Now o'er the cerebrum the LIGHT vapours dance, See the lather so fair, That has COVER'D all over our face blear and bare !!! Our cheeks, necks and upper lips, WHISKERS and chin! Brave Smallpeace! BEHOLD now, my visage how clean ! Till thy RAZORS, so keen, Shall frighten the beards FROM THE faces of men.- V. Thy brush,, doughty Smallpeace, impends from on high, With a style and a grace, that BEFORE ne'er was heard on! Of thine art be array'd, And SAVIGNY+ repolish and sharpen thy blade. Dear NATAL Columbia! fair, last born of TIME! Quick as light IN the sky, And SOON round thy face shall his lather brush fly-. He has sworn from pollution our faces he'll clean, -: Our CHEEKS, necks and upper lips, whiskers and CHIN! VII. Ah, to Bob let thy GRATITUDE redolent burn-!— First thy WHISKERS to trim, first to match them together! Hopkins, so generally known for his improvement on the razor strap. + Savigny, the famous surgeon's instrument maker, Pall Mall, London, who made great improvement on the razor. Hark! the barber with pride says to each in his turn, Pretty stories he tells, And they in return, say how SWEELTY he smells !! Our cheeks, necks and upper LIPS, whiskers and CHIN. BINOCULAR* Bob! with thy barberous brush, CONQUASSATE thy froth with cosmetical splendour ! MAY'ST thou lather the whole, TILL our beards shall grow OUT to the length of thy pole ! Our cheeks, necks and upper lips, whiskers, and chin. Hail spirited BOB!! strap thy razor SO keen! NEVER destine THY doom !—.—! ; TILL thy razor TURN baid, and thy brush drink raw RUM. DULLNESS. The, writer who is able to exceed in stupidity and want of application the following Impromptu, from the Chronicle, well deserves to be commemorated in verse, and a leaden crown awarded to him, to be worn as a trophy of success. IMPROMPTU, On Reading the Inaugural Speech of Mr. MADISON. IMMORTAL STATESMAN! e'er to Virtue true, Thy precious maxims will we keep in view : Thy country bless thee, and thy worth proclaim, And speak aloud the honours of thy NAME! * In this verse, the writer became truly affected by the spirit of NewEngland. The author conceives, that by adopting his new mode of punctuation and by capitalizing and italicizing his words indiscriminately, he shall give to his Ode the greatest possible effect. POLITICAL. The greater our national distress and danger are, the greater should the efforts be of every particular man to relieve his country from one, and thereby to guard it against the other. We are in a crisis that must turn either to life or death, and that cannot turn to the former unless remedies are applied much more effectual than those of mountebanks, who find their account in palliating evils, and in prolonging diseases. To palliate and prolong would be, in one case, to kill, or to do something more than to kill, to break our constitution entirely, to render an accidental illness habitual and incurable. LORD BOLINGBROKE-State of the Nation, 1749. THE ELECTION. UNDER this head we propose to class the various assertions of the Chronicle relative to the conduct of the federalists, and the disposition, character, and motives of Mr. Gore, according to the degree of moral depravity by which they may be most peculiarly distinguished. We can by such a plan, be able to appreciate with some little accuracy, the virtue, the wisdom and political integrity of the gladiators who fight in the amphitheatres of democracy. LIES. Those who wish for a dissolution of the union-those who are willing to set up a petty sovereignty, under the protection of Britain-those who are willing to have American BLOOD shed by the hands of Americans, and those who are willing to be governed by a Mob, will vote for Mr. Gore. Chronicle, March 20, 1809. Let us be cautious of bringing forward a candidate for Governour, who has never since his arrival from England, shown any other disposition than to degrade our administration, and extol the British The same. If we considered such gross lies, as these just quoted, to require a serious refutation, we should view the people of this state in so despicable a light in point of understanding, virtue and information, that we should be willing to renounce all attempts at conviction, and resign all expectation of producing in the publick mind any regard for political integrity, or any capacity for the reception of political truth. The first passage contains three most base and palpably false insinuations, which have no foundation in common sense, or common honesty; they are lies, like the father that begets them, 'gross as a mountain, open, palpaple.' Ist. That the Federalists of Massachusetts wish for a dissolution of the union of these states. 2d. That they intend to render it a separate sovereignty, under the protection of Great-Britain. 