The great speech of Grattan ; A dog taught to whistle; To civilize Pat, Were mixed humble-jumble In the Editor's Hat. The devil grinn'd slyly, "I'm waiting for takes- You impish young brat." ON BOOKS.* Giveme Leave to enjoy myself. That place that does With kings and emperors, and weigh their counsels; Unto a strict account; and in my fancy, To augment a heap of wealth: it shall be mine From a play by Beaumont and Fletcher. CUTTING DOWN AN ARTICLE. A DIALOGUE BETWEEN THE EDITOR AND HIS AMANUENSIS. Editor: LET me see. We have to fill up a vacant space of half a page. What articles have we to select from? Amanuensis, (reading titles): "Lines written to King Charles the night after his execution." The Wars of the League, a tale of the Corn Laws." "Stanzas addressed to a young lady on her having asked the author whether he danced the Polka? when he said he did not, and she recommended him to take some lessons, when he replied he certainly would." Editor: The title of that would have answered the purpose if it had been a little longer. Proceed. "The Bell Amanuensis: "Love and Madness, by one who has known the One, and is still suffering from the Other." Ropes, a Sequel to the Chimes." "A Sonnet." Editor: Ah! let us hear the sonnet. That will give us the required quantity, if the quality happens to suit. Read it out, if you please. Amanuensis, (reading): 66 TO THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON. Thou art a famous General indeed." Editor: Every body knows that. Cut it out. Amanuensis, (reading): "To thee the wreath of glory is decreed." Editor: Very true; but as that forms the rhyme to the previous line, it must come out. Amanuensis, (reading): "Not Hannibal, not Soult, not Marshal Ney, Not Blucher, not Napoleon, not Desaix-" Editor: The reader will never take the trouble to untie all those knots. Cut them out. Amanuensis, (reading); "Not Alexander when he fought and won, Did do the noble deeds that thou hast done." Editor: That not being as it were tied to all the other knots, the first line must be omitted, and the second being dependent Cut it out. on it, must go too. Amanuensis, (reading): "Who conquered on the field of Waterloo ? Does not judicious echo answer 'You.'" Editor: As echo could only answer 66 o-o," which means nothing, it would be more judicious on the part of echo to make no answer at all. Cut that couplet out. Amanuensis, (reading); "Great in the senate, greater in the field, In neither wert thou ever known to yield." Editor: Poetically pretty, but historically false. He yielded in the senate once or twice. Cut it out. Amanuensis, (reading): "A grateful nation prostrate at thy feet, Comes forth with joy the warrior to meet." Editor: When? How? Why? Where? What warrior? Cut it out. Amanuensis, (reading): "Mercy 'tis known has ever been thy creed, Though none so well can make a people bleed." Editor: Capital! Excellent! An admirable article! Amanuensis: It's all cut out!!! Edit r: Yes; but we can restore some of it. I have it. Begin with the first line, and end with the last, commencing the latter with "For" instead of "Though." Prefix as a title to the article" Epigram on General Tom Thumb," and read it to me." Amanuensis, (reading): "EPIGRAM ON GENERAL TOM THUMB. For none so well can make a people bleed." Editor: There !-That reads very well. into type immediately. Let it be put [Exit Amanuensis. Editor falls asleep over a pile of correspondence.] GEORGE CRUIKSHANK'S Table Book.* Edited by G. A. A'Beckett. THE NEWSPAPERS. "A voice crying in the wilderness.' THEY have a social tone;- "Yes," said that hoary father, "I've watched the ministry go in and out, And shouted for my cause; but I can gather Not now sufficient strength to shout! "And yet the cause seems dearer ! My little grandchild, who hath found a key So musical that I am proud to hear her, Reads out aloud to me. "With a sweet kiss, she saith The type is very like it was of yore; And yet it seems so changed. With my last breath The papers shall be welcomed to my door." Old man, thou sayest well; From newspapers the world instruction borrows, "Tis pleasant sure," So Byron said, "to see one's name in print." Yet here's a list of such, Huddled within a corner. They have burned In thy day-reading, Didst never fancy that the ink looks pale 'Tis an idea; And yet a kindly one, worthy a king; That will strange phantoms bring. Here's a sad fool, Who has found wit enough to rob his master; Didst never sigh, When such a thief has trod the heavy wheel, Here's a poor wretch, Who in his brother's blood hath dipped his hands; "It is most fit" (So runs the language of our penal code) When the disciple's sword Lopped the Jew's ear, and stained Christ's loving creed, Surely his Master erred when with his word He blamed the deed!! Here's a sweet maiden, (O that such souls would learn life's wrongs to brave!) With blighted hopes, and shame, and anguish laden, Hath dug her own dark grave. |