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WATERING-PLACE WORRIES.

AFTER withstanding, for these five

years, the annual urgency of my wife and daughters for a peep at the seaward border of our great metropolis, during the season when all the world flies about "like thin clouds before a Biscay gale," I promised, in some desperate or happy moment, that the summer of 1854 should not pass away until I had give them a taste of the home ocean breezes, to say nothing of salt water and roasted clams, the proper dainties of such excursions. To tell the truth, I was myself not a little inspired by the animating images called up by the talk of my girls; and I fancied them walking on the beach, with good thick shoes, their fair hair blown back and tendrilling around their sun-bonnets, and their cheeks rosy with health, early hours, and exercise; or sporting in the surf, taking the wave with shouts of innocent laughter, and emerging roundheaded and shining, like seals or porpoises, only to plunge again for fresh exhilaration. Who does not love to see his darlings enjoying themselves in the sports proper to their age, that "bring no afterthought of pain," but stores of health and gladness, and the power of cheering others? I consented with a good grace (my wife said, for once), and was as impatient for the day to come as the youngest of the party.

What pleased me, especially, and silenced the last doubt, was the reiterated assurance of wife and daughters, that nobody dressed at Rocky Branch. Not that an altogether Paradisaic state was intimated, but the expression was offered as a type of the utter indifference to outward adornment in which ladies visiting the sea-shore habitually indulge. "Why should they dress," my wife would emphatically ask. "Why should we dress just to run about in the sand, or drive in a country wagon, or go a fishing in a muddy boat?" Why, indeed! it was my own sentiment, exactly. So we were all of one mind, and the third day of July was fixed upon as that of happy escape from the heat and noise of the city, the day commemorative of our national independence being unhappily that now-a-days chosen by the "better classes" () to signalize their contempt for the rude pleasures of "the masses.' Quere, whether this does not appear, to

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eyes looking upward, something like "kicking down the ladder?"

But we had no time to philosophize. The business of the moment was to enjoy. The day being decided on, and the plan laid, I went to my office with renewed spirits, visions of rural repose and quiet throwing a golden haze over musty books and o'er-labored pen and ink.

It occasioned some slight shock to the fair fabric that had sprung up in my imagination, to find that the very next morning after the grand decision saw three dress-makers installed in our sewing-room; but as I had not been so silly as to take literally my wife's assertion that no dress was needed for a jaunt to the sea-shore, I made no remark, though I inwardly ejaculated a hope that the sojourn of these Parcæ might be short, since much experience has taught me to class mantua-makers (qu. man-tormentors?) among the absorbents, in no commendatory sense. A day or two after, coming home to dinner exhausted, and perhaps a little cross, not a lady of the family was to be found, and it was ten minutes past five when Mrs. Q. and the girls came in, like the Miss Flamboroughs, "all blowzed and red with walking," but rather silent (for a while), and, to speak within bounds, in not much better humor than myself. This had the effect of what is called at the West a back-fire, which they kindle about the homestead to prevent that which approaches from the forest from becoming too destructive. My ill-humor was chastised and kept under by the evidence of disappointment and displeasure on the faces of my dear ones. I said nothing about having waited dinner, but only asked (mildly, I assure you) what had happened to disturb the newly-arrived.

This brought down a shower of words. All spoke at once, and it was not immediately that I could discover the source of unhappiness. But it resulted in this -Madame, F. (celebrated for making loves of caps and darlings of bonnets) says she cannot possibly get our hats done by the third, because all the Bloomingfords had already bespoken theirs; and the Gossins and the Tarnes theirs, a week ago. That's always the way with us! We leave everything till the last minute, and that's the reason we never can have anything like other people!”

This glanced rather sharply upon me, as my habitual reluctance to undertake expeditions of this nature—a reluctance, let me say, founded on much experience -had been the cause of delay in the present case. But I kept my temper, and took the blame meekly, simply observing that I had supposed in a case where no dress was needed, two weeks would afford ample time for preparation to pass three. This proved an unlucky venture, for my wife's feelings were deeply hurt at what she felt to be an imputation upon her well-known economy. Did I suppose she would buy a single thing for so short a sojourn that would not be useful-nay, necessary— afterwards? And my daughters-were there any girls in town that dressed so plainly, and with so little expense? Had not Caroline had her blue silk turned and made over and new-trimmed, at a cost of barely ten dollars, and Alida worn her mantilla ever since April? There was certainly no pleasure in going anywhere, unless we could look like other people!

Truths like these are never disputed by prudent husbands and papas, and from that time forward till the day of our migration, I never opened my lips on the subject of dress or dresses, nor my ears when bonnets, bracelets, cashmeres or cameos were in question.

