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Enter VALENTINE and SPEED.
Val. Ha! let me see: ay, give it me, it's mine :-
Speed. Madam Silvia! madam Silvia!
Speed. She that your worship loves?
Speed. Marry, by these special marks: First, you bave learned, like Sir Proteus, to wreath your arms like a male-content; to relish a love-song, like a robinred-breast; to walk alone, like one that had the pestilence; to sigh, like a school-boy that had lost his A. B. C; to weep, like a young wench that had buried her grandam ; to fast, like one that takes diet; to watch, like one that fears robbing; to speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when you laugh'd, to crow like a cock; when you walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it was for want of money: and now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that, when I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.
Val. Are all these things perceived in me?
Speed. Without you? nay, that's certain, for, without you were so simple, none else would: but you are so without these follies, that these follies are within you, and shine through you like the water in an urinal; that not an eye, that sees you, but is a physician to comment on your malady.
Val. But, tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia? Speed. She, that you gaze on so, as she sits at supper? Val. Hast thou observ'd that? even she I mean. Speed. Why, sir, I know her not.
Val. Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet know'st her not?
Speed. Is she not hard-favoured, sir?
Speed. That she is not so fair, as (of you) well favoured.
that her beauty is exquisite, but her favour infinite.
Val. I mean,
Speed. That's because the one is painted, and the other out of all count.
Val. How painted? and how out of count?
Speed. Marry, sir, so painted, to make her fair, that no man counts of her beauty.
Val. How esteemest thou me? I account of her beauty.
Val. I have loved her ever since I saw her, and still I see her beautiful.
Speed. If you love her, you cannot see her.
Speed. Because love is blind. O, that you bad mine eyes; or your own had the lights they were wont to have, when you chid at Sir Proteus for going ungartered!
Val. What should I see then?
Speed. Your own present folly, and her passing deformity: for he, being in love, could not see to garter his hose; and you, being in love, cannot see to put on
Val. Belike, boy, then you are in love; for last morning you could not see to wipe my shoes.
Speed. True, sir; I was in love with my bed : I thank you, you swinged me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide you for yours.
Val. In conclusion, I stand affected to her.
Speed. I would you were set; so, your affection would cease.
Val. Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to one she loves.
Speed. And have you?
Val. No, boy, but as well as I can do them :-
Enter Silvia. Speed. O excellent motion! O exceeding puppet! now will he interpret to her.
Val. Madam and mistress, a thousand good morrows. Speed. 0, 'give you good even! here's a million of
[Aside. Sil. Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand, Speed. He should give her interest; and she gives it him.
Val. As you enjoin'd me, I have writ your letter,
[done. Sil. I thank you, gentle servant: 'tis very clerkly
Val. Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off;
Sil. Perchance you think too much of so much pains?
Sil. A pretty period! Well, I guess the sequel;
[Aside. Val. What means your ladyship? do you not like it?
Sil. Yes, yes; the lines are very quaintly writ:
Val. Madam, they are for you.
Sil. Ay, ay; you writ them, sir, at my request: But I will none of them; they are for
you: I would have had them writ more movingly.
Val. Please you, I'll write your ladyship another.
Sil. And, when it's writ, for my sake read it over : And, if it please you, so; if not, why, so.
Val. If it please me, madam! what then?
Sil. Why, if it please you, take it for your labour; And so good morrow, servant.
[Exit Silvia. Speed. O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible, As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a steeple !
My master sues to her, and she hath taught her suitor,
the letter? Val. How now, sir? what are you reasoning with yourself?
Speed. Nay, I was rhyming; 'tis you that have the reason.
Val. To do what?
Speed. What need she, when she hath made you write to yourself? Why, do you not perceive the jest?
Val. No, believe me.
Speed. No believing you indeed, sir: but did you perceive her earnest?
Val. She gave me none, except an angry word.
[an end. Speed, I'll warrant you, 'tis as well : For often you have writ to her; and she, in modesty, Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply, Or fearng else some messenger, that might her mind discover,
(lover:Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her All this I speak in print; for in print I found it.Why muse you, sir? 'tis dinner-time.
Val. I have dined.
Speed. Ay, but hearken, sir: though the cameleon love can feed on the air, I am one that am nourished by my victuals, and would fain have meat: 0, be not like your mistress ; be moved, be moved. (Exeunt.