THE LATE REV. RICHARD HERDSMAN, PASTOR OF THE INDEPENDENT CHURCH AND CONGREGATION AT SOUTH PETHERTON, SOMERSET, concluded. "FEBRUARY 23d. This day I arrive at the end of the 28th year of my age. It is about nine years since I was first under any serious concern about soul-affairs. Many ups and downs I have experienced in this space of time. I am a wonder to myself. The following lines, I hope, I can adopt with pleasure: When I with pensive thoughts review "Oh, may it always be so! Lord, I wonder at thy dealings with me! Free sovereign grace has run through the whole of my life. Much barrenness and deadness have attended me. It seems as if I never did any thing for God as I should. Lord, do thou quicken me in thy ways! I March 5th, Lord's Day. hope the Lord was with me this day in some measure. Oh, when shall I pray and preach, as under his immediate eye, and by his sensible XXIV. help and comfort! I find a want of an entire dependence upon him for success, by every sermon. I want to go to the pulpit with a persuasion of his help and grace in delivering the word, and a satisfaction in his dealings with me, whether successful or not. It is distressing to me (yet not so much as I want it to be) that vain thoughts intrude when engaged in my work. Lord, do thou drive away these birds of prey, that waste my comfort and dishonour thy holy name! I want a more settled dependence upon thy grace at all times. "April 29th, L.D. I trust I had some measure of freedom and comfort in the Lord's work this day. Oh, when shall I have no will, design, or end, but that which is for the glory of God and the good of precious souls, in all I do and say! "1781, September 9th, Lord's Day. I hope the morning and evening services were profitable to me this day. I am oftentimes suspicious of myself, whether I am assisted by the Lord, or whether all I feel is not attributable to a lively flow of the animal spirits. I trust I can say it is my earnest desire to feel Y wholly dependent on God. I hope grant me thy quickening grace, to set an edge on my soul, and keep it so. Read more in Dr. Mather's I am many times assisted in his worship, and that beyond my expectation; and I know I cannot Manuductio ad Ministerium. I spent command such frames when I would. 66 September 16th, Lord's Day. In the afternoon I felt much affection in preaching the word; hope good was done. The Lord only can make any attempts successful; but at the time the people seemed af. fected. Lord, grant all may not be in vain! "October 7th. I want more life, seriousness, and love to the Redeemer in his work. I hope I was helped by the Lord this day. Oh, that I might preach every sermon as if it were my last; or as if I were to step from the pulpit to the judgment of the Lord Jesus! some time at Norton; and preached in the evening at Stoke. Hope I had some savour of divine things. "1786, July 30th, Lord's Day evening. For the most part of the preceding weeks, my mind has seemed to me very barren, I had thoughts of giving up all attempts to preach any more; my mind seemed destitute of knowledge, and my gifts seemed to me almost gone. With a sense of barrenness and poverty I went to meeting this morning; but, oh, how were my disagreeable thoughts all removed! I had a sweet melting season in prayer. The Lord seemed to make my heart like wax "October 8th. This day I went under the sun; and in preaching into Dorset; took Dr. Mather's Life from Hos. xii. 4, 5, my mind was with me; and read most of it by in a sweet solid frame. In the way the way. Many thoughts arose in to Martock I felt comfortable. I my mind upon reading a life so was left to my former barrenness, filled up with love and devotedness to make me sensible I ought always to the Lord, and such great use- to relinquish all self-dependence, fulness in the world. I hope I shall and to expect all good from the be enabled to imitate many things Lord alone. to my advantage, Was at was wounded and grieved in my soul to be in a family where there was no religion. ; "1788, June 1st, Lord's Day evening. I have for some time felt very lifeless; and this morning was very low and languid in the frame of my body and mind; but speaking on the love of Christ, from Eph. iii. 18, 19, my heart was somewhat warmed. Blessed be his name for his love to me. I want to lie low before him. "October 26th. Have this week read much in Dr. Owen on Spiritual-Mindedness. A searching piece truly, By