means, all that uneasiness which he feels at present, lest I should accept this challenge. I am not so unacquainted with human nature, as not to know how disagreeable it must be to think of having a pistol-ball lodged in the groin or the left breast; or, to make the best of it, the pan of the knee broke, or the nose cut off, or some wound less than mortal given; disagreeable, especially to a man in the bloom of life, and on the point of marriage with a woman to whose person or fortune he has no exception. I would venture to say, therefore, there will be no great difficulty in appeasing this Orlando Furioso, that has sent me the challenge. Did you know the state of his mind, you would find it to be his wish at this moment, that I would ease his fears, and make some apology. A very slight one would suffice. I dare say, his resentment against Miss Vapor is not slight, and that he would renounce her person and fortune both, to get quit of the duel. But the opinion of the world is against. him, and he must fight. Do you think he has any great gratitude to you for your services on this occasion? He had much rather you had, in the freedom of friendship, given him a kick, when he made application to you; and told him, that it did not become him to quarrel about a woman, who had, probably, consulted her own vanity, in giving him the information. In that case, he would have been more pleased with you a month hence, than he is at present. I do not know that he has an overstock of sense; nevertheless, he cannot be just such a fool, as not to consider that you, yourself, may have pretensions to this belle, and be disposed to have him out of the way before you. He must be a fool, indeed, if he does not reflect, that you had much rather see us fight than not; from the very same principle that we take delight in seeing a cock-match, or a horse-race. The spectacle is new, and produces a brisk current of thought through the mind, which is a constituent of pleasure; the absence of all movement giving none at all. "What do you suppose I must think of you, Mr. Second; I, who have read books, and thought a little on the subject, have made up my mind in these matters, and account the squires that bring challenges from knights, as people of but very small desert? Thinking men have condemned the duel, and laws have prohibited it; but these miscreants still keep it up, by being the conductors of the fluid. My indignation, therefore, falls on such, and I have long ago fixed on the mode of treating them. It is this: a stout athletic man calls upon me with a challenge in his hand; I knock him down, if I can, without saying a word. If the natural arm be not sufficient for this purpose, I avail myself of any stone, wooden, or iron instrument that I cast my eye upon, not just to take away his life, if I can help it; but to hit the line as exactly as possible, between actual homicide and a very bad wound. For, in this case, I should conceive, a battery would be justifiable, or at least excusable, and the fine not great; the bearing a challenge being a breach of the peace, in the first instance. This would be my conduct with a stout athletic man, whom I might think it dangerous to encounter with fair warning, and on equal terms. But in the present case, where (here the second began to show signs of fear, raising himself, and inclining backwards, opening his eyes wider, and casting a look towards the door) where," continued the captain, "I have to do with a person of your slender make, I do not adopt that surprise, or use an artificial weapon; but with these fists, which have been used to agricultural employments, I shall very deliberately impress a blow." The second rising to his feet began to recede a little. "Be under no apprehensions," said the captain, "I will use no unfair method of biting, or gouging, or worse practice, common in what is called rough-and-tumble. Nay, as you appear to be a young man of delicate constitution, I shall only choke a little. You will give me leave to take you by the throat in as easy a manner as possible." In the mean time the second had been withdrawing towards the door, and the captain, with outstretched arms, in a sideway direction, proceeded to intercept him. In an instant he was seized by the neck, and the exclamation of murder, which he made at the first grasp, began to die away in hoarse guttural murmurs of one nearly strangled, and laboring for breath. The captain, meaning that he should be more alarmed than hurt, dismissed him with a salutation of his foot on the seat of honor, by way of claude ostium, as he went out. "You may be," said he, "a gentleman in the opinion of the world; but you are a low person in mine; and so it shall be done to every one who shall come upon such an errand." Having thus dismissed the secondary man, he called in his servant Teague, and accosted him as follows: "Teague," said he, "you have heretofore discovered an ambition to be employed in some way that would advance your reputation. There is now a case fallen out, to which you are fully competent. It is not a matter that requires the head to contrive, but the hand to execute. The greatest fool is as fit for it as a wise man. It is indeed your greatest blockheads that chiefly undertake it. The knowledge of law, physic, or divinity, is out of the question. Literature and political understanding is useless. Nothing more is necessary than a little resolution of the heart. Yet it is an undertaking which is of much estimation with the rabble, and has a great many on its side to approve and praise it. The females of the world, especially, admire the act, and call it valor. I know you wish to stand well with the ladies. Here is an opportunity of advancing your credit. I have had