upon his heart chilled with horror! To an individual in his situation, a man of the town, a man of the world, a clubman, a lounger, a gallant, the frame ten thousand times more in that single moment, than had the united false notes of all his different acquaintance, during the whole of his previous existence- —an achievement that his mu-whirring of a dozen bullets in his ear would have sical sensibilities would once have deemed impossible. been far preferable to that infernal sound; for it seemed to him-oh, desperation! like the effort As soon as he had recovered from the transito- of a female to suppress a titter. Even as the ry stupefaction into which this earthquake shock stunned culprit when the scaffold is presented to had thrown him, his first effort was to ascertain him, mechanically he raised his eyes; when, whether he had sustained any serious injury. what should his horrified vision encounter imFinding, as well as his restricted position would mediately above him, but the Lady Matilda Morpermit him to judge, that no bones were broken, den! and with such a look of arch malice on her he lustily attempted to extricate himself from a mirthful countenance, that really I have not suffisituation at once peculiarly inconvenient and unbe- cient stoicism to even attempt to describe it. coming. But this was an object unluckily far more easily coveted than attained. The upper part of the carriage had fallen into a ditch, and the roof consequently being considerably below the level of the floor, the situation of the unfortunate inmate may easily be conceived to be remarkably unpleasant. His first impulse was to slink snail-like back again into his shell; and there if possible forever hide himself from eyes that seemed to gaze upon him like those of Medusa. But he soon found that ingress was even more difficult than egress. He had therefore only the alternative of remaining to be stared to death by the Gorgon eyes which he felt were still riveted upon him, for he dared not again raise his own to ascertain the fact; or to make immediately a desperate effort to evade this appalling catastrophe. Now Mr. Fitz-Roy Byron had by no means a contemptible opinion of his intellectual powers, and, in case of emergency, had frequently depended upon his head for his support; but that this august ornament of the human trunk should Each of these proceedings however had its own ever have been materially devoted to such an em- particular vexations and disadvantages. If he reployment, had never previously, by the remotest mained, he died. But, if he attempted to escape, accident, entered into his calculation of possibili- while conscious that he was exposed to the gaze ties. He was consequently extremely indignant of the fair demon above him, he could not doubt at his situation; and his vigorous effort to release but that he should make a very ludicrous exhibihimself having failed, he bellowed lustily for as-tion. And, perhaps, if there be in the world one sistance. But as well might he have summoned the winds, for his servant had been tossed contemptuously, like an egg-shell from a monkey, over a lofty hedge into a mud-pond in the middle of an adjacent field; and as for the post-boy, he was far too deeply immersed in a vehement performance of sundry pantomimic manœuvres to which the agony of a sprained ankle was condemning him, to pay any heed to the vociferations of the imprisoned and humiliated dandy. situation more awkward and ridiculous than another, it is that of a man emerging from the window of an overturned carriage. A Vestris or a Louis Quatorze could not have undergone this ordeal with either grace or dignity; how then, in such a juncture, could even a Fitz-Roy Byron be supposed likely to be successful? ceeded in attaining the outside of the carriage without entailing the slightest imputation on either his grace, or his agility; but in the leap which was necessary to deposit his person on terra firma, he slipped and fell headlong into the mire, immediately beneath the spot, on which he believed his fair tormentor to be still stationed. These were his harrowing reflections; but he had no further option; one or other step must immediately be adopted. He consequently deterMr. Fitz-Roy, therefore, soon found that he mined to escape; and the result almost instantly was left to his own resources; and this conscious-realized all his melancholy anticipations. He sucness supplied him with a desperation that, after many laborious efforts, ultimately enabled him to attain his object. First the head of the disconsolate man emerged from the window of the carriage; and then his shoulders forced their way through the same narrow space. At last, the natural position of "the animal upon two legs" was entirely regained; he stood upright, his feet resting upon the nether side of the luckless vehicle, and part of his body and his arms exhibited above the level of the upper window. This object attained, he tried to open the door; but all his efforts proving unsuccessful, he rested his elbows upon the panels, and depositing his chin in his palms, deliberately paused to recover the breath necessary for the exertion which he was still doomed to undergo. He had stood thus for perhaps two or three minutes, when he was startled by a sound that made the blood rush into his face, and then return His spirit was broken; instead of springing from the earth, he rose slowly; and his temper was more disturbed than it had ever previously been. "When I resolved," thought he moodily," that I would speedily have her at my feet, I little imagined that I was destined so soon to