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fteady ferenity of his countenance put me down, and I fuffered him to proceed without interruption "Thou haft told us many things, friend Crack

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er, that are perfectly incredible; were I to at"tempt impofing upon my customers in the way "of traffic, as thou doft upon thy company in the 66 way of talk, the world would justly fet me down "for a difhoneft man. Believe me, thou mayeft "be a very good companion without fwerving "from the truth, nay, thou canst no otherwise "be a good one than by adhering to it; for if "thou art in the practice of uttering falfehoods, "we shall be in the practice of disbelieving thee,

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even when thou fpeakeft the truth, and fo there "will be an end of all confidence in fociety, and "thy word will pafs for nothing. I have obferved "it is thy vanity, that betrays thee into falfehood; "I fhould have hoped thou wou'dit not have forgotten how thy falfehood betrayed thee into "Thame, and how we received and welcomed thee "into our fociety, when thy friends in the metropolis had hooted thee out of their's. Think not "thou canst establish a credit with us by the fic"tions of imagination; plain truths fuit men of

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plain understandings. Had thy fhark been as "big again as thou wou'dst have us believe it was, "what wou'dit thou have gained by it? Nothing "but the merit of having feen a monster; and "what is that compared to the rifque of being

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thought a monster-maker? If thou waft fnatch"ed from the jaws of the animal by the hand of "God, give God the praife: If thine own cou

rage and addrefs contributed to fave thee, give "Him ftill the praise who infpired thee with those means of furthering his Providence in thy ref

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"cue: Where is the ground for boafting in all "this? Sometimes thou wou'dft perfuade us thou 66 art a man of confequence, in the favour of "princes and in the fecrets of minifters: If we 66 are to believe all this, thou doft but libel those "ministers for letting such a babler into their coun

cils, and if thou thinkeft to gain a confequence "with us thereby, thou art grievously deceived, "friend Cracker, for we do not want to know " what thou oughteft not to tell, and we defpife "the fervant, who betrayeth his master's truft. "As for wonders, what fignifieth telling us of "them? The time is full of wonders; the revo"lution of empires, the fall of defpotifm and the "emancipation of mankind are objects, whose "fuperior magnitude makes thy fhark fhrink into

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an atom. Had the monster gorg'd thee at a "mouthful, how many thousands, nay tens of "thousands have the voracious jaws of death de"voured in a fucceffion of campaigns, which have "made creation melt? Didst thou escape the "monster? what then; how can we have leisure "to reflect upon thy fingle deliverance, when we "call to mind the numbers of despairing captives, "who have been liberated from the dungeons of "tyranny? In a word, friend Cracker, if it is "through a love for the marvellous thou makest "fo free with the facred name of Truth, thou doft "but abuse our patience and thine own time in

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hunting after fharks and monsters of the deep; "and if thou haft any other motive for fiction "than the above, it must be a motive lefs inno"cent than what I have fuppofed, and in that cafe "we hold thee dangerous to fociety and a disgrace "to human nature."

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Here

Here he concluded, and though the length and deliberate folemnity of his harangue had given me time enough, yet I had not fo availed myself of it as to collect my thoughts and prepare myself for any kind of defence: How to deal with this formal old fellow I knew not; to cudgel him was a fervice of more danger than I faw fit to engage in, for he was of athletic limbs and ftature; to challenge him to a gentleman's fatisfaction, being a Quaker, would have fubjected me to univerfal ridicule: I rofe from my chair, took my hat from the peg and abruptly quitted the room: Next morning I I fent to cut my name out of the club, but behold! they had faved me that ceremony over-night, and I had once more a new set of acquaintance to go in fearch of.

In this folitary interim I ftrove to lighten the burthen of time by ftarting a correspondence with one of our public prints, and fo long as I fupplied it with anecdotes from the country, I may fay without vanity there was neither fire nor flood, murder, rape nor robbery wanting to embellifh it: I broke two or three necks at a horfe race without any detriment to the community, and for the amusement of my readers drove over blind beggars, drowned drunken farmers, and toffed women with child by mad bullocks, without adding one item to the bills of mortality; I made matches without number which the regifter never recorded; I was at the fame time a correfpondent at Bruffels, a refident in Spain and a traveller at Conftantinople, who gave fecret information of all proceedings in those several places, and by the mysterious ftile in which I enveloped my difpatches, nobody could fix a falfehood on my intelligence, till I imprudently fought a battle on

the

the banks of the Danube, after the armies were gone into winter quarters, which did the Turk no mifchief, and effectually blafted me with the compiler, and him with the public.

I am now out of business, and, if you want any thing in my way to enliven your Obfervers, (which give me leave to remark are fometimes rather of the dulleft) I fhall be proud to serve you, being

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N. B. I do not want any thing in Kit Cracker's way; but though I decline the offer of his af fiftance, I willingly avail myfelf of the moral of his example.

N° CXXXV.

A WRITER of mifcellaneous effays is open to the correfpondence of perfons of all defcriptions, and though I think fit to admit the following letter into my collection, I hope my readers will not fuppofe I wish to introduce the writer of it into their company, or even into my own.

Το

Sir,

TO THE OBSERVER:

AS we hear a great deal of the affluence of this flourishing country, and the vast quantity of fleeping caf, as it is called, lockt up in vaults and ftrong boxes, we conceive it would be a good deed to waken fome of it, and put it into ufe and circulation we have therefore aflociated ourselves into a patriotic fraternity of circulators, commonly called pick pockets: But with forrow we let you know, that notwithstanding our beft endeavours to put forward the purpofes of our inftitution, and the great charges of providing ourselves with inftruments and tools of all forts for the better furtherance of our bufinefs, we have hooked up little except dirty handkerchiefs, leathern fnuffboxes, empty purfes and Bath-metal watches from the pockets of the public; articles thefe, let me fay, that would hardly be received at the depôt of the patriotic contributors in Paris. Are these the fymptoms of a great and wealthy nation? we blush for our country, whilft we are compelled by truth and candor to reply-They are not.

yet

As we have a number of petty articles on hand, which will not pafs in our trade, nothing deters us from putting them up to public cant, but the tax our unworthy parliament has laid upon auctions. I fend you two or three papers which a brother artift angled out of the pocket of a pennilefs gentleman the other night at the playhoufe door; the one a letter figned Urania, the other Gorgon; they can be of no ufe to us, as we have nothing to do with Urania's virtue, nor ftand in need of Gorgon to paint fcenes, which we can act better than he defcribes;

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