THE LITTLE FRENCHMAN AND HIS WATER LOTS. were no bidders. At last he caught the eye of Monsieur Poopoo. "Did you say one hundred, sir? Beautiful lots-valuable water privileges-shall I say one hundred for you?" "Oui, Monsieur; I will give you one hundred dollars a piece, for de lot vid de valuarble vatare privalege; c'est ça." "Only one hundred a piece for these sixty valuable lots-only one hundred-going-going-going -gone! Monsieur Poopoo was the fortunate possessor. The auctioneer congratulated him-the sale closed -and the company dispersed. "Pardonnez moi, monsieur," said Poopoo, as the you shall exauctioneer descended his pedestal, " cusez moi, if I shall go to votre bureau, your counting-house, ver quick to make every ting sure wid respec to de lot vid de valuarble vatare privalege. Von leetle bird in de hand he vorth two in de tree, c'est vrai-eh?" "Certainly, sir. And the gentlemen repaired to the counting-house, where the six thousand dollars were paid, and the deeds of the property delivered. Monsieur Poopoo put these carefully in his pocket, and as he was about taking his leave, the auctioneer made him a present of the lithographic outline of the lots, which was a very liberal thing on his part, considering the map was a beautiful specimen of that glorious art. Poopoo could not admire it sufficiently. There were his sixty lots as uniform as possible, and his little grey eyes sparkled like diamonds as they wandered from one end of the spacious sheet to the other. Poopoo's heart was as light as a feather, and he snapped his fingers in the very wantonness of joy as he repaired to Delmonico's, and ordered the first good French dinner that had gladdened his palate since his arrival in America. After having discussed his repast, and washed it down with a bottle of choice old claret, he resolved upon a visit to Long-Island to view his purchase. He consequently immediately hired a horse and gig, crossed the Brooklyn ferry, and drove along the margin of the river to the Wallabout, the location in question. Our friend, however, was not a little perplexed to find his property. Every thing on the map was as fair and even as possible, while all the grounds about him were as undulated as they could well be imagined, and there was an elbow of the East-river thrusting itself quite into the ribs of the land, which seemed to have no business there. This puzzled the Frenchman exceedingly; and being a stranger in those parts, he called to a farmer in an adjacent field. "Mon ami, are you acquaint vid dis part of de country-eh?" "Yes, I was born here, and know every inch of it." "Ah, c'est bien, dat vill do," and the Frenchman got out of the gig, tied the horse, and produced his lithographic map. "Den maybe you vill have de kindness to show me de sixty lot vich I have bought, vid de valuarble vatare privalege?" The farmer glanced his eye over the paper. "Yes, sir, with pleasure; if you will be good enough to get into my boat I will row you out to them!" "Vat dat you say, sare?" "My friend," said the farmer, "this section of Long Island has recently been bought up by the speculators of New York, and laid out for a great city; but the principal street is only visible at low tide. When this part of the East river is filled up, it will be just there. Your lots, as you will perceive, are beyond it; and are now all under water. At first the Frenchman was incredulous. He As the facts, however, could not believe his senses. gradually broke upon him, he shut one eye, squinted obliquely at the heavens-the river-the farmerand then he turned away and squinted at them all over again! There was his purchase sure enough; but then it could not be perceived for there was a river flowing over it! He drew a box from his waistcoat pocket, opened it, with an emphatic knock upon the lid, took a pinch of snuff and restored it to his waiscoat pocket as before. Poopoo was evidently in trouble, having "thoughts which often lie too deep for tears; and, as his grief was also too big for words, he untied his horse, jumped into his gig, and returned to the auctioneer in hot haste. It was near night when he arrived at the auctionroom-his horse in a foam and himself in a fury. The auctioneer was leaning back in his chair, with his legs stuck out of a low window, quietly smoking his cigar after the labors of the day, and humming the music from the last new opera. "Monsieur, I have much plaisir to fin you, chez vouz, at home." Ah, Poopoo! glad to see you. Take a seat, old boy." "But I shall not take de seat, sare." 66 No-why, what's the matter?" "Oh, beaucoup de matter. I have been to see de gran lot vot you sell me to-day." "Well, sir, I hope you like your purchase?" "No, monsieur, I no like him." "I'm sorry for it; but there is no ground for your complaint." "No, sare; dare is no ground at all-de ground is all vatare!" "You joke!" "I no joke. I nevare joke; je n'entends pas la raillerie. Sare, voulez vous have de kindness to give me back de money vot I pay!" "Certainly not." you!" replied the Frenchman, waxing warmer. "You sheat me out of all de dollar vot I make in Shathame-street; but I vill not go to de devil for all dat. I vish you may go to de devil yourself you dem yankee-doo-dell, and I vill go and drown my "Den will you be so good as to take de East self, tout de suite, right avay." river off de top of my lot?" "That's your business, sir, not mine." "Den I make von mauvaise affaire-von gran mistake!" "I hope not. I don't think you have thrown your money away in the land." No, sare; but I tro