STORY OF A STUDENT. Creative art, Faith in the whispers of the lonely muse, flames, should begin to doubt the divine- I am about to record the strugglings of I was born in an Irish provincial town, a life spent in that strife, but unrewarded by that glory. True my years have been which afforded excellent opportunities for few-too few for the attainment of serene education. My parents were poor and and lofty fame; yet few as they have hamble shop-keepers: I was their only been, their number is completed, for an- child-my mother's pride, my mother's other will not elapse before this wasting sorrow. Of those early days when life frame shall have become "dust for obli- is almost wholly animal, I recollect little vion." The tide of life is ebbing fast more than my boisterous delight in boyish through my young pulses-early hope sports; my awe of my stern, cold father, and enterprize are extinct within me, and and my fondness for my indulgent mother; thought itself is changed to saddening ret- but since I indeed became a living soulrospection; yet should I be uncandid did since thought and self sentience dawned, I say that self-reproach makes a part of memory has been a faithful chronicler. my dispondency-yet I should be ungrate. My father sent me to school betimes, inful did I leave earth complaining of its tending that I should only receive instrucwoes and unthankful for its pleasures. tions in reading, writing, and arithmetic ; But there is one mood of mind in which I and that when this meagre education am made to feel shame, remorse, and self- should be accomplished, I should be apcontempt: it is that in which I am haunted prenticed to some trade or business. It by the fear that I do not in truth, possess was long before I could become reconthat genius which should alone have caus- ciled to the inroads which school hours ed or justified the inthusiasm with which and school books made upon my childish I devoted myself to the pursuit of fame, amusements; but so soon as I had exThe martyr, who, in the midst of death-perienced the noble excitement of mental VOL. III.-20-1 conflict, I became the most ardent student have forever vanished, they have heard death's coming footsteps, and are fled in the academy. My father never praised or fondled me, beyond recall. but his parental pride was flattered by my I was now about seventeen, and had, reputation for talent, and in order to give hitherto, led a life as tranquil and happy it a wider scope, he permitted me to learn as I could desire. The little apartment Greek and Latin, and subsequently, mo- which I called my own was neatly, and dern languages and science. But he had even elegantly fitted up, and furnished with not relinquished his original design of choice books, which my mother's bounty putting me into business; he only post- had enabled me to purchase. In this poned the execution until I should have lovely retreat I studied night and day, acquired the last and highest of our col seldom leaving it except for the purpose legiate honors. Meantime, study with of enjoying my dear mother's societyme had become a passion, and the desire Every evening when the shop was closed, of fame grew up in my heart, strong, si- my father went abroad in search of recre lent, and uubending as a tree. I had felt ation, and I descended to pass an hour or the "Spur of old bards to mighty deeds;" two in my mother's cheerful parlor. Here I had vowed my soul to the service of we discoursed gaily or sadly of things the search of truth; and my body I had past, present or to come; and often enli devoted to be the slave and instrument of vened our discourse by singing together its divine guest the soul. But my desire some of the beautiful airs of our country. for fame was not a selfish and sole- But this sweet life of enjoyment and hope thoughted passion for personal aggran was soon to terminate. One day, as I dizement; it was composed of the best was retiring after dinner, my father said affections of our nature; love of parents, abruptly, "I have apprenticed you to Mr. of country, of mankind. My heart throb-, the woolen draper; indeed I should bed warmly at the thought that I might have done so long since; but I expect be the destined discoverer of truths that that you will immediately prepare to give should be benefactors to future ages, but up your bookish nonsense, and enter on dearer still was the hope of winning a your new situation." . fame that might be worthy of making a I stated my invincible repugnance to part of my country's glory; that when this mode of life, and attempted to remon she should be taunted with the fewness of strate against being forced to enter on it; her philosophers and bards, mine might but he interrupted me with vehement anbe among the honored names with which ger, vowing I should adopt the business she should reply to the reproach. I could he had chosen for me, or leave his house not indeed expect to witness more than the and provide for myself, as he would no commencement of this fame, but it is the longer support me in idleness. Silently peculiarity of this mysterious, unfathoma- indignant, I withdrew, and shutting my ble passion, that it places its hopes, though self in my quiet sanctuary, began to con earth-bound, beyond the grave, and kin- template for the first time, the stern and dles brightest at the thought of praises chill realities of life. I felt that I was no which will fall unheeded on the "dull, longer a child to be nourished by the toil cold earth." Yet no man ever found a of others; the time was come when I durable renown, whose claims were not at must bear my portion of the primal curse, least partially recognized during his life- and eat the bread of my own labor. Yet time, and I was scarcely aware how I could not resolve to brave the living much I was animated by the expecténcy death that was proposed to me., To fore of this foretaste of glory, and by antici- go my burning desire of fame, and submit pation of the triumphant wonder with to years of dreary toil, with no higher which my parents would witness my suc- aim than that of making a little moneycess. Youthful dreams--bright visions! to be compelled to learn the textures, how often have they been dispelled by prices &c. of broad-cloths, whilst my soul the harsh voices of reality and want; was thirsting unquenchably for knowledge how oft have I wooed them back and-such a lot I could not bear for a mo fondly cherished "them! but now