Oldalképek
PDF
ePub

gence was imparted. I was unnerved, but I despised the idea of exposing my weakness. That day I kept my room; that night I was sleepless; I know not what I did; I was a weeping child; a raving madman, insensible as an idiot, then melting into tears. But

sky, we prayed for each other with all the Whither I asked not. It was enough for eloquence of unuttered and unutterable | me. I left the room the moment the intellithoughts, and we thought we heard an answer as the breeze swept along the sky. "Slowly we returned together-silently the tears chased each other down her pale cheek. She spoke not all the way home, nor did she then; we lingered until compelled to part. She tried to whisper farewell, but ut-when morning came, my soul was renewed, terance was choked. I impressed a deep kiss upon her lips, and tore myself away. Oh! how beautiful was that last look-I saw it by the moon-beams as they fell upon her suffused cheeks. That look! it went with me-it first cheered me, if in after years ittered it as a calling. I dreamed not of that tortured me-and now it sometimes rises before me in my dreams, and I am unmanned."

it had shaken off its weakness; I had cursed all women, and gave myself up to ambition. You may think it strange that one just about entering the ranks of the priesthood should feel thus; but you must remember I bad en

pure spirit of love, which I now believe should characterize every one, who enters the holy office of a minister. My talents were C- was here almost too much overcome of a showy order, and considered of a reto speak. I reached him a glass of water, spectable rank; and I hoped one day to have and begged him to defer the narrative until the highest office in the command of the some other day, when he might be stronger. church at my disposal. This was my deterHe paused for some time-his eyes closed-mination, though I told it not; and as my he pressed his hand upon his brow, on which uncle possessed immense wealth and wielded the large drops were gathering, as though an amount of influence commensurate with fearful it would burst. I bathed his temples his wealth, the way seemed to be open. and hands, and it was nearly an hour before "I was regularly inducted. My first ef he got over the exhaustion, or rather shock,|| forts at pulpit eloquence equalled my fondest which his frame received by the rush of pain-and proudest expectations; the murmur of ful thoughts. After the paroxysm had passed, he seemed to be even better than before. I urged him again to wait until some other time; but he replied "that it was best now," and he continued:

applause was whispered around, and after the service the ready gratulation saluted me on every side. Every month witnessed my rising popularity. I was soon possessed of one of the largest churches in London, and "I was on the continent. Weeks and after four years, it was the expectation of months passed, and I heard no tidings from my friends as well as the secret expectation Catherine. Dark and horrid dreams soon of myself, that the next vacant bishopric haunted me. I had written to her again and would be filled by me, and consequent on again, but no answer was returned. Was this my entrance to the house of lords. I she faithless? Impossible. Was she dead? was now courted by both parties in the house. The thought was bliss in comparison with Daily, I dined with ministers, lords and bishthe former, for then I could not doubt her ops, and nightly I mingled with the wealth love, and I fancied her a ministering spirit and beauty of the capitol. But will you beever around me. When wearied with in- lieve me? during all this time I was sutense study, she was near me cooling the fe- premely miserable. I had but one motivever of my burning brow. When, at night, I power; that was ambition. My affections gazed upon the bright heavens, and the were withered-the springs of feeling frozen thoughts which wander through eternity'-my heart itself weak and desolate as an went travelling forth, our hearts united her sweet voice, like the echo of distant music, filled my ear and soul with ecstacy. For three long years, I lived a life of mingled hope and despair. There were many reasons at that time, when Europe was so unsettled, of accounting for the miscarriage of many of her letters, for I scarcely ever heard from any one on the island-but how could|| all be lost? Four years expired. My studies were completed; I hurried home. My parents had always neglected writing about her; though I had made frequent inquiries—|| but now I found out all!

iceberg.

"Thus for four years was my sun in the ascendant, every day approaching its zenith. I mingled with the loveliest of the land, but still I was insensible. I could flatter and compliment with the perfection of a courtier of the times of the second Charles; but in truth I scorned them all. No other being had yet crossed my path who seemed to possess the perfection which memory threw around her whose love I thought I had possessed. She had forgotten her plighted vow; where then was I to look for constancy!

