an everlastin' hurry, drivin' away like one ravin' you, and I wish, with all my heart, all the world distracted mad? 'A sick visit,' says he; “poor thought with us.' Pat Lanigan, bim that you mind to Bradore Lake; “I guess he didn't half like that are word, Popish well, he's near about at the pint of death? "I guess priest, it seemed to grig him, like; his face looked not said I, for I jist hear tell he was dead.' Well

, kinder ryled, like well-water arter a heavy rain; that brought him up all standin', and he bouts ship and said he, Mr. Slick,' says he, ‘your country is in a jiffy, and walks a little way with me, and we a free country, ain't it?' 'The freest,' says I, on

the face of the airth-you can't ditto it nowhere. We are as free as the air, and when our dander's up, stronger than any hurricane you ever see'dtear up all creation most; there ain't the beat of it to be found anywhere. “Do you call this a free country ? said he. "Pretty considerable middlin',' says I, seein' that they are under a king.' 'Well,' says he, if you were seen in Connecticut shaking hands along with a Popish priest, as you are pleased to call me (and he made me a bow, as much as to say, mind your trumps the next deal), as you now are in the streets of Halifax along with me, with all your crackin' and boastin' of your freedom, I guess you wouldn't sell a clock agin in that State for one while,'—and he bid me good mornin', and turned away.

* Father John,' says I.—'I can't stop,' says he;' I must see that poor critter's family; they must be in great trouble, and sick visit is afore controversy in my creed.' "Well,' says I, ‘one word with you afore you go; if that are name Popish priest was an ongenteel one, I ax your pardon; I didn't mean no offence, I do assure you, and I'll say this for your satisfaction, tu; you're the first man in this Province that ever gave me a real right down complete checkmate since I first sot foot in it, I'll be skinned if you ain't.'”

[ocr errors]

ITALIAN PAINTINGS. “ In the latter eend of the year twenty-eight, I think it was, if my memory sarves me, I was in my

little back studio to Slickville, with off coat, a pron got a talkin' about this very subject. Says he, on, and sleeves up, as busy as a bee, abronzin' and What are you, Mr. Slick? Well, I looks up to gildin' of a clock case, when old Snow, the niggerhim, and winks, 'a Clockmaker,' says I; well, he help, popped in his head in a most terrible of a smiled, and says he, I see,' as much as to say I conflustrigation, and says he, “master,' says he, 'if hadn't ought to have axed that are question at all, there ain't massa Governor and the Gineral at the I guess, for every man's religion is his own, and door, as I'm alive! wbat on airth shall I say?' nobody else's business. * Then,' says he, 'you Well,' says I, “they have caught me at a nonplush, know all about this country—who does folks say has that's sartain; but there's no help for it, as I seethe best of the dispute ? Says I, “Father John,' shew 'em in.' Mornin',' says I, gentlemen, how ' it's like the battles up to Canada lines last war, do you do? I am sorry,' says I, 'I didn't know of each side claims victory; I guess there ain't much this pleasure in time to have received you respectto brag on nary way, damage done on both sides, fully. You have taken me at a short, that's a fact; and nothin' gained, as far as I can learn.' He stopt and the worst of it is, I can't shake hands along short and looked me in the face, and says he, 'Mr. with you neither, for one hand, you see, is covered Slick, you are a man that has see'd a good deal of with ile, and t'other with copper bronze..' Don't the world, and a considerable of an understandin' mention it, Mr. Slick,' said excellency, 'I beg man, and I guess I can talk to you. Now,' says he, of you;—the fine arts do sometimes require deter

