Oldalképek
PDF
ePub

or

We have received a note from Mr. Joseph Hume, assuring us that his hair has a curl, and consequently desiring to be ranked amongst the “ useful” members of society; but Professor Hardhead,

“ the Dr.” as he is called, par eminence, amongst his disciples, requests us to reply, that the honorable representative of the Scotch fishwomen is entirely mistaken, and that " the tottle of the whole” of the matter is, that he has not a single curl, except those which Saunders M‘Mullegrubs is under a contract to supply him with every Sunday morning, at the rate of four-pence three farthings per week, payable quarterly, the said Saunders agreeing to deduct the extra three farthings whenever the said honorable gentleman provides a fire wherein the curling irons of the said Saunders may be heated.

Two other letters which have reached us are written by persons who most unreasonably pretend that there is no such science at all as Capillology, and charge us with endeavouring to bring the sister science of Phrenology into contempt. This is really most ridiculous; how we can bring Phrenology into a situation in which it is well known to be already, we do not exactly see; but the truth is, we, or rather “ the Dr.,” for we merely give utterance to the opinions of another---" the Dr.” has no desire whatever to interfere with any other science; he would wish Capillology to be judged by its own merits, without reference to any extraneous matter.

We cannot feel much surprise that there should be sceptics in Capillology, however much we may regret the fact, since in this respect we share the fate not only of Phrenology, but even of those opinions which we regard most holy. The truth is, nothing can be done in Capillology, Phrenology, and sciences of the like nature, without a considerable portion of faith. One of the letters we have received upon this subject, and which, as well as we can make it out, for it is a miserable scrawl, is signed, “ J. Devil, Strand,” rates us in very set terms upon this subject, and tells us, that if we would only make a few “hopserwashuns,” we should soon discover that Phrenology proceeds upon“wery certain principles." We make no doubt that all this good gentleman asserts is very true---we have no quarrel with Phrenology, and dare say he finds the study of it to be extremely profitable; but surely Dr. Hardhead may be allowed to circulate his opinions with as much freedom as is granted to Dr. Spurzheim and his foreman, the--the---the-what is his name? our Strand correspondent.

The fourth letter from the cons is dated “ Mutton Hill," and is really quite libellous. This man wants to take away the character of Dr. Hardhead altogether, by asserting, that he is nothing better than a quack!" and that Dr. Spurzheim is the only “real Simon Pure” in these matters. We have handed this letter to Dr. Hardhead, who informs us that he has stated a case for the opinion of Mr. Brougham, as to whether an action will not lie for this serious defamation; and if Mr. B.'s opinion is in the affirmative, “the Dr.”intends to enter an action in the King's Bench immediately.

We now turn to the more pleasing task of considering one or two of the inexhaustible store of testimonials in favor of Dr. Hardhead's

discoveries. It is quite impossible we can do more than state the .contents of a few of them. The first we shall notice is from a Mr. Thomas Campbell, who begs to assure us that his hair is curly, and pledges himself that if we will tell the world that it is so, he will procure Dr. Hardhead the Capillology Professorship of the London University. We do not know this “ Thomas Campbell,” but he seems very anxious to get a little fame, and we like to humour harmless propensities.

One of the Missionary Societies has applied to us as to the capacities of several young men whom they are about to send out to convert the heathen, and have enclosed twenty guineas for our opinions upon certain described heads of hair. No. 1, is perhaps a pious” youth, as that word is now construed, that is, he may be very willing to condemn all who do not agree with him upon abstruse, mystical doctrines; but he is a very thick-headed, obstinate fellow, and is entirely ignorant of the language and manners of the people to whom he is about to be sent. No. 2, à married man, who has received out of the money collected for religious purposes, 8001. to fit out himself and wife, and is to have a salary of 500l. per annum, and to be done for" by the Company.--Society we mean. This is a sly Scotchman, who hás accepted what he thinks, and is determined to make, a good birth ---when he is once out of control of his masters, he will see the heathen at the del before he will go near them. They may convert themselves if they please, he will not be plagued with them.

