the most whimsical, out-of-the-way temper'd man I ever heard of, as you will judge by his last will and testameut. This was his only child; and, I have heard him wish her dead a thousand times. He died worth thirty thousand pounds, which he left to his daughter, provided she married with the consent of her guardians; but that she might be sure never to do so, he left her in care of four men, as opposite to each other as the four elements; each has his quarterly rule, and three months in the year she is obliged to be subject to each of their humours, and they are pretty different, I assure you.--She is just come from Bath. Col. F. "Twas there I saw her. Sack. Ay, sir, the last quarter was her beau guardian's. She appears in all public places during his reign. Col. F. She visited a lady who boarded in the same house with me; I liked her person, and found an opportunity to tell her so. She replied she had no objection to mine; but if I could not reconcile contradictions, I must not think of her, for that she was subject to the caprice of four persons, who never yet agreed in any one thing, and yet she was obliged to please them all. Sack. "Tis most true, sir: I'll give you a short description of the men, and leave you to judge of the poor lady's condition. [They all drink.] One is a kind of virtuoso, a silly half-witted fellow, but positive and surly, foud of every thing antique and foreign, and wears his clothes of the fashion of the last century, dotes upon travellers, and believes more of Sir John Mandeville than he does of the Bible. Col. F. That must be a rare odd fellow Sack. Another is a change broker; a fellow that will out-lie the devil for the advantage of stock, and cheat his father that got him, in a bargain; he is a great stickler for trade, and hates every man that wears a sword. Free. He is a great admirer of the Dutch management. and swears they understand trade better than any nation under the sun. Suck. The third is an old beau, that has May in his fancy and dress, but December in his face and his heels: he admires all new fashious, and those must be French; loves operas, balls, masquerades, and is always the most tawdry of the whole company on a birth day. Col. F. Well, these are pretty opposite one to another, truly; and the fourth, what is he, landlord? Sack. A very rigid quaker; his quarter began this day.— I saw Miss Lovely go in, not above two hours ago.- Sir Philip set her down. What think you now, colonel, is not the poor lady to be pitied? Col. F. Pitied! ay, and rescued too, landlord. [Rises from table and advances. Free. In my opinion, that's impossible. Col. F. (R. c.) Oh, there's nothing impossible to a lover. What would not a man attempt for a fine woman and thirty thousand pounds? Besides, my honour is at stake: I promised to deliver her, and she bid me win her and wear her. Sack. (R.) That's fair, faith! Free. (L. c.) If it depended upon knight errantry, I should not doubt your setting free the damsel; but to have avarice, impertinence, hypocrisy, and pride, at once to deal with, requires more cunning than generally attends a man of honour. Col. F. My fancy tells me I shall come off with glory. I resolve to try, however.-Do you know all the guardians, Mr. Sackbut? Sack. Very well; they all use my house. Col. F. And will you assist me, if occasion requires ? Free. I'll answer for him. Col. F. First, I'll attack my beau guardian; where lives he? Suck. 'Faith, somewhere about St. James's; though to say in what street, I cannot; but any chairman will tell you where Sir Philip Modelove lives. Free. Oh! you'll find him in the Park at eleven every day; at least I never pass through at that hour without sceing him there.-But what do you intend? Col. F. Oh, I shall address him in his own way, and find what he designs to do with the lady. Free. And what then? Col. F. That I can't tell; but I shall take my measures accordingly. Sack. Well, 'tis a mad undertaking, in my mind; but here's to your success, colonel. [Drinks. Col. F. (c.) 'Tis something out of the way, I confess ; but fortune may chance to smile, and I succeed. Bold was the man who ventur'd first to sea, [Exeunt, L. D. SCENE II.-An Apartment in Prim's House Enter Miss LOVELY and her maid BETTY, R. Betty. (R. C.) Bless me, madam! why do you fret and teaze yourself so? This is giving thein the advantage, with a witness to it. Miss L. (c) Must I be condemned all my life to the preposterous humours of other people, and pointed at by every boy in town!-Oh! I could tear my flesh and cursethe hour I was born. Isn't it monstrously ridiculous that they should desire to impose their quaking dress upon me at these years? When I was a child, I did not care what I wore; but now,— Betty. I would resolve against it, madam; I'd see 'em hang'd before I'd put on the pinch'd cap again. Miss L. Then I must never expect another moment's case ; she has rung such a peal in my ears already, that I shan't have the right use of them this mouth.