66

Returning to my house one evening, I "No, not all—they told me she had gone." found a message had been left for me to visit

ing fantasies rendered me but little better in the morning.

[ocr errors]

a sick person in Bond street, a female, at the point of death. I was startled. I had ever shrunk from the death-bed scene; and it "As soon as it could be deemed prudent, I seemed strange that I should be sent for by again made my call. I was welcomed by the one whom I knew not, especially as it must old lady. She told me that her charge was have been evident to every individual ac- much better, though extremely weak. She quainted with my manner of living, that I went up stairs, and returned and said, Will was not the fittest person to point the dying you walk up? My heart throbbed heavily— soul to the abodes of purity, and love, and I could hear its pulsations, and it seemed as peace. I blamed my valet for not having though it would swell beyond its bounds. I told the messenger that I could not come. was now to test my forebodings. As I enHe said that he had done all in his power to tered, I caught a view of the patient's face. drive away the old woman who called, but As she saw me entering, she suddenly turned that she would take no denial. I was the from me, and before I could see her features only one-no other minister." "The doc-distinctly, they were distorted with pain, her tors," she said, "have given the poor young eyes closed, and by the time I stood by her madam over-they be'ant able to do any bedside, she had swooned; every lineament thing more for her; but she says she can't telling of the most acute suffering. I stood die till she sees the minister C- ; and if rivetted! Did I see the form of her whom I it's only to save a poor distressed creature once loved? I stared upon her with a wild from dying distracted, tell him to come soon, and intense gaze-I read every line. Noand it may be she'll die happy then." this was not her-it could not be the formthis was not the face of her whom I had

"A call so unusual and so mysterious, could not be neglected. My coach was at the door, and late as it was, I was conveyed to No. Bond street. You cannot imagine how gloomy were my feelings in this serious visit. Every upper window which showed a light, brought to my mind the ghastly features of some departed being-I could almost hear the struggling gasp-the death-rattle, betokening the hard conflict which takes place at the moment when the soul shakes off mortality.

loved with my first and only love! I gazed and gazed, and as I gazed, consciousness by degrees returned the face lost its distortions it assumed its native mildness-the eye slowly opened-the lips moved. It was her! She tried to speak; I thought I caught ed. I was no longer deceived. It was inthe sound; For-for-and again she swoondeed her whom I had loved-I seized her hand, and almost wildly called her name

Catherine!' Slowly she again recovered; her ear seemed to catch the sound as she recovered; it was the echo of the past, calling her back to life!

6

"Thus agitated, I reached the appointed place. I entered a small, but very neat looking house. A little girl asked me to sit down, "Again she opened her mild eye-it had while she went up stairs to announce my a dreamy wildness; but it was gentle as before presence. She returned immediately, say--it looked upon me-it caught my rivetted ing, that Mrs. Gray would come down to see gaze. I could not speak-it threw a spell me in a moment. A full half hour, which about me; I knew not whether it was a seemed a day to me, intervened before the reality or a vision. She paused also, and old lady came, and when she did, it was to then she said in a voice of smothered and alapologize, and say that Mrs. R- could most wild anguish, Can you-will younot be seen then. She thanked me greatly will you forgive? Oh, Charles! speak, and for my trouble, saying, But the poor young I will die in peace. He has forgiven me. madam has been going on so, since she had Will you-say-oh!' I pressed her hand, the hearing that you were coming to see her, I raised it to my lips, but I could not speak. that I'm afraid she can't bear it now; she has She understood me-the tear started from its been so flighty and troubled. Yes, and its fountain, and the smile of joy and gratitude been just one fainty spell after another, brought back the beauty of other days even until I thought she was almost gone. If upon her palid cheek. you could only come in the morning, maybe she'll be stronger.' I expressed my sympathy, and gave my promise to be there again on the morrow. My anxiety was now aroused to its highest pitch, and I rode home with there I again became human; there was the most tumultuous feelings. I dare say the first rush of sympathetic feeling which you are now ready to anticipate the revela- had passed through my soul since I left my tions about to be made. But I must take you home a deceived man.' There I again with me. I tried to sleep and calm my learned that the human heart may lovethoughts-but broken slumbers and distress-there to pity weakness, rather than scorn or

