What impels me to take up my pen. com- mother tenderly. I was the orphan legapose myself to the act of writing, and be- cy of that mother, and consequently a sagin the record of feelings and events which cred trust. I was fed and clothed like my will inevitably throw a shadow over. the wealthier cousins; educated at the same character which too partial and misjudg- schools; ushered into the same fashiona ing affection once beheld shining with re-ble society where I learned that awk flected lustre? I know not-but it seems wardness was considered the only unparto me, as if a divine voice whispered from donable offence, and that almost any thing the boughs that wave by my window, oc- might be said and done, provided it was casionally intercepting the sun's rays that said and done gracefully. From the time now fall obliquely on my paper, saying, of our first indroduction into what is calthat if I live for memory, I must not live led the world, I gradually lost ground in in vain and that perchante, when I, too, the affections of my aunt, for. I unfortu lie beneath the willow that hangs over his nately eclipsed my elder cousins in those grave, unconscious of its melancholy wa-fouter gifts of nature and those acquired ving, a deep moral may be found in these graces of manner, which, however valupages, short and simple, as they may be. less, when unaccompanied by inward worth It is humiliating to dwell on past eriors-have always exercised a prevailing, an irbut I should rather welcome the humiliation restible influence in society. I never exif it can be any expiation for my blindness, actly knew why, but I was the favourite my folly-no such expressions are too of my uncle, who seemed to love me betweak-I should say, my madness, my sin, ter than even his own daughters, and he my hard-hearted guilt. rejoiced at the admiration that I excited, It is unnecessary to dwell on my juven- though often purchased at their expense. ile years. Though dependant on the Perhaps the secret was this. They were bounty of an uncle, who had a large fami- of a cold temperament; mine was ardent, ly of his own to support, every wish which and whatever I loved, I loved without revanity could suggest was indulged as soon serve, and expressed my affection with as expressed. I never knew a kinder, characteristic warmth and enthusiasm. I more hospitable, uncalculating being, than loved my indulgent uncle, with all the fermy uncle, If his unsparing generosity vor of which such a nature, made vain had not experienced a counteracting influ and selfish by education, is capable. Ofence in the vigilant economy. of my aunt, ten, after returning from an evening party he would long since have been a bankrupt. my heart throbbing high with the delight She was never unkind to me, for I believe she of gratified vanity, when he would draw was conscientious, and she had loved my me towards him and tell me-with most VOL. III, 1.-No. 6.

injudicious fondness, it is true-that I was living glory, I from the decaying fires of a thousand times prettier than the flowers earth.

I wore, more sparkling than the jewels, The invitation was accepted-and beand that I ought to marry a prince or a fore that short visit was concluded, so nabob, I exulted more in his praise, than great was the influence he acquired over in flatteries that were still tingling in my me, while I was only seeking to gain the ears. Even my aunt's coolness was a ascendency over his affections, that I felt grateful tribute to my self love-for was willing to give up the luxury and fashion it not occasioned by my transcendency that surrounded me, for the sweet and over her less gifted daughters? quiet hermitage he described, provided the But why do I linger on the threshold of sacrifice was required. I never once events, which, simply in themselves stam- thought of the duties that would necesped my destiny-for time, yea, for eter- sary devolveupon me. At first I felt a nity. strange awe in his presence, and I forgot

