The ascent was advertised to take place from the White Conduit Gardens, to which I was cunningly allured by a specious misrepresentation, being solicited to attend there merely as one of the numerous spectators of the sublime and interesting spectacle. However, at the moment the cords of the balloon were about to be cut, my incorrigible plague,—who had previously contrived to get as close to it as possible,-made a sudden spring into the car, from which, luckily, after a most strenuous struggle, I succeeded in dragging him out again; and, whilst we both fell sprawlingly to our mother earth amidst the laughter of assembled thousands, the buoyant air-ship mounted majestically into the atmosphere, as though in actual mockery of our ludicrous descent.

I have always been

"A friend to dogs, for they are honest creatures,
And ne'er betray their masters; ne'er fawn on
Any that they love not."

But to the feline race I have an unaccountable dislike. This is a circumstance which the ingeniously malicious Scamp-Ti could scarcely fail to turn to my discomfort. A favourite puppy of mine, of the King Charles' breed, he accordingly decapitated a few days ago with a carving knife, (atrocious caitiff!) and has since attempted to supply his place in our domicile, by an ugly black grimalkin, which he has taken into his especial favour. On this sable mouser he has endeavoured to confer the franchise of our bed-chamber. But hitherto I have effectually resisted the premeditated invasion of my nocturnal tranquillity; though not without receiving innumerable marks of animosity at the hands and paws of patron, and of protegé: the latter especially, on several occasions, has attacked me, tooth and nail, and evinced, in every conflict, a ferocious avidity in coming to the scratch!

But of the long catalogue of evils, originating in the unhappy state of personal bondage, to which I have been doomed from infancy, there is none perhaps more irksome than that which I am about to mention. Like the heroine of every novel that ever issued, or ever will issue, from the Minerva Press, Leadenhall Street, I retire nightly "to bed, but not to rest:" for just as my senses are visited by that quiescent state of composure which is the precursor of "tired nature's sweet restorer, balmy sleep," I feel myself suddenly forced, as it were, by an irresistible power, into the middle of our apartment, the remotest recesses of which I am compelled to perambulate by my companion, who apparently enjoys most heartily the erratic delights of his somnambulism. Sometimes he opens the window of our dormitory, intent upon taking an airing on the house-tops, and the indulgence of his irrepressible penchant for contemplating the starry heavens.

Vigorous have been my efforts having the fear of a broken neck before my eyes to counteract his meditated excursions to the congress of cats; whose cauterwauling music appears to impart an additional stimulus to his tile-ward determination. When, after an arduous contest, I succeed in regaining my recumbent situation, I am left but for a brief "Nature's space indeed in the enjoyment of my hard-earned triumph. soft nurse" no sooner lays her gentle fingers on my eyelids, than I am abruptly roused by the awful groanings of my yoke-mate, or the unceremonious kicks of the unbroke, or ill-bred, nightmare, that regularly makes of him her nocturnal hobby. Sleep then is out of the question:

"He, like the world, his ready visit pays

Where fortune smiles; the wretched he forsakes;
Swift on his downy pinions flies from wo,

And lights on lids unsullied with a tear."

Invariably next morning I find myself all bruised and black from the unhallowed hoofs of the neighing incubus; and often have I threatened to have up my biped tormentor, who thus tortures me almost to madness with his hideous nightmare, before the great magisterial knight_mayor of London, Sir Peter Laurie. But from such a procedure 1 have hitherto been dissuaded, by the consciousness that, in the event of Scamp-Ti being ordered to be locked up in the Poultry Compter, in default of bail, I must necessarily myself participate in the punishment.

My thoughts, in consequence of this consideration, have been turned to Doctor Lushington and Doctors' Commons. But I mightily fear they cannot take cognizance of this peculiar case; since ours is not a conjugal but a fraternal union. And though I am most anxious to cut the acquaintance of my persecutor, I am doubtless doomed to pine on in my misery, without even the hope of a divorce, â mensa et thoro; or the desirable advantage of a separate maintenance. Another source of--But hark! he snores

-Somnus! how he snores!

his head resting upon the table, from the effects of the inordinate draughts of brandy with which he washed down, after dinner, an unaccustomed quantity of his accursed Cheshire! Another source of perpetual-He speaks! and threatens in his sleep the utter demolition of all my manuscripts, the moment he can lay his hands upon them. I must therefore conclude for the present, and defer until a future opportunity, a more ample and minute detail of the unparalleled vexations, and intolerable annoyances, of which, alas! through life, I am destined to remain the unenviable victim.

