"Well, sure enough, the masts went by | captain, 'don't be talkin' bad of any one,' the board, at last, and the pumps was says he; 'you don't know how soon you choak'd, (divil choak them for that same), may want a good word put in for yourself, and av coorse the wather gained an us, if you should be called to quarthers in th' and throth, to be filled with wather is other world all of a suddent,' says he. neither good for man or baste; and she "Thrue for you, captain, darlint,' says was sinkin' fast, settlin' down, as the sail-I-I called him darlint, and made free ors calls it, and faith I never was good at settlin' down in my life, and I liked it then less nor ever; accordingly we prepared for the worst, and put out the boat, and got a sack o' bishkits, and a cashk o' pork, and a kag o' wather, and a thrifle o' rum aboord, and any other little mathers we could think iv in the mortial hurry we wor in-and, faith, there was no time to be lost, for my darlint, the Colleen dhas, went down like a lump o' lead, afore we wor many sthrokes o' the oar away from her. "Well, we dhrifted away all that night, and next mornin' we put up a blanket and the ind av a pole as well as we could, and thin we sailed illegant, for we darn't show a stitch o' canvas the night before, bekase it was blowin' like bloody murther, savin' your presence, and sure it's the wondher of the world we worn't swally'd alive by the ragin' sae. 66 Well, away we wint for more nor a week, and nothin' before our two goodlooking eyes but the canophy iv heaven, and the wide ocean-the broad Atlantic -not a thing was to be seen but the sae and the sky; and though the sae and the sky is mighty purty things in themselves, throth they're no great things whin you've nothin' else to look at for a week together -and the barest rock in the world, so it was land, would be more welkim. And then, sure enough, throth, our provisions began to run low, the bishkits, and the wather, and the rum-throth that was gone first of all-God help uz-and oh! it was thin that starvation began to stare us in the face-'Oh, murther, murther, captain, darlint,' says I, 'I wish we could see land any where,' says I. More power to your elbow, Paddy, my boy,' says he, for sitch a good wish, and throth, it's myself wishes the same.' "Oh,' says I, that it may plaze you, sweet queen in heaven, supposing it was only a dissolute island,' says I, 'inhabited wid Turks, sure they wouldn't be such bad Christhans as to refuse uz a bit and a sup.' "Whisht, whisht, Paddy,' says the wid him, you see, bekase disthress makes uz all equal-thrue for you, captain, jewel-God betune uz and harm, I Owe no man any spite '-and throth, that was only truth. Well, the last bishkit was sarved out, and by gor the wather itself was all gone at last, and we passed the night mighty cowld-well, at the brake o' day the sun riz most beautiful out o' the waves, that was as bright as silver and as clear as cryshthal. But it was only the more crule upon uz, for we wor beginin' to feel terrible hungry; when all at wanst I thought I spied the land-by gor, I thought I felt my heart up in my throat in a minnit, and 'thundher and turf, captain,' says I, 'look to leeward,' says I. What for?' says he. and "I think I see the land,' says I. So he ups with his bring'-um-near-(that's what the sailors call a spy-glass, sir), looks out, and, sure enough, it was. "Hurra!' says he, we're all right now; pull away my boys,' says he. "Take care you're not mistaken,' says I; may be it's only a fog-bank, captain, darlint,' says I. "Oh, no,' says he, "it's the land in airnest.' 66.6 'Oh, then, whereabouts in the wide world are we, captain?' says I, 'maybe it id be in Roosia or Proosia, or the Garman Oceant,' says I. "Tut, you fool,' says he-for he had that consaited way wid him-thinkin' himself cleverer nor any one else— ‘tut, you fool,' says he, that's France,' says he. "Tare an ouns,' says I, 'do you tell me so? and how do you know it's France it is, captain, dear,' says I. "Bekase this is the Bay o' Bishky we're in now,' says he. Throth, I was thinkin' so myself,' says I, 'by the rowl it has; for I often heerd av it in regard o' that same;' and throth, the likes av it I never seen before nor since, and, with the help o' God, never will. "Well, with that, my heart begun to grow light, and when I seen my life was safe, I began to grow twice hungrier nor ever so says I, captain, jewel, I wish we had a gridiron.' 