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XIII.-FROM THE WEATHERCOCK.-Allingham.

OLD FICKLE-TRISTRAM FICKLE-BRIEFWIT-SNEER-BARBER.

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(Enter Old Fickle and Tristram Fickle.)

Old Fickle. What reputation, what honor, what profit, can accrue to you, from such conduct as yours? One moment you tell me you are going to become the greatest musician in the world, and straight you fill my house with fiddlers.

Tristram. I am clear out of that scrape now, sir.

Old F. Then, from a fiddler, you are metamorphosed into a philosopher; and for the noise of drums, trumpets, and hautboys, you substitute a vile jargon, more unintelligible than was ever heard at the Tower of Babel.

Tri. You are right, sir. I have found out that philosophy is folly; so I have cut the philosophers of all sects, from Plato and Aristotle, down to the puzzlers of modern date.

Old F. How much had I to pay the cooper, the other day, for barreling you up in a large tub, when you resolved to live like Diogenes?

Tri. You should not have paid him any thing, sir, for the tub would not hold. You see the contents are run out.

Your

Old F. No jesting, sir; this is no laughing matter. follies have tired me out. I verily believe you have taken the

whole round of arts and sciences in a month, and have been of fifty different minds in half an hour.

Tri. And, by that, shown the versatility of my genius.

Old F. Don't tell me of versatility, sir. Let me see a little steadiness. You have never yet been constant to any thing but extravagance.

Tri. Yes, sir, one thing more. Old F. What is that, sir? Tri. Affection for you. However my head may have wandered, my heart has always been constantly attached to the kindest of parents; and from this moment, I am resolved to lay my follies aside, and pursue that line of conduct which will be most pleasing to the best of fathers and of friends.

Old F. Well said, my boy, well said! You make me happy indeed. (Patting him on the shoulder.) Now then, my dear Tristram, let me know what you really mean to do.

Tri. To study the law

Old F. The law !

Tri. I am most resolutely bent on following that profession. Old F. No!

Tri. Absolutely and irrevocably fixed.

Old F. Better and better; I am overjoyed. Why, 'tis the very thing I wished. Now I am happy. (Tristram makes gestures, as if speaking.) See how his mind is engaged! Tri. Gentlemen of the jury

Old F. Why, Tristram―

Tri. This is a cause

Old F. Oh, my dear boy! I forgive you all your tricks. I see something about you now that I can depend upon. (Tristram continues making gestures.)

Tri. I am for the plaintiff in this cause-

Old F. Bravo! bravo! excellent boy! I'll go and order your books directly.

Tri. 'Tis done, sir.

Old F. What! already?

Tri. I ordered twelve square feet of books, when I first thought of embracing the arduous profession of the law.

Old F. What, do you mean to read by the foot?

Tri. By the foot, sir; that is the only way to become a solid lawyer.

Old F. Twelve square feet of learning!-Well--
Tri. I have likewise sent for a barber-

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Old F. A barber!-What! is he to teach you to shave close ?

Tri. He is to shave one half of my head, sir.

Old F. You will excuse me, if I cannot perfectly understand what that has to do with the study of the law.

Tri. Did you never hear of Demosthenes, sir, the Athenian orator? He had half his head shaved, and locked himself up in a coal-cellar.

Old F. Ah! he was perfectly right to lock himself up, after having undergone such an operation as that. He certainly would have made rather an odd figure abroad.

Tri. I think I see him now, awaking the dormant patriotism of his countrymen-lightning in his eye, and thunder in his voice-he pours forth a torrent of eloquence, resistless in its force,--the throne of Philip trembles while he speaks-he denounces, and indignation fills the bosoms of his hearers-he exposes the impending danger, and every one sees impending ruin -he threatens the tyrant, they grasp their swords-he calls for vengeance, their thirsty weapons glitter in the air, and thousands reverberate the cry. One soul animates a nation, and that soul is the soul of an orator.

Old F. Oh! what a figure he'll make in the King's Bench! But come, I will tell you now what my plan is, and then you will see how happy this determination of yours will further it.You have (Tristram makes extravagant gestures, as if speaking) often heard me speak of my friend Briefwit, the bar

rister

Tri.

Who is against me in this cause

Old F. He is a most learned lawyer-

Tri.