TI-TI,* OF SIAM.

THE PRUDENTIAL CHECK-MARRIAGE OR CELIBACY,

TO THE EDITOR OF TAIT'S EDINBURGH MAGAZINE.

SIR, Since Malthus first analyzed this most important subject, and shewed its intimate connexion with the want and poverty which has so extensively afflicted our race, it would appear that we have not yet arrived at any conclusion which can be considered as completely definite on the doctrine of population and its consequences. About twenty-five years ago I published my opinions on the same, in the old Monthly Magazine, and I am now about to repeat them with "additions and improvements," hoping that you will favour me with the assistance of your widely-circulated miscellany for this purpose.

This name, translated from the Siamese tongue into English, must be rendered "TIE-TIE;" an irrefragable proof, so far, of the intimate analogy which subsists between the languages of Britain and of Siam !

The grand panacea of all writers, for the cure of the evils arising from too rapid an increase of population, is abstinence from marriage, or the "prudential check," as it has been called; and before I proceed to shew the utter fallacy of all expectations of the success of such a remedy, and that, if adopted, it would cause abundantly more misery than it professes to cure, it will be necessary for me, in the present age of prudery and refinement, to preface the subject by stating that I am most anxious not to give offence to the most fastidious delicacy; and perhaps the fear of doing it has led many to avoid, or touch lightly on a principle which is by far the most important in the science of political economy. If a lady can write on the subject, it must surely be considered nothing but squea mishness for ladies to refuse to read what our sex may say on the same. As the happiness or misery of the whole human race, in this world, depends on a right understanding of it, the tremendous importance of such a subject must plead my excuse for any expressions herein made use of.

I will at once readily admit what I always have done, that “mankind have a tendency to increase faster than the food for their support" in limited districts. The proposition is not universally true without the latter part of it, and it will not apply to the United States of America, Canada, &c.

To counteract this tendency, we are taught by these writers to depend on the influence of universal education, under the expectation that it will produce "prudential" celibacy. Than that it is impossible for all the inhabitants of these islands even to exist in them, if the passion of love be generally indulged, no axiom in Euclid can be more evident. Now with respect to the poverty and misery to be found in the world, I acknowledge that a general political and moral education* will remove them, but not in the manner thus supposed. In proceeding to the proof, I must anticipate that indefinite period in the world's age, when such an education will teach all, that, in order to preserve the number of the people within the probable supply of food, only a portion of them can marry where the land is limited, as in these islands. Hence will arise a fertile source of more furious dissensions than the world ever yet saw! Who are to be selected from among the population to keep the hive sufficiently full, and yet not to overflow? I can see no mode of equitably deciding the question but by lot; and is it possible to suppose that even this will satisfy the losers, and render them at once content to stake the passion of love on the throw of a die? To say (as all these economists do) that every man's comparative circumstances will indicate the period for marriage, is only to provoke inquiry into the original right of property, of testamentary bequests, and of every law, custom, or usage which can give one man the slightest advantage in the acquisition of property over another. Such an inquiry would never be satisfactorily adjusted until food is obtained as readily as water.

I know that it will be replied by the modern school of abstinence, " We do not wish to prevent any one from marrying: we only recommend him to wait until his children will not be more numerous than is sufficient to keep up the race concurrently with the food." In these islands this can be accomplished if neither sex marry before the ages of forty to fortyfive; "provided always" that one-third of the females are not destroyed in child-birth by such late marriages! So then, to prevent the before

The system must be very different from that at present in use.

mentioned disputes, this is the alternative: all are placed on an equal footing with respect to the period of marriage; and one of the strongest, purest, and most delightful passions in the human breast is consequently to be annihilated, which must be the case if postponed to a period when it can no longer be felt; and the general extension of education, be it remembered, not only does not allow of, but is supposed completely to prevent, any illicit gratification. How far it is likely to do that, we may at present form some judgment, by observing the multitude of unfortu nate females who are now to be met with throughout every part of this country. The greater portion of this pitiable class of beings are not supported by the uneducated; and their influence on celibacy has been either intentionally or ignorantly kept in the back-ground, or altogether omitted, by the writers whose opinions I combat.

