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a successful comedian, a favourite eloquence of his recitation, and the dancer at the opera, or even a popular homage which "a well-graced actor” clown at Astley's was an outrage receives from his audience, this celeof all good taste and decorum, and a brated teacher of Christian theology proof that those concerned in it had condescends to accept from his pupils. no becoming sense of the solemnity There is only one Divinity Hall in of the circumstances in which they Scotland in which this practice bas were placed. Could Dr. Chalmers ever prevailed; nor was it known in be pleased with such a demonstration that one till within the last dozen or of respect ? Could he approve of twenty years, such a compliment, paid to him at a But what has all this long story moment when one of his brethren about the Divinity Hall to do with was addressing the house in a strain the portrait of Dr. Chalmers ? Not as solemn as if he had been speaking much, perhaps, further than that “ a from the pulpit, making the strongest loud ruffing noise" forms, by the asappeals to Scripture, and pronouncing sociation of ideas, a sort of casual at every breath the most venerable link between them. Our intention, name that mortal lips can utter? however, in mentioning the “ rufting We will not pretend to answer these noise,” whether in the Divinity Hall questions ; but we know personally or in the General Assembly, was to of a divinity-hall* in a certain uni- make way for the remark, that the versity not twenty miles from the love of receiving and conferring vain metropolis of Scotland, in which the applause seems to be making fearful students are in the habit, or were in inroads among a certain class of Scotch the habit, not many years ago, of churchmen. Under the Moderate applauding their professor by rufting, regime there was no such thing toin the same way as the people in the

lerated as

ruffing noises,” whether galleries, and the ministers on the loud or low, in any ecclesiastical Non-intrusion side of the house, mani- court or meeting for religious purfested their respect for Dr. Chalmers poses. No, the Moderates, much as on the occasion in question. The their doings in the days of their asreverend professor who presides in cendancy are now reprobated, dethe divinity-hall alluded to takes, spised all that sort of thing. If the or was wont to take, a volume or spectators or people in the galleries more of his own very eloquent pro- ventured to express their enthusiasm ductions along with him to lecture, by making a “ruffing noise," or any and proceed as follows :

other noise whatever, in those days, Suppose him going on with an ex- they forth with received an intimation amination upon any of the most from the Moderator, that if the exsolemn subjects of theology, with the periment were repeated, the house aid of such text-books, say, as Horne's would be instantly cleared ; and the Introduction to the Scriptures, Butler's same decency enforced in the General Analogy of Natural and Revealed Assembly was maintained in the inReligion, or Pearson On the Creed. ferior courts. But the present doHe is catechising one of the students ; minant party do not like this demure and on receiving an answer to some way of proceeding. They are, or would question remarks, that he has himself be, popular preachers. The applause entered fully into this subject, in of the multitude is dear to their hearts; such and such a place. He then " they love greetings in the markets, produces a printed volume of his and to be called of men, Rabbi, works, cast up the passage to which Rabbi!” Hence the introduction of he had just alluded, likely a very “ loud ruffing noises” into divinitysplendid one, and reads it from his halls, general assemblies, synods, and chair with all the emphasis of his presbyteries,- hence the fondness of powerful delivery. He shuts the the Nons for holding public meetings book and sits down, and immediately and spouting matches,- hence the the same “ loud ruffing noise" that disgusting way in which they begreeted Dr. Chalmers on his first slaver each other with fulsome appearance in the last General As

panegyric, both in their spoken and sembly, rewards the professor for the written effusions,—and hence, also,

The theological professor's lecture-room in a college is Scotticè, a divinity hall.

such praise-gone-mad productions as confessedly very large, must have the “Sketches” which we are now grown gradually less, till, at present, reviewing.

it is far below the average size ; and But this “ruffing noise” has nearly the same must be true of his organ made us forget Dr. Chalmers's head of benevolence,--for how else can ---and the largest head in Europe we account for his injustice and inought surely not to be forgotten. consistency in the case of the StrathThe fact is, however, that the Wit- bogic ministers, moving as he did ness has grossly exaggerated its di- that they should be deposed, and mensions; and it is, after all, no such supporting that motion in what we portentous affair as he would make must call, with all our respect for us believe. We happen to have the doctor, a long-winded, jesuitical, seen Dr. Chalmers more than once, unfeeling speech? The editor of the and we can assure such readers as Witness takes no notice of any dehave not had the same felicity, that pression in either of those organs,-his head did not by any means ap- a circumstance which, in so minute pear to us to be of colossal dimensions. and accurate an observer, seems inIt did not strike us as disproportioned explicable. If, however, he have to the body, and the neck seemed to telescopic eyes, the diminished organs support it easily,-- circumstances would be seen by him magnified so which unite to prove that what the as, though actually small, to be apWitness says is incorrect. We have parently large. Thus the whole seen giants carried about the country difficulty is cleared up in a moment. for exhibition, placed upon whose “How heartless, by such vile bufshoulders it would seem no larger than foonery as this, to attempt to throw a turnip which one of the average ridicule upon a man so great as Dr. Aberdeenshire oxen, sent up by the Chalmers !” Is it thus thou exclaimsteamers for Smithfield market, est, most sentimental reader? Then, would devour at two or three mouth- bless thy gentle art! be it known to fuls; but were it so enormous as the thee, it is the gentleman with the witness pretends, it would make telescopic eyes—he of the Witnessno bad fit for Goliath of Gath him- who has burlesqued Dr. Chalmers, self. Is there such a thing as for

