Oldalképek
PDF
ePub

large as might be expected from its habits. We have seen Gluttōns with features so small as to look like the little knobs left in the middle of a pane of glass in an alehouse window; but the cheeks and jawbones are pretty sure to take a considerable sweep; and the maxillary muscles, especially when in action, are thick and protruding, The forehead is generally small, narrow, and retreating, the outline of the face gradually swelling downwards like a jelly-bag. With the exception of tasks, the animals which they most resemble, upon the whole, particularly when in a state of repose, are the Walruses, Morses, or Rosmari, which lie in gigantic huddles upon the ice-fields on the northern coasts, and to whom Spenser alludes in his fearful list of seaanimals,

And greedy Rosmaring with visages deform.*

This creature sits upright, being easily supported by its size like a double feather-bed; but it is fondest of a state of repose, especially after meals, when it will sometimes with great pleasure allow its keepers to let it blood. I abstain from mentioning other more loathsome remedies, which it has in common with the sick dog. When it walks on its hind legs, it has a ridiculous waddle; and in summer time, may be seen drying its head as it goes with a white or coloured vegetable substance, which it keeps in its side pouch for that purpose. All the male Anthropomorphite animals in Europe have a side pouch. After á full repast, the male will pant and grunt, and the female utter feeble cries like the Sloth. The latter also, at that time, is easily moved to tears. Like e most human degeneracies, es, the sexes have little affection for each other, retaining enough of their original instinct to prefer men and women. The latter however as instinctively avoid them, shuddering as much at the bare idea of their caresses, as the wom women in Africa do at the odious ambition of the Ourang.Outang.

The Glutton seldom retains any thing more of its original human nature than suffices to feed its selfish appetites. But in this kind of foresight, it is eminent and profound. The instinct of gain is the last which forsakes the Anthropomorphites. We should rather say, it distinguishes most of them, and one species in particular, as we shall have occasion to shew. The Glutton is apt to partake very strongly of this appetite, and in many instances does not attain to its complete degeneracy, till it has wherewithal to get the requisite brutifications without further trouble. Our readers have heard of the dog, whose master used to give him a penny every day to buy a tart with. The Glutton will scrape pence together for years by every petty artifice, merely that when it begins buying its tarts and meats, it may leave the task of oing to the younger Cluttons its cubs, and so repose itself in its stye for life. All the trouble it takes is to chuse its own food;

The figure of this animal in the English translation of Buffon is unusually bad. There are better ones in Cooke's Voyages. But the curious reader may see them painted to the life in the admirable panorama of Spitzbergen, now being exhibited in Leicester-square.

+ See one of them undergoing this operation in Hogarth's Election Dinner.

for which purpose it may be often seen coming into the butchers' and fishmongers' shops, walking in the most ungain manner upon its hind Jegs, and making signs and grunts indicative of its diking or disliking the eatables. It will stop in this manner for half an hour together, pawing and smelling them, and giving the shopman to understand how many pence it will or will not part with; for its great perversion of instinct consists in accumulation; and it is generally, though not always, as loth to let go any of the ore it has scraped into its pouch, as it is eager to cram dainties down its maw. We are sorry we are obliged to dwell on such matters; but the utility as well as truth of our history compels us. This property of haunting the markets the Glutton has in common with the Jackal; and if it does not snap at passengers' legs, as the latter will do when it is feasting with its companions at night-time in the squares of Alexandria, it will look at one of its own species who carries off a favourite bit, with eyes as if it could eat both. It is at once disgusting and painful to see how the creature will linger about these places. Sometimes it will walk in a restless and eager manner all about the market; sometimes take a dying lobster in its paw, and weigh it to feel whether it is heavy and fleshy; sometimes stop and look at a particular jowl or joint, like a dog watching a barrow of horse-flesh, jerking its eyes about and licking its lips as the seller happens to move it hither and thither. It is often very cruel, and prefers animals which have been killed under circumstances of barbarity, such as crimped cod, eels flayed alive, lobsters that have been boiled alive, and pigs that have been whipped to death. It is impossible nevertheless, sometimes, to help being amused with the female, who will fidget with a mincing and affected air of aversion down an avenue of the bleeding carcases of sheep; and then reject, with a toss of her nose, a fish that has not been cut asunder when living.