But, as I have justice on my side

Old F. Zounds! he dosn't hear a word I say!--Why, Tristram !

Tri. I beg your pardon, sir; I was prosecuting my studies. Old F. Now attend

Tri.

attention.

As my learned friend observes,-go on, sir, I am all

Old F. Well-my friend, the counselor-

Tri. Say learned friend, if you please, sir. We gentlemen of the law always

Old F. Well, well, my learned friend

Tri. A black patch!

Old F. Will you listen, and be silent?

Tri. I am as mute as a judge.

Old F. My friend, I say, has a ward, who is very handsome, and who has a very handsome fortune. She would make you a charming wife.

Tri. This is an action

Old F. Now, I have hitherto been afraid to introduce you to my friend, the barrister, because I thought your lightness and his gravity

Tri. Might be plaintiff and defendant.

Old F. But now you are grown serious and steady, and have resolved to pursue his profession, I will shortly bring you together you will obtain his good opinion, and all the rest fol lows, of course.

Tri. A verdict in my favor.

Old F. You marry, and sit down happy for life.

Tri. In the King's Bench.

Old F. Bravo, ha, ha, ha! But now run to your studyrun to your study, my dear Tristram, and I'll go and call upon the counselor.

Tri. I remove by habeas corpus.

Old F. Pray have the goodness to make haste, then. (Hurrying him off.)

-(Old Fickle

Tri. Gentlemen of the jury, this is a causepushes him off.)

Old F. The inimitable boy! I am now the happiest father living. What genius he has! He'll be lord chancellor, one day or other, I dare be sworn-I am sure he has talents! Oh how I long to see him at the bar.

(Enter Servant.)
Servant. Mr. Briefwit, sir.

Old F. Ah, my good friend, Mr. Briefwit!
Briefwit. The aforesaid. (Shaking hands.)
Old F. You are welcome to Whimshall.
Bri. Whimshall-the locus in quo-good.

Old F. This is all right; this gives me an opportunity of talking to you a little.

Bri. Consult-take an opinion-good.

Old F. Come, I'll introduce you to my son.

you, sir?

Bri.

Good.

What say

Old F. Good-ay, I hope so. I have to tell you, that my son is one of the most serious, studious young men living. Bri. Id certum est quod certum reddi potest: vulgarly in the proverb, "the proof of the pudding, is in the eating." Old F. Always at his books.

Bri. Good.

Old F. And what now, what, of all things, do you think employs his mind? (Briefwit looks at him without speaking.) Come, guess now; what do you think he reads?

Bri. (After a pause.) Books.

Old F. You are not far from the mark there, old Caution; he does read books-he studies the law.

Bri. Dat operam legibus Angliæ-good.

Old F. Ay, I thought you would say so.

The law is a

fine profession, is it not? I am sure I have a specimen before me of what the law will do for a man.

Bri. Hum! It will do for a man-good.

Old F. I knew you would be doubly anxious about this match, between your ward and him, when you heard of his having embraced that profession.

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Old F. Conversation fatigues you.

Bri. Non liquet-it appeareth not.

Old F. And when you do speak, there's no understanding you. (Aside.-Briefwit reads his papers.) A very enter taining companion, truly.-Pray, sir, read out.

Bri. (Looks suspiciously at him, and pockets his papers.) Good.

Old F. So good that you seem determined to keep it all to yourself. Come, we'll go and see my boy, if you please; it's a pity to disturb him, though. Oh! he's so studious, you'll be delighted with him-so steady-so like yourself, he will talk to you in your own way. (Going, he stops.) I beg pardon, the law takes precedence of every profession.

Bri. Good. (Walks off, with great gravity.)

Old F. Very good, indeed. You certainly are one of the most pleasant, agreeable, facetious, conversable, witty, and entertaining disciples of Lycurgus, that ever wore a wig with two tails. (Exit.)

Scene 2.-Tristram Fickle's apartment. Musical instruments, books, globes, &c., all about the room, in disorder. A table, wig block, a lawyer's gown and wig, a regimental coat, hat, and sword,

(Sneer discovered.)

Sneer. What's here? Another change!-Law books!Well, master of mine, how long will you continue in this mind? A gown and wig too! Why, here's a lawyer's whole stock in

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