for gracious sake, do jist look here, and see how gants, and there is no help for it. But that's a you heretics (Protestants I mean,' says he,-for I most a beautiful thing,' said he, “you are adoin' of; guess that are word slipt out without leave), are may I presume to chatichise what it is! Why,' by the ears, a drivin' away at each other, the whole said I, governor, that landscape on the right, with blessed time, tooth and nail, hip and thigh, hammer the great white two-story house in it, havin' a washand tongs, disputin', revilin', wranglin', and be in' tub of apple sarce on one side, and a cart chock loutin' each other, with all sorts of ugly names that full of punkin' pies on t'other, with the gold letters they can lay their tongues to. Is that the way you A. P. over it, is intended to represent this land of love your neighbor as yourself? We say this is a promise, our great country, Amerika; and the gold practical cominent on schism, and by the powers of letters A. P. initialise it Airthly Paradise. Well,' Moll Kelly, said he, but they all ought to be well says he, 'who is that he one on the left ?'—'I didn't lambasted together, the whole batch on 'em entire intend them letters H and E to indicate he at all,' ly.' Says I, * Father John, give me your hand; said I, “tho' I see now they do; I guess I must there are some things I guess you and I don't agree alter that. That tall graceful figur',' says I, with on, and most likely never will, seein that you are a wings, carryin' a long Bowie knife in his right Popish priest; but in that idee I do opinionate with hand, and them small winged figures in the rear, with little rifles, are angels emigratin' from heaven | governor and his factory galls, I had an artist to to this country. H and E means Heavenly Emi- paint trowsers, and a pair of laced boots on him, grants. Its alle-go-ry.' 'And a beautiful alle-go-ry and they look quite genteel now. It improved 'em it is,' said he, and well calculated to give foreign amazin'ly; but the best o' the joke was those Macers a correct notion of our young growin' and great aroni rascals, seein' me a stranger, thought to do Republic. It is a fine conception that. It is wor- me nicely (most infarnal cheats them dealers, too,thy of West. How true to life—how much it con- walk right into you afore you know where you be). veys—how many chords it strikes. It addresses The older a pictur' was, and the more it was the heart—it's splendid.'

blacked, so you couldn't see the figur's, the more Hallo!' says I to myself, 'what's all this? It they axed for it; and they talk and jabber away made me look up at him. Thinks I to myself, you about their Tittyan tints and Guido airs by the laid that soft sawder on pretty thick anyhow. I hour. How soft we are, ain't we?' said I. “Catch a wonder whether you are in real right down airnest, weasel asleep, will you? Second-hand furniture don't or whether you are only arter à vote. Says he, suit our market. We want pictur's, and not things * Mr. Slick, it was on the subject of pictur's, we that look a plaguy sight more like the shutters of an called. It's a thing I'm enthusiastic upon myself; old smoke-house than paintin's, and I hope I may but my official duties leave me no time to fraternize be shot if I didn't get bran new ones for half the with the brush. I've been actilly six weeks adoin' price they asked for them rusty old veterans. Our of a bunch of grapes on a chair, and it's not yet folks were well pleased with the shipment, and I done. The department of paintin' in our Athe. ought to be too, for I made a trifle in the discount neum,-in this risin' and flourishin' town of Slick- of fifteen per cent. for coming down handsom' with ville—is placed under the direction of the general the cash on the spot. Our Atheneum is worth and myself, and we propose detailing you to Italy seein' I tell you; you won't ditto it easy, I know; to purchase some originals for our gallery, seein' it's actilly a sight to behold.” that you are a native artist yourself, and have more practical experience than most of our citizens.

SISTER SALL'S COURTSHIP. There is a great aspiration among our free and en- There goes one of them are everlastin' rottin' lightened youth for perfection, whether in the arts poles, in that bridge; they are no better than a or sciences. Your expenses will be paid, and eight trap for a critter's leg," said the Clockmaker. dollars a day while absent on this diplomacy. One “ They remind me of a trap Jim Munroe put his thing, however, do pray remember,--don't bring foot in one night, that near about made one leg any pictur's that will evoke a blush on female half a yard longer than tother. I believe I told checks, or cause vartue to stand afore 'em with you of him, what a desperate idle feller he wasaverted eyes or indignant looks. The statues im- he came from Onion County in Connecticut. Well, ported last year we had to clothe, both male and he was courtin' Sister Sall—she was a real handsum female, from head to foot, for they actilly came looking gal; you scarce ever see'd a more out and start naked, and were right down ondecent. One out complete critter than she was—a fine figur' of my factory ladies went into fits on seein' 'em, head, and a beautiful model of a craft as any in the that lasted her a good hour: she took Jupiter for state; a real clipper, and as full of fun and frolic a rael human, and said she thought she had got

as a kitten.