and we

are only sporting a few people to have telescopic eyes? If grotesque-fooleries we suppose we there is, we suspect that the Witness, must call them, to try, if possible, to or, rather, its accomplished editor, make the caricaturist ashamed of has got peepers of that description; what he has done. Throw ridicule and, by the way, such a hypothesis upon Dr. Chalmers, indeed! Turn enables us to account for several back, we beseech thee, to the extract anomalous facts. First, it explains we have given from the Witness how it was that he discovered so about the great divine's head, and many things in red sandstone, which then say, with thy hand upon thy the philosophy of previous geologists breast, whether thou canst conceive had not dreamed of. Again, it is well or imagine any buffoonery which it known to every adept in phrenology is possible for pen to inscribe on that the organs of the brain often paper more calculated to associate decline in size with the advance of ludicrous ideas with a man's person

For example, a man in than that piece of arrant phrenoloyouth and in the prime of life may gical humbug. have acquisitiveness large, and will In the same Bombastes - Furioso evidently be a miser; but as old age style which magnifies the doctor's comes on, the organ may grow so head into a size that would indicate small, that his avarice is changed the last frightful stage of hydroceinto profusion, and he dies an actual phalic incurability is the part of the spendthrift. This is a case, as every sketch which relates to his oratory. one knows, that often happens. Eloquence has been compared to a Now, if there is any truth in the stream, a torrent, a conflagration, science of phrenology at all, Dr. thunder and lightning, &c. &c.; but Chalmers's conscientiousness,

one and all of these are inadequate as * If the author's meaning be that misers in youth often turn spendthrifts in old age, then credat Judæus Apelles.- Printer's Devil.

old age.


similitudes to do justice to the rhe- the sunshine, produces an optical iltoric of Dr. Chalmers. The author lusion that gives an appearance of of the “ Sketches," therefore, draws depth? We speak, be it understood, upon his inventive powers, and tells of the efforts of his better days,-for us that the eloquence of the man his last public appearance, that, with the “ largest head in Europe" namely, when he proposed the depois like “ a stream of dense molten sition of the Strathbogie clergyman, lava pouring down the steep side of a had, bating its jesuitry and its heartmountain, and floating away on its lessness, nothing in it to stir up any surface rocks, and stones, and entire feeling but contempt. buildings." This is terrible enough, But looking at the portrait even of certainly; but its effect is rather less- the man with “ the largest head in ened than otherwise, when we are Europe" grows at length tiresome; are told that Jeffrey said of the man and so we turn to the likeness - the with the largest head in Europe, that next in the series — of the Rev. Mr. there was no man that so enabled alias Professor Candlish. Of this too him (Jeffrey) to form a conception of well-known individual, we are told Demosthenes. Now since a stream that of cold water-a dreadful enough

“ He is below the middle stature, and kind of thing certainly, when it is very broad, and very deep, and so

though turned of thirty by perhaps five

or six years, seems at this distance, from impetuous, that in attempting to cross

the smallness of his features and figure, it your ferry-boat, just when you

some years younger. His person is well have reached the middle, begins, in formed, his features good, and the exspite of helm and oar, to spin round pression seems indicative of great activity like a top, at the same time that it and energy. The forehead is very redescends with the velocity of a bird markable. We are by no means sure of flying in the air, affording a prime the truth of phrenology in its minuter illustration of the compound motion

details; but Nature does certainly seem of a planet in its orbit and on its to set her mark upon the foreheads of men axis -a stream of cold water such as

of extraordinary capacity. In the man this has, by the soundest critics, been

before us, the part immediately above deemed a quite adequate comparison

the eyes — the seat, it is alleged, of the

knowing organs-is in exact proportion by which to illustrate the force of the

to the face below; but the upper part great Athenian orator. But what is

swells out in the region of causality and a stream of mere cold water, however

comparison, especially in the former, so broad, and however deep, and how- that it projects at either side, and forms ever impetuous, to a torrent of “dense a broad bar across. There is, perhaps, molten lava" (red-hot of course) scarce a head in the kingdom in which " pouring down the side of a moun- the reflective organs are more amply detain, and floating away on its surface