they ment to think upon. I could not blame my father, but I determined not to de- not doubt, that by daily sacrificing a ceive him; and as I found myself unfitted small portion of my time in tuition, or for a business life, I resolved not to sac- some such occupation, I should be able rifice my time and his money by entering to supply my few wants, and yet reserve on any apprenticeship whatever. all my energies for the slow and toilsome I had just formed this resolution when march of fame. I did not then know my mother entered. Her eyes were red how much of time and labor the world and swollen with weeping, and her voice sometimes exacts in pay for a mere subfaltered as she said, "Surely, dear John, sistence. you will not sobey your father?" My father did not speak to me until "Nothing," said 1, "could grieve me the time he had appointed for receiving more than doing so, but what he com- my consent. He then summoned me to mands at present is an impossibility to his presence, and demanded my decision. me." I replied respectfully, but firmly, that my "O, my poor child, do not say so!-habits and disposition were invincibly Your father has solemnly sworn, that, if averse to business. He then, scornfully in one week you do not consent, you must wished me success in the honorable leave this house-and you know how res- career I was about to run, and telling out olute he is." twenty gnineas, he handed them to me, "Well, in that at least I can obey him," saying sternly, but I thought also sorrowI said proudly, though my breast heaved fully, "Headstrong and disobedient boy, and my eyes brimmed. I know not what try how long you will be able to maintain hardness or strength of heart enabled me yourself on this sum, then try how long to resist my mother's entreaties, but when thy talents will take to earn even that she found me inflexible, she implored me pittance, and you will soon discover that to make choice of any of the learned pro- a business life is fittest for one who is not fessions-divinity, law, medicine-and born to an independence. The sooner promised to obtain my father's consent. you purchase this experience, the better But neither did the professions tempt for yourself, therefore leave my house me. The first was too sacred to be en- to-morrow, and never again enter it, until tered on from inferior motives, and the you are convinced of the folly of your others would too much engross that time disobedience." to other uses. which my ambition had secretly devoted Next morning, I quitted the paternal roof, never again to become a dweller My poor mother was dismayed, and a under it. My little fund had been prifaint sound of displeasure was in her voice vately augmented by my mother, and I as she asked, "What do you intend to had with me an excellent wardrobe, so do?" that 1.felt secure from want, for at least I had not conceived the difficulty of a year; and this year I resolved to dedianswering this simple and natural ques-cate to my first work. tion, and I blushed painfully, as I reflected On arriving in Dublin, my first care that the disclosure of my plans would was to procure a cheap and quiet lodging. subject me to the imputation of madness. In this I succeeded, and quickly estabI therefore attempted to quiet my mother lishing myself in my new residence, I comby telling her, what was indeed truth, menced my long projected poem. that I intended going to Dublin, where, by Nothing could so effectually have the exercise of my talents, I hoped to be taught me humility as did this attempt. able to make a living for a few years, Thoughts and images, which in the mistiafter which I would be better able to ness of my own imagination had seemed choose a walk of life fitted to my capa- sublime, lost their majesty and sunk into common-place, when clothed in my unI had in fact, determined on going to cooth style; and I say, but without dismay, Dublin, and there commencing my lite- that it would be long before I could fashrary labors. I proposed to myself a life ion for myself a grand harmonious utterof more than anchorite seclusion, and ance, like that of the ancient sons of song. austerity in food and clothing; and I did Were I an acknowledged child city. genius, I might here relate many of my my birth-place. Looking back upon all "mental experiences, for, in that case, they the circumstances of my visit to my mo would be highly interesting; but I feel the ther, I connot but believe it was some difference which exists, and which ought mysterious prompting that urged me to to exist, between the biography of an ob- it on that particular day. scure, and that of a celebrated man, and It was late and dark when I arrived, shall therefore suppress the details of my but it was I knew, the best time for seeing hours of composition. my mother alone, as the hour approached The scantiness of my income compel at which my father generally closed the led me to adopt the most rigid frugality. shop and went abroad. Meantime I I lived almost entirely on bread, fruit, and wrapped my cloak around me, and muf vegetables, and often (shall I confess it?) fling the lower part of my face in its folds, when the chill and cheerless meal was I walked up and down, gazing fondly served, I caught myself sighing after the upon my beloved mother, who was as usu delicacies with which my tender mother al busied in the shop. As I stood in the used to tempt my fastidious appetite. But shadow without the door, I could hear far more did I miss my mother's tender- some of the customers, who were neigh ness, when sickness visited me, and that bors, inquiring for me, and attempting in was frequently, for I was of a very deli- their own style to comfort my mother cate constitutions. But these considera- whose tears flowed at my name. They tions had no power to check my enthusi- prophesied that I would soon see my asm. When they recurred, I banished them and return, unless, indeed, I should fall with these few words of Chateaubriand, into the wicked ways of the great city, which I often and fervently repeated:- and then there was no saying-&c. All, "What are privations---what is death itself, however, that it was cruel in my father if our name but descend to posterity; if to cast me off for a first offence; but here two thousand years hence it should cause his entrance from the back parlor suspend. one generous heart to beat in the cause of the conversation, and the gossips disap liberty?" peared, one of them