These are two specimens of the sort of people sent to spread the glad tidings" of Christianity. No. 3, is a foolish, weak-ininded firebrand, who instead of preaching “ peace and goodwill,” will sow discord wherever he comes; but his character is so complex, that we shall write it, and all the others at large, and leave them at our publisher's, where the Missionary Society may obtain them.

We gratefully acknowledge the receipt of three heads of hair taken from Egyptian Mummies, presented to Dr. Hardhead by the Trustees of the British Museum.

Mr. Brougham informs us that he intends publishing a dissertation upon Capillology in the Library of Useful Knowledge,

to be adorned with portraits of his own head of hair, and of his professional wig. He says the former is curly, and wishes us to believe him, but we have our doubts; we have seen some very ominous rats’-tails peeping from under his powdered head-covering. By the bye, the curling of barristers' wigs is a strong proof of Capillology, as is also the old saying, that “ all the wisdom is in the wig." It is very clear that this Science must have been familiar to the ancients.

Mr. Ross, the challenging barber, has transmitted to Dr. Hardhead ninety-seven old wigs, with a curious dissertation on the effect of Bear's Grease upon hair, which we intend to inclose to the Royal Society. We beg to inform our readers, that old wigs of all sorts and sizes are thankfully received by Dr. Hardhead, at his residence, No. 12, Crines Row, Westminster; at which place also “ the Dr.” gives a demonstration of the truth of the science, every Tuesday and Friday at three o'clock. Carriages to set down with the horses' heads towards Temple Bar. Seats are provided for ladies of title.

A Mr. Clarke has sent us proposals for establishing a Joint Stock Company for the propagation of Capillology-we thank him, but we hate Humbug.

A Capillological Primer, or The New-born Babe's Instructor in the Rudiments of the Science, by Alderman Wood, is this day published by Longman and Co. Paternoster Row, price four-pence. No. 1 of A Quarterly Capillological Journal will be published on the 1st of May. It is also in contemplation to hold a public meeting to discuss the tenets of Capillology; and an illustrious personage has been graciously pleased to signify that a grant of Crown Land shall be made for the erection of a Capillological Club, as soon as funds have been obtained, and a committee appointed to superintend the building. The following donations have been already received. The proprietors of The Edinburgh Review, The Old Times Journal, The Morning Chronicle Newspaper, Jeremy Bentham, Esq., the Hon. Leicester Stanhope, and Douglas Kinnaird, Esq. 50 guineas each; Alderman Wood, the profits of his book; Alderman Waithman, his share in the shawl shop in Fleet Street; Mr. Murray, the profits of The National Library, vol. 1; ,Mr. Crook, the Phrenologist, his prayers; several ladies of title have sent their jewels; and pennya-week'societies are to be established in every town and village in the United Kingdom.

We have retained a special” attorney to draw wills and codicils for those who may feel inclined to make bequests for the promotion of Capillology, and also a Physician, Surgeon, and Apothecary to attend to their health and prescribe for them. These gentlemen ! are paid by the society; all that is required of the patients is to swallow their physic, and we are confident the effects will very soon be discovered.

MOONLIGHT,

I love to see the melancholy Moon

Wheel on her silent way, thro' brilliant skies,

And gaze upon her with insatiate eyes,
And raptured heart.---Oh! then is Nature's poon
Of loveliness ; 'tis then the heavenly tune

Of hymns serapbic thrill amid the air ;
"Tis then we seem to lose each earthly care ;
We dream not then of tempest or monsoon,

But fancy earth must always be as fair,
As in the hour when yon reflective light

Flies from the caverns of her Eastern lair,
To beam with soft irradiance o'er the night,
'Till morn disrobes her of her golden vest,
And she retiring, seeks young Zephyr's breast.

F.

PEARLS OF POESY.-No. III.

S.T. COLERIDGE.