3d. That in order to effect this object, they are willing to occasion a CIVIL WAR, and spill American blood by American hands. All we have to remark on these assertions is, that we defy the whole host of democ 1 racy to prove or establish by any thing like argument either of these infamous assertions; we should be happy to meet them on this ground, at any time: for we are willing to subscribe to the modest avowal of one of their youthful statesmen in a late town-meeting: 'far be it from me,' said he, to shrink from any question, which involves the happiness or constitution of my country.' The second quotation contains an assertion not only in defiance of all reason and probability, but in direct contradiction to fact. Mr. Gore's well known and ably maintained opinions on the subject of the colonial trade, alone afford an answer to assertions of this nature. Mr. Madison included Mr. Gore's letter on that subject to Mr. Munroe to be used in the negociations with the British government, in opposition to their commercial claims. This will be seen in the letter of the secretary of state, to Mr. Munroe, dated April 12th, 1806, and Mr. Gore's letter referred to, will be found published along with the dispatches from the secretary, dated November 12, 1805. In this letter Mr. Gore expresses his sentiments at length upon that most interesting subject; and in a manner, it seems, that authorised Mr. Madison to make use of it in his own discussion with the British ministry. So much for the assertion, that the sole disposition of Mr. Gore has been to degrade our government and extol that of Great-Britain! We think even Touchstone, would consider this the lie direct, however minute he may have been in enumerating the degrees of the lie. They (the legislature) call on the people to re-elect themselves with Mr. Gore, one of their number, for Governor,in order expressly to unite the whole government of the state in one joint effort, with other states, whose interest and objects are similar to our own,' in some great but undefined project, to relieve our citizens from their oppressive tyrannical and unconstitutional laws, from which they despair of obtaining relief from the general government. Thus expressly putting the election of Mr. Gore and themselves upon the very principle of a partial combination of states in opposition to the United States, to prevent the execution of their laws by means of state authorities. Chronicle, March 20. The contradiction of all sense and meaning in this paragraph is very apparent. It is like all democratick argumentation, flimsy in itself; but the conclusion to which it leads 'a combination against the union, is absolute and unblushing falsehood. The writer declares that the project, as he is pleased to denominate it, of the legislature is great, but undefined. How then admit the assertion, that it is a partial combination of states in opposition to the United States? This is a conclusion not warranted even by the assumed fact, that the legislature had called upon the people to re-elect themselves as legislators, and Mr. Gore, as governour, for the purpose of affecting a project,' which is admitted by the writer to be undefined.' But is it indeed a vile project, to relieve our citizens from 'oppression and unconstitutional laws, when we despair of obtaining relief from the general government? Do the de mocrats consider it criminal to oppose tyrants, and resist oppression ;'or do they wish to support their congenial principles of enforcing unconstitutional' measures at the point of the bayonet? The answer to all this democratick trash, is this-that opposition to unconstitutional measures, measures which impair and have a tendency totally to subvert our natural and political rights, is LAWFUL. And though in ordinary cases the state governments would have no pretension to clash with the general system; yet to oppose tyranny, to resist oppression and unconstitutional laws, the Remonstrances' of the state governments are equally demanded by the distresses of the people, which follow such infractions of their liberties, and justified by the principles of reason, law and the constitution. The necessity therefore for the whole government of this state to unite in one joint effort, to obtain the repeal of unconstitutional laws is the more apparent, as the glorious opposition of the legislative bodies of Massachusetts to the arbitrary measures of the late administration has struck a blow at the democratick system of policy' which has shattered the very foundations of the fabrick. Is depriving the people of their rights in the choice of Electors so pleasing that we are willing to reward them (the federalists) with our renewed suffrages? Chronicle, March 20. In pursuing this assertion, it is gratifying to know that we have a Constitution to refer to, for the authority under which we have acted. We have no doubt the Chronicle writers wish that no Constitution existed; we have no doubt they would defend any violations of the provisions of that instrument relating to the choice of Elec tors, as readily and with as much prevarication, as they defended the tyranny of the last embargo act. An act which will stand forever as a land mark in the sea of democracy, conspicuous and unremoved ;' and with it will Mr. Jefferson's name be combined, and the infamy of his character will thereby be rendered immortal. The Chronicle writ ́er talks about depriving the people of their rights in the choice of Electors,' as if he really believed the insinuation to be true. There are two different ways of repelling this intimation. 1st. If the rights of the people of Massachusetts have been injured by the Federalists, the rights of the people of a LARGE MAJORITY OF THE STATES have been destroyed by the Democrats. The democrats say, 'submit to the majority. A majority of the states in the union choose their electors by the vote of their legislatures. 2d. Another stumbling argument which satisfies us of the propriety of the conduct of the legislature of Massachusetts, is that it is expressly allowed by the CONSTITUTION. Now we do not advance this as an argument to convince the democrats; we know they have no respect for the provisions of that instrument. We know by their praise bestowed on Mr. Jefferson, that a violation of it |