III.

ROUGH MANNERS: JOHN TROTT, THE TWO-LEGGED

DEAR PHIL,

BEAR.

BLACK-HEATH, Aug. 18 [1762].

-I cannot enough inculcate into you the absolute necessity and infinite advantages of pleasing; that is, d'être aimable; and it is so easy to be so that I am surprised at the folly or stupidity of those who neglect it. The first great step towards pleasing is to desire to please, and whoever really desires it will please to a certain degree. La douceur et la politesse dans l'air et dans les manières plairont toujours. I am very sorry to tell you that you have not l'air de la politesse; for you have got an odious trick of not looking people in the face who speak to you, or whom you speak to. This is a most shocking trick, and implies guilt, fear, or inattention; and you must absolutely be cured of it or nobody will love you. You know what stress both your father and I lay upon it, and we shall neither of us love you till you are broke of it. I am sure you would not be called John Trott, and both I and others will call you so if you are not more attentive and polite. I believe you do not know who this same John Trott is. He is a character in a play of a brutal, bearish Englishman; for there are English two-legged bears, and but too many of them. He is rude, inattentive, and rough, seldom bows to people, and never looks them in the face. After this description of him,

tell me which would you choose to be called, John Trott or a well-bred gentleman. C'est a dire voudriez-vous étre aimable, ou brutal. Il n'y a point de milieu; il faut opter et étre l'un ou l'autre. I know which you will choose, I am sure you will desire and endeavor to be aimable.

IV.

THE WELL-BRED GENTLEMAN.

Monday Morning [1762].

DEAR PHIL, You say that you will not be John Trott, and you are in the right of it, for I should be very sorry to call you John Trott, and should not love you half so well as I do, if you deserved that name. The lowest and the poorest people in the world expect good breeding from a gentleman, and they have a right to it, for they are by nature your equals, and are no otherwise your inferiors than by their education and their fortune. Therefore whenever you speak to people who are no otherwise your inferiors than by these circumstances, you must remember to look them in the face, and to speak to them with great humanity and douceur, or else they will think you proud and hate you. I am sure you would rather be loved than either hated or laughed at, and yet I can assure [you] that you will be either hated or laughed at if you do not make yourself aimable. You will ask me perhaps what you must do to be aimable. Do but resolve to be so and the busi

ness is almost done. Ayez seulement de la politesse, de la douceur, et des attentions, et je vous reponds que vous serez aimé, et d'autant plus, que les Anglois ne sont pas généralement aimables. Among attentions, one of the most material ones is to look people in the face when they speak to you or when you speak to them, and this I insist upon your doing, or upon my word I shall be very angry. Another thing I charge you always to do; which is, when you come into a room, or go out of it, to make a bow to the company. All this I dare say you will do, because I am sure that you would rather be called a well-bred gentleman than John Trott. I therefore send you this pocket-book, and will one day this week send for you to dine with me at Black-heath, before the days grow too short. Adieu; soyez honnête homme.

CHESTERFIELD.

ས.

SOME RULES FOR THE BEHAVIOR OF A WELL-BRED

GENTLEMAN.

[1762.]

DEAR PHIL, As I know that you desire to be a well-bred gentleman and not a two-legged bear, and to be beloved instead of being hated or laughed at, I send you some general rules for your behavior, which will make you not only be loved but admired. You must have great attention to everything that passes where you are, in order to do what will be most agreeable to the company.

Whoever you speak to, or whoever speaks to you, you must be sure to look them full in the face. For it is not only ill bred, but brutal, either to look upon the ground or to have your eyes wandering about the room, when people are speaking to you or you are speaking to them. When people speak to you, though they do not directly ask you a question you must give them an answer, and not let them think that you are deaf or that you do not care what they say. For example, if a person says to you "This [is] a very hot day," you must say, "yes" or "No, sir."

You must call every gentleman "sir" lord," and every woman "madam."

or "my

When you are at dinner you must sit upright in your chair, and not loll. And when anybody offers to help you to anything, if you will have it you must say, "Yes, if you will be so good," or, "I am ashamed to give you so much trouble." If you will not have it you must say, "No, thank you," or, "I am very much obliged to you." You must drink first to the mistress of the house and next to the master of it.

When you first come into a room you must not fail to make a bow to the company, and also when you go out of it.

You must never look sullen or pouting, but have a cheerful, easy countenance.

Remember that there is no one thing so necessary for a gentleman as to be perfectly civil and well bred. Nobody was ever loved that was not well bred; and to tell you the truth, neither your papa nor I shall love you if you are not well bred,

and I am sure you desire that we should both love you, as we do now, because you are a very good boy. And so God bless you.

VI.

THE ART OF PLEASING: SACRIFICE TO THE GRACES.

Si

À BATH, 12 Decem., 1763. Vous dites que vous souhaittez de briller dans le monde, et vous avez raison, car on n'y est point placé simplement pour boire et pour manger. Vous qui etes né avec du bon sens naturel, il vous est aisé de vous distinguer dans le monde, si vous le voulez veritablement, mais il ne faut pas perdre du temps, il faut commencer a votre age, ou bien vous n'y parviendrez jamais. Il n'y a que deux choses a faire pour cela, et qui dependent absolument de vous, qui sont d'être tres poli et tres savant. vous étes savant, mais sans politesse et sans manieres, vous pourrez peut-être, être estimé, mais jamais étre aimé. De l'autre coté si vous étes poli, mais ignorant, on ne vous haïra pas a la verité, mais on vous meprisera, et on se mocquera de vous. Il faut donc necessairement vous rendre en même temps aimable et estimable, si vous voulez briller, aimable par vos manieres douces et polies, par vos attentions, par un air prevenant, par les Graces; et estimable par votre savoir. Le grand art, et le plus necessaire de tous, c'est l'art de plaire. Vouloir tout de bon plaire, est bien la moitié du chemin pour y parvenir, le reste depend de l'observation et