Well, he fairly turned Sall's head; the into a bathin' room, among the men by mis- more we wanted her to give him up, the more she take. Her narves received a heavy shock, poor wouldn't, and we got plaguy oneasy about it, for critter; she said she never would forget what his character was none of the best.

He was a she see'd there the longest day she lived. So none universal favorite with the gals, and tho' he didn't o your Potiphar's wives, or Susannahs, or sleepin' behave very pretty neither, forgettin' to marry Venuses; such pictur's are repugnant to the high where he promised, and where he hadn't ought to tone o' moral feelin' in this country.'

have forgot, too, yet so it was, he had such an un“Conceivin' an elective governor of a free and common winnin' way with him, he could talk them enlightened people to rank before an hereditary over in no time-Sall was fairly bewitched. prince, I have given you letters of introduction to * At last, father said to him one evening when the Eyetalian princes and the Pope, and have of- he came a courtin', ‘Jim,' says he, you'll never fered to reciprocate their attention should they come to no good, if you act like old Scratch as you visit Slickville. Farewell, my friend, farewell, and do; you ain't fit to come into no decent inan's not fail to sustain the dignity of this great and en- house, at all; and your absence would be ten times lightened nation abroad-farewell!'

more agreeable than your company, I tell you. I “A very good man, the governor, and a genu won't consent to Sall's goin' to them are huskin' wine patriot too,” said Mr. Slick. “He knowed a parties and quiltin' frolics along with you no more, good deal about paintin', for he was a sign painter on no account, for you know how Polly Brown and by trade; but he often used to wade out too deep, Nancy White ?' 'Now don't,' says he, ‘now and got over his head now and then afore he don't, Uncle Sam; say no more about that; if you knowed it. He warn't the best o’swimmers neither, know'd all you wouldn't say it was my fault; and and sometimes I used to be scared to death for besides, I have turned right about, I am on t'other fear he'd go it afore he'd touch bottom ag’in. Well, tack now, and the long leg, too; I am as steady as off I sot in a vessel to Leghorn, and I laid out there a pump bolt, now. I intend to settle myself, and three thousand dollars in pictur's. Rum-lookin' take a farm.' “Yes, yes, and you could stock it, old cocks, them saints, some on 'em too, with their too, by all accounts, pretty well, unless you are long beards, bald heads, and hard featur’s, bean't much misreported,' says father, but it won't they? but I got a lot of 'em of all sizes. I bought do. I knew your father; he was our sargeant; a two madonnas I think they call them—beautiful proper, clever and brave man he was, too, he was little pictur's they were, too—but the child's legs one of the heroes of our glorious revolution. I had were so naked and ondecent, that to please the l a great respect for him, and I am sorry for bis sake, you will act as you do ; but I tell you once | “Sally, hold this here hank of twine for a minute, for all