find myself prostrate at hers." But we will not trample upon a persecuted man; or any longer, with a malicious minuteness exhibit him in his misfortunes. We will therefore not only suppose him arrived at the mansion, but that the couple of days have elapsed, which intervened before his bruises permitted him to present himself at the dinner table of his munificent host. All the effort; and it produced a similar effect. Oh, it would have been worth the sacrifice of half-a-dozen years of existence to have seen, and to have known the cause of, the look of despairing resignation with which Lady Matilda Morden then glided from the apartment! our baffled heroine. He was really glad that she was gone; he had been pre-determined not to be pleased with her; and her efforts to entrap him into a flirtation had consequently only bored and vexed him. With the feelings therefore of a man who has experienced a relief, he threw himself back in his chair, and comfortably stretched forth his long legs; when lo! they easily alighted on what the less proportions of the luckless Lady Matilda could not with all her efforts attain. On this occasion, he was seated next to Lady Matilda Morden, to whom he had been introduced during the morning of that day. And was he fascinated by her? Did he appreciate both her charms of person and of mind? Perhaps he did; but he had conceived such a spite against her in consequence of her accidental privity to his misfortunes, that he would not even acknowledge to himself the entertainment of any favorable sentiments. Whether Lady Matilda was equally indifferent to him, it is not easy to determine; for After the departure of their fair neighbors, the as the very core of her vocation existed in the gentlemen made their usual approach to the head manifestation of a particular interest for every of the table; and Mr. Byron occupied the seat of particular individual, she was so practised a performer that the object of her attentions for the moment was little likely to detect the semblance from the reality. But on the present occasion, for the first time in her life, she was destined to be defeated. In vain did she employ the sublimest efforts of her art; in vain did she direct against him the entire battery of her glances, and wiles; Mr. Byron sat impregnably secure in the citadel of his spleen, and scarcely even vouchsafed to her as much attention as courtesy required. Occasionally, he addressed himself to the pretty Miss Temple, who was his neighbor, on the other side; but, still, evidently, the prevailing features of the character he had assumed for the evening, were languor and nonchalance. How provoking! and never had she before so much coveted a conquest! "Why, Mr. Byron, how very dull you are tonight!" exclaimed piquantly old Lady Teviotdale, who possessed herself a most sepulchral vivacity. "The dulness of Mr. Byron must, I am sure, always be more entertaining than the brilliancy of others," said Lady Matilda, in a low tone, just delicately tinctured by sentiment; recklessly defying, in her eager desire to propitiate, all the peril which her reputation as a wit could not fail to incur from this unequivocal platitude. But all her efforts were of no avail. Courtesy, asperity; mirth, gravity; conciliation, provocation; every demeanor, tone, style, aspect and demonstration, concordant and antithetical, were repeatedly tried and found equally unsuccessful. The inexorable Byron would not be persuaded to address to her his homage. During the ten minutes, or quarter of an hour of taciturnity into which she then subsided, perhaps she was weary; or, perhaps, she was vexed; or, perhaps, she was abstracted; I know not; but from some, or other, or any cause, but that of her little black satin slipper being too tight, she had slipped from her beautiful foot this elegant and captivating portion of the feminine apparel. She had just become conscious of her bereavement, when the signal for the departure of the ladies was given by their hostess. Hastily, she endeavored to recover her little truant; but in the hurried attempt only propelled it to an increased distance from her. She made a second, and more anxious "Why, what is Byron diving after?" exclaimed Sir Sedley Manvers, thus directing the attention of the company to the circumstance of our hero having disappeared beneath the table. 66 By Jupiter!" exclaimed in the next moment the object of their curiosity, emerging from the folds of the table-cloth, into visible existence; By Jupiter! a trouvaille!" 66 And he deposited upon the table the tiny slipper of his unfortunate neighbor; when one general expression of surprise and amusement arose. Then it was passed from hand to hand, and obtained as general a share of admiration and curiosity. Many were the conjectures that were hazarded as to whom it belonged; but Mr. Byron, who with tolerable certainty could have solved this question, from some vague motive which perhaps he could not have defined to himself, pretended that from the situation in which he found it, he was unable to determine who was its owner. Some obtuse and kind-hearted person then suggested to Mr. Edwardes, that the slipper ought to be despatched to the ladies in the drawing room, for them to determine, among themselves, who was the proprietor of it. But the malicious, who are only too frequently the more acute, strongly resisted this proposition; and protested that it would be worse than infanticide, wilfully to destroy their amusement in the very moment of its birth, especially as it was in their power to bring it to a robust maturity. At the head of this class of