it away in de vatare!" "That's not my fault." "Yes, sare, but it is your fault. You're von ver gran rascal to swindle me out of de l'argent." "Hollo, old Poopoo, you grow personal; and if you can't keep a civil tongue in your head, you must go out of my counting-room." "Vare shall I go to, eh?" "To the devil, for aught I care, you foolish old Frenchman!" said the auctioneer, waxing warm. "But, sare, I vill not go to de devil to oblige "You couldn't make a better use of your water privileges, old boy!" "Ah, miséricorde! Ah, mon dieu, je suis abîmé. I am ruin! I am done up! I am break all into ten sousan leetle pieces! I am von lame duck, and I shall vaddle across de gran ocean for Paris, vish is de only valuarble vatare privilege dat is left me à present!" Poor Poopoo was as good as his word. He sailed in the next packet, and arrived in Paris almost as penniless as the day he left it. Should any one feel disposed to doubt the veritable circumstances here recorded, let him cross the East river to the Wallabout, and farmer J****** will row him out to the very place where the poor Frenchman's lots still remain under water. "THE MONOPOLY" AND "THE PEOPLE'S LINE." BY GEORGE P. MORRIS. 1839. Nor many years ago, there lived on Long Island, not know what to make of the matter, so he lighted a jolly, well-to-do, honest old Dutchman, who drove his pipe, and looked to St. Nicholas for the solution a stage from Brooklyn to Jamaica for two dollars a of a mystery altogether too profound for his compassenger. This had been the charge since Adam prehension. One day, however, a friend unravelled was an urchin, or since the time whereof the memory it to him, and suggested the propriety of a reduction of man "runneth not to the contrary." It was sanc- also of his price; whereupon the whole truth flashtioned by immemorial usage, and had all the crusted upon him in the twinkling of an eye, and he inof antiquity about it. Nobody thought of disput- stantly resolved, in defiance of the good examples ing the matter. It was settled, like the laws of the of his forefathers, to numble himself to the insigniMedes and Persians, and was a thing not to be sac- ficant fare of his pestilent competitor. Now all was rilegiously meddled with, or altered on any account right again, and things went on as swimmingly as whatever. The proprietor's great-grandfather had before, until the new-comer again lowered the fare driven the same route, and so had all his other an--called his omnibus the "People's Line," and cestors, and none of them had managed to realize more than enough to make both ends meet when Christmas came round. In the course of time, travelling increased on the Jamaica turnpike; the Dutchman had his stage full every trip, and began to thrive. But the star of his good fortune, although it had risen clear and unclouded, was not long in the ascendant; for, one fine morning, there came another stage-driver, the owner of a new turn-out, as fine as a fiddle, who put in his claims for patronage. He was a full-grown stripling, of little credit, but some ready money, and he secretly resolved upon bearing off the palm from the quiet, but covetous Dutchman. At first he demanded the usual rates, and divided the business with his old-established rival; but finding that he had less custom, that he was looked upon as an interloper, and that all faces were set against him, he resolved to cut down the fare to a single dollar-and he did so, greatly to the satisfaction of the applauding multitude. This was a sad blow to the prospects of the poor old Dutchman, whose carriage was instantly deserted; all the fickle populace instinctively flocking to the glossy vehicle of his adversary, who cracked his whip in high glee as he dashed along the dusty and unpaved streets of Brooklyn. At first, Mynheer did And so branded his opponent's "The Monopoly;" upon The "People's Line," not in the least disconcerted by this unexpected calamity, also came down to nothing! and painted on the panels of the carriage the figure of a fiery old man addressing a multitude, and begging them to ride in his carriage gratis, with the motto, Nothing can come of nothing; try again. This was evidently intended as a hit at the "Flying Dutchman," who retorted by staining the "Interloper," as he always persisted in designating the "People's Line," with certain Dutch epithets, which respect for our readers prevents us from translating into veritable English.Fierce were the animosities bitter the feuds-and arduous the struggles that ensued between the belligerents. Long they lasted, and fatal promised to be the consequences to both. Every expedient was resorted to; but as neither would yield an inch of ground to the other, they both went on, season after season, running the stages at their own expense, and annoying every body who would listen to them, with a full and particular recital of their wrongs, their wrath, and their wranglings. At last, the owner of the "People's Line," fairly wearied out by the obstinacy and perseverance of the redoubtable Dutchman, caused a mammoth handbill to be struck off and posted from the East River to the Atlantic Ocean, in which he stated, in ponderous capital letters, that he would not only carry his passengers for nothing, but that he would actually pay each and every one the sum of twenty-five cents for going! To the unhappy Dutchman this drop was too much; and it effectually did the business for his now unpopular and detested "Monopoly," which was denounced at every tavern by the road side, as a