Jacqueline, and Thomasine, in company, while the secret of their real names rests between ourselves and the parish register. Now, my lord, what do you say? I have George, Jack, and Tom ;--think of your bill." The argument was conclusive, and the patriotic man got the majority of a cavalry corps, with perpetual leave of absence for his daughter Jack, who would much rather have joined the regiment.

Such were the days in which our Furlong flourished; and in such days it will not be wondered at that a secretary, when he had no place to give away-invented one. The old saying has it, that "Necessity is the mother of invention;" but an Irish Secretary can beat Necessity hollow. For example:

A commission was issued, with a handsome salary to the commissioner, to make a measurement through all the streets of Dublin, ascertaining exact distances from the Castle, from a furlong upwards; and for many a year did the commission work, inserting handsome stone slabs into the walls of most ignorant houses, till then unconscious of their precise proximity or remoteness from the seat of government. Ever after that, if you saw some portly building, blushing in the pride of red brick, and perfumed with fresh paint, and saw the tablet recording the interesting fact, thus:

FROM THE CASTLE,

ONE FURLONG.

Fancy might suggest that the house rejoiced, as it were, in its honoured position, and did

"look so fine and smell so sweet,"

because it was under the nose of Viceroyalty, while the suburbs revealed poor tatterdemalion tenements, dropping their slates like tears, and uttering their hollow sighs through empty casements, merely because they were "one mile two furlongs from the Castle." But the new stone tablet which told you so, seemed to mock their misery, and looked like a fresh stab into their poor old sides; as if the rapier of a king had killed a beggar.

This very original measure of measurement was provocative of ridicule, or indignation, as the impatient might happen to be infected; but while the affair was in full blow, Mr. Furlong, who was the commissioner, while walking in Sackville-street one day, had a goodly sheet of paper pinned to his back by some

"delicate Roman haud,"

bearing in large letters the inversion of one of his own tablets:

ONE FURLONG

FROM THE CASTLE.

And as he swaggered along in conscious dignity, he wondered at the shouts of laughter ringing behind him, and turned round occasionally to see the cause; but ever as he turned, faces were screwed up into seriousness, while the laughter rang again in his rear. Furlong was bewildered; and much as he was used to the mirthfulness of an Irish populace, he certainly did wonder what fiend of fun possessed them that day, until the hall-porter of the Secretary's Office solved the enigma by respectfully asking would he not take the placard from his back before he presented himself. The Mister Furlong who is engaged in our story was the nephew of the man of measurement memory; and his mother, a vulgar woman, sent her son to England to be educated, that he might "pick up the ax'nt; 'twas so jinteel, the Inglish ax'nt!" And accordingly, the youth endeavoured all he could to become un-Irish in every thing, and was taught to believe that all the virtue and wisdom in Ireland was vested in the Castle and hangers-on thereof, and that the mere people were worse than savages.

With such feelings it was that this English Irishman, employed to open negotiations between the government and Squire O'Grady, visited the wilds of Ireland; and the circumstances attendant on the stopping of the chaise, afforded the peculiar genius of Handy Andy an opportunity of making a glorious confusion by driving the political enemy of the sitting member into his house, where, by a curious coincidence, a strange gentleman was expected every day, on a short visit. After Andy had driven some time, he turned round and spoke to Mr. Furlong through the pane of glass with which the front window-frame of the chaise was not furnished.

Faix, you wor nigh shootin' me, your honour," said Andy.

"I should not wepwoach myself if I had," said Mr. Furlong, "when you quied stop on the woad: wobbers always qui stop, and I took you for a wobber."

"Faix, the robbers here, your honour, never axes you to stop at all, but they stop you without axin', or by your lave, or wid your lave. Sure I was only afeerd you'd dhrive over the man in the road."

"What was that man in the woad doing?"

"Nothin' at all, faith, for he wasn't able; he was dhrunk, sir." "The postilion said he was his bwother.'

"Yis, your honour, and he's a postilion himself-only he lost his horses and the shay-he got dhrunk, and fell off.”

"Those wascally postilions often get dwunk, I suppose."

"Oh, common enough, sir, particlar now about the 'lection time; for the gintlemin is dhrivin' over the counthry like mad, right and left, and gives the boys money to dhrink their health, till they are killed a'most with the falls they get."

"Then postilions often fall on the woads here?"

"Throth the roads is covered with them sometimes, when the 'lections

comes an.

"What howwid immowality! I hope you're not dwunk?"

66 Faix, I wish I was," said Andy. "It's a great while since I had a dhrop; but it won't be long so, when your honour gives me something to dhrink your health."

All Andy's further endeavours to get "his honour" into conversation were unavailing; so he whipped on in silence till his arrival at the gatehouse of Merryvale demanded his call for entrance.

66

"What are you shouting there for?" said the traveller; cawn't you wing?"

66

Oh, they undherstand the shilloo as well, sir :" and in confirmation of Andy's assurance, the bars of the entrance gate were withdrawn, and the post-chaise rattled up the avenue to the house.

Andy alighted and gave a thundering tantara-ra at the door. The servant who opened it was surprised at the sight of Andy, and could not repress a shout of wonder.