To see these animals eat is a sight painful to the curious observer. The least thing they do is to lick their own paws. They champ, they grind, they deglute, they pant, they gobble, they stare. Their cheeks are flushed with toil and fever. In the larger ones, the veins of the temples swell up, the muscles of the jaws are in fearful action, the forehead reeks with moisture. They mark out particular bits for their prey, and envy those that carry them off. And here we must observe, that we do not confound this disgusting animal with a milder degeneracy called the Epicure. The Epicure sometimes is almost abstemious; and properly speaking, is only remarkable for its anxious choice of dainties, which though a mean is not a gluttonous passion. But the Glutton on the other hand generally includes the love of dainties in its wider appetite; and though it will not reject coarser viands, will eat the finer ones the most voraciously. It will get, if possible, the first, best, and most of every thing in season, and eat it all to itself. We have repeatedly seen one of them gorge a favourite dish, with exclusive and jealous watchfulness, like a growling cat; and toss, at sullen intervals, bits of coarser food to its parent and young, with an almost human consciousness of being in the wrong,

It will easily be imagined that such a creature must be subject to numerous diseases. Among the principal are head-achs, and heartburns, gastric tumours, hepatitis, plethora, inflammations of all sorts, gout, cholic, and apoplexy. These render it liable also to great peevishness, fits of anger, horrible dreams; and in the female, as we have before hinted, hysterical passions and burly floods of tears, which the inexperienced spectator too often commiserates.

The human beings particularly liable to degenerate into the animal called the Glutton, are priests, citizens, tyrants, and pampered women. Priests are subject to it, partly from a sedentary and unspeculative life, and partly because being in a marked manner denied other sensualities, they the more pronely give into what is left them. The citizen is apt to fall into it, because he has been taught no better notion of enjoyment, and because his dinner tempts him to make an excessive set-off against the hunger and thirst of his shopkeeping. The tyrant (poor wretch!) gets the disease, out of pure impotence of self-will. He cannot deny it to himself, more than any thing else. And it is the same, in proportion with the pampered woman. A flourishing, stirring tradeswoman, especially one that is, "the better horse," is liable with her daily gains and her hot cozy suppers, to settle into this more degenerate transformation. So is a jolly old widow who cannot in decency have any more husbands. The wife of Bath, we would lay any wager, took the metamorphosis as kindly as cheese after pye. But she would

no longer seem as agreeable. Her health and good looks would go, and her temper get worse. Even the lowest and coarsest aspects of sympathy have something redeeming in them. It is pure self-revolving selfishness that "embases and embrutes."

[ocr errors]

Printed and published by JOSEPH APPLEYARD, No. 19, Catherine-street, Strand. Price 2d. And sold also by A. GLIDDON, Importer of Suuffs, No. 31, Tavistockstreet, Covent-garden. Orders received at the above places, and by all Booksellers and Newsmen.

[ocr errors][merged small][merged small][merged small][ocr errors]

No. LXV.-WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 8d, 1821.

THE Editor will resume his chat with his readers next week. The present paper is partly made up of some further extract, from his former writings, partly of a happy, seasonable article on holidaychildren from a Correspondent, who will accept his best thanks To the first article the same caution is applicable, as was given to its predecessors in our last. It is not all bigots in religion that are alluded to; but only those that become such out of hard-heartedness rather than timidity. The interval between a sturdy Fire-Threatener and a sickly one is the same as between a brute selfishness and a frightened humanity.

[ocr errors][merged small]

No. 3. THE FIRE-THREATENER, STAR-GAZING HOWLER, FIELDPREACHER, OR BETE DE CHAUVIN.