it I have been led to see my own vanity in my thoughts; and want of spiritual improvement of time and means. Oh, how ashamed an I of myself! Pardon, O Lord, my innumerable of fences; and cleanse thou me from secret faults. I have many purposes formed in my mind for the more spiritual improvement of my time. It is from the fulness of the Lord Jesus alone I can derive strength to fix my thoughts on spiritual things: To him I desire earnestly to apply. "1794, January 1st. It is now a considerable time since I have made any memorandum in this book. In the course of that time, I have received many mercies, At times, within these two or three months, I have been very comfortable in my own mind; but, alas, the sweetest moments I have are but of short duration! I am too apt to forget. Mine is a stupid, ungrate ful heart. I have many things to 1782, April. I find my mind be ashamed of, that should humble this day going backward, Lord me before the Lord, My mind is cold and dull; much wandering and instability, even when I am professedly drawing near to God in secret. I sometimes find a backwardness to secret prayer; which indisposition has been for a long season a burden to me. I have found sweet moments when on my knees. "February 1st. Within two or three days past I have been enabled so to view an interest in the favour of God towards me, in and through his dear Son, that I thought I could face any danger, or even death without fear; believing and rely ing on the Lord's love. I thought, let me be where I would, or however exposed, I might safely go through all. My mind was much refreshed and comforted by reflecting on that passage (Ps. xxxiv. 2.) My soul shall make her boast in the Lord.' I would boast in the Lord as my Father, Covenant God, in the fulness of his grace, in the salvation of my blessed Lord Jesus. "1795, April 25th. This day I heard the Lord was pleased to bless the word I preached, from Prov. x. 9, to an individual. I also heard of another being under concern about the soul. I desire to give all the glory to the Lord alone: all is due to him. I am a poor barren creature in myself; and am often bowed down under a sense of my own leanness. April 29th. This day the church met for prayer. I trust the Lord assisted me in prayer; and in speaking from Ezra ix; the afternoon from Rev. iii. 8, Thou hast a little strength,' I feel an expectation of reviving times; and can truly say, the evidences of God's presence with myself and others give me more satisfaction and solid pleasure than any worldly circumstances whatever. Lord, help me to be thankful! November 8th. This has been a day of darkness to my mind. In the morning I had some liberty; but felt nothing in the service as I could wish in the afternoon: I had words, but still unfeeling. At the Lord's table I still felt the wandering of my mind; and seemed a wonder to myself, because of the insensibility of my soul. I am clearly convinced no salvation can be from any good works or frames. But, oh, how hardened a wretch am I, to feel no more love to such a Saviour! I want light and love. Lord, quicken my poor soul! I hope I felt some profit from reading the life of Mr. Romaine in the fa mily. 66 1796, January Sd. I hope there has been something of the Lord this day upon my own soul, and the souls of the people. I felt an earnestness of soul in prayer, and in preaching from Phil. ii. 1, 2, that they might all feel the blessings there expressed. Nothing would give my soul a greater pleasure than to find it is so through the year we have now commenced. Another 66 1797, January 1st. year of my poor unprofitable life is gone. Through the past year I have experienced many mercies. At times the presence of the Lord hath comforted my soul. My best moments for comfort have been alone.-November 26th last, on my way to Wincanton and Mere, I was very happy in my soul; a lovely verse occurring to my mind, descriptive of Christ's nearness to and sympathy with his people: these appeared in so striking a light to me, that I could not help shedding many tears of joy. I have also experienced many trials. May the Lord guide me! He hath given me a mind to be any thing for his glory. O Lord, mould my whole soul to thy blessed will and image! "1798, January 14th. My hasty temper is a great snare to me. The Lord subdue it. I desire to bless thy name for what thou hast done. March 16th, 1800. I had some sweet thoughts on the way |