what is called a challenge sent to me this morning. It is from a certain Jacko, who is a suitor to a Miss Vapor, and has taken offence at an expression of mine respecting him. I wish you to accept the challenge, and fight him for me.' At this proposition, Teague looked wild, and made apology, that he was not much used to boxing or cudgelling, except, when he had a quarrel, or at a fair at home. Boxing!" said the captain, "you are to fight what is called a duel. You are to encounter him with pistols, and put a bullet through him if you can. It is true, he will have the chance of putting one through you; but in that consists the honor; for where there is no danger there is no glory. You will provide yourself a second. There is an hostler here at the public-house, that is a brave fellow, and will answer the purpose. Being furnished with a second, you will provide yourself with a pair of pistols, powder, and ball of course. In the mean time your adversary, notified of your intentions, will do the like. Thus equipped, you will advance to the place agreed upon. The ground will be measured out; ten, seven, or five steps; back to back, and coming round to your place, fire. Or taking your ground, stand still and fire; or it may be, advance and fire as you meet, at what distance you think proper. The rules in this respect are not fixed, but as the parties can agree, or the seconds point out. When you come to fire, be sure you keep a steady hand, and take good aim. Remember that the pistol-barrel being short, the powder is apt to throw the bullet up. Your sight, therefore, ought to be about the waistband of his breeches, so that you have the whole length of his body, and his head in the bargain, to come and go upon. It is true, he, in the mean time, will take the same advantage of you. He may hit you about the groin, or the belly. I have known some shot in the thigh, or the leg. The throat also, and the head, are in themselves vulnerable. It is no uncommon thing to have an arm broke, or a splinter struck off the nose, or an eye shot out; but as in that case the ball mostly passes through the brain, and the man being dead at any rate, the loss of sight is not felt." As the captain spoke, Teague seemed to feel in himself every wound which was described; the ball hitting him, now in one part, and now in another. At the last words, it seemed to pass through his head, and he was half dead, in imagination. Making a shift to express himself, he gave the captain to understand, that he could by no means undertake the office. "What!" said the captain; "you, whom nothing would serve, some time ago, but to be a legislator, or philosopher, or preacher, in order to gain fame, will now decline a business for which you are qualified! This requires no knowledge of finances, no reading of natural history, or any study of the fathers. You have nothing more to do than keep a steady hand and a good eye. "In the early practice of this exercise, I mean the combat of the duel, it was customary to exact an oath of the combatants, before they entered the lists, that they had no enchantments, or power of witchcraft, about them. Whether you should think it necessary to put him to his voir dire on this point, I shall not say; but I am persuaded, that on your part, you have too much honor to make use of spells, or undue means, to take away his life or save your own. You will leave all to the chance of fair shooting. One thing you will observe, and which is allowable in this matter; you will take care not to present yourself with a full breast, but angularly, and your head turned round over the left shoulder, like a weather-cock. For thus a smaller surface being presented to an adversary, he will be less likely to hit you. You must throw your legs into lines parallel, and keep them one directly behind the other. Thus you will stand like a sail hauled close to the wind. Keep a good countenance, a sharp eye, and a sour look; and if you feel any thing like a colic, or a palpitation of the heart, make no noise about it. If the ball should take you in the gills, or the gizzard, fall down as decently as you can, and die like a man of honor." It was of no use to urge the matter; the Irishman was but the more opposed to the proposition, and utterly refused to be after fighting in any such manner. The captain, finding this to be the case, dismissed him to clean his boots and spurs, and rub down his horse in the stable. On reflection, it seemed advisable to the captain to write an answer to the card which Colonel or Major Jacko, or whatever his title may have been, had sent him this morning. It was as follows: "SIR,-I have two objections to this duel matter. The one is, lest I should hurt you; and the other is, lest you should hurt me. I do not see any good it would do me to put a bullet through any part of your body. I could make no use of you when dead for any culinary purpose, as I would a rabbit or a turkey. I am no cannibal to feed on the flesh of men. Why then shoot down a human creature of which I could make no use? A buffalo would be better meat. For though your flesh may be delicate and tender, yet it wants that firmness and consistency which takes and retains salt. At any rate, it would not be fit for long sea voyages. You might make a good barbecue, it is true, being of the nature of a raccoon or an opossum; but people are not in the habit of barbecuing any thing human now. As to your hide, it is not worth taking off, being little better than that of a year-old colt. "It would seem to me a strange thing to shoot at a man that would stand still to be shot at; inasmuch as I have been heretofore used to shoot at things flying, or running, or jumping. Were you on a tree now, like a squirrel, endeavoring to