Latin Summary.—Igniminax, sive Bestia Calvinisticus aut Methodicus; animal, ut breviter dicam, teterrimum. Corpus rigidum est, frons planipilus, cervix dura, appetitus penitus sordidi, aspectus porci-vulpi-taurinus. Avide cœlum tuetur, avidius autem carnem, avidissime nummum. Agit concionatorem, more Simiæ Beelze bub LINNEI, alias Cercopitheci Predicantis, alias Howling Baboon; vidensque ignem aut incendium, minaciter indicat viatoribus qui congressum Calvinisticum fugiunt, et rorridissimo rictu risuque spem annuit deflagrationis eorum."

The Fire-Threatener, Bete de Chauvin, or Methodist; an animal of the very foulest description. Its body is stiff, its forehead flat-haired, its neck and shoulders indurated, its appetites profoundly selfish, its aspect partaking of the hog, fox, and bull. It casts greedy looks at heaven, greedier at a good dinner, greediest of all at money. Like the Beelzebub Ape of Linnæus, alias the Preacher-Monkey, alias the Howling Baboon, it is fond of playing the clergyman; and at the sight of a fire of any kind, points it out in a threatening manner to such passengers as refuse to join its congregation; indicating, with horrible nods, and laughter, its hope of seeing them burning.

VOL. II.

have All the Anthropomorphites, or animals in the likeness of man, a nearer resemblance in their manners and appearance to monkies, that than to any other of the brute creation with this difference, their degenerate tendency usually carries them beyond the monkey nature, into that of other beasts, whose dispositions they unite with it. Thus the Bieaud or Barrister, besides grinning And gesticulating like the common monkey, chatters and hides money like the magpie. Many of the Gluttons, who are still fonder of hiding money, chatter very the hog. The creature

little; but they all grunt as well asweat like the sight of mischief,

before us and delights like the monkey; chatters and hides money like the magpie; eats in general like the hog; and is also as Aowling as the baboon, and as cruel and pensive-looking as the cat

This animal, has in general a black skin, a poll with coarse rusty coarse flat short hair, dirty paws, a cry, and a sullen and selfish expression of face, occasionally opening into a horrible hypocritical grin. You doubt whether it is going to smile or bite. It will bay the ky, as a dog does the moon; and if any one makes signs to know where its stock is (for it is extremely fond of hiding money), it has the remarkable habit of pointing upwards towards the same place, as if its treasure my there. Dogs have dreams, and many animals a sort of foresight. There is reason to believe that the Fire-Threatener does actually retain a notion of the immortality of the soul, common to the original human stock; a perception, that would be wonderful in so despicable a brute, did not vanity and selfishness sometimes jump to the same conclusions as a nobler aspiration. The confused notions of another world in the mind of the Fire-Threatener have evidently as little humanity as possible. During thunder and lightning, or other awful aspects of the sky, it will grovel in the dust, or hang up its entreating paws like a begging dog; but when the weather is serene, and the sun and the flowers sparkle, and all creation looks fair, it seems to turn with contempt from the lovely face of things, as who should say, What a miserable world!" It exhibits the same aspect when a human being is buried, and the weeping relations are looking up to at the burial of of the FireThreateners (for they cover their dead like some other beasts) they, point upwards, and groan, and howl, which is their way of expressing beth misery and satisfaction. They also exhibit the cruelty and vindictiveness of their natures, by pointing to a fire whenever they see one, and then making signs and grins to those who avoid them, expressive of satisfaction at the fancy of seeing them in it; a piece of courtesy which they generally conclude by turning up the whites of their eyes, and making other gestures, indicative of transport, apparently at the thought of being out of it themselves. From all this it is pretty clear, that if they have really a notion of such a thing as heaven, they fancy it must be exclusively peopled with Fire-Threateners; and as Fontenelle said that even man made God in his own likeness, it is to be supposed that the Fire-Threateners make him in theirs. What a hell of a paradise!

heaven with tears of hope the

« ElőzőTovább »