, you must give up all thoughts of Sall, now till I wind a trifle on it off; that's a dear critter.' and for everlastin'. When Sall heard this, she be- She sot down her candle, and I put the twine on gan to nit away like mad, in a desperate hurry, her hands, and then I begins to wind and wind she looked foolish enough, that's a fact. First she away ever so slow, and drops the ball every now tried to bite in her breath, and look as if there was and then, so as to keep her down stairs. “Sam,' nothin' particular in the wind, then she blushed all says she, “I do believe you won't wind that are over like scarlet . fever, but she recovered that twine off all night; do give it to January, I won't pretty soon, and then her color went and came, stay no longer, I'm een a most dead asleep.' "The and came and went, till at last she grew as white old feller's arm is so plaguy onsteady,' says I, 'it as chalk, and down she fell slap off her seat on the won't do; but hark, what's that? I'm sure I heerd floor, in a faintin' fit. • I see,' says father, “I see something in the ash saplin', didn't you, Sall ?' 'I it now, you etarnal villain,' and be made a pull at heerd the geese there, that's all,' says she; they the old fashioned sword, that always hung over the always come under the windows at night, but she fire-place (we used to call it old Bunker, for his looked scared enough, and says she, “I vow I'm stories always begun, when I was at Bunker's tired a holdin' out my arms this way, and I won't Hill'), and drawin' it out, he made a clip at him as do it no longer;' and down she throw'd the hank wicked as if he was stabbing a rat with a hay fork, on the floor. "Well,' says I, stop one minute, but Jim, he outs of the door like a shot, and draws dear, till I send old January out to see if any body it too arter him, and father sends old Bunker right is there; perhaps some o neighbor Dearborne's through the panel. “I'll chop you up as fine as cattle have broke into the sarce garden. January mince-meat, you villain,' said he, “if ever I catch went out, tho' Sall say'd it was no use, for she knew you inside my door agin. Mind what I tell you, the noise of the geese: they always kept close to you'll swing for it yet.' Well, he made himself the house at night, for fear of the varmin. Presconsiderable scarce arter that; he never sot foot ently in runs Snow, with his hair standin' up on inside the door agin, and I thought he had ginn up eend, and the whites of his eyes lookin' as the rims all hopes of Sall, and she of him ; when, one night, of a soup plate; “Oh! Gor Ormity,' said he, oh a most particular uncommon dark night, as I was a massa, oh Miss Sally, oh! What on airth is the comin' home from neighbor Dearborne's, I heerd matter with you?' said Sally, “how you do frighten some one a talkin' under Sall's window. Well, I me! I vow I believe you're mad — oh my Gor,' stops and listens, and who should be near the ash said he, "oh! massa, Jim Munroe he hang himself saplin' but Jim Munroe, a tryin' to persuade Sall to on the ash saplin' under Miss Sally's window-oh run off with him to Rhode Island to be married. my Gor!!! That shot was a settler, it struck poor It was all settled, he should come with a horse and Sall right atwixt wind and water; she gave a lurch shay to the gate, and then help her out of the ahead, and then heeled over and sunk right down window, jist at nine o'clock, about the time she in another faintin' fit; and Juno, old Snow's commonly went to bed. Then he axes her to reach wife, carried her off, and laid her down on the down her hand for him to kiss (for he was proper bed-poor thing, she felt ugly enough, I'do supclever at soft sawder), and she stretches it down, pose. and he kisses it; and says he, “I believe I must Well, father, I thought he'd a fainted too; he have the whole of you out, arter all,' and gives her was so struck up all of a heap, he was completely a jirk that kinder startled her; it came so sudden bung-fungered; dear, dear,' said he, I didn't like, it made her scream; so off he sot, hot foot, think it would come to pass so soon, but I knew it and over the gate in no time.

would come.

'I foretold it,' says he, “the last “Well, I cyphered over this all night, a calculatin' time I see'd him ; ‘Jim,' says I, “mind what I say, how I should reciprocate that trick with him, and you'll swing for it yet.' Give me the sword I wore at last I hit on a scheme. I recollected father's when I was at Bunker's Hill, ‘may be there's life words at partin', mind what I tell you, you'll swing yet, I'll cut him down.' The lantern was soon for it yet,' and, thinks I, friend Jim, I'll make that made ready, and out we went to the ash saplin'. prophecy come true, yet, I guess. So the next * Cut me down, Sam, that's a good fellow,' said Jim, night, jist at dark, I gives January Snow, the old all the blood in my body has swashed into my head, nigger, a nidge with my elbow, and as soon as he and's a runnin' out o' my nose; I'm een a most looks up, I winks and walks out, and he arter me- smothered—be quick, for heaven's sake.? “The says I, ‘January, can you keep your tongue within Lord be praise said father, the poor sinner is your teeth, you old nigger, you?” “Why massa, not quite dead yet. Why, as I'm alive-well if why you ax that are question ? my Gor Ormity, that don't beat all natur', why he has hanged him. you tink old Snow he don't know that are yet; my self by one leg, and's a swingin' like a rabbit upside tongue he got plenty room now, debil a tooth left, down, that's a fact. Why, if he ain't snared, Sam; he can stretch out ever so far; like a little leg in a he is properly wired, I declare-I vow this is some bed, he lay quiet enough, massa, never fear.' «Well

