see him, very seldom speak to the creature, unless I want money; besides, he's out all day. Esop. And you all night, madam: is it not so? Mrs Riot. I keep the best company, sir, and day-light is no agreeable sight to a polite assembly; the sun is very well and comfortable, to be sure, for the lower part of the creation but to ladies who have a true taste of pleasure, wax candles, or no candles, are preferable to all the sunbeams in the universe. Esop. Preposterous fancy! Mrs Riot. And so, most delicate sweet Sir, you don't approve my scheme! ha! ha! ha!oh you ugly devil you! have you the vanity to imagine people of fashion will mind what you say? or that to learn politeness and breeding, it is necessary to take a lesson of morality out of Esop's Fables- -ha! ha! ha! Esop. It is necessary to get a little reflection somewhere; when these spirits leave you, and your senses are surfeited, what must be the consequence?. Mrs Riot. Oh, a have the best receipt in the world for the vapours; and lest the poison of your receipts should taint my vivacity, I must beg leave to take it now, by way of anecdote. Esop. Oh by all means-ignorance, and vanity! Mrs Riot. (Drawing out a card) Lady Rantan's compliments to Mrs Riot. SONG. I The card invites, in crowds we fly, To join the jovial rout, full cry: What joy from cares and plagues all day, II. Nor want, nor pain, nor grief, nor care, III. Uncounted strikes the morning clock, When tir'd with sport, to bed we creep, And again to the midnigot hark-away. Mrs Riot. There's a life for you, you old fright! so trouble your head no more about your betters1 am so perfectly satisfied with myself, that I will not alter an atom of me, for all you can say; so you may bottle up your philosophical waters for your own use, or for the fools that want 'em -Gad's my life! there's Billy Butterfly in the grove- -I must go to him we shall so rally your wis dom between us-ha, ha, ha. The brisk, the bold, the young, the gay, All bie to the midnight hark-away. [Exit singing. Esop. Unhappy woman! nothing can retrieve her; when the head has once a wrong bias, 'tis ever obstinate, in proportion to its weakness: but here comes one who seems to have no occasion for Lethe to make hirn more happy, than he is. Enter DRUNKEN MAN and TAYLOR. Drunken Man. Come along, neighbour Snip, come along, taylor; don't be afraid of hell before you die, you sniv'ling dog you. Tayl. For heaven's sake, Mr Riot, don't be so boisterous with me, lest we should offend the powers below. Esop. What in the name of ridicule have we here!So, Sir, what are you ? Drunken Man. Drunk-very drunk at your service. Esop. That's a piece of information I did not want. Drunken Man. And yet it's all the information I can give you. Esop. Fra, Sir, what brought you hither? Esop. Esop. I mean, Sir, have you any occasion for my waters! Drunken Man. Yes, great occasion, if you'll do me the favour to qualify them with some good arrack and orange juice. Esop. Sir! Drunken Man. Sir!-don't stare so, old gentlemanlet us have a little conversation with you. Esop. I would know if you have any thing oppresses your mind, and makes you unhappy. Drunken Man. You are certainly a very great fool, old gentleman; did you ever know a man drunk and unhappy at the same time. ses Esop. Never otherwise, for a man who has lost his sen Drunken Man. Has lost the most troublesome companions in the world, next to wives and bum-bailiffs. pray, what is your business with me? Drunken Man. Only to demonstrate to you that you Esop. But are an ass Esop. Your humble servant. Drunken Man. And to shew you, that whilst I can get such liquor as I have been drinking all night, I shall never come for your water specifics against care and tribulation: however, old gentleman, if you'll do one thing for me, I shan't think my time and conversation thrown away up on vou. Esop. Any thing in my power. Drunken Man. Why, then, here's a small matter for you; and, do you hear me? get me one of the best whores in your territories. Esop. What do you mean? Drunken Man. To refresh myself in the shades here after my journey-Suppose now you introduce me to Proserpine, who knows how far my figure and address may tempt her; and if her majesty is over nice, shew me