My good wife on these occasions is less intent on deceiving me than herself. She desires in her heart to do the thing with little cost, and imagination draws a flattering picture of success which reality fails to fill out, making the forgotten accessories come to ten times as much money as the carefully counted musthave. What right have I to play the master, and try to substitute my wants and wishes for hers? We look at the matter from different points of view, and only the petty domestic tyrant forgets this. Thus I lectured myself, and resolved that no frowns of mine should embitter the taste of rural pleasure we had all promised ourselves.

All I stipulated for was that we should have no cumbrous loads of baggage, cramming our little lodging-rooms, and tormenting waiters and stage-drivers. O! certainly not, a few summer articles could not take much room; we would take a moderate trunk a piece. (I have generally found those single trunks to possess a good many branches.) Bathingdresses were of course in request; and these it was proposed to make up in va

rious economical ways, out of old materials; but afterwards my good wife, with her usual foresight, came to the conclusion that when one is getting a thing, it is by far the best economy to have it good; and so she purchased various brilliant stuffs and resplendent borderings for herself and the daughters, and a scarlet and orange outfit for myself; so that when, on the night before our departure, we tried on this "simple" gear, we looked fitter for a dance of witches or a bandit pantomime, than for sober bathers, who desire no spectators with better eyes than the porpoises. But as I was told that "everybody" had such, I had not a word to say. Let me always do

as "everybody" does!

The days of preparation completed, we found ourselves in a condition to set out, --comfortably, my wife said,—and the carriage came punctually, and New York waved her fiery sword behind us to chase us away. Two men, perspiring profusely, brought down a trunk about the size and shape of a two-story house, and as they rested it on the door-step, I could not but congratulate myself that my dear Sally, knowing my aversion to the care of a complication of movables, had put the family luggage into so compact a form; for, although bulky and heavy, it was but once, and all was over. The poor fellows could wipe their beaded brows, and go their ways. Alas! this House of Pride was but the advanced guard of an army of baggage-a trunk apiece and one extra-as good tea-makers put in a spoonful for each of the company and one for the pot. O for the days of trunk hose, when a man could carry in his pockets wearables and eatables (if Hudibras is to be trusted), enough for a tolerable campaign! Mrs. Partington didn't wonder that there were trunk railways,' nor do I. Our army of trunks was attended by a whole park of flying artillery in the shape of band-boxes. I demurred a little at this; but as each particular piece that I proposed to leave behind, held, as I was assured, something essential to the comfort and respectability of the trip, I was fain to make the best of it, especially as my daughters declared, with one breath, that the array was absolutely nothing compared with what Mrs. and her two daughters took with them for a single week at Rocky Branch.

After all,-I philosophized to myself, as usual-though we make so much selfish outcry at the trouble occasioned by female

paraphernalia, should we be the gainers if they took us at our word, and left behind and out of use all those delicate and characteristic superfluities that contribute to make more obvious the distinction between man and woman? Should we enjoy travelling and visiting with ladies who carried only a spare suit apiece? Do we covet the companionship of strong-minded women, who delight in broadcloth and leather, or fast women, who go out to tea in riding-habits, and carry switches instead of fans? If there should be a ball at Rocky Branch, and my daughters had to stay at home for want of evening dresses, would the remembrance that we had travelled without band-boxes console me for their loss of pleasure?

Thus I reasoned after my fashion, and soon found that the seemingly great difficulties were not able to destroy my pleasure, and determined they should not, by my means, interfere with that of others.

I need hardly say that, to a man like myself, tied, from year's end to year's end, to the dull routine of business life, a journey of even twenty miles is no small pleasure. The very crossing of the ferry, to which my ordinary affairs never call me, was a delight. When I gazed upon our lovely bay and its islands, and felt the fresh breeze that had "been out upon the deep at play," I was ready to wonder that anybody should ever wish to go further for health or pleasure. My heart swelled and my eyes overflowed, as I contemplated the splendid aspect of my native town, the evidences of her prosperity, the promise of her future pre-eminence. Even London herself, queen of the world's commerce and intelligence, scarcely reposes on her river-shores with more magnificent effect, though London is the work of two thousand years as New York is of two hundred. No city on earth possesses such unlimited natural advantages as ours, such as no amount of misgovernment and desperate shameless corruption

can

Here my wife whispered me that she hoped I saw the Z- family on board, with new travelling dresses that threw ours completely into the shade; a fact which I was fain to receive on authority, for the most dutiful scrutiny on my part failed to discover the superiority of our neighbors' outfit. I believe Mrs. Z-had one more bow on her bonnet than my wife, and the Misses Z- higher heels VOL. IV.-36

to their little, ugly, brown boots than my daughters to their ditto, but further I could not penetrate. There must have been something, however, for it considerably damped the spirits of our party for some time.