On

It was during a homeward journey those artificial graces, for which I had with my uncle, I first met him, who after been too much admired. Without meanwards became my husband. My whole ing to play. the part of a hypocrite, my head becomes sick, and my whole heart rea! disposition was completely concealed. faint, as I think what I might have been During the three days we were detained, and what I am. But I must forbear. If he remained with us; and aloof from all I am compelled at. times to lay aside my temptation to folly, the best traits of my pen overcome with agony and remorse, character were called into exercise. let me pause till I can go on, with a stea- the morning of our departure, as my dy hand and calmer brain. uncle was expressing his gratitude for his Our carriage broke down-it was a kindness, and his hope of meeting him in common accident-a young gentleman on town, he answered-and it was not withhorseback, who seemed like ourselves a out emotion--I fear our paths diverge too traveller, came up to our assistance. He much, to allow that hope. Mine is a lowdismounted, proflered us every assistance ly one, but I trust I shall find it blest.' I in his power and accompanied us to the then, for the first time learned that he was inn, which fortunately was not far distant, a minister-the humble pastor of a counfor my uncle was severely injured, and try village. My heart died within me. walked with difficulty, though supported That this graceful and uncommonly interby the stranger's arm and my own. I esting young man should be nothing more cannot define the feeling but from the mo- than an obscure village preacher-it was ment I beheld him, my spirit was troubled, too mortifying. All my bright visions of within me. I saw at once, that he was a conquest faded away. 'We can never different order of beings from those I had be any thing to each other,' thought I. been accustomed to associate with; and Yet as I again turned towards him, and there, was something in the heavenly saw his unusually calm eye fixed on ine composure of his countenance and gentle with an expression of deep anxiety, I felt dignity of manner, that rebuked my rest- a conviction that I might be all the world less desire for admiration and love of dis- to him. He was watching the effect of play. I never heard any earthly sound so his communication, and the glow of excisweet as his voice. Invisible communion ted vanity that suffused my cheek was with angels could alone give such tones to supposed to have its origin from a purer the human voice. When my uncle warmly source. I was determined to enjoy the urged him to accompany us home, and full glory of the solemn responsibilities of sojourn with us a few days, I backed the my new situation. It is one of the mys invitation with all the eloquence my coun- teries of providence, how such a being as tenance was capable of expressing. Vain myself could ever have won a heart like and selfish being that I was-I might have his. He saw the sunbeam playing on the known that we differed from each other surface, and thought that all was fair beas much as the rays of the morning star neath. I did love him; but my love was from the artificial glare of the skyrocket. a passion, not a principle. I was captivaHe drew his light from the fountain of ted by the heavenly graces of his manner

!

but was incapable of comprehending the dying, the dwelling of the poor and ignosource whence those graces were derived. rant, I in vain.sought to fill up the widenMy uncle would gladly have seen me ing vacuum left, by becoming interested established in a style more congenial to in the duties of my station. I could not my prevailing taste, but gave his consent, do it. They became every day more irkas he said, on the score of his surpassing some to me. The discontent I was chermerit. My aunt was evidently more than ishing, became more and more visible; willing to have me married, while my till the mild and anxious eye of my huscousins rallied me for falling in love with band vainly looked for the joyons smile a country parson. that used to welcome his return.

mind

We were married. I accompanied him It is true, there were many things I to the beautiful village of. I became was obliged to tolerate, which must inevmistress of the parsonage. Never shall I itably be distasteful to one, educated with forget the moment when I first entered such false refinement as I have been. But I this avenue, shaded by majestic elms; be- never reflected that they must be as opposheld these low, white walls, festooned with ed to my husband's tastes as my own, and redolent vines and heard the voice which that christian principle alone led him to was then the music of my life, welcome the endurance of them. Instead of apme here as heaven's best and lovliest gift. preciating his angelic patience and forHow happy-how blest I might have been bearance, I blamed him for not lavishing and I was happy for a while. His benign sympathy on me for trials which, though glance and approving smile, were, for a sometimes ludicrous in themselves, are time, an equivalent for the gaze of ad- painful from the strength of association. miration and strains of flattery to which I The former minister of the village left had been accustomed. I even tried in a maiden sister as a kind of legacy to his some measure, to conform to his habits congregation. My husband had been a and tastes, and to cultivate the good will protogee and pupil of the good man, who, of the plebians and rustics who constitu- on his death-bed, bequeathed his people to ted a great portion of his parish. But the the charge of this son of his adoption, and unsupported by principle, is incapa- him, with equal tenderness and solemnity, ble of any steady exertion. Mine gradu- to the care of his venerable sister. She ally wearied of the effort of assuming became a fixture in the parsonage, and to virtues, to which it had no legitimate claim. me a perpetual and increasing torment. The fervor of feeling which had given a The first month of our marriage, she was bluer tint to the sky and a fairer hue to absent, visiting some of her seventh cousthe flower, insensibly faded.-I began to ins in a neighboring town. I do not wish perceive defects in every object, and to to exculpate myself from blame; but, if wonder at the blindness which formerly ever there was a thorn in human flesh, I overlooked them. I still loved my hus- believe I had found it in this inquisitive, band, but the longer I lived with him, the gratuitously advising woman. I, who had. more his character soared above the reach always lived among roses, without thinkof mine. I could not comprehend how ing of briars, was doomed to feel this one could be endowed with so brilliant tal-thorn, daily, hourly, goading me; and was ents and winning glances, and not wish constrained to conceal as much as possible for the admiration of the world. I was the irritation she caused, because my husvexed with him for his meekness and hu- band treated her with as much respect as mility, and would gladly have mingled, if if she were an empress.. I thought Mr. I could, the base alloy of earthly ambition L was wrong in this. Owing to the with his holy aspirations after heaven. I deep placidity of his own disposition, he vas even jealous-I almost tremble, while could not realize what a trial such a comwrite it of the God he worshipped. 1 panion was to a mercurial, indulged, selfcould not bear the thought, that I held a willed being as myself.-Nature has gifted econd place in his affections-though me with an exquisite ear for music, and a econd only to the great and glorious cre- discord always wakes the nerve where tor. Continually called from my side to agony is born. Poor aunt Debby had a chamber of the sick, the couch of the perfect mania for singing, and she would