-What can I do? Betty. What can you not do, if you will but give your mind to it? Marry, madam. Miss L. What! and have my fortune go to build churches and hospitals? Betty. Why, let it go. If the colonel loves you, as he pretends, he'll marry you without a fortune.-I assure you, niadam, a colonel's lady is no despicable thing. Miss L. So you would advise me to give up my own fortune, and throw myself upon the colonel's! Betty. I would advise you to make yourself easy, madam. • Miss L. That's not the way, I'm sure. No, no, my good girl, there are certain ingredients to be mingled with matrimony, without which I may as well change for the worse as the better. When the woman has fortune enough to make the man happy, if he has either honour or generosity, he'll make her easy. Love makes but a slovenly figure in a house, where poverty keeps the door. Betty. And so you resolve to die a maid? Miss L. Or make the man I love master of my fortune. Betty. Then you don't like the colonel so well as I thought you did, madam, or you would not take such a resolution as that. Miss L. It is because I do like him, I make such a resolution. Betty. Why, madam, do you expect the colonel can . work miracles? Is it possible for him to marry you with the consent of all your guardians? Miss L. Aye, or he must not marry me at all; and so I told him; and he did not seem displeased with the news. He promised to set me free; and, on that account, I promised to make him master of that freedom. Betty. Well, madam! I have read of enchanted castles, of ladies delivered from the chains of magic, giants killed, and monsters overcome; so that I shall be the less surprised if the colonel can conjure you out of the power of your four guardians: if he does, I'm sure he deserves your fortune. Miss L. And shall have it, girl, if it were ten times as much;-for I'll ingenuously confess to thee, that I do love the colonel above all the men I ever saw :- -There's something so jantee in a soldier, a kind of je ne sçais quoi air, that makes them more agreeable than all the rest of mankind. They command regard, as when they shall say, "We are your defenders; we preserve your beauties from the insults of rude and unpolished foes, and ought to be preferred before lazy indolent mortals, who, by dropping into their father's estates, set up their coaches, and think to rattle themselves into your affections." Betty. Why, yes, madam, I confess that the army has engrossed all the prettiest fellows.-A laced coat and a feather have irresistible charms. Miss L. But the colonel has all the beauties of the mind as well as the body.-O all ye powers that wait on happy lovers, grant that he may be mine! Oh, thou god of love, if thou be'st aught but name, assist my Feignwell! Point all thy darts to aid his just design, END OF ACT 1. [Exeunt, R. ACT II. SCENE I.-The Park. SIR PHILIP MODELOVE discovered upon a bench, with a Woman, masked, R. Sir P. Well but, my dear, are you really so constant to your keeper? Wom. Yes, really, sir.-Hey-day! who comes yonder? He cuts a mighty figure. Sir P. Ha! a stranger, he must be a foreigner by his equipage keeping so close at his heels. He has the appearance of a man of quality.-Positively French, by his dancing air. Wom. He crosses, as if he meant to sit down here. Wom. It will be to no purpose if he does. Col. F. (c.) You must be very cruel indeed, if you can deny any thing to so fine a gentleman, madam. [Takes out his watch. Wom. I never mind the outside of a man. Col. F. And I'm afraid thou art no judge of the inside. Sir P. I am positively of your mind, sir; for creatures of her function seldom penetrate beyond the pocket. Wom. Coxcombs ! [Aside, and exit, L. Sir P. Pray what says your watch? mine is down. [Pulling out his watch. Col. F. I want thirty-six minutes of twelve, sir. [Puts up his watch and takes out his snuff-box. Sir P. May I presume, sir. [Presenting the box, bowing very low. Sir P. He speaks good English,-though he must be a foreigner by the accent. [Aside.]-This snuff is extremely good, and the box prodigious fine: the work is French, I presume, sir. Col. F. I bought it in Paris, sir.- -I do think the workmanship tolerably neat. Sir P. Neat! 'tis exquisitely fine, sir. Pray, sir, if I may take the liberty of inquiring,-what country is so happy to claim the birth of the finest gentleman in the universe? France, France I presume. Col. F. Then you don't think me an Englishman ? Col. F. I am sorry for❜t. Sir P. Impossible you should wish to be an Englishman! Pardon me, sir, this island could never produce a person of such exquisite elegance Col. F. As this mirror shows you, sir. [Puts up a pocketglass to Sir Philip's face.] I know not how to designate you, sir; but your mien and address speak you right honourable. |