But now let vs leave this matter, touching this maide, besides the other accidentes before rehearsed, and let us returne againe to these watry miseries. The counties of Glamorgan, Carmarthen, and Cardigan, and many other places in South Wales, haue likewise borne the heavy burden of Gods wrath herein; and many were the liues of them that were lost through this watery destruction.

Many there were which fled into the tops of high trees, and there were inforced to abide some three daies, some more, and some lesse, without any victuals at al, there suffring much colde, besides many other calamities; and some of them in such sort, that, through overmuch hunger and cold, some of them fell down againe out of the trees, and so were like to perish for want of succour; other some, sate in the tops of high trees, as aforesaid, beholding their wiues, children, and seruants swimming (remediles of al succour) in the waters.

Other some, sitting in the tops of trees, might behold their houses ouerflowne with the waters; some their houses carryed quite away; and no signe or token left there of them.

Many of them might see, as they stood vpon the tops of high hilles, their cattle perish, and could not tell how to succour them, and their barnes, with all their store of corne and graine, quite consumed, which was no small griefe vnto them.

Many people and cattle, in diuers places of these countreys, might haue beene saued in time, if that the countreys had beene any thing like furnished with boates, or other prouision fit for such a sudden accident as this was, which, as God himselfe knoweth, was little expected of them to haue fallen so suddenly vpon them.

But, seeing the countreys were so vnfurnished with boates, much harme was done, to the utter undooing of many thousandes.

Some fled into the tops of churches and steeples to saue themselues, from whence they might beholde themselves deprived aswell of al their substance, as also of al their ioys, which they had before receiued in their wiues and children, beware; whole reekes of pease, beanes, oates, and other graine were seene a far of, to float upon the water too and fro, in the countreys, as if they had bin ships upon the scas.

The foundations of many churches and houses were, in a manner, decayed, and some carried quite away, as in Cardiffe, in the countie of Glamorgan, there was a great part of the church next the waterside beaten downe, with the water; many houses and gardens there, which were neere the water-side, were all ouerflowne, and much harme done.

Diuers other churches lie hidden in the waters, and some of them the tops are to be seene; and other some, nothing at al to be seene, but the very tops of the steeples, and of some of them nothing at al, neyther steeple nor nothing else. Also many schooles of young schollers, in many places of those countreys, stood in great perplexitie; some of them, adventuring home to their parents, were drowned by the way; other some, staying behinde in the churches, did climbe vp to the tops of steeples, where they were very neere starued to death for want of foode and fire: many, by the help of boards and plankes of wood, swam to dry land, and so were preserued from vntimely death. Many

had boates brought them, some ten miles, some fifteen, some twenty, where there was neuer seene any boates before.

Thus God suffred many of them to escape his yrefull wrath, in hope of their amendment of life: some men, that were riding on the highways, were ouertaken with these mercilesse waters, and were drowned. And againe, many have bin most straungely preserued.

As for example: there was, in the countie of Glamorgan, a man both blind, and did ride, and one which had not bin able to stand vpon his legs in ten yeares before; he had his poore cottage broken downe by the force of the waters, and himselfe, bed and al, carryed into the open fields, where, being readie to sinke, and at the point to seeke a resting-place, two fathoms deepe vnder the waters, his hand by chaunce catcht holde of the rafter of an house, swimming by the fiercenesse of the windes, then blowing easternely, he was driuen safely to the land, and so escaped.

Also in an other place, there was a man child, of the age of fiue or six yeares, which was kept swimming for the space of two houres, aboue the waters, by reason that his long coates lay spread vpon the tops of the waters; and beeing at last at the very poynt to sinke, there came by chaunce by (floating vpon the tops of the waters) a fat weather that was dead, very full of wooll: the poore distressed child, perceiųing this good meanes of recouerie, caught fast hold on the weathers wool, and likewise with the winde he was driuen to dry land, and so saued.

