THE INDICATOR. There he arriving round about doth flie, SPENSER. No. LXIV. WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 27th, 1820. THE Editor had hoped to indulge himself this Christmas in some articles respecting the season and its enjoyment; but he has still found bimself too unwell. Perhaps instead of the following, it would have been better to re-publish some papers he wrote on that subject in the Examiner; but this he did not think of till too late. He would have discontinued the INDICATOR at once during the period of his illness, had he not believed that the readers would prefer his piecing the chain in this manner, especially as his cherry-stone workmanship has been helped out with materials more valuable. Two or three sunshiny days will, he trusts, set his veins and his pen and ink flowing again. In the mean time, he cannot but congratulate the town on the very leafy, and truly holiday-like aspect, which it has put on this present Christmas ; and is willing to flatter himself, that his recommendations to that effect for some years past may not have been without their share in producing it. It is hardly necessary to observe of the following articles, that they do not involve all lawyers, or all eaters and drinkers who exceed. Lawyers have certainly a great tendency to degenerate; but the exceptions, (of which we have lately had some admirable specimens) only do some of ther the more honour and excess at table, though not of the most excessiv or ungraceful kind, sometimes originates in mere morbidity and haustion. And with respect to religious bigots we allude, on this on all other occasions where we undertake to censure them, to hose only who become such out of selfishness rather than timidity VOL. II. е X as HISTORIA PRÆTER-NATURALIS, SIVE HENRICULI FUSCI LIBELLUS AUREUS ANIMALIA HUMANE SPECIES DEGENERIORA TRACTANS. THE PRÆTER-NATURAL HISTORY OF THE MOST DEGENERATE ANIMALS OF THE HUMAN RACE, BY HARRY BROWN. Londini Westmon. Hamps. Maryl. Var. Juc. Comitum. Soc. Tab. Rotund, Equit. Natur. Vindic. Ruricol. Cosmopol. Exam. Polit. Nihilom. Liter. Humanior. Profess. Neen. Philos. Imo. Eti. Poe. To which is added, by the same Author, A DESCRIPTION OF THE TRUE HUMAN BEING, MALE AND FEMALE. INTRODUCTION BY THE EDITOR. In the absence of my learned and illustrious friend, the author of the following chapters (whom I may truly say I respect and love as my own self,) I have been commissioned by him to lay them before the public; which I accordingly do, with a satisfaction far beyond mere Editorship. Should they afterwards be collected into the shape of a book, as doubtless they will, I know it to be the intention of my friend to write a more particular preface of his own; so that I abstain from saying much to that effect, or from availing myself of the numberless things, equally pleasant and profitable, which I have heard him utter on the subject, both in town and country,in serious moments and in merry. I shall only make four brief remarks;-First, that the desirableness of such a work will be obvious at first sight to the readers of Natural History; Second, that there has been an universal and as it were prophetic glimpse of it in the minds of men, as evinced by various phrases in common use, such as "What an animal Y. or Z. is."-" What a beast W. makes of himself!" &c. &c. ;-Third, that the author in his descriptions of the various animals never has in view any particular or pet beast, (which might offend the fanciers of such things,) his studies of them having been very general and philosophic ;and Fourth and last, that it is not within the scope of his work to take notice of the many exceptions to his descriptions in general, particularly of such as have only a slight degeneracy from the original human stock. Of the mode of reclaiming the whole variety, I shall leave the author to speak without further insinuation; merely premising, that he has long been meditating on the subject with various living philosophers, and that this is the great object of all his studies, whether reading Buffon, or Bacon, or Plato, or Shakspeare, or Montaigne, or the face of nature or the heart of man. And so, gentle reader, peruse and profit. THE INDICATOR 01, No. I.--THE BICAUD, OR TWO-TAILED GAbbler.* 'O Noxos, in Greek. Jurisconsultas,-Jurisperitus, in Latin. L'Avocat, in French. The Advocate, Counsellor, or Barrister, in English. Latin summary:—Jurisconsultus, sive Bicaudis Garrulus, animal omnino singulare; vultu pallido, calloso, tristi, attamen procaci; tergore nigro, fluxo, anguino, quod exuit sponte sua; mirabiliori autem cæsarie, alba, pulverulenta, intorta quasi calamistro, bicaudi, quam simul expeditiusque deponit.