666 Why then,' says he, 'thundher and turf,' says he, 'what puts a gridiron into your head?' "Bekase I'm starvin' with the hunger,' says I. 66 6 And sure, bad luck to you,' says he, you couldn't ate a gridiron,' says he, " barrin' you wor a pelican o' the wildherness,' says he. Ate a gridiron!' says I; 'och, in troth, I'm not such a gommoch all out as that, any how. But sure if we had a gridiron we could dress a beefsteak,' says I. "Arrah! but where's the beef-steak?' says he. "Sure, couldn't we cut a slice aff the pork?' says I. "By gor, I never thought o' that,' says the captain. "You're a clever fellow, Paddy,' says he, laughin'. "Oh, there's many a thrue word said in joke,' says I. "Thrue for you, Paddy,' says he. Well, then,' says I, if you put me ashore there beyant,' (for we were nearin' the land all the time,) and sure I can ask thim for to lind me the loan of a gridiron,' says I. 6 "Throth, you may say that,' says I. "Why, you're a clever fellow, Paddy,' says the captain, jeerin' like. "You're not the first that said that,' says I, whether you joke or no.' "Oh, but I'm in airnest,' says the captain and do you tell me, Paddy,' says he, that you spake Frinch?' Parly voo frongsay,' says I. 66 6 "By gor, that bangs Banagher, and all the world knows Banagher bangs the devil-I never met the likes o' you, Paddy,' says he 'pull away boys, and put Paddy ashore, and maybe we won't get a good bellyful before long.' "So with that, it was no sooner said nor done-they pulled away and got close into shore in less than no time, and run the boat up in a little creek; and a beautiful creek it was, with a lovely white sthrand, and iligant place for ladies to bathe in the summer-and out I got, and it's stiff enough in my limbs I was afther bein' cramp'd up in the boat, and perished with the cowld and hunger; but I conthrived to scramble on, one way or the other, tow'rds a little bit iv a wood that was close to the shore, and the smoke curlin' out of it, quite timpting like. 666 By the powdhers o' war, I'm all right,' says I; 'there's a house there'and sure enough there was, and a parcel of men, women, and childher, ating their "Oh, by gor, the butther's comin' out dinner round a table quite convenient. o' the stirabout in airnest, now,' says he; And so I wint up to the dure, and I 'you gommoch,' says he, 'sure I towld thought I'd be very civil to thim, as I you before that's France-and sure heerd the Frinch was always mighty they're all furriners there,' says the cap-p'lite intirely-and I thought I'd show tain. them I knew what good manners was. "So I took off my hat, and making a low bow, says I, God save all here,' says I. "Well,' says I, 'and how do you know but I'm as good a furriner myself as any o' thim?' "What do you mane?' says he. "I mane,' says I, 'what I towld you, that I'm as good a furriner myself as any o' thim.' "Well, to be sure, they all stopt ating at wanst, and begun to stare at me, and faith they almost looked me out of countenance and I thought to myself it was no good manners at all-more be token from furriners, which they call so mighty p'lite; but I never minded that, in regard of wantin' the gridiron; and so,' says I, 'I beg your pardon,' says I, for the liberty I take, but its only bein' in disthress in regard of ating,' says I, that I make bowld to throuble yez, and if you could lind me the loan of a gridiron,' says I, 'I'd be intirely obleeged to ye.' "By gor, they all stared at me twice worse nor before, and with that, says I, 666 (knowing what was in their minds), 'in- | sinsible at last; and so says I, wanst more, deed it's thrue for you,' says I; 'I'm tath- quite slow, that he might understhandered to pieces, and God knows I look Parly-voo-Frongsay, munseer?' quare enough, but it's by raison of the storm,' says I, 'which dhruv us ashore here below, and we're all starvin', says I. "So then they began to look at each other agin, and myself, seeing at wanst dirty thoughts was in their heads, and that they tuk me for a poor beggar comin' to crave charity-with that, says I, 'Oh! not at all,' says I, 'by no manes, we have plenty of mate ourselves, there below, and we'll dhress it,' says I, 'if you would be plased to lind us the loan of a gridiron,'' says I, makin' a low bow. "Well, sir, with that throth they stared at me twice worse nor ever, and faith I began to think that maybe the captain was wrong, and that it was not France at all at all-and so says I-'I beg pardon, sir,' says I, to a fine ould man, with a head of hair as white as silver-'maybe I'm undher a mistake,' says I, but I thought I was in France, sir; aren't you furriners?' says I-' Parly voo frongsay?' "We, munseer,' says he. "Then would you lind me the loan of a gridiron,' says I, 'if you plase?' We, munseer,' says he. "Then lind me the loan of a gridiron,' says I, and bad scram to you.' 66 Well, bad win' to the bit of it he'd gi' me, and the ould chap begins bowin' and scrapin', and said something or other about a long tongs. "Phoo!-the devil sweep yourself and your tongs,' says I, 'I don't want a tongs at all at all; but can't you listen to raison,' says I—' Parly voo Frongsay?' 