"I would not desecrate the memory of that hour by rehearsing all that was said. It was there at the bedside of my long lost Catherine that my proud heart was made to bow

[ocr errors]

hate the name of woman! Though Cath-charms. He asserted that he had heard, erine had been deceived-had given her hand through sources which he knew to be true, to another-I had been enshrined with her that I had been false-that I was again ensoul through all; and it was not until she gaged to a wealthy noblesse. Not only so, had begun to think, nay, until she had con- but after some time, he artfully obtained the clusive, though lying evidence, that I had insertion of a notice in one of the papers, acted falsely, that she consented to give her confirming my marriage at hand to another; and in doing this she asserted that her heart was mine!

"Most of the morning was spent at the bedside of Catherine, and I departed to return again in a short time. What a change may come over a man's soul in one short hour! In one brief moment we throw the die-but our all is at stake upon the cast! The revelations of that morning colored my life. The sport of circumstances, I was tossed upon the wild waste, and for a while Decision forsook the helm. Ambition was crushed, and I felt the hollow-heartedness of earthly praise. I had stood with a human being, and one whom I loved, upon the brink of time; I had looked down, down, into the unfathomed and awful future, and I was changed!

"But let me relate in a few words the history of Catherine. I had not been absent from her a month before the demon had dragged his slimy length into a then Paradise, and sought to enfold and crush the being of my love. This demon (I can call him nothing less-he deserves no other name,) commenced his wily arts to seduce Catherine from her attachment to me. Being wealthy,|| and spending most of his time in the region of the country-seat of his father, he had much time at command, to obtain if possible a conquest over the heart of Catherine. Never slave bowed more obsequiously at the throne of royalty, than did he at the shrine of his pretended idolatry. But it was all met with coldness! He saw that I possessed the heart he covetted-it roused his indignation-I was his inferior in rank and fortune, and he determined to crush me. My letters to Catherine, by most daring treachery, secured before they reached her, were burned. Her letters to me likewise shared a similar fate. His next effort was to persuade her into the belief that I had deceived her-that I cared not, for her. Innocent and unsuspecting in her nature, although she loved him not, yet she gave him credit for sincerity in his profession-she believed his love to her was true and strong; but she could not return it. "Her constant answer was, that she was already affianced, and that she could never encourage the approaches of another, while the object of her first attachment existed. About this time her only surviving parent died, and she was left almost alone. Again the serpent entered, and again he tried his

"The paper was shown to Catherine. She had written to me since the death of her parent, but obtained no answer. He vowed eternal constancy-that she was the only being that could make him happy-that he was ready to give up all for her. She persisted to the last in the declaration that she loved him not; but in an evil hour she consented to their marriage, and gave him her hand. That was the moment of his triumph, and he exulted in the malignity of a fiend. Whatever may have been his feelings-even though of love-they had long since been converted to revenge, and the hour of its fulfilment was at hand. Oh! who-who, can doubt that there is a hell, when the human breast itself contains so much of its elements.

Her

"He proposed a private marriage. heart was sad-deserted, as she thought she was, by one whom she loved ardently-deprived of her only parent-forsaken, apparently, by all! she was little disposed to shine as a bride, amid a crowded assemblage-she consented to a private marriage. The minister who married them was a pretender-a debased tool in the hands of a more debased agent, and the three or four collected as witnesses were of the same stamp. Immediately after the ceremony, they set out for France, and from thence to Italy. Some months were spent here in travelling, and it was during these travels that the plot was developed. She now found that she was in the hands of a monster.

66

They were again in Paris-here he told her plainly that she was duped, and that he intended no longer to consider her his wife? She bowed beneath the shock. The arrow was then winged which was rankling in her heart when I next met her. There was no kind hand there to draw the barb, and it festered there until it released her from a world of sorrow.

"I said she bowed. It was like one who bows to the executioner. Her doom was sealed, and she submissively awaited the severing blow. She would not betray her weakness-he had spurned her, and she would not hug her chains.