There was also, in the countie of Carmarthen, a young woman, who had foure small children, and not one of them able to helpe it selfe; and the mother then seeing the furyes of the waters to be so violent to ceaze vpon her, threatning the destruction of her selfe and her small children (and as a womans wit is euer ready in extremities) she tooke a long trough, wherein she was wont to make her bread in, and therein placed her selfe and her foure children; and so, putting themselues to the mercies of the waters, they were al, by that meanes, driuen to the dry land, and by Gods good prouidence thereby they were al saued.

Many more there were that, through the handy-workes of God, were preserued from this violent death of drowning, some on the backes of dead cattle, some vppon woodden plankes; some by clyming of trees, some by remaining in the tops of high steeples and churches; other some, by making of speed away with swift horses, and some by the meanes of boates, sent out by their friendes to succour them; but there were not so many so straungely saued, but their were as many in number as straungely drowned.

The lowe marshes and fenny groundes neere Barnstable, in the countie of Deuon, were ouerflowne so farre out, and in such outragious sort, that the countrey all along to Bridgewater was greatly distressed thereby, and much hurt there done; it is a most pittifull sight to beholde what numbers of fat oxen there were drowned; what flockes of sheepe, what heades of kine haue their bin lost, and drowned in these outragious waters; there is little now remaining there to be seene, but huge waters, like to the maine ocean: the tops of churches and steeples like to the tops of rockes in the sea; great reekes of fodder for cattle

are floating like ships upon the waters, and dead beastes swimming thereon, now past feeding on the same, through the rigour of this element of water: The tops of trees a man may beholde remaining aboue the waters, upon whose braunches multitudes of al kinde of turkies, hens, and other such like poultry, were faine to fly vp into the trees to saue their liues, where many of them perished to death, for want of reliefe, not being able to fly to dry land for succour, by reason of their weaknes.

This mercylesse water, breaking into the bosome of the firme land, hath proued a fearefull punishment, as well to al other liuing creatures, as also to al mankinde; which, if it had not bin for the mercyfull promise of God, at the last dissolution of the world, by water, by the signe of the rainebowe, which is still shewed vs: We might haue verily beleeved, this time had bin the very houre of Christ his comming: From which element of water, extended towardes vs in this fearefull manner, good Lord deliuer vs al. Amen.

THE PENNYLESS PARLIAMENT

OF

THREAD-BARE POETS:

OR,

ALL MIRTH AND WITTY CONCEITS.

Printed at London, for William Barley, and are to be sold at his Shop in GraceChurch-street, near Leaden-hall-gate. 1608.

The witty conceits of the following tract, seem to carry with them an air of rebuke against the vices and follies of those times, in which they were composed; and, so far as the same subject of rebuke subsisteth, they may still be serviceable to the same end: A jocose reproof is frequently known to take place of a serious admonition.

1.

FIR

IRST of all, for the increase of every fool in his humour, we think it necessary and convenient, that all such as buys this Book, and laughs not at it, before he has read it over, shall be condemned of melancholy, and be adjudged to walk over Moor-fields, twice a week, in a foul shirt, and a pair of boots, but no stockings.

2. It is also agreed upon, that long-bearded men shall seldom prove the wisest; and that a niggard's purse shall scarce bequeath his master a good dinner; and, because water is like to prove so weak an element in the world, that men and women will want tears, to bewail their sins, we charge and command all gardeners, to sow more store of onions, for fear widows should want moisture, to bewail their husbands funerals.

3. In like manner we think it fit, that red-wine should be drank with oysters; and that some maidens shall blush more for shame, than for shame-facedness; But men must have care, lest, conversing too much with red petticoats, they banish their hair from their heads*, and, by that means, make the poor barbers beggars, for want of work.

4. Furthermore, it is lawful for those women, that, every morning, taste a pint of muscadine with eggs, to chide, as well as they that drink small beer all the winter; and those that clip, that they should not, shall have a horse night-cap, for their labour; gentlemen, that sell land for paper, shall buy penury with repentance; and those, that have most gold, shall have least grace; some that mean well, shall fare worse; and he, that hath no credit, shall have less commodity.

5. It is also ordered and agreed upon, that such as are cholerick, shall never want woe and sorrow; and they, that lack money, may fast upon Fridays, by the statute t; and it shall be lawful for them, that want shoes, to wear boots all the year; and he, that hath never a cloke, may, without offence, put on his best gown at Midsummer; witness old Prime, the keeper of Bethlem dicing-house.

