if you wou'd but draw your sword, and be in a passion, he would run away directly.

Frib. Will he (Draws his sword.) Then I can no longer contain myself.-Hell and the furies! Come on, thou savage brute.

Tag. Go, on Sir.

Here they stand in fighting postures, while Biddy and Tag push 'em forward,

Flash. Come on.

Bid. Go on.

Frib. Come on, rascal.

Tag. Go on, Sir.

Enter Captain LOVEIT and Purr.

Capt. What's the matter, my dear?

Bid. If you won't fight, here's one that will. Oh, Rhodophil, these two sparks are your rivals, and have pester'd Ine these two months with their addresses; they forc'd themselves into the house, and have been quarrelling about me, and disturbing the family; they won't fight, pray kick them out of the house.

Capt. What's the matter, gentlemen?

[They both keep their fencing posture. Flash. Don't part us, Sir.

Frib. No, pray, Sir, don't part us, we shall do you a mischief.

Capt. Puff, look to the other gentleman, and call a surgeon?

Bid and Tag. Ha, ha, ha!

Puff. Bless me! how can you stand under your wounds, Sir?

Frib. Am I hurt, Sir?

Puff. Hurt, Sir! why you have let me see-pray stand in the light-one, two, three, thro' the heart; and let me see hum eight thro' the small guts! come, Sir, make it up the round dozen, and then we'll part you.

All. Ha, ha, ha!

Capt. Come here, Puff

[Whispers and looks at Flash.

Puff 'Tis the very same, Sir.

Capt. (To Flash.) Pray, Sir, have I not had the plea

sure of seeing you abroad?

Flash. I have serv'd abroad.


Capt. Had not you the misfortune Sir, to be missing at the last engagement in Flanders?

Flash. I was found amongst the dead in the field of Battle.

Puff. He was the first that fell, Sir; the wind of a cannon-ball struck him flat upon his face; he had just strength enough to creep into a ditch, and there he was found after the battle in a most deplorable condition.

Capt. Pray, Sir, what advancement did you get by the service of that day?

Flash. My wounds render'd me unfit for service, and I

sold out.

Puff. Stole out, you mean.. We hunted him by scent, to the water-side, thence he took shipping for England, and, taking the advantage of my master's absence, has attack'd the citadel, which we are luckily come to relieve, and drive his honour into the ditch again.

All. Ha, ha, ha!

Frib. He, he, he!

Capt. And now, Sir, how have you dar'd to shew your face again in open day, or wear even the outside of a profession you have so much scandaliz'd by your behaviour? I honour the name of a soldier, and as a party concernc am bound not to see it disgrae'd. As you have forfeited your title to honour, deliver up your sword this instant. Flash. Nay, good captain

Capt. No words, Sir.

[Takes bis sword. Frib. He's a sad scoundrel; I wish I had kick'd him. Capt. The next thing I command-leave this house, ohange the colour of your cloths and fierceness of your locks, appear from top to toe the wretch thou art; if e'er I meet thee in the military dress again, or if thou put on looks that belye the native baseness of thy heart, be it where it will, this shall be the reward of thy impudence and disobedience.. [Kicks bim, be runs off.

Bid. Oh, my dear Rhodophil! Frib. What an infamous rascal it is! I thank you, Sir,. for this favour, but I must after and cane him.

[Going, is stopt by the Captain..

Capt. One word with you too, Sir.

Frib. With me, Sir?

Capt. You need not tremble, I shan't use you rouglily.



Frib. I am certain of that, Sir; but I am sadly troubled with weak nerves.

Capt. Thou art of a species too despicable for correction; therefore be gone, and if I see you here again, your insignificancy shan't protect you.

Frib. I am oblig'd to you for your kindness; well, if ever I have any thing to do with intrigues again!-[Exit. All. Ha, ha, ha !

Puff Shall I ease you of your trophy, Sir?

Capt. Take it, Puff, as some small recompence for thy fidelity, thou canst better use it than its owner.

Puff. I wish your honour had a patent to take such trifles from every pretty gentlemen that could spare 'em; I would set up the largest cutler's shop in the kingdom. Capt. Well said, Puff.

Bid. But pray, Mr Fox, how did you get out of your hole? I thought you was lock'd in?

Capt. I shot the bolt back when I heard a noise; and thinking you were in danger I broke my confinement without any other consideration than your safety.