-Ingreditur, potiusve sedet, gregatim et incidens in folia quædam papyri pertenuia, Anglice dieta Bank-Notes sive Fees, celat in perula instanter, exultatque in pedes posteriores, garritque gesticulaturque modo simiæ candatæ. + This is a very singular animal, chiefly remarkable for its having two tails at the back of its head, and for its being moved by the touch of certain thin leaves of the Papyrus, or Paper-tree, to get up on its hind legs, and utter a long discordant gabble. Its skin is black, hangs loosely about it, and can be cast by the animal at pleasure like that of a snake. What is still more extraordinary, it has this. faculty also with regard to its two tails and the pallid hairy kind of rug to which they are attached. The rug resembles the natural peruke of certain monkies, or rather the curled rug which is left on the hind quarters of a dog. When it casts its outer skin, it generally appears in a closer one of the same colour; and some of the older Bicauds, when they cast their rug, and two tails, produce another tail from beneath like a pig's. But this latter species is going out. The face is generally, pale; and like some of the larger tribe o of monkies, thoughtful and melan choly. A pert character is nevertheless usually observable in it, and even a hardness and want of feeling; though when young, and before its two tails are grown, or occasionally some time afterwards, it is often a sprightly creature. V We have known some, who have little resemblance however to the rest of the species, exhibit a lively emotion at hearing music and poetry, and even at the sight of sculpture; and these will also roam about the fields with a mixed gravity and vivacity, like colts come to years of discretion, As the author's mauuscripts are not yet arranged, it is very probable that the animals will not come in the order in which I have happened to place them. At all events, the Bicaud is not to be taken as the leading degeneracy, it being neither best nor worst among the Anthropomorphrites.-1 take this opportunity of mentioning, that an edition of the work will most likely appear at a future day with the plates usual in these histories, which will add much to the liveliness of the impres sion. + The Counsellor, Bicaud, or Two-Tailed Gabbler, a creature altogether singular. Its countenance is at once pale, callous, melancholy, and pert: its skin black, hanging down, and put off at will like a snake's. It has a still more remarkable head of hair, white, powdered, curled as if with irons, and double-tailed; which it removes at the same time and with greater ease. The Bicauds go, or rather sit in flocks; and whenever one of them alights upon certain flimsy pieces of paper, called Banknotes, he hides them with great expedition in a poucli he has, and then getting up upon his hind-legs, gabbles and gesticulates like a monkey. Some The Bioaud farther resembles the monkey in being gregarious. Young and old assemble in different places every morning, before two or three aged ones, whose shins are bordered with ermine, aud whose tails have grown to a size like those of African sheep, and hang forward on each side their faces. The whole sight is very ridiculous, and resembles the well-known phenomenon of a council of crows. unfortunate animals when they have caught trespassing on their premises are brought in, as if to be judged; and one Two-Tailed Gabbler gets up at a time on his hind-legs, and appears to reason on the subject, making strange grins and gesticalations. Sometimes he seems to laugh; sometimes he raises his eye-brows, as if in astonishment; sometimes tosses his skin and two tails about in all the heat and flutter of an angry fine lady; and every now and then he turns over certain thicker leaves of the papyrus, of which there is always great plenty on the spot. All this looks as if something really were meant; but it has been well ascertained, by innumerable and anxious experiments, that the Bicaud who gets up to gabble is influenced not by any interest in behalf of the culprit, or of reason, but by his having secretly touched some of those thin leaves previously mentioned, which he immediately conveys into a pouch on his right side, and the possession of which puts him into a sort of transport. All the rest who have not been so lucky remain sitting as gravely as possible, except when nothing appears to be going forward at which time they are as noisy and apparently as mischievous as a forest of monkies, or a school in the master's absence, chattering and mowing at each other the whole time, the younger espepecially. It is observed of this cunning and melancholy animal, that there is none which it is so difficult to get beyond the usual instinct, or what may be called habit and precedent of its species. It is also bolder and more like a man, when it casts its outer skin; but the moment the latter