malcontents was our friend Mr. Byron, who moved as an amendment, that no attempt should be made to discover an owner for the shoe, until the gentlemen should be present to witness it. The much desired moment at length arrived ; and the host and his guests repaired to the drawing room. Curiously and scrutinizingly did they means." But in the very moment of its seeming fulfilment, the plotters were destined to be deprived of a portion of their anticipated triumph; for when they turned from their admiration of their trophy, to recreate themselves in the discomposure of their victim, they found to their great disappointment that she had disappeared. The instant she discerned the magnificent entrance of her much-honored slipper at one door, she quietly escaped at another; for she felt, with all her self-possession, and ready tact, that if she awaited the coming struggle, the laugh would be against her. eye all the young ladies then and there assembled. | ceed to what old Brantome calls les voies de fait, Now it happened that not less than seven or eight and make the discovery by occular if not forcible specimens of this very indiosyncratic species of the human genus had been collected at the dinner table; all of whom, strange to say, were both so pretty and well made, that any one of them might have been the proprietor of the shoe, small and elegant as it was. The quizzers, therefore, had rather an ample field for their erudite investigations; and right curiously did they peer beneath chairs and tables, sofas and ottomans, piano-fortes and music-stools, for a sight of the complement of feet with which nature had blessed each of the objects of their suspicion. Their industry gradually obtained its reward; and at last it became pretty generally established among this inquiring body, The next morning, at breakfast, the conversathat all their fair companions had been ascertained tion turned upon the incident of the previous to be in possession of the whole of their attire, evening; and after some few vapid jests, and with the exception of Lady Matilda Morden, who bavardage, upon the subject, had been perpetrated, sat most suspiciously, like the widow of Ems, ob- Fitz-Roy Byron remarked superciliously to a comstinately presenting to the eyes of her inquisitive panion, in a sotto voce, which was quite loud admirers only one shoe; nor could any manœuvre enough to be distinctly audible to Lady Matilda, entrap her into a position which should exhibit" That he had never witnessed, or heard of in all her other foot. his life, a more ingenious or elaborate stratagem to attract attention to a pretty foot. The fair damsel had certainly admirably succeeded in impressing everybody with a very exalted opinion of her talents for deception. But for himself, he contritely confessed, that he could not say that tricks of this nature ever particularly increased either his esteem or respect for the party who perpetrated them." Just as this fact had been unequivocally substantiated, the door of the principal entrance opened, with a prodigious eclat, to its extreme extent; and the tallest servant in the whole establishment, with powdered hair, a considerable quantity of gold and plush, and a general aspect and character of great dignity, statelily entered the apartment, followed by three or four attendant menials, almost as long as himself. In his outstretched arms he ostentatiously bore, with a vigor and an air worthy even of the best heroes of the Iliad, a massive silver waiter, which was as big as young Norval's shield, which was round as the moon, if not quite as large; and in the centre of which-not the moon, or the shield, but the tray-conspicuously reposed, in solitary majesty, compensating by the strong contrast of its color for the diminutiveness of its size, the celebrated little black satin slip per. Shortly after the departure of the gentlemen, two or three of the ladies had repaired to the library in search of books. Among this number was Lady Matilda Morden, who, after a long vacillation, having at last suited her fastidious taste, was retiring from the apartment, with the volumes she had selected; when Lady Teviotdale accosted her, and taking her arm drew her slightly aside. Then addressing her, in the most confidential manner, and with the kindest possible malice, she said condolingly, "I assure you, my dear, I really quite felt for you last night. Indeed, I told my daughter only this morning, that I little expected to have ever beheld you placed in such a situation. But it really is too bad of that Mr. Byron; and ask To the great surprise of the ladies, and to the great internal mirth of the gentlemen, though their countenances presented a profound affectation of gravity and astonishment, this procession then approached Mrs. Edwardes; when the leader of it, with an amusing unconsciousness of his participa-Charlotte whether I did not say so? I positively tion in a jest, formally acquainted her, in menial tone and phrase, during a most solemn silence, that the shoe had been found beneath the dinner table; and that his master had desired him to ascertain from his mistress to whom it belonged. Great were the giggling and merriment excited by this announcement, among the livelier of both sexes; and even the most artificial and inert positively really smiled. "Who is the owner of this very pretty slipper?" demanded Mr. Edwardes, exhibiting it to the surrounding throng; for great legislators may 'occasionally be facetious, upon "precedent," as even the stern Cromwell was a practical joker: "Nobody answers; then I must vote that we pro assert that