hide yourself in the branches, or like a raccoon, that after much eyeing and spying, I observe at length in the crotch of a tall oak, with boughs and leaves intervening, so that I could just get a sight of his hinder parts, I should think it pleasurable enough to take a shot at you. But as it is, there is no skill or judgment requisite either to discover or take you down. "As to myself, I do not much like to stand in the way of any thing harmful. I am under apprehensions you might hit me. That being the case, I think it most advisable to stay at a distance. If you want to try your pistols, take some object, a tree, or a barn-door, about my dimensions. If you hit that, send me word, and I shall acknowledge that if I had been in the same place, you might also have hit me. JOHN FARRAGO, Late Captain, Penn. Militia. MAJOR VALENTINE JACKO, U. Š. Army.” The captain was a good man, but unacquainted with the world. His ideas were drawn chiefly from what may be called the old school; the Greek and Roman notions of things. The combat of the duel was to them unknown; though it seems strange, that a people who were famous for almost all arts and sciences, should have remained ignorant of its use. I do not conceive how, as a people, they could exist without it: but so it was, they actually were without the knowledge of it. For we do not find any trace of this custom in the poets or historians of all antiquity. business is that of an Indian treaty maker, and am on my way with a party of kings and half-kings, to the commissioners, to hold a treaty. My king of the Kickapoos, who was a Welsh blacksmith, took sick by the way, and is dead: I have heard of this lad of yours, and could wish to have him a while to supply his place. The treaty will not last longer than a couple of weeks; and as the government will probably allow three or four thousand dollars for the treaty, it will be in our power to make it worth your while to spare him for that time." "Your king of the Kickapoos," said the captain, "what does that mean?"-Said the stranger, "it is just this: You have heard of the Indian naitons to the westward, that occasionally make war upon the frontier settlements. It has been a policy of gov ernment to treat with these, and distribute goods. Commissioners are appointed for that purpose. Now you are not to suppose that it is an easy matter to catch a real chief, and bring him from the woods; or if at some expense one was brought, the goods would go to his use; whereas it is much more profitable to hire substitutes, and make chiefs of our own. And as some unknown gibberish is necessary, to pass for an Indian language, we generally make use of Welsh, or Low Dutch, or Irish; or pick up an ingenious fellow here and there, who can imitate a language by sounds of his own in his mouth and throat. But we prefer one who can speak a real tongue, and give more for him. We cannot afford you a great deal at this time for the use of your man; because it is not a general treaty, where twenty or thirty thousand dollars are appro I do not know at what period, precisely, the custom was introduced, or to whom it was owing; but omitting this disquisition, we content ourselves with observing, that it has produced as great an improvement in manners, as the discovery of the loadstone and mariner's compass has in navigation. Not that I mean to descant at full length on the valuable effects of it; but simply to observe, that it is a greater aid to government than the alliance of the church and state itself. If Dr. Warburton had had leisure, I could wish he had written a treatise upon it. Some affect to ridicule it, as carrying to a greater length small differences, than the aggravations may justify. As for instance, a man is angry enough with you to give you a slap in the face; but the custom says, he must shoot you through the head. I think the smaller the aggravation, the nicer the sense of honor. The heaviest mind will resent a gross affront; but to kill a man where there is no affront at all, shows a great sensibility. It is immaterial whether there is or is not an injury, provided the world thinks there is; for it is the opinion of mankind we are to consult. It is a duty which we owe them, to provide for their amuse-priated for the purpose of holding it; but an occament. Nos nascimur nobis ipsis; we are not born for ourselves, but for others. Decorum pro patria mori; it is a becoming thing to die for one's country; and shall it not also be accounted honorable to throw one's life away for the entertainment of a few particular neighbors and acquaintances? It is true the tears that will be shed upon your grave will not make the grass grow; but you will have the consolation, when you leave the world, to have fallen in the bed of honor. It is certainly a very noble institution, that of the duel and it has been carried to very great perfection in some respects. Nevertheless, I would submit it to the public, whether still farther improvements might not be made in the laws and regulations of it. For instance, could it not be reduced nearer to an equality of chances, by proportioning the calibre, or bore of the pistol; the length of the barrel also, to the size of the duellist who holds it; or by fixing the ratio of distance in proportion to the bulk of combatants? To explain myself: When I am to fight a man of small size, I ought to have a longer pistol than my adversary, because my mark is smaller; or I ought to be permitted to come nearer to him. For it is altogether unfair that men of unequal bulk should fire at equal distances, and with equal calibres. The smaller size multiplied by the larger space, or larger pistol, would equal the larger size multiplied by the smaller space, or smaller pistol. If this