, o your doin's, Sam—well it was a clever scheme, then,' says I, bend down that are ash saplin' softly, too, but a little grain too dangerous, I guess.'. Don't you old Snowball, and make no noise.' The saplin' stand starin' and jawin' there all night,' said Jim, was no sooner bent than secured to the ground by 'cut me down, I tell you—or cut my throat, and be a notched peg and a noose, and a slip knot was sus. dd to you, for I'm chokin' with blood.' Roll pended from the tree, jist over the track that led over that are hogshead, old Snow,' said I, till I from the pathway to the house. “Why, my Gor, get a top on it and cut him down ;' so I soon released massa, that's a =

- ‘Hold your mug, you old him, but he couldn't walk a bit. His ankle was nigger,' says I, ‘or I'll send your tongue a sarchin' swelled and sprained like vengeance, and he swore arter your teeth; keep quiet, and follow me in pres- one leg was near about six inches longer than ently.'

tother. “Jim Munroe,' says father, little did I "Well, jist as it struck nine o'clock, says I, I think I should ever see you inside my door agin,

[graphic][ocr errors]

but I bid you enter now; we owe you that kindness, | agoin' man as Minister Joshua Hopewell, and was anyhow.'

married to our Sall. Nothin' was ever said about “Well, to make a long story short, Jim was so the snare till arter the weddin'. When the minchap-fallen and so down in the mouth, he begged for ister had finished axin' a blessin', father goes up to heaven's sake it might be kept a secret; he said he Jim, and says he, ‘Jim Munroe, my boy,' givin' would run the state, if ever it got wind, he was him a rousin' slap on the shoulder that sot him a sure he couldn't stand it. “It will be one wbile, I coughin' for the matter of five minutes (for he was guess,' said father, afore you are able to run or a mortal powerful man, was father), “Jim Munroe, stand either; but if you will give me your hand, my boy,' says he, 'you've got the snare round your Jim, and promise to give over your evil ways, I will neck, I guess, now, instead of your leg; the saplin' not only keep it secret, but you shall be a welcome has been a father to you, may you be father of guest, at old Sam Slick's once more, for the sake many saplin's.' of your father-he was a brave man, one of the We had a most special time of it, you may deheroes of Bunker's Hill, he was our sarjeant and pend, all except the minister; father got him into

“He promises,' says I, 'father (for the old a corner, and gave him chapter and verse for the man had stuck his right foot out, the way he al- whole war. Every now and then as I came near ways stood when he told about the old war; and them, I heard Bunker's Hill, Brandywine, Clinton, as Jim couldn't stir a peg, it was a grand chance, Gates, and so on. It was broad day when we and he was agoin' to give him the whole revolution, parted, and the last that went was poor minister. from General Gage up to Independence,) he prom- Father followed him clean down to the gate, and ises,' says I, ‘father. Well it was all settled, and says he, Minister, we hadn't time this hitch, or I'd things soon grew as calm as a pan of milk two days | a iold you all about the Evakyation of New York, old; and afore a year was over, Jim was as steady i but I'll tell you that the next time we meet.”

[ocr errors]
[blocks in formation]

SOCIETY is something like a barrel of pork. The When a feller is too lazy to work, he paints his meat that's at the top, is sometimes not as good as name over his door, and calls it a tavern, and as that that's a little grain lower down; the upper like as not he makes the whole neighborhood as and lower ends are plaguy apt to have a little taint lazy as himself. in 'em, but the middle is always good.

Our tree of liberty was a beautiful tree-a splen. If a man don't hoe his corn, and he don't get a did tree-it was a sight to look at; it was fenced crop, he says 'tis all owing to the Bank: and if he and well protected, and it grew so stately and so runs into debt, and is sued, why he says the law- handsome, that strangers came from all parts of the yers are a curse to the country.

world to see it. They all allowed it was the most

splendid thing in the world. Well, the mobs have We can do without any article of luxury we've broken in and torn down their fences, and snapped never had, but when once obtained, it is not in off the branches, and scattered all the leaves about, human natur' to surrender it voluntarily.

and it looks no better than a gallows-tree.