sit and sing for hours together, old fashion-There was affection in his tone, but there ed ballads and hymns of surprising length, was upbraiding, also; and drawing away scarcely pausing to take breath. I have my hand, I wept in bitterness of spirit. As heard aged people sing the songs of Zion, soon as I could summon up sufficient steadiwhen there was most touching melody in ness of voice, I told him the cause of my their tones; and some of the warmest feel resentment, and declared that I would ings of devotion I ever experienced, were never again enter a place; where I was awakened by these solemn,trembling notes. exposed to ridicule and censure, and from But aunt Debby's voice was full of unde- those, too, so immeasurably my inferiors seribable ramifications, each a separate in birth and education. Dearest Mary' discord a sharp sour voice, indicative of exclaimed he, turning pale from agitation, the natural temper of the owner: you cannot mean what you say. Let One Sunday morning, after she had been not such trifles as these, mar the peace of screeching one of Dr. Watt's.hymns of this holy day.. I grieve that your feelings about a hundred verses, she left me to pre- should have been wounded; but what matpare for church. When we met after fin- ters it what the world says of our outward ishing our separate toilettes, she began her apparel, if our souls are clothed with those animadversions on my dress as being too robes of holiness, which makes us lovely gay for a minister's wife. I denied the in our Maker's eye? Let us go together charge; for though made in the redun- to the temple of Him, whose last legacy to dance of fashion, it was of an unadorned man was peace.' Though the bell was white. But what,' said she, disfiguring ringing its last notes, and though I saw the muslin folds with her awkward fingers, him so painfully disturbed, I still resisted what is the use of all these fandangles of the appeal, and repeated my rash asservalace? They are nothing but Satan's de-tion. The bell had pealed its latest sumvices to lead astray, silly women, whose mons, and was no longer heard, Mary, minds are running after finery.'. All this must I go alone? His hand was on the I might have borne with silent contempt, latch-there was a burning flush on his for it came from aunt Debby; but when cheek, such as I had never seen before. she brought the authority of a Mrs. Dea- My pride would have yielded-my concon and a Mrs. Doelan of the parish to science.convicted me of wrong-I would prove that she was not the only one who have acknowledged my rashness had not found fault with the fashion of my attire, aunt Debby, whom I thought born to be the indignant spirit broke its bounds; de- my evil spirit, risen with a long drawn ference for age was forgotten in the ex- sigh, and taken his arm, preparatory fo citement of the moment, and the concen- accompany him. No,' said I, you trated irritation of weeks burst forth. I not be alone. You need not wait for me. called her an impertinent; morose old In aunt Debby's company, you cannot remaid, and declared that one or the other gret mine.'

will

of us should leave the parsonage. In the Surely my heart must have been steelmidst of the paroxysm, my husband enter-ed, like Pharoah's, for some divine purpose, ed-the calm of heaven on his brow.. He or I never could have resisted the mute had just left his closet, where he had been anguish of his glance, as he closed the door to seek the divine manna for the pilgrims on this cold and unmerited taunt. What it was his task to guide through the wil- hours of wretchedness I passed in the soli derness of life. He looked from one to tude of my chamber. I'magnified my suf the other in grief, and amazement. Aunt ferings into those of martyrdom, and ac Debby had seated herself on his entrance, cused Mr. L of not preparing me fo and began to rock herself backward and the trials of my new situation. Yet eve forward, and to sigh and groan-saying it while I reproached him in my heart; I wa was a hard thing to be called such hard conscious of my injustice, and felt that names at her time of life, &c. I stood, my did not suffer alone. It was the first tim cheeks glowing with anger, and my heart any other than words of kindness had pass violently palpitating with the sudden effort ed between. us, and seemed to me tha at self-control. He approached me, took barrier, was beginning to rise, that v my hand, and said, My dear Mary!' separate us forever, When