amendment of the duel laws should be approved by men of honor, let it be added to the code. Not long after what has been related in the last chapter, being at a certain place, he was accosted by a stranger in the following manner: 66 Captain," said he, "I have heard of a young man in your service who talks Irish. Now, sir, my sional, or what we call a running treaty, by way of brightening the chain, and holding fast friendship. The commissioners will doubtless be glad to see us, and procure from government an allowance for the treaty. For the more treaties, the more use for commissioners. The business must be kept up, and treaties made, if there are none of themselves. My Piankasha, and Choctaw chiefs, are very good fellows; the one of them a Scotch peddler that talks the Erse; the other has been some time in Canada, and has a little broken Indian, I know not of what language; but has been of great service in assisting to teach the rest some Indian customs and manners. I have had the whole of them for a fortnight past under my tuition, teaching them war songs and dances, and to make responses at the treaty. If your man is tractable, I can make him a Kickapoo in about nine days. A breech-clout and leggins that I took off the blacksmith that died, I have ready to put on him. He must have part of his head shaved, and painted, with feathers on his crown; but the paint will rub off, and the hair grow in a short time, so that he can go about with you again." "It is a very strange affair," said the captain. "Is it possible that such deception can be practised in a new country? It astonishes me that the government does not detect such imposition." "The government," said the Indian treaty man, "is at a great distance. It knows no more of Indians than a cow does of Greek. The legislature hears of wars and rumors of wars, and supports the executive in forming treaties. How is it possible for men who live remote from the scene of action, to have adequate ideas of the nature of Indians, or the transactions that are carried on in their behalf? Do you think the one-half of those savages that come to treat, are real representatives of the nation? Many of them are not savages at all; but weavers and peddlers, as I have told you, picked up to make kings and chiefs. I speak of those particularly that come trading down to inland towns or the metropolis. I would not communicate these mysteries of our trade, were it not that I confide in your good sense, and have occasion for your ser vant.' "It is a mystery of iniquity," said the captain. "Do you suppose that I would countenance such a fraud upon the public?"-"I do not know," said the other; "it is a very common thing for men to speculate, nowadays. If you will not, another will. A hundred dollars might as well be in your pocket as another man's. I will give you that for the use of your servant for a week or two, and say no more about it." "It is an idea new to me entirely," said the captain, "that Indian princes, whom I have seen escorted down as such, were no more than trumpery, disguised as you mention. That such should be introduced to polite assemblies, and have the honor to salute the fair ladies with a kiss, the greatest beauties thinking themselves honored by having the salutation of a sovereign."-"It is so,' said the other; “I had a bricklayer once whom I passed for a Chippewa; and who has dined with clubs, and sat next the president. He was blind of an eye, and was called Blind Sam by the traders. I had given it out that he was a great warrior, and had lost his eye by an arrow in war with a rival nation. These things are now reduced to a system; and it is so well known to those who are engaged in the traffic, that we think nothing of it." "How the devil," said the captain, "do you get speeches made, and interpret them so as to pass for truth?"—"That is an easy matter," said the other; "Indian speeches are nearly all alike. You have only to talk of burying hatchets under large trees, kindling fires, brightening chains; with a demand, at the latter end, of rum to get drunk on." 64 "I much doubt," said the captain, "whether treaties that are carried on in earnest are of any great use."-"Of none at all," said the other; especially as the practice of giving goods prevails; because this is an inducement to a fresh war. This being the case, it can be no harm to make a farce of the whole matter; or rather a profit of it, by such means as I propose to you, and have pursued myself." "After all," said the captain, "I cannot but consider it as a kind of contraband and illicit traffic; and I must be excused from having any hand in it. I shall not betray your secret, but I shall not favor it. It would ill become me, whose object in riding about in this manner, is to impart just ideas on all subjects, to share in such ill-gotten gain." The Indian treaty-man, finding it in vain to say more, withdrew. commendable in a young person; and I have checked it only in cases where there was real danger or apparent mischief. There is now an opportunity of advancing yourself, not so much in the way of honor as profit. But profit brings honor, and is, indeed, the most substantial support of it. There has been a man here with me, that carries on a trade with the Indians, and tells me that redheaded scalps are in great demand with them. If you could spare yours, he would give a good price for it. I do not well know what use they make of this article, but so it is, the traders find their account in it. Probably they dress it with the hairy side out, and make tobacco-pouches for the chiefs, when they meet in council. It saves ding; and besides, the natural red hair of a man may, in their estimation, be superior to any color they can give by art. The