all the kind advances you made to him, ought to have overwhelmed him with gratitude; but instead of exciting in him any feeling of the kind, I declare, and so does Lady Temple, that he did not reply to them with even common attention. And that harsh remark, too, of his, respecting your little ingenious stratagem of the pretty slipper. Indeed, my dear, he must not only be a terribly insensible, but a very ill-bred person; and, believe me, not at all worthy of your pursuit for the future." During this speech of the good-natured dowager, not only the cheeks and forehead of Lady Matilda were died with blushes, but the neck and even the very arms shared in the crimson suffu sion which her charitable commiseration had ex- bore and an effort. "I hate the creature!" she exclaimed aloud, in the agony of her vexation, "I positively hate him!" This impassioned avowal of the pacific tendency of her sentiments, she repeated several times After her wrath had with increasing vehemence. been somewhat mollified by indulgence, she became more tranquil, and silently pursued the train of reflections which her chagrin suggested. "Who would have imagined," she thought, "when I saw that frivolous coxcomb huddled together in his prostrate carriage, and afterwards laughed at the absurdity and degradation of his position and appearance for half a dozen hours together, that, within a week, he, the thing! would have been the cause of my experiencing so much unhappiness? I, that have wealth, and rank, and fashion, and wit, and 365 The very necessity of avoid ing him was itself an incentive to associate with "Well, my dear," she said, "I approve highly of your conduct. I admire your fortitude extremely; and so do Lady Temple--and Miss Temple-and my daughter. You have cut him most completely and properly for the last two or three But, is it not provoking days; and I repeat, that I give you all praise for your excellent conduct. that he does not seem to entertain the slightest sense of your desertion of him? Now, does not this prove to you what I always told you—that he is a most insensible and indiscriminating person, and altogether utterly unworthy of your pursuit?" "Well!" cried Lady Matilda, after having The tiresome again taken refuge in the solitude of her chamber : "Well! this is not to be borne ! splenetic old woman! She'll drive me mad with vexation! And that creature, too-his excessive imperturbability and selfishness—I declare, he pays no more heed to me than if I were not in existBut, I will endure this odious ill-breeding ence. no longer. I will be revenged! and, if he do not know how to bear himself as a civilized being, I will teach him a lesson that he shall never recall, but in sorrow and in fruitless regret. I will have She raised her eyes, and gazed attentively at something that appeared behind the broad surface A very of the large mirror that confronted her. pretty object presented itself to her inspection; it was that of a lovely girl, whose face was pale, whose silken and clustering masses of rich auburn hair were most picturesquely deranged, and whose large, full, and eloquent eyes glistened with the She was half seated, and traces of recent tears. half reclining in a large arm-chair; and, altogether, her attitude and aspect alike presented a very fascinating picture of feminine disconsolate-him at my feet! yes, have him at my feet-and ness and temporary self-forgetfulness. She resumed her soliloquy. "I, that have wealth, and rank, and fashion, and wit, and beauty; I, that am known to have rejected the Duke of Churchill; I, that the Prince of Hungary, who has more shepherds than our most opulent nobles possess sheep, declares to be the most captivating creature in Europe, and who has six, if not seven times solicited me to marry one of his sons; I, who possess all this eclat, and personal attractions besides, am to be treated with disdain by a coxcomb, a superficial creature, who has no one earthly advantage, but that he is not very ugly. However, I will be revenged! for I will never speak to him, or even look at him again, as long as I live! and then, we will see how he will be able to support his fate!" For two or three days, Lady Matilda adhered most consistently to the infliction of this atrocious punishment. But, to the volatile and wayward girl, the consciousness of having imposed upon herself a rule was a restraint; and soon, therefore, the fulfilment of her resolution became a then, forsake him-and make the conceited creature rue for the rest of his days that he ever contemned Matilda Mordon!" Like a greyhound in pursuit of the hare, after a long confinement in sight of its prey, away flew, With a pertiwith all the vigor of inclination, her giddy ladyship in this more congenial path. nacious assiduity, and a skill that would have done honor to a better cause, she now sat down, in regular beleaguerment and siege, before the heart of the unconscious Mr. Byron. In all his whims and tastes she carefully coincided; addressed herself to all his foibles; and, whenever he manifested to her any peculiar degree of coldness, she only responded to the slight, by increased efforts to propitiate him; and, yet so skilfully and daintily did she play her part, that in all this systematic and zealous concurrence, she never approached obsequiousness, or deviated in the minutest degree from the most rigid path of feminine delicacy. But, with all her ingenuity, it is not to be supposed that she could conceal her manœuvres from the quick eye of Lady Teviotdade, who hated her most rancorously, for the very sufficient and justi- | tilda, I really must