6. In like manner it is agreed upon, that what day soever St. Paul's church hath not, in the middle isle of it, either a broker, masterless man, or a peryless companion, the usurers of London shall be sworn by oath, to bestow a new steeple upon it; and it shall be lawful, for cony-catchers to fall together by the ears, about the four knaves at cards, which of them may claim superiority; and whether false dice, or true, be of the most antiquity.

7. Furthermore, we think it necessary and lawful for the husband and wife to fall at square, for superiority, in such sort, as the wife shall sit playing above in the chamber, while the husband stands painting below in the kitchin: likewise, we mark all brokers to be knaves, by letters patents; and usurers, for five marks a picce‡, shall lawfully be buried in the chancel, though they have bequeathed their souls and bodies to the devil in hell.

8. In like manner, it is thought good, that it shall be lawful for muscadines, in vintners cellars, to indict their masters of commixtion ||, and serjeants shall be contented to arrest any man for his fees: Alewives shall sell flesh on Fridays, without license, and such as sell beer, in half-penny pots, shall utter bread and cheese for money,

i. e. be poxed. +of Queen Elizabeth, which commands us to fast all the Fridays in the year, except Christmas day. Alluding to the table of fees for burials. i. e. Mixing their neat wines with cyder, perry, water, spirits, &c.

through the whole year; and those, that are past honesty and shame, shall smile at sin; and they, that care not for God, prefer money before conscience.

9. Furthermore, it shall be lawful for foot-stools (by the help of women's hands) to fly about without wings; and poor men shall be accounted knaves without occasions; those, that flatter least, shall speed worst; and pigs, by the statute, shall dance the anticks, with bells about their necks, to the wonder and amazement of all swineherds.

10. In like manner it is convenient, that many men shall wear hoods, that have little learning; and some surfeit so much upon wit, and strive so long against the stream, as their necks shall fail them; some shall build fair houses by bribes, gather much wealth by contention, and, before they be aware, heap up riches for another, and wretchedness for themselves.

11. Furthermore, it shall be established, for the benefit of increase, that some shall have a tympany in their bellies, which will cost them a child-bearing; and, though the father bear all the charges, it shall be a wise child, that shall know his own father.

12. It shall be lawful for some to have a palsy in their teeth, in such sort, as they shall eat more than ever they will be able to pay for: Some such a megrim in their eyes, as they shall hardly know another man's wife from their own; some such a stopping in their hearts, as they shall be utter obstinate, to receive grace; some such a buzzing in their ears, as they shall be enemies to good counsel; some such a smell in their noses, as no feast shall escape, without their companies; and some shall be so needy, as neither young heirs shall get their own, nor poor orphans their patrimony.

13. Also, it is enacted and decreed, that some shall be so humorous in their walks, as they cannot step one foot from a fool; some so consumed in mind, as they shall keep never a good thought to bless themselves, some so disguised in purse, as they count it fatal to have one penny, to buy their dinners on Sundays; some so burdened in conscience, as they account wrongful dealing the best badge of their occupation.

14.

But, amongst other laws and statutes, by us here established, we think it most necessary and convenient, that poulterers shall kill more innocent poultry, by custom, than their wives and maids can sell, with a good conscience; also it is ordered and agreed upon, that bakers, woodmongers, butchers, and brewers, shall fall to a mighty conspiracy, so that no man shall either have bread, fire, meat, or drink, without credit, or ready money.

15. Sycophants by the statute shall have great gifts, and good and godly labours shall scarce be worth thanks; it is also thought necessary, that maidens, about midnight, shall see wonderous visions, to the great heart-grief of their mothers.

16. Furthermore it is marked and set down, that, if lawyers plead poor men's causes without money, Westminster-hall shall grow out of custom, to the great impoverishing of all nimmers, lifters, and cutpurses. Those, that sing bass, shall love good drink by authority; and trumpeters, that sound trebles, shall stare by custom. Women, that wear long gowns, may lawfully raise dust in March; and they, that keep a temperate diet, shall never die on surfeits.