Once seated in the rail-car, after our impedimenta had been safely stowed and ticketed, I had leisure to observe the various individuals and groups that were, like ourselves, setting out for the country, many of them well-dressed merchants and lawyers, to whom a peculiar air of domesticity and kindliness was imparted by the various baskets, parcels, and flasks of which many of them were the bearers, as they returned to their expectant families after the labors of the day. My imagination followed them to their rural homes, more or less elegant, and pictured gentle, loving wives and fair daughters, awaiting their return in vine-shaded porches, while the setting sun covered the landscape with a tender glow, like the flush of a sweet welcome. I rejoiced that so many of our men of business provide these pleasant homes for their families, far from the city's noise and dust, and at least somewhat removed from the city's hardening influences. The weariness of some of the faces about me served to enhance the expression of the scene, for it suggested most forcibly the sweetness of repose, and the value and happiness of these country homes. One by one, and group by group, we dropped the home-goers, and at length my pleasant reveries were broken by the sight of a long row of uncouth vehicles drawn up at the side of the platform, and labelled in every variety of lettering and illustration that the taste and means of the painters allowed. I was quite amused with these anomalous carriages and the throng that hurried towards them, but my wife put to flight my quiet thoughts, by an exclamation that we were losing all the best places, and might even find ourselves without any places at all, if we did not make a rush and take care of our rights. So on we dashed, pell-mell, elbowing and elbowed, crowding into seats and being turned out again by somebody's assertion of 8 prior claim; until, at last, I thought we were finally, if not fairly, squeezed into some very uncomfortable nooks and corners, when it was suggested that all the trunks and bandboxes were still standing on the platform, and that I had very much failed in escort duty, in not having seen them properly bestowed

outside before I buried myself in the interior. I tried to do the necessary shouting from a window, but the lady who occupied it remained, as it seemed, totally unconscious of my desire, and I was, after all, obliged to drag myself and my boots through the flounces of two or three others until I reached the scene of the melée, when I found the last piece of luggage had just been hoisted to the top. Once more I had to pass the frowning ordeal, amid the crush of skirts and the artillery of indignant eyes, before I could subside into the welcome obscurity of the corner, and take up the thread of my thoughts, wofully frayed by the last rub. Yet I could not help being amused at the impudence that provided and stowed such carriages, and the simplicity that endured them; and after I had sagely asked myself if this was what is called "Pleasure," I more wisely answered the question in the affirmative, since the occupation of my own thoughts with these novel trifles, had already served, I was conscious, to smooth some of the ruts of care, and rub out a few of the wrinkles of application. Counter-irritation is an important agent of medication-of the old school, yet homoeopathic-and I acknowledged its good effects. Not so Mrs. Q. and the girls. Jam is not good for ladies' crinolines, and the crowded state of the coach certainly threatened the fashionable orbicular contour of skirts too severely not to have some effect upon the brows of the wearers. It was plain that the balm of rural quiet had not yet begun to make itself felt among us. The coach was like the branch of a tree on which bees are swarmed, and the heat and the buzz were worse than Wall street. Green plains, dotted with trees, lay every where around us,a perpetual soothing platitude, like some companionships. Here and there would be seen an oldfashioned farm-house, with its grassplot and honeysuckles, and, perhaps, a maid with a milk-pail; but the landscape had no points more salient than these. The fields grew sandier and more thinly covered as we neared the ocean; the sea-breeze met us with a flurrying welcome, and with it came a cloud that we were not at all disposed to welcomecomposed of myriads of mosquitoes that had evidently come a long journey, by the keenness of their appetites. In vain the ladies veiled their faces, and the gentlemen plied their handkerchiefs. Piquant were the attentions of the newcomers, and rather impatient the gestures

with which we attempted to repel them, while it was provokingly suggested by an old stager that if we had only rubbed our faces and hands with camphorated spirits just before we started, we should have been in far less danger of blotches. This might not be true; but it annoyed us to think it might. One of the greatest comforts under misfortune is to think it inevitable; and I have always dreaded those good people who feel it their duty to show you, when it is too late, how easily what ruffles you might have been avoided. Instruction is valuable, but it should be well-timed; one does not care much about the future while suffering from the musquito-bites of life.

The last expanse of bare sand having been passed, we drew up before a piazza long enough for St. Peter's, the roar of ocean in our ears, and its wind stimulating every nerve. I sprang out of my troglodytish nook with a feeling of delightful relief, and Mrs. Q. and the girls forgot their annoyances, and inhaled the new life with evident pleasure. The breeze was now quite too much for the mosquitoes, who lack the parasitic power to " pursue the triumph, and partake the gale." They disappeared, and we felt with delight that we had only to find our rooms and bestow our movables, and then return to enjoy the evening among the motley company that thronged the piazza, which, to our tired eyes, wore the appearance, at the moment, of a disjointed rainbow, swaying and fluttering in the breeze.

