No metter wut the guv'ment is, ez nigh ez I can

hit it,

A lickin' 's constitooshunal, pervidin' We don't

git it.

Jeff don't stan' dilly-dallyin', afore he takes a

fort,

(With no one in,) to git the leave o' the nex' Soopreme Court,

Nor don't want forty-leven weeks o' jawin' an' expoundin,'

To prove a nigger hez a right to save him, ef he's drowndin';

Whereas ole Abe 'ud sink afore he'd let a darkie boost him,

Ef Taney should n't come along an' hed n't interdooced him.

It ain't your twenty millions thet 'll ever block Jeff's game,

But one Man thet wun't let 'em jog jest ez he 's takin' aim:

Your numbers they may strengthen ye or weaken ye, ez 't heppens

They're willin' to be helpin' hands or wuss'nnothin' cap'ns.

I've chose my side, an' 't ain't no odds ef I wuz drawed with magnets,

Or ef I thought it prudenter to jine the nighes' bagnets;

I've made my ch'ice, an' ciphered out, from all I see an' heard,

Th' ole Constitooshun never 'd git her decks for action cleared,

Long 'z you elect for Congressmen poor shotes thet want to go

Coz they can't seem to git their grub no otherways than so,

An' let your bes' men stay to home coz they wun't show ez talkers,

Nor can't be hired to fool ye an' sof'-soap ye at a

Long 'z ye set by Rotashun more 'n ye do by folks's merits,

Ez though experunce thriv by change o' sile, like corn an' kerrits,

Long 'z you allow a critter's "claims" coz, spite o' shoves an' tippins,

He 's kep' his private pan jest where 't would ketch mos' public drippins,

Long 'z A. 'll turn tu an' grin' B. 's exe, ef B. 'll help him grin' hisn,

(An' thet 's the main idee by which

Long 'z

your leadin'

you let ary exe be groun', 'less 't is to

cut the weasan'

O' sneaks thet dunno till they 're told wut is an'

Long 'z ye give out commissions to a lot o' peddlin' drones

Thet trade in whiskey with their men an' skin 'em to their bones,

Long 'z ye sift out "safe" canderdates thet no one ain't afeared on

Coz they're so thund'rin' eminent for bein' nev er heard on,

An' hain't no record, ez it's called, for folks to pick a hole in,

Ez ef it hurt a man to hev a body with a soul

in,

An' it wuz ostentashun to be showin' on 't

about,

When half his feller-citizens contrive to do with

Long 'z you suppose your votes can turn biled kebbage into brain,

An' ary man thet 's pop'lar 's fit to drive a lightnin'-train,

Long 'z you believe democracy means I'm ez good ez you be,

An' that a feller from the ranks can't be a knave

Long 'z Congress seems purvided, like yer streetcars an' yer 'busses,

With ollers room for jes' one more o' your spiled-in-bakin' cusses,

Dough 'thout the emptins of a soul, an' yit with means about 'em

(Like essence-peddlers 1) thet 'll make folks long to be without 'em,

1 A rustic euphemism for the American variety of the Me phitis.

H. W.

Jest heavy 'nough to turn a scale thet 's doubtfle the wrong way,

An' make their nat'ral arsenal o' bein' nasty

pay,

Long 'z them things last, (an' I don't see no gret signs of improvin',)

I sha' n't up stakes, not hardly yit, nor 't would n't pay for movin' ;

For, 'fore you lick us, it'll be the long'st day ever you see.

Yourn, [ez I 'xpec' to be nex' spring,]

B., MARKISS o' BIG BOOSY.

No. IV.

A MESSAGE OF JEFF DAVIS IN SECRET SESSION.

Conjecturally reported by H. BIGLOW.

TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY.

JAALAM, 10th March, 1862.

GENTLEMEN,- My leisure has been so entirely occupied with the hitherto fruitless endeavor to decipher the Runic inscription whose fortunate discovery I mentioned in my last communication, that I have not found time to discuss, as I had intended, the great problem of what we are to do with slavery, a topic on which the public mind in this place is at present more than ever agitated. What my wishes and hopes are I need not say, but for safe conclusions I do not conceive that we are yet in possession of facts enough on which to bottom them with certainty. Acknowledging the hand of Providence, as I do, in all events, I am sometimes inclined to think that they are wiser than we, and am willing to wait till we have made this continent once more a place where