veloped, and the mind consorts well in rocks, and stones, and entire build

this instance with the material indicaings?" Yet this is the only adequate

tions. They mark decidedly one of the

ablest men in the church -a man fitted similitude, it appears, to which the

for every walk of literature, whether eloquence of Dr. Chalmers can be

power, or elegance of intellect, just taste, compared. It was, to say the least, or nice discrimination, be required.” therefore, very wishy-washy in Jeffrey to speak in a way which implied But for all his projecting that Demosthenes was the greater of bar” reflective organs, his “ "power" the two orators. Had he said of De. and “elegance of intellect,” his “

`just mosthenes that there was no man taste, and nice discrimination,” Smith who so enabled him to form a con- Candlish has that dwarfishness of ception of Dr. Chalmers, it would

when associated have been something, and with coxcombry and impertinence, as sketcher might have recorded the re- it happens to be, and that to a very mark without lessening the effect of considerable extent, in his case his grand volcanic simile. After all, his countrymen, in their expressmay not the oratory of Dr. Chalmers ive vernacular, apply the term be most adequately compared to a smatchit, than which, when applied to shallow, brawling stream, covered an individual who has attained his with froth and bubbles, which, by full stature, the vocabulary of a sending forth some prismatic rays in Scotchman, though peculiarly rich

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person to which


in that department, has no word ex- rested in that wasted old coffin? Those pressive of more thorough contempt. of a man the most truly masculine in his The Witness feels the full force of cast of mind, and the most gigantic in his disadvantage in being small,

intellect, which Britain or the world and obviates it most ingeniously, as

ever produced ; the defender of the follows:

rights of the people of England; as a

scholar, the first among the learned in “ It is curious to remark how unwilling Europe ; as a poet, not only more sub. ople generally are to believe that a lime than any other uninspired writer, person by much too short for a grenadier but, as bas been justly said, more fertile may yet be a great man. It is at least in true sublimities than all other unin. equally curious to note the care which spired writers put together. The small Nature seems to take in iterating and re

old coffin disinterred from out the chancel iterating the fact. A very great propor

of St. Giles contained the remains of that tion of the intellect of the age just pass.

John Milton who died at his house in ing away was lodged with men who fell Bunbill Fields, in the winter of 1674,short of the middle stature. Napoleon

the all-powerful controversialist, who, iu was scarcely five feet six inches in the cause of the people, crushed the height, and so very slim in early life as

learned Salmasius, full in the view of to be well-nigb lost in his boots and uni. Europe, the poet who produced the form. Byron was no taller. Lord Jeffrey Paradise Lost." is not so tall. Campbell and Moore are still shorter than Jeffrey; and Wilberforce

Reader, is not this magnificent ? was a less man than any of them. The

John Milton and Professor Smith same remark has been made of the great Candlish! Whoever saw such a minds of England who flourished about collocation of names before? Who the middle of the seventeenth century.” would have ever thought of them

being brought together but for the This we must admit to be an able

purpose of exciting the most obstrepleading for the greatness of Mr.

perous mirth ? Smith Candlish is Candlish; though we can easily fore

dwarfish ; and John Milton's coffin, see that many Scotchmen, with that

which was of course large enough to obstinate tenacity of opinion which is contain the illustrious poet's body, one of their national characteristics,

after being stretched out beyond its will be inclined to dispute its rele

living dimensions, was only five feet vancy, on the formidable ground

ten inches long, and sixteen inches that, though Napoleon and Byron

broad. What follows? Why, to be were little, and though the same is

sure, that Professor Candlish will retrue of Jeffrey, Moore, and Camp- quire a coffin quite as roomy as that bell, yet that none of them can with

which accommodated the author of any propriety be called smatchits. In

Paradise Lost. Who, after this, will other words, though corporeally doubt that the Professor, though inspeaking little men, it cannot be pre- admissible into any grenadier comdicated of one of them that he either

pany in her majesty's service,-nay, is or ever was a smatchit. But we

though too small for any capacity in have not yet heard the Witness out

military life, excepting perhaps that upon this interesting subject; for

of a drummer,—who, we ask, after mark what follows:

