MOST TO BE PITIED

Yet some happy mortals, all virtue,

Have sentiment just as they should,
Their occiput nought can do hurt to,

Each organ 's an organ of good;
Such couples angelic, when mated,
To bid all concealment retire,
Should seek Hymen's altar bald-pated,
And throw both their wigs in his fire.

My system, from great A to Izzard,

You now, my good friends, may descry,
Not Shakespeare's Bermudean wizard
Was half so enchanting as I.
His magic a Tempest could smother,

But mine the soul's hurricane clears,
By exposing your heads to each other,
And setting those heads by the ears.

Oh, I am the mental dissector,
I fathom the wits of you all;

So here is an end to the lecture

Of craniological Gall.

-JAMES SMITH.

71

Most to be Pitied

HE woman of sentiment said to the Doctor,

THE

(And the answer he gave her most awfully
shocked her!)

"Dear Doctor, of all the relentless diseases
That lie in dark wait, without warning to seize us,
What malady is it so harshly attacks us,
So wickedly wounds and so ruthlessly racks us,
That, seeing its victim distressed in such fashion
You give him at once your profoundest compassion?"
And the Doctor responded, "I think 'tis admitted
The man with the small-pox is most to be pitied!"'

-MRS. GEORGE ARCHIBALD.

H

Miss Sophronia's Cure

E treated me for mumps, did the blessed Dr. Stumps,
He treated me for measles when my soul was in the

dumps;

And without a shade of question he improved my

indigestion

Oh! a therapeutic wonder was the blessed Dr. Stumps!

But when my mumps had fled then I had an aching head,
And when my head was cured I had lung-complaint, instead;
Then he clinched with my bronchitis, then he treated my
gastritis-

And now that blessed doctor-he has left me he is dead!

When he used to come and say, "Ah! you have the chills today!"

Or, "You have a touch of fever," I was frolicsome and gay; When he told me," Miss Sophronia, you are suffering from pneumonia,"

I rejoiced with great rejoicing at the words he used to say.

For he 'd sit and sympathize with compassion in his eyes,
And he'd talk about my symptoms and he'd look superbly wise;
Then he'd give me learned theses on the treatment of dis-

eases,

And number all the catalogue of all my agonies.

While the long years rolled away I was very sick and gay,
I was very ill and happy, gladly wasting in decay;

But when Dr. Stumps departed, Dr. Meyers, iron-hearted, Came and cured me in a fortnight—and I'm sad and well to

day.

A Clinic by Dr. Charcot