N° CXXXII. Sunt verba et voces, quibus hunc lenire dolorem HORAT. DRIVEN from my uncle Antony's doors by my unlucky mistake between the hen and her egg, my cafe would have been defperate, but that I had yet one string left to my bow, and this was my aunt Mrs. Sufanna Simper, who lived within a few miles of my uncle, but in fuch declared hoftility, that I promised myself a favourable reception, if I could but flatter her animofity with a fufficient portion of invective; and for this I deemed myself very tolerably qualified, having fo much good-will to the bufinefs, and no flight inducements to fpur me to it. My aunt, who was an aged maiden, and a valetudinarian, was at my arrival clofetted with her apothecary; upon his departure I was admitted to my audience, in which I acquitted myfelf with all the addrefs I was mafter of; my aunt heard my story through without interrupting me by a fingle word; at last, fixing her eyes upon me, the faid, ""Tis very well, child; you have faid enough; "your uncle's character I perfectly understand; "look well to your own, for upon that will de"pend the terms you and I fhall be upon."-She now took up a phial from the table and furveying it for fome time, faid to me—“ Here is a noftrum "recommended by my apothecary, that promifes "great "great things, but perhaps contains none of the "wondrous properties it profeffes to have the "label fays it is a carminative, fedative mixture; "in other words, it will expel vapours and fpafms, "and quiet the mind and fpirits: Do you think "it will make good what it promises?" So whimfical a queftion put to me at such a moment confounded me not a little, and I only murmured out a reply, that I hoped it would-Take it then," faid 66 my aunt, as you have faith in it; fwallow "it yourself, and when I fee how it operates with 66 you, I fhall have more confidence in it on my << own account.' "I was now in a more awkward dilemma than ever, for fhe had emptied the dofe into a cup, and tendered it to me in fo peremptory a manner, that, not knowing how to excufe myself, and being naturally fubmiffive, I filently took the cup with a trembling hand, and fwallowed its abominable contents. "Much good may it do you, child," cried fhe, you have done more for me than I would for "any doctor in the kingdom: Don't you find it "naufeous to the palate ?"-I confeft that it was very naufeous." And did you think yourself in "need of fuch a medicine ?"—" I did not per"ceive that I was."" Then you did not fwal"low it by your own choice, but by my defire ?" I had no hesitation in acknowledging that."Upon my word, child," the replied, you "have a very accommodating way with you." I was now fighting with the curfed drug, and had all the difficulty in life to keep it where it was, My aunt faw my diftrefs, and fmiling at it demanded if I was not fick : I confeft I was rather difcompofed in my ftomach with the draught. "I don't "but as you "I don't doubt it," the replied; "have fo civilly made yourself fick for my fake, 66 cannot you flatter me fo far as to be well, when "I requeft it?" I was just then ftruggling to keep the naufea down, and though I could not anfwer, put the best face upon the matter in my power. A maid-fervant came in upon my aunt's ringing her bell." Betty," faid fhe, "take away thefe "things; this doctor will poifon us with his dofes." "Foh!" cried the wench, "how it finells !" "Nay, but only put your lips to the cup," said the miftrefs, "there is enough left for you to tafte it." "I tafte it! I'll not touch it, I want none of "his nafty phyfic."-" Well, but though you don't. 66 ་ want it," rejoined the mistress, " tafte it never"thelefs, if it be only to flatter my humour.""Excufe me, madam," replied Betty, "I'll not "make myfelf fick to flatter any body.""Humph!" cried my aunt," how this wench's want of manners must have fhocked you, nephew William! you fwallowed the whole dofe at a word, fhe, though my fervant, at my re"peated command would not touch it with her "lips; but thefe low-bred creatures have a will "of their own." -There was fomething in my aunt's manner I did not understand; fhe puzzled me, and I thought it beft to keep myself on the referve, and wait the further developement of her humour in filence. We went down to fupper; it was elegantly ferved, and my aunt particularly recommended two or three difhes to me; her hofpitality embarraffed me not a little, for my ftomach was by no means reconciled; yet I felt myself bound in good manners to eat of her difhes and commend her cookery; cookery; this I did, though forely against the grain, and, whilft my ftomach rofe against its food, I flattered what I naufeated. A grave, well-looking perfonage stood at the fideboard, with whom my aunt entered into converfation" Johnson," said fhe, "I think I "muft lodge my nephew in your room, which is warm and well-aired, and difpose of you in "the tapestry chamber, which has not lately been "flept in."" Madam," replied Johnfon, " I am willing to give up my bed to Mr. William "at your command; but as to fleeping in the "tapestry chamber you must excufe me." "Why?" replied my aunt, "what is your objection ?" "I "am almost ashamed to tell you," answered Johnfon," but every body has his humour; perhaps "my objection may be none to the young gentle man, but I confess I don't chufe to pass the "night in a chamber, that is under an ill name ?” "An ill name for what?" demanded the lady. "For being haunted," answered the butler, "for "being vifited by noises, and rattling of chains "and apparitions; the gentleman no doubt is a "scholar and can account for these things; I am "a plain man, and don't like to have my imagina"tion difturbed, nor my rest broken, though it 66 were only by my own fancies." "What then "is to be done?" faid my aunt, directing her queftion to me; " Johnfon don't chufe to trust himself "in a haunted chamber; I fhall have my house "brought into difcredit by thefe reports: Now, "nephew, if you will encounter this ghoft, and "exorcife the chamber by fleeping in it a few (" nights, I dare fay we fhall hear no more of it. "Are you willing to undertake it?" I was afhamed to confefs my fears, and yet had no ftomach to the undertaking; I was also afraid of giving umbrage to my aunt, and impreffing her with an unfavourable opinion of me; I therefore affented upon the condition of Johnson's taking part of the bed with me; upon which the old lady turning to her butler, faid, "Well, Johnfon, you "have no objection to this propofal." "Pardon 66 me, madam," said he I have fuch objections to that chamber that I will not fleep in it for "any body living. You fee he is obftinate," faid my aunt, you must even undertake it alone, or my house will lie under an ill name for ever." "Sooner than that fhall be the cafe," I replied, "I will fleep in the chamber by myself." "You 66 are very polite," cried my aunt," and I ad"mire your fpirit: Johnson, light my nephew to "his room." Johnfon took up the candle, but abfolutely refufed to march before me with the light, when we came into the gallery, where, pointing to a door, he told me that was my chamber, and haftily made his retreat down the flairs. I opened the door with no small degree of terror, and found a chamber comfortably and elegantly furnished, and by no means of that melancholy caft, which I had pictured to myself from Johnfon's report of it. My first precaution was to fearch the closet; I then peeped under the bed, examined the hangings; all was as it fhould be; nothing feemed to augur a ghoft, or (which I take to be worse) the counterfeit of a gholt. I plucked up as good fpirits as I could, faid my prayers and turned into bed: With the darkness my terrors returned; I paffed a fleepless night, though neither ghoft, nor noife of any fort molested me. 66 Why. |