taking off the scalp will not give much pain, it is so dexterously done by them with a crooked knife they have for that purpose. The mode of taking off the scalp is this: You lie down on your face; a warrior puts his feet upon your shoulders, collects your hair in his left hand, and drawing a circle with the knife in his right, makes the incision, and with a sudden pull, separates it from the head, giving, in the mean time, what is called the scalp-yell. The thing is done in such an instant, that the pain is scarcely felt. He offered me a hundred dollars, if I would have it taken off for his use; giving me directions, in the mean time, how to stretch it and dry it on a hoop. I told him, No! it was a perquisite of your own, and you might dispose of it as you thought proper. If you choose to dispose of it, I had no objections; but the bargain should be of your own making, and the price such as should please yourself. I have sent for you to give you a hint of this chapman, that you may have a knowledge of his wish to possess the property, and ask accordingly. It is probable you may bring him up to a half Johannes more by holding out a little. But I do not think it would be advisable to lose the bargain. A hundred dollars for a little hairy flesh is a great deal. You will trot a long time before you make that with me. He will be with you probably to propose the purchase. You will know him when you see him he is a talllooking man, with leggins on, and has several Indians with him going to a treaty. He talked to me something of making you a king of the Kickapoos, after the scalp is off; but I would not count on that so much; because words are but wind, and promises are easily broken. I would advise you to make sure of the money in the first place, and take chance for the rest." I have seen among the prints of Hogarth, some such expression of countenance as that of Teague at this instant; who, as soon as he could speak, but with a double brogue on his tongue, began to intimate his disinclination to the traffic. The hair of his scalp itself, in the mean time, had risen in opposition to it." Dear master, will you trow me into The captain, apprehending that he might not yet drop his designs upon the Irishman, but be tamper-ridicule, and de blessed salvation of my life, and all ing with him out of doors, should he come across him, sent for Teague. For he well knew that, should the Indian treaty-man get the first word of him, the idea of making him a king would turn his head, and it would be impossible to prevent his going with him. Teague coming in, said the captain to him, "Teague, I have discovered in you, for some time past, a great spirit of ambition, which is, doubtless, dat I have in de world, to be trown like a dog to the savages, and have my flesh torn off my head to give to dese wild bastes to make a napsack to carry deir parates and tings in, for an hundred dollars or de like? It shall never be said that de hair of de O'Regans made mackeseens for a wild Indian to trat upon. I would sooner trow up my own head, hair and all, in de fire, dan give it to dese paple to smoke wid out of deir long pipes." a shout of desperation, was fixed on the spot, and his locomotive faculties suspended; so that he could neither retreat nor advance; but stood still, like one enchained or enchanted for the moment. The king of the Killinoos, in the mean time, drew his tomahawk, and prepared for battle. "If this be your determination," said the cap- | and fell behind. Teague, in the mean time, raising tain, "it will behoove you to keep yourself somewhat close; and while we remain at this publichouse, avoid any conversation with the chapman or his agents, should they come to tamper with you. For it is not improbable, while they are keeping you in talk, proposing to make you a Kickapoo chief and the like, they may snatch the scalp off your head, and you not be the wiser for it." Teague thought the caution good, and resolving to abide by it, retired to the kitchen. The maid, at this time, happening to want a log of wood, requested Teague to cut it for her. Taking the axe, accordingly, and going out, he was busy chopping, with his head down; while, in the mean time, the Indian treaty man had returned with one in Indian dress, who was the chief of the Killinoos, or at least passed for such; and whom he brought as having some recruiting talents, and might prevail with Teague to elope and join the company. "I suppose," said the Indian treaty man, "you are the waiter of the captain who lodges here at present." Teague, hearing a man speak, and lifting up his head, saw the leggins on the one and the Indian dress on the other; and with a kind of involuntary effort threw the axe directly from him at the Killinoo. It missed him, but about an inch, The captain, who was reading at a front window, hearing the shout, looked about and saw what was going on at the woodpile. "Stop, villain," said he to the king of the Killinoos, "you are not to take that scalp yet, however much you may value it. He will not take a hundred dollars for it, nor five hundred, though you make him king of the Kickapoos or any thing else. It is no trifling matter to have the ears slit in tatters, and the nose run through with a bodkin, and a goose-quill stuck across; so that you may go about your businessyou will get no king of the Kickapoos here." Under cover of this address of the captain, Teague had retired to the kitchen, and ensconced himself behind the rampart of the maid. The Indian treaty man and the Killinoo chief, finding the measure hopeless, withdrew, and turned their attention, it is to be supposed, to some other quarter to find a king of the Kickapoos, while the captain, after paying his score, set out on his travels. |