Tar-barrels new, and feathers old,
Are ready, I trow, for the caitiff bold
Who dares to invade
The stormy shade
Of the grim O'Grade,
In his hunting hold.

When the iron-tongue of the old gate beli
Summons the growling groom from his cell,
Through cranny and crook,

They peer and they look,

With guns to send the intruders to heaven.*
But when passwords pass

That might "sarve a mass,"t

Then bars are drawn and chains let fall,
And you get into Neck-or-Nothing Hall.

Canto II.

And never a doubt

But when you are in,

If you love a whole skin,
I'll wager and win,

You'll be glad to get out.

Doctor Growling's Metrical Romance.

The bird's-eye view which the doctor's peep from Parnassus has afforded, may furnish the imagination of the reader with materials to create in his own mind a vague, yet not unjust, notion of Neck-orNothing Hall; but certain details of the hall itself, its inmates, and its customs, may be desired by the matter-of-fact reader or the more minutely curious, and as an author has the difficult task before him of trying to please all tastes, something more definite is required.

The hall itself was, as we have said, a rambling sort of structure. Ramifying from a solid centre, which gave the notion of a founder well to do in the world, additions, without any architectural pretensions to fitness, were stuck on here and there, as whim or necessity suggested or demanded, and a most incongruous mass of gables, roofs, and chimneys, odd windows and blank walls, was the consequence. According to the circumstances of the occupants who inherited the property, the building was either increased or neglected. A certain old bachelor, for example, who in the course of events inherited the property, had no necessity for nurses, nursery-maids, and their consequent suite of apartments; and as he never aspired to the honour of matrimony, the ball-room, the drawing-room, and extra bed-chambers, were neglected: while, he being a fox-hunter, a new kennel and range of stables were built, the diningroom enlarged, and all the ready-money he could get at spent in augmenting the plate, to keep pace with the racing-cups he won, and proudly displayed at his drinking bouts; and when he died suddenly

This is not the word in the MS.

+ Serving mass occupies about twenty-five minutes.

HANDY ANDY.

(broke his neck), the plate was seized at the suit of his wine-merchant; and as the heir next in succession got the property in a ruinous condition, it was impossible to keep a stud of horses along with a wife and a large family, so the stables and kennel went to decay, while the lady's When the house was and family apartments could only be patched up.

dilapidated, the grounds about it, of course, were ill kept. Fine old trees were there, originally intended to afford shade to walks which were so neglected as to be no more walkable than any other part of the grounds-the vista of aspiring stems indicated where an avenue had' been, but neither hoe nor rolling-stone had, for many a year, checked the growth of grass or weed.-So much for the outside of the house: now for the inside.

That had witnessed many a thoughtless, expensive, headlong, and irascible master, but never one more so than the present owner; added to which, he had the misfortune of being unpopular. Other men, thoughtless, and headlong, and irritable as he, have lived and had friends, but there was something about O'Grady that was felt, perhaps, more than it could be defined, which made him unpleasing:-perhaps the homely phrase "cross-grained" may best express it, and O'Grady was, essentially, a cross-grained man. The estate, when he got it, was pretty heavily saddled, and the "galled jade " did not "wince " the less for his riding.

A good jointure to his mother was chargeable on the property, and is sacred this was an excuse on all occasions for the Squire's dilatory payment in 66 "Sir," he would say, my mother's jointure other quarters. -it is more than the estate can well bear, it is true-but it is a sacred claim, and I would sooner sacrifice my life-my honour, sir, than sce that claim neglected!" Now all this sounded mighty fine, but his mother could never get her jointure regularly paid, and was obliged to live in the house with him: she was somewhat of an oddity, and had apartments to herself, and, as long as she was let alone, and allowed to read romances in quiet, did not complain; and whenever a stray ten pound note did fall into her hands, she gave the greater part of it to her younger grand-daughter, who was fond of flowers and plants, and supported a little conservatory on her grandmother's bounty, she paying the tribute of a bouquet to the old lady when the state of her botanical prosperity could afford it. The eldest girl was a favourite of an uncle, and her passion being dogs, all the presents her uncle made her in money were converted into canine curiosities; while the youngest girl took an interest in the rearing of poultry. Now the boys, varying in age from eight to fourteen, had their separate favourites too :-one loved bull dogs and terriers, another game cocks, the third ferrets, and the fourth rabbits and pigeons. These multifarious tastes produced strange results. In the house, flowers and plants, indicating refinement of taste and costliness, were strongly contrasted with broken plaster, soiled hangings, and faded paint; an expensive dog might be seen lapping cream out of a shabby broken plate; a never-ending sequence of wars raged among the dependant favourites; the bull dogs and terriers chopping up the ferrets, the ferrets killing the game cocks, the game cocks killing the tame poultry and rabbits, and the rabbits destroying the

garden, assisted by the flying reserve of pigeons. It was a sort of Irish retaliation, so amusingly exemplified in the nursery jingle:

The water began to quench the fire,
The fire began to burn the stick,
The stick began to beat the dog,
The dog began to bite the kid.

In the midst of all these distinct and clashing tastes, that of Mrs. O'Grady (the wife) must not be forgotten; her weak point was a feather bed. Good soul! anxious that whoever slept under her roof should lie softly, she would go to the farthest corner of the county to secure an accession to her favourite property-and such a collection of luxurious feather-beds never was seen in company with such rickety bedsteads, and tattered and mildewed curtains, in rooms uncarpeted, whose paper was dropping off the wall: well might it be called paperhanging, indeed!-whose washing-tables were of deal, and whose delft was of the plainest ware, and even that minus sundry handles and spouts. Nor was the renowned O'Grady without his hobby, too. While the various members of his family were thwarting each other, his master mischief was thwarting them all; like some wicked giant looking down on a squabble of dwarfs, and ending the fight by kicking them all right and left. Then he had his troop of pets, too-idle blackguards who were slingeing* about the place eternally, keeping up a sort of "cordon sanitaire" to prevent the pestilential presence of a bailiff, which is so catching, and turns to jail fever :-a disease which had been fatal in the family. O'Grady never ventured beyond his domain, except on the back of a fleet horse-there he felt secure: indeed, the place he most dreaded legal assault in, was his own house, where he apprehended trickery might invade him: a carriage might be but a feint, and hence the great circumspection in the opening of doors.

From the nature of the establishment, thus hastily sketched, the reader will see what an ill-regulated jumble it was. The master, in difficulties, had disorderly people hanging about his place for his personal security; from these very people his boys picked up the love of dog-fights, cockfights, &c.; and they, from the fights of their pets, fought amongst themselves, and were always fighting with their sisters; so the reader will see the "metrical romance was not overcharged in its rhymes on Neck-or-Nothing Hall.

When Furlong entered the hall he gave his name to a queer-looking servant, with wild scrubby hair, a dirty face, a tawdry livery, worse for wear, which had manifestly been made for a larger man, and hung upon its present possessor like a coat upon a clothes-horse; his cotton stockings, meant to be white, and clumsy shoes, meant to be black, met each other half-way, and split the difference in a pleasing neutral tint. Leaving Furlong standing in the hall, he clattered up stairs, and a dialogue ensued between master and man, so loud that Furlong could hear the half of it, and his own name in a tone of doubt, with that of 66 Egan " " in a tone of surprise, and that of his "sable majesty " in a tone of

* An Hibernicism, expressive of lounging laziness.

!