Further, for every male who postpones the period of marriage, a female is left nearly unemployed and often unprotected; for it is notorious, that even at present, a very large proportion of our females cannot virtuously earn their own subsistence, and they thus become both the effect and the cause of celibacy. What then is to become of the increased number which will be thus exposed to the combined action of want of employment and a powerful passion ? And though we allow that, in consequence of the check thus given to the progress of population, females may be substituted in many of the situations now occupied by the other sex, and by children, still such situations will be in vast disproportion to the numbers offering for them.

And now that the effects of this education of self-denial are supposed in full operation, the two sexes, wherever they meet-whether in factories, or in farms-at holidays, or in the hay fields—in the mazy dance, or in the many sources of joint amusement, let them not dare to exchange a look of love, let them subdue all symptoms of that passion, The blood must suspend its velocity through the veins: the touch must be without feeling, the ear without hearing, and the eye shielded by the curtain of coldness and distance. And in their solitary hours, no resource must be obtained from the literature which even alludes to the universal passion. All our best and finest writers must be banished these islands. Burns, Byron, Moore, and a hundred others, must be transported to New South Wales, or America, where love and marriage may reign supreme, spreading blessings around, instead of the curses which are in so many cases their attendants here. The heathen deities must disappear from print and painting, Cupid and Hymen be sunk in the waters of oblivion, music abandoned, statuary destroyed, and in general the fine arts annihilated. All this must form part of that "education" which is to conquer the passion of love, or the whole country must be converted into monasteries and nunneries.

Again, These seminaries of celibacy, when established, will of course make the greatest progress in large places, and where labour is worst paid. We will therefore trace the progress of them in Manchester. The two sexes, then, have agreed not to increase the competitors for employment, but to wait for some of the present operatives dying off, and thus enabling the remainder to require an advance of wages, What is the consequence ? A demand commences for work-people. Will they not rush in from all quarters where celibacy has been less practised, and where the wages are still low? But the same abstinence is being practised throughout England, and the sterility of the human field is increasing every day; this supply cannot continue long, it may be

replied. We will then try what will be the effect of the extension of the circle:-there is all Ireland next offering itself as a competitor for employment, and it will require a considerable period of time to establish these schools there. But, say the depopulators, that time will arrive, and the manufacturers be deprived of this resource. Very well, there is still a population contiguous to the British isles, ready to pour into them on the least offering of employment; and a German broom-girl would beat any man, woman, or child, in England, in the competition of endurance.

It thus appears, that no great difference in the rate of wages can exist in neighbouring countries; and that if the “prudential check” operated here in its fullest possible extent, it would but little affect the amount of the population, as the deficiency in procreation would be supplied by excess in immigration or importation; and no law against the latter is just or even practicable.

I now hear the desponding exclamation-" Then there is no remedy for want or misery in this country!" Indeed there is, and one sufficiently obvious to many. It is quite clear, that in the United States, Canada, New South Wales, &c., in the race of population against food, the latter invariably keeps a-head; here the contrary is the case, and it must continue to be so whilst we depend on cultivation alone, as the prolificness of our waste lands cannot possibly keep pace with the fecundity of the consumers. We have, however, two effectual resources, either to bring food to the people, or convey the people to the food; and, for the following and preceding reasons, both plans must and will be adopted. Under a free system of exchange of our manufactures for corn, an immense quantity of the latter might be imported but where is it to come from? The people unemployed here are wanted on the rich and uncultivated lands of other countries to grow it for us; and there they must be conveyed in such numbers as will furnish a supply more than adequate to the demand at home. This removal may be made a source of great profit to the individuals themselves, and to the mother country, by bringing the abundant capital here to bear on the soil of the colonies. The conveyance of all those who may be voluntarily disposed to emigrate, and every other expense attending their location, may be repaid by them with a high interest. The human limbs and sinews remaining unemployed in this country are themselves a species of capital now lying inert, and they only require to be put in motion by a loan consisting of food, clothing, tools, and seed, to yield a much higher per centage than any capital can now obtain here. We possess in excess the two natural materials of abundance-a rich soil in the colonies, and a starving population at home, both yielding nothing; connect the two together, form this union, and poverty instantly disappears. However great, therefore, may be the excess of population here, whether by procreation or immigration, such excess forms the materials for wealth, and may be converted into riches to themselves and their employers.

Deep and anxious thought does not furnish me with any means other than those of emigration, which can prevent want, poverty, and their attendant miseries; and no possible growth, or even importation of food, can keep pace with the increase of population, when education shall have rendered all females virtuous.

The laws of nature, in this case, as in all others, are found, when examined, to be in harmony with man's best interests, and they, therefore, command such emigration, or rather expansion, of the human race;