Here, it will be perceived, an important item had been momentarily forgotten-the evening meal, rendered a matter of consequence by the journey and the sea-air, to say nothing of the depletory labors of the mosquitoes. But of that anon.

We found rooms considerably larger than those recesses in which refractory nuns used to to be immured, and most carefully excluded from every sight and sound of the ocean, though not from the odors and din of the kitchen and stables. To the narrowness of our lot we submitted, as we best might, but to the total absence of what we had most particularly come to enjoy, we demurred a little; our remonstrances, however, were at once silenced by the intelligence that we must have these rooms or none, as all the seaward ones were already engaged by "permanent boarders," or for their friends. Indeed, before we got fairly settled, we began to feel quite like

intruders. Everything was pre-engaged by the "permanent boarders."

Our rooms were entirely destitute of wardrobes and bureaux, as the " permanent boarders" had required all that had been provided for us. Even our washing apparatus, wofully scanty at best, had been sifted by the lady on the opposite side of the entry, who had come with seven children and three nurses, for the summer, so that we were fain to borrow and lend sundry articles usually thought indispensable. We rang and rang in vain to have these deficiencies remedied, for as far as we could discover, the "permanent boarders" required all the servants as well as all the furniture of the house.

This was quite a new aspect of hotel life for my experience. I had always considered an inn or boarding-house a place of equal rights-where each inmate, paying his way, had as good a right to whatever his habits required as his neighbor. But my wife and daughters decided that this was always the way at such places, and that to expect anything else only betrayed our want of fashionable habitudes. The only way, she said, to secure any comfort at Rocky Branch was to take the best apartments for the entire season.

Before we were half settled in our closets, the gong howled, and we hurried down to tea, not, however, quickly enough to find anything but bread and butter upon the table. There had been fruit, as we saw by the plates of our neighbors, but when we desired a share, we were politely told that it was all gone. The lady with seven children had, I should judge, concluded that her first duty was to provide for her family, and, accordingly, divided everything within reach among them. At least I could not help noticing, at the close of the meal, that the little dears had not been able to devour half she had endowed them with. For myself, I wanted specially sea-fare, so I asked for some roasted clams, which I saw much relished by several gentlemen who seemed as hungry as I felt; but alas! I only touched the old string. All the roasted clams had been absorbed by the permanent boarders," and I was obliged to content myself with a slice of cold ham.

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But the fine air that we were to enjoy on the piazza till bed-time soothed our irritation, and made us forget for the time all meaner wants. We promenaded till we were tired, among ladies whose orna

mentation reminded me of that of ships of the line on gala days, and gentlemen flaming all over with gilt buttons, diamond brooches, and cigars, and then found a corner to sit down, thinking no sight so fine as the rising moon, no music so delightful as the roar of ocean.

We were scarcely seated when a piteous shriek reached my ears, and I jumped up, thinking some unfortunate dog or cat had been trodden upon in the parlor. I found, however, that it was only the beginning of a favorite Italian song, with which a young lady was favoring a circle of her fashionable friends. I looked in at the window for a moment; but the poor girl appeared in such distress that I could not bear to see her contortions of face and person, though I was assured she was only singing in opera style. I thought within myself" Hic labor, hoc opus est," but I said no such word, believe me; I felt more like knocking down some coarse young men, who were quizzing her unmercifully, as they walked up and down the piazza, looking in at the windows.

By the way, and let me say it here, as I dare say it nowhere else, by what strange perversion of nature and taste is it that music, meant by Almighty Providence for the soothing and sweetening of poor human nature, has become, in our time, a laborious thing-a thing of exhibition and emulation? There is, indeed, a class who must make music a labor-those who practise it as a profession; but why do our young ladies feel it necessary to imitate these people? It seems to me rather humiliating that a few imported opera singers and pianists should have power to effect a domestic revolution in this respect, so that the present object of singing and playing is no longer the pleasure of husbands and fathers, and little brothers and sisters, and the home circle generally; but the imitation of Signora So-and-so and Herr This-or-that, who may happen to have the public by the ears. I have felt sometimes that I should enjoy playing St. Dunstan to some of these sublime gentry, whom I regard with about as much affection as the saint felt for his infernal adversary.

I do not complain that the girls sing Italian songs, or play elegantly, but only that their inducement is a mean and not a generous one; that the excessive labor required by the new standard absorbs much of the interest and attention due to other things, and that it is difficult for

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