but her maids of honour, and I'll warrant you they'll snap at a bit of fresh mortality. Esop. Monstrous ! Drunken Man. Well, well, if it is monstrous, I say no more ;—if her majesty and retinue are so very virtuous-I say no more;-but I'll tell you what, old friend. if you'll lend me your wife for half an hour; when you make a visit above, you shall have mine as long as you please; and VOL. I. B if if upon trial you should like mine better than your own, you shall carry her away to the devil with you, and ten thousand thanks into the bargain. Esop. This is not to be borne; either be silent, or you'll repent this drunken insolence. Drunken Man. What a cross old fool it is!-I presume, Sir, from information of your hump, and your wisdom, that your name is- -is- -what the devil is it? Esop. Esop, at your service Drunken Man. The same, the same- -I knew you well enough, you old sensible pimp you-many a time has my flesh felt birch upon your account; prithee, what possess❜d thee to write such foolish old stories of a cock and a bull, and I don't know what, to plague poor innocent lads with? it was damn'd cruel in you, let me tell you that. Esop. I am now convinc'd, Sir, I have written 'em to very litttle purpose. Drunken Man. To very little I assure you-But never mind it-Damn it, you are a fine old Grecian for all that, (claps him on the back) Come here, Snip-is not he a fine old Grecian?. -And tho' he is not the handsomest, or best dress'd man in the world, he has ten times more sense than either you or I have Tayl. Pray, neighbour, introduce me. Drunken Man. I'll do it-Mr Esop, this sneaking gentleman is my taylor, and an honest man he was, while he lov'd his bottle; but since he turn'd Methodist, and took to preaching, he has cabbag'd one yard in six from his customers; now you know him, here what he has to say, while I go and pick up in the wood here-Upon my soul, you are a fine old Grecian ! [Exit Drunken Man. Esop. [To Taylor] Come, friend, don't be dejected; what is your business? Tay. I am troubled in mind. Esop. Is your case particular, friend?" Tay. No, indeed, I believe is is pretty general in our parish. Esop. What is it? speak out, friend.. Tay. It runs continually in my head, that I am. Esop. What? Tay. A cuckold Esop. Have a care, friend, jealousy is a rank weed, and chiefly takes root in a barren soil. Tay. Tay. I am sure my head is full of nothing seeEsop. But how came you to a knowledge of your misfortune? has not your wife as much wit as you? Tay. A great deal more, Sir; and that is one reason for my believing myself dishonoured Esop. Tho' your reason has some weight in it, yet it. does not amount to a conviction. Tay. I have more to say for myself, if your worship will but hear me. Esop. I shall attend to you. Tay. My wife has such very high blood in her, that ske is lately turn'd Papist, and is always railing at me and the government-The priest and she are continually laying their heads together, and I am afraid he has persuaded her, that it will save her precious soul, if she cuckolds a heretic taylor Esop. Oh, don't think so hardly of 'em. Tay. Lord, Sir, you don't know what tricks are going forward above! religion, indeed, is the outside stuff, but wickedness is the lining. Esop. Why, you are in a passion, friend; if you would but exert yourself thus at a proper time, you might keep the fox from your poultry. Tay. Lord, Sir, my wife has as much passion again as I have; and whenever she's up, I curb my temper, sit down and say nothing. Esop. What remedy have you to propose for this misfortune? Tay. I would propose to dip my head in the river, to wash away my fancies- -and if you'll let me take a few bottles to my wife, if the water is of a cooling nature, I may perhaps be easy that way; but I shall do as your wor ship pleases. Esop. I am afraid this method won't answer, friend; suppose therefore you drink to forget your suspicions, for they are nothing more, and let your wife drink to forget your uneasiness-A mutual confidence will succeed, and consequently mutual happiness. Tay. I have such a spirit, I cannot bear to be dishonoured in my bed. Esop. The water will cool your spirit, and if it can but Lower your wife's, the business is done-Go for a moment |