666 We, munseer.' "Then lind me the loan of a gridiron,' says I, and howld your prate.' Well, what would you think but he shook his owld noddle, as much as to say he wouldn't; and so says I, 'Bad cess to the likes o' that I ever seen-throth if you were in my country, it's not that-away they'd use you; the curse o' the crows on you, you ould sinner,' says I, 'the divil a longer I'll darken your dure.' "So he seen I was vex'd, and I thought as I was turnin' away, I seen him begin to relint, and that his conscience throubled him; and says I, turnin' back, 'Well, I'll give you one chance more-you owld 'Oh, it was thin that they stared at me thief-are you a Chrishthan at all at all? as if I had siven heads; and faith myself are you a furriner,' says I, that all the began to feel flusthered like, and onaisy-world calls so p'lite? Bad luck to you, and so says I, making a bow and scrape do you undherstand your own language? agin, I know it's a liberty I take, sir,'-Parly voo Frongsay,' says I. says I, 'but it's only in the regard of bein' cast away, and if you plaze, sir,' says I, Parly voo Frongsay?" "We munseer,' says he, mighty sharp. "Then would you lind me the loan of a gridiron?' says I, and you'll obleege me.' 66 Well, sir, the ould chap begun to munseer me, but the divil a bit of a gridiron he'd gie me; and so I began to think they were all neygars, for all their fine manners; and throth my blood began to rise, and says I, 'By my sowl, if it was you was in disthress,' says I, and if it was to ould Ireland you kem, it's not only the gridiron they'd give you if you ax'd it, but something to put an it too, and a dhrop of dhrink into the bargain, and cead mille failte.' "Well, the word cead mille faille seemed to stchreck his heart, and the ould chap cocked his ear, and so I thought I'd give him another offer, and make him 66 6 We, munseer,' says he. "Then, thundher and turf,' says I, 'will you lind me the loan of a gridiron?' 66 Well, sir, the devil resave the bit of it he'd gi' me-and so with that, 'the curse o' the hungry on you, you owld negardly villain,' says I; the back o' my hand and the sowl o' my foot to you; that you may want a gridiron yourself yet,' says I; and wherever I go, high and low, rich and poor, shall hear o' you,' says I; and with that I lift them there, sir, and kem away-and in throth it's often since, that I thought that it was remarkable." SAMUEL LOVER. Now 'tidden any good to meäke a row, DRIVING A HEN. WHEN a woman has a hen to drive into the coop, she takes hold of her hoops with both hands, and shakes them quietly toward the delinquent, and says, "Shew, there!" The hen takes one look at the object, to convince herself that it's a woman, and then stalks majestically into the coop, in perfect disgust of the sex. I thought you mid be out wi' Jemmy Bleäke. A man don't do that way. He goes out of doors and says, "It is singular nobody JOHN. FANNY. in this house can drive a hen but myself." An' why be out wi' him, vor goodness' seäke? And, picking up a stick of wood, hurls it at the offending biped, and observes, "Get JOHN. in there, you thief." The hen immediately You walk'd o' Zunday evenèn wi'n, d'ye loses her reason, and dashes to the op know, eärm. FANNY. Well, if I did, that werden any harm. JOHN. He took ye roun' the middle at the stile, FANNY. posite end of the yard. The man straight- You went vrom church a-hitch'd up in his way dashes after her. She comes back again with her head down, her wings out, and followed by an assortment of stovewood, fruit-cans, and coal-klinkers, with a much-puffing and very mad man in the rear. Then she skims up on the stoop, and under the barn, and over a fence or two, and around the house, and back again to the coop, all the while talking as only an excited hen can talk, and all the while followed by things convenient for handling, and by a man whose coat is on the sawbuck, and whose hat is on the ground, and whose perspiration and profanity appear to have no limit. By this time the other hens have come out to take a hand in the debate, and help dodge the missiles and then the man says every hen on the place shall be sold in the morning, and puts on his things and goes down the street, and the woman dons her hoops, and has every one of those hens housed and contented in two minutes, and the only sound heard on the premises is the hammering by the eldest boy as he mends the broken pickets. DANBURY NEWS MAN. Ees, at the stile, because I shou'den vall, cousin? An' I can't zee, then, what there is amiss JOHN. Well, he shan't kiss ye, then; you shan't be kiss'd By his gre't ugly chops, a lanky houn'! Well, John, I'm sure I little thought to vind An' mussen goo about nor wag my tongue An' talk away o' gi'èn vo'k a drashèn, An' breakèn bwones, an' beäten heads to pummy! If you've a-got sich jealous ways about ye, FANNY. Now, John! don't squeeze me roun' the middle zoo. I woon't stop here noo longer if you do. bonnet. Mother 'ill zee it after I'm at hwome, An' gi'e a guess directly how it come. JOHN. Then don't you zay that I be jealous, Fanny. FANNY. I wull; vor you be jealous, Mister Jahnny. I must run hwome, upon my word then, now; |