Here Dick Dawson came into the hall, and seeing Andy at the door, gave a loud halloo, and clapped his hands in delight—for he had not seen him since the day of the chase." An' is it there you are again, you unluckly vagabone?" said Dick;" and what brings you here?"

"I come with a jintleman to the masther, misther Dick."

"Oh! it's the visitor, I suppose," said Dick, as he himself went out with that unceremonious readiness, so characteristic of the wild fellow he was, to open the door of the chaise for his brother-in-law's guest. "You're welcome," said Dick;-" come, step in,--the servants will look to your luggage. James, get in Mr. I beg your pardon, but

'pon my soul I forget your name, though Moriarty told me."

"Mr. Furlong," gently uttered the youth.

"Get in the luggage, James. Come, sir, walk into the dinner-room; we haven't finished our wine yet." With these words Dick ushered in Furlong to the apartment where Squire Egan sat, who rose as they entered.

"Mr. Furlong, Ned," said Dick.

"Happy to see you, Mr. Furlong," said the hearty squire, who shook Furlong's hand in what Furlong considered a most savage manner. "You seem fatigued."

"Vewy," was the languid reply of the traveller, as he threw himself into a chair.

"Ring the bell for more claret, Dick," said Squire Egan.

"I neveh dwink."

Dick and the Squire both looked at him with amazement, for in the friend of Moriarty they expected to find a hearty fellow.

66

"A cool bottle wouldn't do a child any harm," said the Squire. 'Ring, Dick. And now, Mr. Furlong, tell us how you like the country." "Not much, I pwotest."

"What do you think of the people?"

"Oh, I don't know you'll pawdon me, but-a-in short, there are so many wags."

"Oh, there are wags enough, I grant; not funnier d-ls in the world."

"But I mean wags-tatters, I mean."

"Oh, rags.

spare."

66

Oh, yes-why indeed they've not much clothes to

And yet these wetches are fweeholders, I'm told,"

"Ay, and stout voters too."

"Well, that's all we wequire. By the by, how goes on the canvass, Squire ?"

"Famously."

“Oh, wait till I explain to you our plan of opewations from headqwaters. You'll see how famously we shall wally at the hustings. These Iwish have no idea of tactics: we'll intwoduce the English mode-take them by supwise. We must unseat him."

"Unseat who?" said the Squire.

"That―a-Egan, I think you call him."

The Squire opened his eyes; but Dick, with the ready devilment that was always about him, saw how the land lay in an instant, and making a signal to his brother-in-law, chimed in with an immediate assent to Furlong's assertion, and swore that Egan would be unseated to a certainty. Come, sir," added Dick, "fill one bumper at least to a toast I propose.-Here's 'Confusion to Egan, and success to O'Grady.""

66

"Success to O'Gwady," faintly echoed Furlong, as he sipped his claret. "These Iwish are so wild-so uncultivated," continued he; "you'll see how I'll supwise them with some of my plans."

"Oh, they're poor ignorant brutes," said Dick, "that know nothing: a man of the world like you would buy and sell them."

"You see they've no finesse; they have a certain degwee of weadiness, but no depth-no weal finesse."

"Not as much as would physic a snipe," said Dick, who swallowed a glass of claret to conceal a smile.

"What's that you say about snipes and physic?" said Furlong; แ what queer things you Iwish do say."

66

'Oh, we've plenty o' queer fellows here," said Dick;—" but you are not taking your claret.'

"The twuth is, I am fatigued-vewy-and if you'd allow me, Mr. O'Gwady, I should like to go to my woom; we'll talk over business to-mowwow."

"Certainly," said the Squire, who was glad to get rid of him, for the scene was becoming too much for his gravity. So Dick Dawson lighted Furlong to his room, and after heaping civilities upon him left him to sleep in the camp of his enemies, and then returned to the dining-room to enjoy with the Squire the laugh they were so long obliged to repress, and to drink another bottle of claret on the strength of the joke. "What shall we do with him, Dick ?" said the Squire.

66

Pump him as dry as a lime kiln," said Dick, "and then send him off to O'Grady-all's fair in war."

"To be sure," said the Squire.

"Unseat me, indeed! he was near it, sure enough, for I thought I'd have dropped off my chair with surprise when he said it."

"And the conceit and impudence of the fellow," said Dick. "The ignorant Iwish-nothing will serve him but abusing his own countrymen!— The ignorant Irish'-Oh, is that all you learned in Oxford, my boy?-just wait, my buck-if I don't astonish your weak mind, it's no matter!"

"Faith he has brought his pigs to a pretty market here," said the Squire; "but how did he come here? how was the mistake made?"

66

"The way every mistake in the country is made," said Dick; Handy Andy drove him here."

"More power to you, Andy," said the Squire. "Come, Dick we'll drink Andy's health-this is a mistake on the right side."

And Andy's health was drunk, as well as several other healths. In short, the Squire and Dick the Devil were in high glee-the diningroom rang with laughter to a late hour; and the next morning a great many empty claret bottles were on the table—and a few on the floor.