 27. is to irritate the nerves, which are exThe weather was very cold, and she was tremely sensitive to changes of temperfour hours on the journey. It is sup-ature. We have Sir W. Thomson's posed that she fell down on the floor, as authority for it that the hand is quite as her father, who came to meet her, looked accurate in determining temperature as in the carriages but failed to see her. The the ordinary thermometer, and may be carriage was then shunted into a siding. relied on to detect differences between The young lady regained consciousness, two liquids with absolute certainty with but was unable to get out. After two one-fifth of a degree Centigrade. This hours' imprisonment she succeeded in irritation of the nerves is accompanied by attracting some one's notice and was re. pain -the pain of " feeling cold;” but leased. On reaching home she com- the after and more serious effecis are free plained of cold and numbness and was put from it. The next thing which happens to bed, but never recovered.

is slowing of the circulation. The arteries On the Continent, where the cold has contract, tension is increased, and the been greater, deaths have been more nu- heart beats more, slowly. Then respira. merous; but the cases cited above illus- tion becomes slower. These effects are trate fairly well the class of persons to seen in the natives of cold countries and whom such severe cold as we have is in hybernating animals. The Greenlanddirectly fatal. They are essentially the er’s pulse only beats from twenty to forty weak; and weakness may be due to one or times in a minute, instead of from seventy more of four things — age, illness, starva: to eighty, and in winter the marmot's tion, and exhaustion. The effect of cold breathing sinks from thirty to seven or is to “lower the vitality” – to use a vague eight, its pulse from ninety to eight or but serviceable expression — and in those nine per minute. If exposure now ceases, whose vitality is already low the process a reaction takes place and in any case is necessarily attended by danger.' To be this is so with the strong ; but if it be

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From The Army and Navy Gazette. stream gets slower and slower in the ex. MODERN FIGHTING AND FIREARMS. tremities, and finally stops; then frost-bite A WRITER in the Militär Wochenblatt may occur.

The muscles are affected, has been discussing the future of infantry combustion proceeds more slowly in them, tactics. The flatness of trajectory and they quiver, and then become stiff; the power of penetration of the new small nerves also cease to perform their funco bores is fatal, he holds, to the present fire tions; numbness ensues that is, insensi. formations. Although we have already bility and paralysis. The subject becomes given up column for linear movements light-headed, and there is often a desire under fire, still the last development of to sleep. Then death is not far off; it the rifle's penetrating powers shows, he occurs through stoppage of the heart, argues, that this is not sufficient. Putting either (as in the weak) from sheer inability extreme ranges on one side, every shot to drive the blood through the contracted will penetrate two or more men if they vessels or from paralysis. The strong are standing behind one another. This suffer more than the weak, because they proves, says the writer, that no other fordo not succumb so soon; and in prolonged mation than a single rank with intervals exposure, as in the Arctic regions, they can be used for the firing-line and its imare often tormented by thirst. Put in its mediate supports. This formation has most elementary form, what cold does is the advantage of only exposing to the to destroy the activity of the cell; which enemy a target one man deep, and being becomes motionless, congealed, and then that formation which most readily adapts dies. The process occurs in all the tis- itself to any existing cover. Against it, sues, blood, nerves, muscles, brain, etc., however, is the almost insuperable disadalike.

vantage that it calls into creation lines so It is easy to see from the foregoing how long as to be from the outset utterly uncold kills the weak; but among the" frozen manageable. A company at war-strength to death” is another and quite different standing in line requires a front of one class — the intemperate. Cases of this hundred paces to its two hundred men in kind, no doubt, occur in every very severe two ranks, and is then hard to handle ; winter, but they are seldom easily traced but put these men in single rank at one to their cause. Some good instances, and a half pace interval, and a front of however, are on record. In the very cold three hundred paces is provided. Even winter of 1811 a country gentleman named allowing it to be possible for a single comLambe was found frozen to death. He pany to manoeuvre with a front of this had been “spending the evening conviv- breadth, it would necessitate the battalion ially,” to use the euphemism of the period following in a kind of open column, each and the cold overcame him on his way company being in extended order. In the home. Of the numerous victims which matter of fire-discipline, it is supposed every winter claims in Russia, many meet that each company independently would their fate through alcohol ; but an astound: form an extended column, each Zug forming, almost incredible, proof is on record ing an extended line, following the other as having occurred in St. Petersburg two Züge coming up in similar formation under the minister Potemkin. A large at regulated intervals. “Supposing," says distiller gave a public féte at which brandy the writer, " that the company is two hun. flowed like water. The night was ex. dred strong, this would give a Zug of ceedingly cold, and from fifteen to eighteen sixty-six men — at one and a half pace thousand persons were frozen to death on interval a front of about one hundred the spot or in the streets. The phenome paces. This would be no broader than pon has a double explanation. Alcohol the present company-line front, and there. increases susceptibility to cold, and cold fore no cry could be raised against the increases the intoxicating effects of alco-extended column'on account of its exhol. The "cool night air” has not the cessive breadth.” The next question is, sobering effect invariably attributed to it How great should be the interval between by the lady novelist (it is to her credit that successive Züge? The writer proceeds: she doesn't know better), but just the op- " Taking one hundred metres interval, the posite. A man may still be able to leave centre line of the trajectory cone of the the table and go forth; but if the air be 1888 rifle shows that from two thousand cold he soon becomes more intoxicated, and fifty to five hundred and fifty metres bis limbs refuse to carry him, he falls no shot passes over the head of a man. dowo, goes to sleep, and is found in the This theoretically proves that the extended morning “frozen to death."

column would suffer less than the two.


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