this, will doubt that the said little “ In the August of 1790, some work

Professor may be a great man notmen engaged in repairing the church of

withstanding? Is the editor of the St. Giles, Cripplegate, found under the Witness actually serious, or does he floor of the chancel an old coffin, which, mean to turn the minister of St. as shewn by the sexton's register, had George's, Edinburgh, into ridicule ? rested there undisturbed for a hundred Serious ? Bless you! he is as grave and sixteen years. For a grown person, as an owl; and in introducing the it was a very small one. Its length did

story of Milton's coffin, found below not exceed five feet ten inches, and it

the chancel of St. Giles's church, measured only sixteen inches across at

Cripplegate, in the August of 1790, the broadest part. The body almost invariably stretches after death, so that

he imagined that he was giving such the bodies of females of the middle sta

a “ cross-buttock” as would prove a ture require coffins of at least equal perfect “clincher” to the prejudice length ; and the breadth even outside that existed regarding the would-be did not come up to the average breadth Professor's pigmy dimensions. “Let of shoulders in adults. Whose remains me only,” said he to himself, “get


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people to associate the name of Cand- place to paper, is not to be denied ;
lish with that of Milton, and the but Fox and Chatham, Dryden, Ad-
Lilliputian Professor will instantly dison, and Adam Smith!
swell to a portly size in the public powers of blarney! Was not this
mind; for to keep company with a editor of the Witness born within
man of real merit and eminence con- sight of the Suters of Cromarty ?
fers respectability even on the most And yet, in extravagance of exagge-
contemptible characters.” So, no ration, who is his equal among all
doubt, reasoned the most ingenious the Gascons and Hibernians ever
editor of the Witness, when the hap- bred ?
py idea occurred to him of bringing But enough of Professor Candlish,
Candlish the Little into close prox. ---for his portrait is bedaubed with
imity with John Milton the Great. colours so glaring, that we are nearly
Many persons, however, will be dis- blind with looking at it. Turn we
posed to think that his philosophy now to the picture of the Rev. Mr.
was at fault. Violent contrasts Cunninghame:
should be avoided ; and a dwarf never

“But who is that tall and very strongly appears more dwarfish than when

built man in the same corner of the house standing at the side of a giant. What, - viz. with the little Non whose likeness too, is the natural source of the lu- we have been just admiring —"so strongdicrous ? Is it not incongruity in ly built, that we are scarce aware that his the ideas brought together by the stature considerably exceeds six feet, mind? But what two ideas can except when we see men of the ordinary possibly be more incongruous than

size beside him ? He is large-limhed, those respectively called up by the

broad-shouldered, deep-chested ; and his name Candlish and the name Milton?

large head”- mark what is coming, O Does it, we ask, add any dignity to

most excellent reader ! --" his very large Lord John Russell, that his name

head is covered by dark brown hair - as

thickly covered as that of the Hercules often occurs in the newspapers in Farnese. His complexion is pale, indiclose juxtaposition with that of Sir

cating, perhaps, a sedentary life and Robert Peel ? Are the Radicals studious habits; the nose is slightly the less disposed on that account to aquiline ; the compression of the lips conceive and talk of him as “ finality speaks of firmness. But the general ex. Johnny ;” or does any class of her pression is one of tranquillity; and he majesty's subjects think the more seems marked by a peculiar quietness of highly of his truckling principles

manner." and place-keeping policy? We opine In illustration of this “ peculiar not; and still less, we imagine, will quietness of manner," we are told, the reputation of Robert Smith Cand- a little farther down :lish be promoted by his having been brought into close contact with that

“ The speaker warms as he proceeds. John Milton who died at his house

The voice heightens; and such is the

force and energy of the tones, that the in Bunhill Fields, in the winter of

arguments seem projected, missile-like, 1674,—the all-powerful controver- against his opponent. There is corre. sialist, who, in the cause of the peo- sponding action. The right fist, firmly ple, crushed the learned Salmasius, clenched, is raised every two seconds to full in the view of Europe,-the the shoulder, and then aimed with trepoet who produced the Paradise mendous force in the direction of the Lost.

floor. We are reminded of the 'iron After the story of Milton's coffin,

man of iron mould' in the allegory, who we have a flaming panegyric, near

went about with his buge fail, beating the length of a column, about his

out the grains of truth from the chaff and

stubble of falsehood." eloquence; and among other modest information which we get upon that

Here is undoubtedly a strongly subject, we are let into the secret, drawn portrait; but it would have that the little chatter-box is a greater been much liker the original if master of the English language than painted thus :Fox and Chatham, on the one hand,

" The Rev. William Cunninghame, of or than Dryden, Addison, and Adam

the College Church, Edinburgh, is a man Smith on the other! That the

of a huge carcass, and has a surly, feroEmuchit has great fluency of gab, and cious-looking phiz. The tout ensemble of some facility in committing common

his person


like that of the sturdy

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