called to the table with all or moft of the family, I thought, Is it now come to this? I must either displease my heavenly or earthly father: but, oh! the awfulness, or deep exercife, which was upon my fpirit, and ftrong cries that afcended unto the Lord for my help and preservation that I might not offend him. My fatherin-law fat with his hat partly on, and partly off, with his eyes fixed on me, as likewife mine were on him in much fear; fo we continued as long or longer than he used to be in faying grace, as they call it, but faid nothing that we heard; fo at length he put on his hat again, to the wonder of the family: neither did he then, or ever after, afk me why I did not put off my hat; neither did he perform that ceremony all the time I ftayed with him, which was above one year : thus the Lord helped me, renowned be his great name now and for ever. My father might seem for age, fpirit, and understanding, to have been much more than a match for me, a poor fhrub, but the Lord (who caused the pillar of the cloud to be bright and give light to Ifrael, and brought darkness upon the Egyptians, and fought against them, and for Ifrael) I believe touched and fmote my poor father, that he could not rise up against that power the Lord. helped me with: for it was not mine but the Lord's doing, to him be given the attributes of praise, falvation, and ftrength, now and for ever. I faw clearly, that there could not be any true and acceptable wor

ship

fhip performed to God, but what was in the fpirit, and in the truth; neither could any pray aright, but as the spirit helped them, which teacheth how to pray, and what to pray for, and rightly prepares the mind, and guides it in the performance of every service which the Lord calls for from his children.

I found my father-in-law was much difpleased with my going to meetings, yet I could not see what way to appease his displeasure, except in being very diligent (which I was) in his business, rather beyond my ability, working very hard; it is almoft incredible what my poor little weak body went through in thofe days, but all would not gain his love, for the longer I ftaid with him, the more his love declined from me; although I told him he need not be uneasy about my wages, for I would leave that to himself: I could not fee what he could have against me, except my going to meetings; however that was all he alledged. Now when his former ftratagems would not do, he offered me a horse to ride on, if I would go with him to his place of worship. I met with many a fnib and four countenance from him, in my return on foot from meetings, although as feasonably as my body was capable of performing; for my father commonly fent me on the firft-day mornings into the fields a mile or two, and as far upon a common to look at beasts, horfes, and sheep, (all this on foot) I thought with a

defign

defign to weary and make me uncapable of going to meetings; all which I bore patiently, neither, that I remember, ever faid, this is hard ufage: after all this, to the great grief of my poor mother, I had to go two, three, four, five, and fometimes fix miles, to friends meetings. After I had walked fast, and ran fometimes with my fhoes under my arms for want of time, I have seen many friends weep, and could not forbear when they faw me come into the meeting very hot and in a great fweat, they being in part fenfible of the hard tafk I had to undergo.

There is one thing fomewhat remarkable, which was thus: One firft-day morning, when I was about going to the meeting, my father faid, if I would ride upon fuch a young mare, as he mentioned, I might; which was one of the greatest of ten or twelve horses which he kept, about four years old, and not before rid at all: I thought his defign was more to hinder me of the meeting than any good to me, or any expectation of getting his mare rightly broke, but I accepted his offer, only afking how I might catch her: having got help to answer that, fhe being abroad, I put on the bridle, and mounted the topping beaft, and upon her firft refiftance, down fhe came; for that was my way and if the firft or fecond fall did not, the third moftly cured them from ftriving to throw the rider: I commonly fell upon my feet, and endeavoured fo to free my legs that fhe might not fall upon

:

them,

1

them, and then fprang up on her back while down, and made her rife with me; fo away we went, and came in due time to the meeting. This was partly the beginning of this way of managing horfes by me; fo Irid to the meetings two or three times, and then my father asked me, if the mare did not carry me foberly I replied, he did; then I must have her no more, he would make her his faddle-mare; fo I betook myself to my feet again, except fome other fuch like turn came. The Lord's mighty power bore me up, and he gave me as it were hinds feet, and enabled me to go through these exercises, and to bear the burthen in the heat of the day of my trials, inwardly and outwardly, which were many and

various.

Now the laft ftratagem my father used to hinder my going to meetings was thus: He took me in his arms in great fhew of kindness, faying, If I would be as a fon to him, I should find he would be a father to me, expreffing fomething about his having no near kindred, (and much more to the fame effect he faid to my brother Daniel, who was an innocent, wife, and clean-fpirited lad) I replied to him, If in thus making me thy fan, thou intends to hinder me from going to meetings, or to oblige me to go with thee to the Prefbyterian meetings, or any thing that is against my confcience, I cannot upon this bottom be thy fon; and, for the fame reafons, I refufed to be his hired fervant,

although

although he offered to hire me, and give me wages. Now when he faw that neither frowns, threatenings, hardfhips, nor great promises of kindness could prevail with me, he told me bluntly and roughly, I should fay no longer in his houfe: I innocently answered, I could not help it if it must be fo, as all I could do would not give him content, without hurting my conscience, and the peace of my mind, which I valued above all mutable things of this world. My poor mother heard my pleading with him, and how I offered to do the best for him I was capable of by night or day, (as I always had done) if he would be eafy, and let me have his countenance; but this was the fentence, No, I should not stay in the house: and indeed that troubled my poor mother fo, that I was forced to leave my father, and go to endeavour to mitigate her great trouble by telling her, that if I was but faithful, the Lord, I believed, would take care of me that I should not want; and the more fully to discharge myself, I reminded her, that as he had entered into marriage covenants with her bufband, fhe fhould endeavour to perform them, and in every thing faithfully to discharge herself as a wife ought to do to a husband, and leave me and all, and cleave to him, and to make her life as eafy as fhe could: I also told her, never to fend me any thing that my father knew not of, for I was not free to receive it; although what we had was in his hand, and all funk there, as I mentioned before.

I write

鬣