saying, as she passed folly I was in the habit of taking a long walk me in the darkness, "Ah! I doubt he is in the country very early every morning, a wild boy; no good could he be think and it was always during these excursions ing of when he refused the dacent trade that I originated those poetic conceptions, his father offered him. which, during the day and the night, 1 I continued to hover near the house labored to embody. One morning, about until I saw my father close the shop and six months after my arrival in Dublin, go out. I then knocked gently, and ma went out for this purpose, taking with me king myself known, was soon clasped in some money to purchase a work which I my mother's arms. We sat together till ardently wished to possess. It was sel- my father's return, when, as I did not dom indeed that I could permit myself wish to see him, my mother brought me su, an indulgence, and I had long since to my former apartment, and left me, dis ered that even the student cannot promising to see me in the morning, and be renciled to poverty, when he feels to call me in time to return next day by nal, as well as sensual pleasures, the Dublin coach. umscribed by want of money. after midnight, however, I accidentally was walking along Sackville street, awoke. A bright full moon was shining eye was caught by a mail coach into the apartment, and its silver brilliance bearing the name of my native town. An fell on the face and form of my urintierable yearning to look again upon mother, who was kneeling by my bedmy dear mother's face filled my heart; side. The moonlight showed me that the money which I had with me would she wept fast and freely, although no defray the expenses of the journey-the sound of sorrow passed her lips. Stretch coach was about to start-I could not ing out my hands to her, I murmured, resist the impulse of filial love, I stepped "dearest mother!" but taking my hands upon the vehicle, and in a few seconds in hers, and pressing them to her lips, she found myself rapidly travelling towards, whispered, brush! my child; sleep, for r About half an hour beloved you have need of rest;" then holding my of indigent genius. After a considerable hands, and bowing her head upon them, delay, my suspense was terminated by the she continued in the attitude of prayer. I return of the article, accompanied, howgazed upon her with unspeakable reve-ever, by a complimentary note from the rence and love, unti! sleep insensibly sur-editor, stating that its rejection was unaprised me, and, owing to the fatigue I had voidable, as it avowed political principles undergone, several hours clapsed before opposed to those supported in his periodiagain awakened, and in that half-con-cal; but hinting that the same power and scious state, I felt an indefinable sense of taste expended on papers purely literary, misery; a strange presentiment of im would insure their insertion. Simpleton pending evil. Without unclosing my eye- that I was, I had overlooked the obvious lids, I knew that my mother had not quit-necessity of silence on obnoxious topics. ted the posture in which I had last seen I resolved however to profit by the lesson her. Her hands still clasped mine--her in future; but it come too late for my lips still pressed them: but the hand were urgent wants, and I was unwillingly obcold, the lips had no breath. In an agony liged to offer one of my poetical works of alarm, I started up. The gray twin-for sale. I resolved to part with it for kling twilight enabled me to distinguish any sum, however small, which might reher kneeling and motionless figure. Ilieve my present necessities, annexing called on her in tones of love and terror; only the condition that it should be pubbut no motion-- no reply. Hoping thai lished anonimously. she slept or had swooned, I raised her The first publisher to whom I offered tenderly in my arms, but her tears were it, declined without reading it, saying dried, her sorrows and prayers were coldly that he did nothing in that line. ended-she was dead! She had perished The next perused it carefully, and proby the swift stroke of apoplexy, and Inounced it the work of a strong, but imslept quietly while the only heart that lov mature genius, adding, however, that even ed me had been stilled forever! had it been far superior, he could not risk the expense of publication. Grief for my mother's death served to soften my father's displeasure against me; The poem had been so long written and, during the very few years that he that I could judge of it dispassionately, survived her, he occasionally sent me and I freely admitted the justice of the money and other prosents. At his death, book-seller's opinion. Encouraged by his I inherited a small sum arising from the friendliness, however, I informed him of sale of his effects; these pecuniary aids the nece ssity that could alone have inenabled me to devote several years to duced me to think of publishing it. I beg study and composition. During this pe ged of him to furnish me with some literiod I began several works, and completed rary employment, however humble that some; but never attempted to bring any would procure me resent relief. of them before the public. I looked upon present," replied he, "I cannot think of them rather as exercises that would pre-any. At another season, I might give pare me for the production of glorious you orders for political pamphlets, though works, than as compositions entitling me I doubt whether your philosophic mind to any share of present fame. I naturally could stoop to render them such as would distrusted the efforts of such extreme generally please and obtain an extensive youth, (I was scarce twenty-one,) and I sale." "At would not, if I could, have risked my I was about to leave him in despair, hope of reputation, by publishing any of when he hesitatingly mentioned that he them. believed he could procure me a situation, But I could no longer continue to toil which though it was beneath my talents, for a remote object; my funds were al- might possibly be acceptible to my presmost exhausted, and I must obtain money ent circumstances. I eagerly accepted or starve. In this emergency, I wrote this offer of his services, and was in a a small article and sent it to a London few days engaged as clerk in a newspa periodical, for seldom does my luckless per office, at a salary of forty pounds per country possess any of these resources annum. This, together with accasional |