Deacon Rogers, he came to me;
"Wife is comin' round,” said he.
"I really think she will worry through:
She scolds me just as she used to do.
"All the people have poohed an' slurred-
All the neighbors have had their word;
'Twere better to perish, some of 'em say, Than be cured in such an irregular way."
Your wife," said I," had God's good care,
And His remedies-light and water and air.
All the doctors, beyond a doubt,
Couldn't have cured Mrs. Rogers without."
The Deacon smiled, and bowed his head,
Then your bill is nothing," he said.
God's be the glory as you say.
God bless you, doctor! good-day! good-day!"
If ever I doctor that woman again,
I'll give her medicine made by men.
HEN men a dangerous disease did 'scape.
Of old, they gave a cock to Esculape;
Let me give two, that doubly am got free;
From my disease's danger, and from thee.
Viri Humani, Salsi Et Faceti,
Gulielmi Sutherlandi,
Multarum Artium Et Scientiarum Doctoris Doctissimi.
BIQUE gentium et terrarum,
From Sutherland to Padanarum,
From those who have six months of day,
Ad Caput usque Bonæ Spei,
And farther yet, si forte tendat
Ne ignorantiam quis praetendat,-
We doctors of the Merry Meeting
To all and sundry do send greeting,
Ut omnes habeant compertum,
Per hanc præsentem nostram chartam,
Gulielmum Sutherlandum Scotum
At home per nomen Bogsie notum,
Who studied stoutly at our College,
And gave good specimens of knowledge
In multis artibus versatum,
Nunc factum esse doctoratum.
Quoth Preses, Strictum post examen,
Nunc esto Doctor"; we said, “ Amen."
So to you all hunc commendamus,
Ut juvenem quem nos amamus,
Qui multas habet qualitates
To please all humors and ætates.
He vies, if sober, with Duns Scotus,
Sed multo magis si sit potus.
In disputando just as keen as
Calvin, John Knox, or Tom Aquinas.
In every question of theology,
Versatus multum in trickology;
Et in catalogis librorum
Fraser could never stand before him;
For he, by page and leaf, can quote
More books than Solomon e'er wrote.
A lover of the mathematics
He is, but hates the hydrostatics,
Because he thinks it a cold study
To deal in water, clear or muddy.
Doctissimus est medicinæ,
Almost as Boerhaave or Bellini.
He thinks the diet of Cornaro
In meat and drink too scrimped and narrow,
And that the rules of Leonard Lessius
Are good for nothing but to stress us.
By solid arguments and keen
He has confuted Doctor Cheyne,
And clearly proven by demonstration
That claret is a good collation,
Saniset ægris, always better
Than coffee, tea, or milk and water;
That cheerful company, cum risu,
Cum vino forti, suavi visu,
Gustatu dulci, still has been
A cure for hypo and the spleen;
That hen and capon, vervecina,
Beef, duck and pasties, cum ferinâ,
Are good stomachics, and the best
Of cordials, probatum est.
A good French nightcap still has been,
He says, a proper anodyne,
Better than laudanum or poppy,
Ut dormiamus like a toppy.
Affirmat lusum alearum,
Medicamentum esse clarum,
Or else a touch at three-hand ombre
When toil or care our spirits cumber,
Which graft wings on our hours of leisure,
And make them fly with ease and pleasure.
Aucupium et venationem,
Post longam nimis potationem,
He has discovered to be good
Both for the stomach and the blood.
He clearly proves the cause of death
Is nothing but the want of breath;
And that indeed is a disaster
When 'tis occasioned by a plaster
Of hemp and pitch laid closely on
Somewhat above the collar-bone.
To this, and ten times more his skill
Extends, when he could cure or kill.
Immensam cognitionem legum
Ne prorsus hic silentio tegam,
Cum sociis artis, grease his fist,
Torquebat illas as you list.
If laws for bribes are made, 'tis plain
They may be bought and sold again;
Spectando aurum, now we find
That Madam Justice is stone-blind,
So deaf and dull in both her ears,
The clink of gold she only hears;
Naught else but a loud party shout
Will make her start or look about.
His other talents to rehearse,
Brevissimè in prose or verse,
To tell how gracefully he dances,
And artfully contrives romances;
How well he arches and shoots flying
(Let no man think that we mean lying);
How well he fences, rides and sings,
And does ten-thousand other things;
Allow a line, nay, but a comma,
To each, turgeret hoc diploma;
Quare, ut tandem concludamus,
Qui brevitatem approbamus
(For brevity is always good,
Providing we be understood).
In rerum omnium naturis,
Non minus quam scientia juris
Et medicinæ, Doctoratum
Bogsæum novimus versatum ;
Nor shall we here say more about him,
But you may dacker if you doubt him.
Addamus tamen hoc tantillum,
Duntaxat nostrum hoc sigillum,
Huic testimonio appensum,
Ad confirmandum ejus sensum,
Junctis chirographis cunctorum,
Blithe, honest, hearty sociorum.
Dabamus at a large punch-bowl
Within our proper common school,
The twenty-sixth day of November,
Ten years, the date we may remember,
After the race of Sheriffmuir
(Scotsmen will count from a black hour), Ab omni probo nunc signetur, Qui denegabit extrudetur.
FORMULA GRADUS DANDI.
Eadem nos auctoritate,
Reges memoriæ beatæ,
Pontifices et papæ læti,
Nam alii sunt á nobis spreti,
Quam quondam nobis indulserunt,
Quæ privilegia semper erunt,
Collegio nostro safe and sound,
As long's the earth and cups go round.
Te Bogsæum hic creamus,
Statuimus et proclamamus,
Artium Magistrum et Doctorem,
Si libet etiam Professorem;
Tibique damus potestatem
Potandi ad hilaritatem,
Ludendi porro et jocandi,
Et mœstos vino medicandi,
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