[Kisses ber band Sir Simon. (Without.) Biddy, Biddy, why Tag, Tag.. Bid. There's the old gentleman; run in, run in. [Exeunt. Captain and Puff: Tag opens the door.

Enter Sir SIMON and JASPER.

Sir Sim. Where have you been, Biddy? Jasper and I have knock'd and call'd as loud and as long as we were able; what were you doing, child?

Bid, I was reading part of a play to Tag, and we came as soon as we heard you.

Sir Sim. What play, Moppet?

Bid. The Old Batchelor; and we were just got to old Nykyn as you knock'd at the door.

Sir Sim. I must have you burn your plays and romances now you are mine; they corrupt your innocence; and what can you learn from 'em?

Bid. What, you can't teach me, I'm sure.

Sir Sim. Fy, fy, child; I never heard you talk at this rate before; I'm afraid, Tag, you put these things into her head.

Tag. I Sir? I vow, Sir Simon, she knows more than you can conceive; she surprises me, I assure you, though

I have been married these two years, and liv'd with batchelors most part of my life.

Sir Sim. Do you hear, Jasper? I'm all over in a sweat. -Pray, miss, have not you had company this afternoon? I saw a young fop go out of the house as I was coming hither.

Bid. You might have seen two, Sir Simon, if your eyes.. had been good.

Sir Sim. Do you hear, Jasper?-Sure the child is pos-sess'd-Pray, miss, what do they want here ?

Bid. Me, Sir; they wanted me.

Sir Simen. What did they want with you, I say?
Bid. Why, what do you want with me?

Sir Sim. Do you hear, Jasper ?-I am thunder-struck! I can't believe my own ears! Tell me the reason, I say, why

Tag. I'll tell you the reason why, if you please, Sir Simon. Miss, you know, is a very silly young girl, and having found out (Heaven knows how!) that there is some little difference between sixty-five and twenty-five, she's ridiculous enough to choose the latter; when if she'd take my advice

Sir Sim. You are right, Tag, she wou'd take me? Eh? Tag. Yes, Sir, as the only way to have both; for if she marries you, the other will follow of course.

Sir Sim. Do you hear, Jasper?

Bid. 'Tis very true, Sir Simon; from knowing no better, I have set my heart upon a young man, and a young one I'll have; there have been three here this afternoon. Sir Sim. Three, Jasper ?

Bid. And they have been quarrelling about me, and one has beat the other two. Now, Sir Simon, if you'll take up the conqueror and kick him, as he has kick'd the others, you shall have me for your reward, and my fifteen thousand pounds into the bargain. What says my hero? Eh?

Sir Sim. The world's at an endJasper ?

[Slaps bim on the back. What's to be done,

fas. Pack up and be gone; don't fight the match, sir. Sir Sim. Flesh and blood can't bear it-I'm all over agitation-Hugh, hugh !-am I cheated by a baby, a doll? D.6.


Where's your aunt, you young cockatrice?—I'll let her know-she's a base woman, and you are.

Bid. You are in a fine humour to shew your valour. Tag, fetch the captain this minute, while sir Simon is warm, and let him know, he is waiting here to cut his throat [Exit Tag.] I lock'd him up in my bed-chamber till you came.

Sir Sim. Here's an imp of darkness! what would I give that my son Bob was here to thrash her spark, while I— lavish'd the rest of the family.

Jas. I believe we had best retiré, Sir.

Sir Sim. No, no, I must see her bully first; and, do you hear, Jasper, if I put him in a passion do you knock him down.

Jas. Pray, keep your temper, sir.


Capt. [Approaching angrily.] What's the meaning, sir Ounds! it is my father, Puff; what shall I do?

[Aside. Puff. [Drawing him by the coat.] Kennel again, sir. Sir Sim. I am enchanted!

Capt. There is no retreat, I must stand it !

Bid. What's all this?


Sir Sim. Your humble servant, captain Fire-Ball.-You! are welcome from the wars, noble captain. I did not think of being knock'd o' th' head, or cut up alive by so fine a gentleman.

Capt. I am under such confusion, sir, that I have no power to convince you of my innocence.

Sir Sim. Innocence! pretty lamb! and so, sir, you have left the regiment, and the honourable employment of fighting for your country, to come home and cut your father's throat; why, you'll be a great man in time, Bob! Bid. His father, Tag!

Sir Sim. Come, come, 'tis soon done-one stroke does it-or if you have any qualms, let your 'squire there perform the operation.

Puff Pray, sir, don't throw such temptations in my



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