I tried to retain the same cold manner and they should draw comparisons, humbling averted countenance, but he came unac-to me, between their idolized minister and companied by my tormentor, and, looked his haughty bride?

so dejected and pale, my petulance and My uncle and cousins, made me a visit,.. pride yielded to the reign of better feelings. not long after my rupture with aunt DebI had even the grace to make concessions, by, which only served to render me more which were received with such gratitude unhappy. My uncle complained so much and feeling, I was melted into goodness, of my altered appearance, my faded.bloom transient, but sincere. Had aunt Debby and languid spirits, I saw that it gave ex-remained from us, all might have yet been quisite pain to Mr. L, while, my well; but after having visited awhile among cousins, now in their day of power, amus-" the parish, she returned; and her presence ed themselves continually with the old · choked the blossoms of my good resolu- fashioned walls of the house, the obsolete tions.. I thought she never forgave the of-style of the furniture, and my humdrum fending epithet I had given her in the mo-mode of existence. Had I possessed one ment of passion. It is far from my inten- spark of heavenly fire, I should have retion, in delineating peculiarities like hers, sented all this as an insult to him whom I to throw any opprobium on that class of had solemnly vowed to love and honor. females, who, from their isolated and un- These old fashioned walls should have." protected situation, are peculiarly suscept- been sacred in my eyes. They were twice ible to the shafts of unkindness and ridi- hallowed-hallowed by the recollections cule, I have known those, whose influ-of departed excellence and the presence ence seemed as diffusive as the sunshine of living holiness. Every leaf of the magand gentle as the dew; at whose approach nificent elms, that overshadowed them, the ringlets of childhood would be tos- should have been held sacred, for the breath sed gaily back, and the wan cheek of the of morning and evening prayer had been aged lighted up with joy who had devot- daily wafted over them, up to the mercy ed the glow of their youth, and strength of seat of heaven.

their prime to acts of filial piety and love, I returned, with my uncle to the metrowatching the waning fires. of life, as the polis.. It is true, he protested that he would vestal virgins the flames of the altar. not, could not, leave me behind and that Round such beings as these, the beatitudes change of scene was absolutely necessary cluster; and yet the ban of unfeeling lev- to the restoration of my bloom, and Mr. ity is passed upon the maiden sisterhood. L gave, his assent. with apparent But I wander from my path. It is not cheerfulness and composure.-But I knew her history I am writing, so much as my I felt that his heart bled at my willingown; which, however deficient in inci-ness, my wish to be absent from him, so 'dent, is not without its moral powers. soon after our marriage. He told me to I experienced one source of mortifica-consult my own happiness, in the length tion, which I have not yet mentioned: it of my visit, and that he would endeavor may even seem too insignificant to be no-to find a joy in solitude, in thinking of ticed, and yet it was terribly grating to mine. Oh! said one of my cousins, my aristocratic feelings. Some of our with a loud laugh, you can never feel sogood parishioners were in the habit of la- litary, when aunt Debby is' vishing attentions, so repugnant to me, Behold me once more 'mid the scenes that I did not hesitate to refuse them; congenial to my soul-a gay flower, sportwhich I afterwards learned, gave great ing over the waves of fashion, thoughtless mortification and displeasure. I would of the caverns of death beneath. Again the willingly accept a basket of fragrant straw-voice of flattery fell melting on my.ear: berries, or any of the elegant bounties of and while listening to the syren, I forgot nature; but, when they offered such ple- those mild, admonishing accents, which bian gifts as a shoulder of pork or mutton, were always breathing of heaven, or if I a sack of grain or potatoes, I invariably remembered them at all, they came to my returned my cold thanks and declined the memory like the grave rebuke of Milton's honor. Is it strange, that I should become cherub-severe in their beauty. Yes, I to them an object of aversion, and that did remember them when I was alone: and