May slighted woman turn, and as a vine The oak hath shaken off, yield lightly To her tendencies again? Oh, no!By all that makes life's poetry and beauty-no!' "Her skill in some of the finer accomplish

ments, as painting, embroidery, &c., opened a way by which she was enabled to support herself, without being obliged to make her wants known to those who were unacquainted with her, and in whom it were vain to look for sympathy. It was in this way she had supported herself during her residence in London, where she came as soon as she found I was stationed there.

"I pressed her hand, and the brimming tear started to her eyes; and after a pause she continued

"You do indeed forgive me then?—that is so kind-but do you-do you still love me? When I am gone will you think of me as I appeared to you in early days? Can you forget-but-I will not say forget-can you forgive my-oh, it was not my weakness-it was not coldness-no, I always loved, even and her utterance

failed. The gush of feeling overpowered her.

"Catherine! Catherine!' said I, 'I entreat you talk not thus. Forgive you! Yes, I do forgive. I love you even as I did when we parted on the banks of the Ewell. Yes, your memory shall be sacred-hallowed as the loveliest image of the past. It shall be entwined only with the happier recollections of our early days!'

"However, I am taking you on too fast for my history, for it was not until my third sub-when-but-butsequent visit, that Catherine had strength to give me this account of her sufferings. The next day when I called, she was much better -the interview she had had with me having exerted a beneficial influence, as it restored in some measure that peace of mind which she had so long wanted. The old lady told me that she had slept sweetly, and spoke of a hope that she would now recover; but I knew that this was fallacious. I saw too plainly that the citadel of life was already beginning to freeze-the rose had been plucked from its parent stem, and was withering-it had withered; and the last tint was fading, and its last effusion of fragrance was in the air. The excitement of our interview had only recalled for a brief time, a spirit, which was already on the wing.

"Then,' said Catherine, mastering her feelings instantaneously, and looking at me with a wild and intense look, as though her eyes would penetrate my soul and read its yet unformed thoughts-Then-then you will love her-will you? will you?'

66

My blood rushed wildly through my veins, swelling them almost to bursting, as a thousand conjectures sprung up in my mind. Has she then been so basely deceived-does she still think I love another? Who, who,' said I,-'speak, who is it-tell me her name!'

[ocr errors]

"But will you love her-will you watch over her-child of sorrow as she is, will you take her-will you protect-guard her?—I cannot, oh, no! I cannot leave her to a cold, cold world. My daughter—my daugh

"It was the third day after my first visit, that I again called to see her. The atmosphere was unusually clear for London. It was nearly the hour of sunset. All was still. And as I entered the dwelling, the darkened rooms-the perfect order with which every thing was placed about them-the apparent freedom that there seemed to be of both business and pleasure-the covered lute of Cath-ter!' erine, which now stood in the corner, and whose relaxed strings had long since ceased to echo to her voice; and, above all, the deep, whispering, subdued tones of the voice of widow Gray, seemed to impress me with the belief that this was the hour of death-Nature seems to sympathise with the dying, and hallow that hour.

"Here," said C, "I must be silent. Catherine could say no more—with her last words, I thought the spirit had parted. As for myself, I know not what I said, or what I did.

"This was the first intimation that Catherine had made that her only child, a daughter, was yet living, and, as I understood afterwards, she had determined to suffer me to remain in ignorance. She had already been told by Mrs. Gray, her kind hostess, that Kate should live with her, and her only ob

"When I approached the bedside, she was sleeping-but the sleep was so soft and gentle that even the whisper of Mrs. Gray awoke her. A faint smile coursed over her face as she beheld me standing by her, and she slow-ject in sending for me was to implore my ly held out her weak hand. The bowed windows were just then thrown open, and the gleams of light threw a halo about the room, and I thought came in as the glory of heaven, and that it was to gild her path to a peaceful home. To my inquiries she answered, that she felt very weak, and continued:

"I shall soon leave this world-soon be forgotten-yes, it may be even by you.'

forgiveness, hoping that in this way she could alleviate the pangs of the parting hour. Catherine then knew of no other arrangement which she could possibly make, and after a hard struggle she silently submitted to that which she could not remedy-to leave Kate to the kindness of Mrs. Gray, an almost entire stranger. My surprise was of course great: and so dreamlike were the thoughts of that hour, that memory cannot recal them.

It was an announcement I was not prepared for.