congratulate you on your confiable reason that she was pretty, and her daughter quest." was plain; that Lady Matilda was sought and But the lady made no reply; though a faint admired, and Miss Charlotte Duncan was either blush indicated both her consciousness and compreshunned or disregarded. But, in vain did the be-hension of her companion's speech. nevolent dowager interfere with her friendly sneers. "Yes," continued Mrs. Colquhoun, heedless Lady Matilda was now sustained by too strong of the sensation she excited, and equally careless and premeditated a purpose to succumb any longer whether she excited any attention at all; but talkto their influence. ing for her own amusement, without a thought or regard for that of her auditor-a very common infirmity in garrulous people: "Yes, I am confident that you have produced a very extraordinary impression upon Mr. Byron. Well, he is a charming young man ; and it is a conquest of which anybody might be proud. If I had been unmarried, or indeed, if aught had ever happened to poor Mr. Colquhoun- -But, dear Lady Matilda, I hope that you will not allow your triumph to make you conceited-and, that you will invite me to the wedding breakfast." And how fared and proceeded Mr. Byron during the progress of this assault? What were his conduct, sentiments, and opinions?-In a very short time, he began to find that his antipathy for Lady Matilda was rapidly subsiding. During the next few days, it entirely expired; and, within the ensuing week, he discovered that she was a very elegant, beautiful, cultivated creature, and thoroughly worthy of his services and assistance in the flirting department. "My dear Fitz-Roy," said Sir Sedley Manvers, one day as they were strolling together in the park, "I firmly believe that your fascinating self has really captivated that arch coquette, Lady Matilda Morden." From this time forth, "The Two Flirts" walked together, rode together, sat together, read together, and sang together; in fact, acted as pretty a flirtation as ever was exhibited in a counNow, the said Sir Sedley Manvers had spent try-house, for the amusement and edification of the one half his fortune and mortgaged the other; and, rest of the society. As for Lord Ambleside, he consequently, possessed a considerable predilection never dreamt of offering any opposition to this arfor Miss Temple, who was an heiress. But, it rangement. Mr. Byron was the heir to a barony, unfortunately chanced that, instead of gratefully and of fifteen thousand pounds per annum; matrirepaying the baronet for his disinterested affection, monial qualifications which entitled him, in the the thoughtless damsel entertained a tender senti- | noble earl's estimation, to aspire even to the hand ment for Mr. Byron-which, to say the least, of his own matchless heiress. In fact, everybody was very provoking. Sir Sedley Manvers, therefore, would not have been sorry to have seen his dear friend married to even a worse flirt than Lady Matilda Morden. 66 Upon my life, I am in earnest," repeated Sir Sedley, "I do really believe that, consummate coquette as she has been, she is now seriously in love with you. I have recently watched her most vigilantly; and I am convinced of the truth of my statement. You know my tact in these matters; and you know too that I have never yet been deceived. But what a triumph for you, to have subjugated this hitherto heartless dominator of all others' hearts-to have rendered natural the very Queen of Artifice! I am really afraid, Fitz, that it will make you insufferably conceited." was perfectly satisfied, except the amorous Miss Temple, and the splenetic Lady Teviotdale, who could not forget her own ugly and unmarried daughter. Thus, for some weeks events proceeded: and, during all this time did Lady Matilda, in accordance with her resolution, continue to feign the passion which she did not feel? No; she must have been a very bad person if she had, and should never, I promise you, have been a heroine of mine. But, what then was the result of her stratagem? How did all this extreme intimacy terminate? Why, in a very customary manner. She had not sufficient obduracy to enable her to execute the plan which her wounded vanity had conceived; and the consequence was, that the With great modesty and much generous firm-snarer became ensnared, and the intended captor ness did Mr. Byron combat the supposition, and was converted into the actual captive. The poor deny the soft impeachment; but they made their girl was deeply, thoroughly, uncomfortably in impression, nevertheless and straightways, he entered into an even more zealous fulfilment of his duties in the flirting department. : love. “And now,” thought she, "to what a hapless conclusion shall I have brought the perilous game We must now return to our heroine. to which my sorry spite excited me, if he should "Do you know, my dear Lady Matilda," said not entertain a real affection for me. But how be the bustling, volative, vacant Mrs. Colquhoun, convinced of the truth of his attachment, even if who, of all the good things in this world, best he should unequivocally avow it? How repose loved a marriage; and ineffably delighted to watch an implicit faith in one, whose sole vocation it has its preliminaries through all their fascinating gra- ever been to profess the sentiments which he does dations, from their most mysterious germ, down not feel. While I have been weak enough to deto that final climax or anti-climax, a public sol-vote my whole heart to him, what is there to asemnization: "Do you know, my dear lady Ma-sure me, that he has not been trifling with me? |