paltry, mean, and "unconstitutional" concern, while the " People's Line" was lauded to the third heavens for its liberality and public spirit. The Flying Dutchman flew no more. His spirit was evidently broken as well as his prospects, and his horses crawled daily to and from Jamaica at a snail's pace, equally unmindful of whip or rein-evidently sympathizing in their master's disappointment and discomfiture. Yet go the Dutchman would-he had become accustomed to the occupation-it was second nature to him; and, as he could not easily overcome the force of habit, he preferred working for nothing and finding himself, to relinquishing the road entirely to his indefatigable annoyer. "His shirtless majesty!" as some audacious poet has impertinently called the sovereign people! however, generally gave its countenance and support to its own line, which still kept up its speed and its reputation. It speaks volumes -volumes, did I say? it speaks ten thousand libraries—for the intelligence and good feeling of our locomotive countrymen; and, as faithful chroniclers, we are bound to record the fact, that not a single individual ever applied for the two shillings, that had been so generously and disinterestedly tendered, every one being actually contented with going the whole distance gratis, and with being thanked into the bargain! One day, however, a long, thin, lank-sided, mahogany-faced downeaster chanced to read the mammoth bill with the ponderous capitals; and without a moment's hesitation, he decided upon bestowing his corporeal substance snugly in the back seat of the "People's Line;" and it so fell out that he was the only passenger. The down-easter was a talkative, prying, speculative, jimcrack of a fellow, who propounded more questions in a single minute than one could answer in a whole hour; and, in less time than you could say Jack Robinson, he was at the bottom of all the difficulty, and in possession of every particular respecting the rival lines. He was "free of speech and merry;" joked with the proprietor; ridiculed the flying Dutchman, called him a cockalorum, and finally denounced him as an inflated, overgrown, purse-proud capitalist, who advocated a system of exclusive privileges contrary to the spirit of our glorious institutions, and dangerous to the liberties of the country!-and he even went so far as to recommend that a town meeting should be immediately called to put the old blockhead down, and banish him from the sunshine of the public favor for ever! "I will put him down!" said the driver. "And he shall stay put, when he is down! replied Jonathan, with an approving nod of the head. At the various stopping-places, Jonathan-who was not a member of any of the temperance societies, for those institutions were not founded at the time of which we are writing-to show his good fellowship, but with no other motive, did not scruple to drink sundry villanous bar-room compounds, at the expense of his new acquaintance, who, that day, was so overjoyed to find that the stage of the Monopoly" was compelled to go the whole route entirely empty, that his hilarity and flow of boisterous humor knew no bounds, and he snapped his fingers, and said he did not care a fig for the expense-not he? "Here's to the People's Line?" drank Jonathan. "The People's Line for ever!" shouted the driver. "And confusion to the Monopoly ! " rejoined the down-easter. "With all my heart!" echoed the friend of the people. "The Flying Dutchman is deficient in public spirit!" said the landlord, a warlike little fellow, who was a major in the militia. "Behind the age we live in!" remarked a justice of the peace. "And he deserves to run the gauntlet from Brook. lyn to Jamaica for violating the constitution!" responded all the patriotic inmates of the bar room. " "I say, mister! you're a fine specimen of a liberal fellow," said Jonathan, as his companion paid the reckoning, resumed the ribands, and touched up the leaders gaily. "You deserve encouragement, and you shall have it. I promise it to you, my lad," continued he, as he slapped the "People's Line on the shoulder like an old and familiar friend, "and that's enough. The Flying Dutchman, forsooth! why, he's a hundred years at least behind the grand march of improvement, and, as he will never be able to overtake it, I shall henceforward look upon him as a mere abstract circumstance, unworthy of the least regard or notice." Jonathan weighed every word of the last sentence before he pronounced it, for he was, upon the whole, rather a cute chap, and had no notion of letting his friendship for the one party involve him in a law-suit for a libel on the other. The overjoyed proprietor thanked him heartily for his good wishes, and for the expression of his contempt for the old "Monopoly," and the lumbering vehicle thundered on toward Jamaica. Arrived, at last, at the termination of the journey, the driver unharnessed the horses, watered them, and put them up for the night. When he turned to take his own departure, however, he observed that Jonathan, who, after all said and done, candor compels us to acknowledge, had rather a hang-dog sort of look, seemed fidgety and discontented; that he lingered about the stable, and followed him like a shadow wherever he bent his steps. "Do you stop in this town, or do you go further?" asked the driver. "I shall go further, when you settle the trifle you owe me." replied Jonathan, with a peculiar know-ing, but serious expression. "That I owe you?" "Yes-is there not something between us?" "Not that I know of." |