Gave them a twisted form vermicular,
And o'er the feat, with plenteous wadding stuff'd,
Induc'd a splendid cover, green and blue,
Yellow and red, of tap'stry richly wrought
And woven close, or needle-work fublime.
There might ye fee the piony spread wide,
The full-blown rose, the shepherd and his lass,
Lap-dog and lambkin with black staring eyes,
And parrots with twin cherries in their beak.
Now came the cane from India, smooth and bright With Nature's varnish; sever'd into stripes That interlac'd each other, these supplied Of texture firm a lattice-work, that brac'd The new machine, and it became a chair. But restless was the chair; the back erect Distress'd the weary loins, that felt no ease; The flipp'ry feat betray'd the sliding part
That press'd it, and the feet hung dangling down,
Anxious in vain to find the distant floor.
These for the rich: the rest, whom fate had plac'd
In modeft mediocrity, content
With base materials, fat on well-tann'd hides,
Obdurate and unyielding, glassy smooth,
With here and there a tuft of crimfon yarn,
Or fcarlet crewel, in the cushion fixt;
If cushion might be call'd, what harder seem'd
Than the firm oak of which the frame was form'd.
No want of timber then was felt or fear'd
In Albion's happy ifle. The umber ftood
Pond'rous and fixt by its own massy weight.
But elbows ftill were wanting; these, some say,
An alderman of Cripplegate contriv'd;
And fome afcribe th' invention to a prieft
Burly and big, and studious of his ease.
But, rude at first, and not with easy flope
Receding wide, they press'd against the ribs,
And bruis'd the fide; and, elevated high,
Taught the rais'd shoulders to invade the ears.
Long time elaps'd or e'er our rugged fires
Complain'd, though incommodiously pent in,
And ill at ease behind. The ladies first
'Gan murmur, as became the fofter sex.
Ingenious fancy, never better pleas'd
Than when employ'd t' accommodate the fair,
Heard the fweet moan with pity, and devis'd
The foft fettee; one elbow at each end,
And in the midst an elbow, it receiv'd,
United yet divided, twain at once.
So fit two kings of Brentford on one throne;
And fo two citizens who take the air,
Close pack'd, and smiling, in a chaise and one.
But relaxation of the languid frame,
By foft recumbency of outstretch'd limbs,
Was blifs referv'd for happier days. So flow
The growth of what is excellent; fo hard
T' attain perfection in this nether world.
Thus first neceffity invented stools,
Convenience next suggested elbow-chairs,
And luxury th' accomplish'd sora last.
The nurse sleeps sweetly, hir'd to watch the sick,
Whom snoring she disturbs. As fweetly he
Who quits the coach-box at the midnight hour
To fleep within the carriage more fecure,
His legs depending at the open door.
Sweet fleep enjoys the curate in his desk,
The tedious rector drawling o'er his head;
And sweet the clerk below. But neither fleep
Of lazy nurse, who snores the fick man dead,
Nor his who quits the box at midnight hour
To slumber in the carriage more fecure,
Nor fleep enjoy'd by curate in his desk,
Nor yet the dozings of the clerk, are sweet,
Compar'd with the repose the SOFA yields.
Oh may I live exempted (while I live
Guiltless of pamper'd appetite obscene)
From pangs arthritic, that infest the toe
Of libertine excess. The SOFA fuits
The gouty limb, 'tis true; but gouty limb,
Though on a soFA, may I never feel:
For I have lov'd the rural walk through lanes
Of grassy swarth, close cropt by nibbling sheep,
And skirted thick with intertexture firm
Of thorny boughs; have lov'd the rural walk
O'er hills, through valleys, and by rivers' brink,
E'er since a truant boy I pass'd my bounds
T' enjoy a ramble on the banks of Thames;
And still remember, nor without regret
Of hours that forrow since has much endear'd,
How oft, my flice of pocket store confum'd,
Still hung'ring, pennyless and far from home,
I fed on scarlet hips and stony haws,
Or blushing crabs, or berries, that imboss
The bramble, black as jet, or floes austere.
Hard fare! but such as boyish appetite
Disdains not; nor the palate, undeprav'd
By culinary arts, unfav'ry deems.
No SOFA then awaited my return;
Nor SOFA then I needed. Youth repairs
|