Thou'll not marry for munny-thou's sweet upo' parson's lass

Noä-thou'll marry fur luvv-an' we boäth on us thinks tha an ass.

IV.

Seeä'd her todaäy goä by-Saäint's-daäy-they was ringing the bells.

She's a beauty thou thinks-an' soä is scoors o' gells, Them as 'as munny an' all-wot's a beauty?—the flower as blaws.

But proputty, proputty sticks, an' proputty, proputty

graws.

V.

Do'ant be stunt* : taäke time: I knaws what maäkes tha sa mad.

Warn't I craäzed fur the lasses mysén when I wur a lad?

But I knaw'd a Quaäker feller as often 'as towd ma

this:

'Doänt thou marry for munny, but goä wheer munny is !'

VI.

An' I went wheer munny war: an' thy muther coom

to 'and,

Wi' lots o' munny laaïd by, an' a nicetish bit o' land. Maäybe she warn't a beauty:-I niver giv it a thowt

But warn't she as good to cuddle an' kiss as a lass as 'ant nowt?

* Obstinate.

VII.

Parson's lass 'ant nowt, an' she weänt 'a nowt when 'e's deäd,

Mun be a guvness, lad, or summut, and addle* her breäd:

Why? fur 'e's nobbut a curate, an' weänt nivir git naw 'igher;

An' 'e maäde the bed as 'e ligs on afoor 'e coom'd to the shire.

VIII.

And thin 'e coom'd to the parish wi' lots o' 'Varsity debt,

Stook to his taarl they did, an' 'e 'ant got shut on

'em yet.

An' 'e ligs on 'is back i' the grip, wi' noän to lend 'im a shove,

Woorse nor a far-welter'd* yowe: fur, Sammy, 'e married fur luvv.

IX.

Luvv? what's luvv? thou can luvv thy lass an' 'er munny too,

Maakin' 'em goä togither as they've good right to do. Could'n I luvv thy muther by cause o' 'er munny

laaïd by?

Naäy-fur I luvv'd 'er a vast sight moor fur it: reason why.

* Earn.

Or fow-welter'd—said of a sheep lying on its back in the furrow.

X.

Ay an' thy muther says thou wants to marry the lass, Cooms of a gentleman burn: an' we boäth on us thinks tha an ass.

Woä then, proputty, wiltha?—an ass as near as mays nowt-.*

Woä then, wiltha? dangtha!-the bees is as fell as owt. +

XI.

Breäk me a bit o' the esh for his 'eäd, lad, out of the fence!

Gentleman burn! what's gentleman burn? is it shillins an' pence?

Proputty, proputty's ivrything 'ere, an', Sammy, I'm

blest

If it isn't the saäme oop yonder, fur them as 'as it's the best.

XII.

Tis'n them as 'as munny as breäks into 'ouses an'

steäls,

Them as 'as coäts to their backs and taäkes their regular meäls.

Noä, but it's them as niver knaws wheer a meäl's to be 'ad.

Taäke my word for it, Sammy, the poor in a loomp is bad.

* Makes nothing.

The flies are as fierce as anything.

XIII.

Them or thir feythers, tha sees, mun 'a beän a laäzy lot,

Fur work mun 'a gone to the gittin' whiniver munny was got.

Feyther 'ad ammost nowt; leästways 'is munny was

'id.

But 'e tued an' moil'd 'issén deäd, an 'e died a good un, 'e did.

XIV.

Look thou theer wheer Wrigglesby beck comes out by the 'ill!

Feyther run up to the farm, an' I runs up to the

mill;

An' I'll run up to the brig, an' that thou'll live

to see;

And if thou marries a good un I'll leave the land to thee.

XV.

Thim's my noätions, Sammy, wheerby I means to

stick;

But if thou marries a bad un, I'll leave the land to Dick.

Coom oop, proputty, proputty-that's what I 'ears 'im saäy

Proputty, proputty, proputty-canter an' canter awaay.

(By permission of the Publishers).

A LECTURE ON PATENT MEDICINES.

BY DR. PUff Stuff.

LADIES and GENTLEMEN:-My name is Puff Stuff, the physician to that great and mighty Han Kann, Emperor of all the Chinas; I was converted to Christianity during the embassy of the late Lord Macartney, and left that there country, and came to this here, which may be reckoned the greatest blessing that ever happened to Europe, for I've brought with me the following unparalleled, inestimable, and never-to-be-matched medicines: the first is called the great Parry Mandyron Rapskianum, from Whandy Whang Whang-one drop of which, poured into any of your gums, if you should have the misfortune to lose your teeth, will cause a new set to sprout out, like mushrooms from a hot-bed; and if any lady should happen to be troubled with that unpleasant and redundant exuberance called a beard, it will remove it in three applications, and with greater ease than Packwood's razor strops.

I'm also very celebrated in the cure of eyes; the late Emperor of China had the misfortune to lose his eyes by a cataract. I very dexterously took out the eyes of his Majesty, and after anointing the sockets with a particular glutinous application, I placed in two eyes from the head of a living lion, which not only restored his Majesty's vision, but made him dreadful to