"After a while Catherine and myself became more calm, and with her consent, I requested Mrs. Gray to bring in little Kate. The moment the door opened, Kate rushed towards the bedside of her dying mother. She was then scarcely five years of age; but climbing up on the chair near the bed she threw her arms about her neck, and clung there without saying a word. I tried to take her, but she silently hung to the neck of her who was her all, and who was so soon doomed to leave her-resisting all entreaty and every persuasion on my part to draw her thence.

"Catherine tried to soothe her feelings, but she sobbed as though her heart would break, and when told that she was soon to be left motherless, she cried aloud, 'Oh no-oh no!' and clung still closer to the one she loved, as though with her weak strength she could keep her from the grave-the child contend with the giant Death!

"She was, however, finally soothed, as her mother told her to love me that I would be kind to her that I would be as a father. I took her upon my knee-my heart, as if by instinct, already wrapping its affections around her. The thoughts of the father entered not my mind-I saw before me a living miniature of Catherine. Not of Catherine as she lay upon the couch of death-pale, care-stricken, emaciated; but Catherine when I first knew her-the same dark eye, though it possessed not quite so much penetrating brilliancy, but was more softened and languid in its expression—the same ringlets that tumbled over the snowy neck of Catherine in her school-girl days, when we loved, but knew not that it was love-the same fair cheek, red lips, and lurking dimples.

"Yes," said I, as I took her," you shall be mine, and I will be your father."

but my anxiety, first to have your forgiveness, and then for her, kept me lingeringI could not die. All is now settled, and I am ready. To-morrow, when you call, you will see only my corpse-but farewell-remember my child, and the blessing of the God of love shall be your's-my spirit will be around you-farewell!'

"I tried to persuade Catherine that she was not so near death as she supposed. She smiled, and said, 'It may be otherwise, but I think not: I feel as though this were our last interview-if so, farewell-farewell!'

"The next day I again called. The windows of the house were bowed; the crape upon the knocker told me that it was the house of mourning. I entered the room I had left last night; it was the chamber of death -a corpse was before me-I buried my face in my hands-over me rushed the memory of other times; yes, of my whole life-again I looked upon the form before me my lips touched the forehead-how cold it was how different from the time I last kissed it upon the banks of the Ewell, as her head rested upon my bosom. One more look-one more kiss upon that icy brow, and I closed the door and descended to the room below. I gave Mrs. Gray my purse, and told her to attend to every thing. The next day, with a few friends, I stood by the grave, and my own heart almost sunk within me as my lips pronounced the solemn ritual of our church -I am the resurrection and the life.'

"Kate remained with Mrs. Gray until my departure for this country. I visited her almost daily, and my heart rejoiced as I beheld her beautiful form becoming still more beautiful, and watched the development of her brilliant mind. But I need not tell you more; you yourself know that she has been to me as my own child, and I do not doubt, but that in you she will find an equally attentive guardian, though you cannot feel towards her as I have felt.

Here my friend took from his bosom a miniature. +6 Here," said he, "is it not the image of Kate? But this was Catherine; “With this shock my plans were all this was taken when we used to roam the changed. Ambition was dethroned in my wild woods and green banks of Ewell." I heart. God had touched my proud spirit, took it. "The likeness is perfect;" said I, and I was humbled. My views of religion "it could not be more so." from that hour have been more than specuC again resumed his narrative. "Ilative. To do good was my only desire. It again promised Catherine to take charge of soon became apparent that I was an altered her orphan, and after a short time prepared man. Sickened with the sycophancy around to take my departure. She took my hand, me, I turned away in disgust, and taking and as a bright smile rested upon her face, with me my fortune-which was moderate, said, 'Now I am happy-I now know that which I now leave to my adopted child—[ my child is not to be cast unprotectedly upon sailed for this country. You know all the the uncharitable world. I know you will rest. Here have I lived in delightful retirelove her; that you will be a father to her.ment; and here would I leave my bones! Charles! this is the last time we shall talk Let my grave be humble." together. I am now prepared to go-my mind is at rest-I should have gone ere this;

Here C- I closed his narrative. It must not be supposed that he gave it to me in the

« ElőzőTovább »