The merits of this gentleman are becoming now more generally appreciated. By highly cultivated intellects, he has long been acknowledged to possess a genius of astonishing power and extent. Such as were acquainted with him as a conversationist, found him to be the most eloquent of men ;---they who studied his prose works, discovered him to be the most profound and subtle of modern philosophers; while all have with one voice confessed that his poetical creations were cast in the most elevated moulds of Imagination and Fancy. It is to him, in fact, and to Wordsworth, that we are indebted for what we know of the distinction between these two faculties; and they both possess an uncommon mastery over them, and can elect which they shall. exert on any particular occasion. This is the highest prerogative of genius---here they surpass Byron, who confessedly was “ mastered by his own mind;"---but they are, and always have been, the masters of theirs. To them it has been but an instrument, even as the faculties are instruments to it. This is a practical separation of the idea of self from the mind, which appears to reveal to us one of the mysteries of our wonderful conformation. The last number of the Quarterly Review contains a notice of Mr. Coleridge's Translation of Schiller's Wallenstein, the best translation ever made from the German language. We shall give an extract or two from this.

DESCRIPTION OF THE ASTROLOGICAL TOWER.

“ It was a strange
Sensation that came o'er me, when at first
From the broad sunshine I stepped in; and now
The narrowing line of daylight, that ran after
The closing door, was gone, and all about me
'Twas pale and dusky night, with many shadows
Fantastically cast. Here six or seven
Colossal statues, and all kings, stood round me
In a half circle. Each one in his hand
A sceptre bore, and on his head a star,
And in the tower no other light was there
But from these stars; all seemed to come from them.
• These are the planets,' said that low old man;
They govern worldly fates, and for that cause
Are imaged here as kings. He farthest from you,
Spiteful and cold, an old man melancholy,
With bent and yellow forehead, he is Saturn :
He opposite, the king with the red light,
An armed man for the battle, that is Mars :
And both these bring but little luck to man.
But at his side a lovely lady stood,
The star upon her head was soft and bright,
And that was Venus, the bright star of joy.
On the left hand, lo! Mercury, with wings.

[blocks in formation]

Quite in the middle glittered, silver bright,
A cheerful man, and with a monarch's mien ;
And this was Jupiter, my father's star;
And at his side I saw the Sun and Moon."

THE LOVER'S REFLECTIONS ON ASTROLOGY.

“ MAX.--Oh never rudely will I blame his faith In the might of stars and angels ! 'Tis not merely The human being's Pride that peoples space With life and mystical predominance ; Since likewise for the stricken heart of Love This visible nature, and this common world, Is all too narrow : yea, a deeper import Lurks in the legend told my infant years, Than lies upon that truth we live to learn. For fable is Love's world, his home, his birth-place ; Delightedly dwells he 'mong fays and talismans, And spirits; and delightedly believes Divinities, being himself divine. The intelligible forms of ancient poets, The fair humanities of old religion, The power, the beauty, and the majesty, That had their haunts in dale, or piny mountain, Or forest, by slow stream, or pebbly spring, Or chasms and watery depths; all these have vanished. They live no longer in the faith of reason ! But still the heart doth need a language; still Doth the old instinct bring back the old names. And to yon starry world they now are gone, Spirits or gods, that used to share this earth With man as with their friend; and to the lover Yonder they move, from yonder visible sky Shoot influence down; and even at this day 'Tis Jupiter who brings whate'er is great, And Venus who brings everything that's fair.

" THEKLA.---And if this be the science of the stars, I too, with glad and zealous industry, Will learn acquaintance with this cheerful faith. It is a gentle and affectionate thought That in immeasurable heights above us, At our first birth, the wreath of love was woven, With sparkling stars for flowers."

DIVIDED FRIENDSHIP.

Alas! they had been friends in youth;
But whispering tongues can poison truth;
And constancy lives in realms above;
And life is thorny; and youth is vain;
And to be wroth with one we love,
Doth work like madness in the brain.
They parted-ne'er to meet again !
But never either found another

« ElőzőTovább »