is resumed, relapses into its characteristic timidity, especially in presence of the old ones, at whose slightest muttering it suspends its gabble, ducking, and bowing, and drawing the air through its teeth, with an infinite gravity of deference. It seems to attach itself naturally to the rich and great; and like most creatures of the anthropromorphite race, will sit at table, eat heartily, and drink more so, particularly wine, of which it is very fond. It is also extremely amorous, though after a coarse fashion; and we have known it dangerous for women to go near some of the very oldest. The latter, when observed, put on aspects so prodigiously grave and devout, that the one whose skin in advanced age is marked with certain golden stripes, has been facetiously called Keeper of the King's Conscience. No. 2. THE ESOPHAGUS, OR GLUTTON. In Greek, Aureanuubos, (dripping-pan);-Auquxrns, (MAN or PREY); Axvos, (licker of plates or fingers). In Latin, Gulo (Gullet) ;—Helluo (Clearer). In Italian Ghiotto (same as the Greek Avroλnuubos);—Pacchione (Great Packer) ;-Arlotto (the name of a jolly Priest);-Larcone (same as the Latin Larco);-Mangione (Great Feeder) ;-Crapolone (Lat. & Gr. Surfeiter-Sufferer from Stuffing). In French, Glouton (Lat. & Gr. Swallower) ;-Gourmand (Strangler). In English, the Glutton, Gormandizer, Greedygut, Bellygod, &c. Latin Summary.—Œsopkagus sive Gulo, animal fœdum ac vere belloiaum, immane, prædans, sese saginans, ventri prorsus deditum: imo equidem, deditum ut servus; venter enim Neronicus in medio dominatur, aliisque membris tumidis insolentur accrescens eminensque, extat valde tumidior. Horribilem humanam similitudinem retinet, perinde ac omnis Anthropomorphita. Nihilominus abdomen plerumque porcinum habet, crura elephantina, vultum quasi Tricheci Rosmari sive Walrus, at reliquam molem honesto sermone tacendam. Avide intrat in carnaria et piscatoria macella, et seligit dapes; quas prona cupiditate et quadam ponderosa alacritate, inter suspiria grunnitusque ingurgitat. Rarò longævum est, sæpe ægrotans, semper nisi inter prædandum subtriste. Graviter dormit, somnians ut canis, sed non ludibunda; namque cibo somnoque sepultum Ephialtes equitans vexat, cruciamenta anguillarum et astacorum suffocante horrore ulciscens.* There is another animal called the Glutton, with which the one before us must not be confounded. The former lives in solitudes like a plain unaffected beast, and neither counterfeits nor seems intended for any thing better than what it is. It is no more to be considered degenerate than a mere sponge, or absorbing vessel, or a whirlpool in the sea, or a mill for grinding, or the jackals and vultures which clear their native districts from offal. It would be doing it an injustice therefore to confound it with the latter, which is a regular human degeneracy, retaining a likeness of the original stock, and shewing itself unblushingly in cities and in open day-light. The Esophagus or Anthropomorphite Glutton is a creature principally found in the civilized parts of the world, where it is produced by the same causes which give rise to prize oxen and the pampered varieties of the dog. Its external likeness to the original stock is mortifyingly strong, especially as mere indolence will produce something like the same appearance in the man and woman. But the difference is easily discoverable. The Glutton's look is altogether painful and flustered, as well as unwieldy. It has a body of unhealthy grossness, large jaws, eyes sank in fat, and is subject to panting and a halfchoked utterance. The mouth and other features are not always so *The Esophagus or Glutton is a foul and truly beastly animal, huge, prædatory, stuffing, aud altogether given up to its belly: yes, given up like a slave; for that Nero-like part of him lords it in the centre, and insolently aggrandizing and protruding itself beyond the rest of his bloated limbs, looks forth with a supereminent rotundity. Like other Anthropomorphites, it retains a horrible likeness to the human shape: but for the most part its stomach is like a hog's, its legs like an elephant's, and its countenance like the Trichecus Rosmaris or Walrus. The rest of it is not fit to be spoken of. It gets greedily into butchers' shops and fishmongers', and chooses its own food; which with a prone eagerness and a certain ponderous alaerity, it deglutes and as it were, engulfs, amidst sighs and groans. It is seldom long-lived, often ailing, and always rather melancholy than otherwise except at meals. Its sleep is heavy; and it dream like the dog, only not about any thing sportful; for while it lies buried in sleep and food, it is ridden to its great torment by the Night-mare; who thus, with a suffocating horror, revenges the sufferings of eels and lobsters. |