I guess if you were at our factories at Lowell, | in kings' robes—where butter is spread with the we'd show you a wonder-five hundred gals at work thumb as well as the silver knife. together, all in silence! I don't think our great country has such a real natural curiosity as that—I All folks that grow up right off, like a mushroom, expect the world don't contain the beat of it-for in one night, are apt to think no small beer of a woman's tongue goes so slick of itself, without themselves. A cabbage has plaguy large leaves to water power or steam, and moves so easy on its the bottom, and spreads them out as wide as an old hinges, that it is no easy matter to put a spring woman's petticoat, to hide the ground it sprung stop on it, I tell you. It comes as natural as drink- from, and conceal its extraction. ing mint julep.

When a feller has run as fast as he carclip, he What is the use of reading the Proverbs of Solo- has to stop and take breath; you must do that or mon to our free and enlightened citizens, that are choke. every mite and mortal as wise as he was? That are man undertook to say there was nothing new A long face is plaguy apt to cover a long conunder the sun. I guess he'd think he spoke a little science—that's a fact. . too fast, if he was to see our steamboats, railroads, and India-rubber shoes—three inventions worth

Nothin' sets up a woman's spunk like callin' her more nor all he knew put in a heap together.

ugly—she gets her back right up, like a cat when There are some folks who think a good deal and and bristles.

a strange dog comes near her; she's all eyes, claws, say but little, and they are wise folks; and there are others agin, who bleat right out whatever comes

Make a farmer of him, and you will have the uppermost, and I guess they are pretty considerable satisfaction of seeing him an honest, independent, superfine darned fools.

and respectable member of society—more honest

than traders, more independent than professional Never tell folks you can go ahead of 'em, but do

men, and more respectable than either. it. It spares a great deal of talk, and helps them to save their breath to cool their broth.

There are only two things worth looking at in a It ain't them that stare the most that see the critter that had good action that was a bad beast.

horse-action and soundness, for I never saw a best, I guess. An airly start makes easy stages.

It's in politics as in racin', every thing depends upon a fair start.

If you are off too quick, you Politics makes a man as crooked as a pack does have to pull up and turn back agin, and your beast a pedlar; not that they are so awful heavy, neither, gets out of wind and is baffled; and if you lose in but it teaches a man to stoop in the long run.

the start, you ha'n't got a fair chance arterwards,

and are plaguy apt to get jockeyed in the course. It's better never to wipe a child's nose at all, I guess, than to wring it off.

There's a plaguy sight of truth in them are old

proverbs. They are distilled facts steamed down I'd rather keep a critter whose faults I do know, to an essence. They are like portable soup, an than change him for a beast whose faults I don't | amazin' deal o' matter in a small compass. They know.

are as true as a plum' line, and as short and sweet There's nothing I hate so much as cant of all

as sugar candy. kinds; it's a sure kind of a tricky disposition. If you see a feller cant in religion, clap your hand into 'em will get stone cold, and t'other ones will get

When you've too many irons in the fire, some on your pocket, and lay right hold of your puss, or he'll steal it, as sure as you're alive; and if a man

burnt, and so they'll never be no good in natur'. cant in politics, he'll sell you if he gets a chance, you may depend. Law and physic are just the Now's the time to larn, when you are young. same, and every mite and morsel as bad. If a Store your mind well, and the fragrance will relawyer takes to cantin', it's like the fox preachin' main long arter the rose has shed its leaves. The to the geese; he'll eat up his whole congregation. otter of roses is stronger than the rose, and a And if a doctor takes to it, he's a quack, as sure plaguy sight more valuable.

The Lord have mercy on you, for he won't.

The Yankees may stump the universe. We im

prove on every thing, and we have improved on When a feller winks till his gal gets married, I our own species. You'll search one while, I tell guess it's a little too late to pop the question then. you, afore you'll find a man that, take him big and

large, is equal to one of our free and enlightened Judge Beler put a notice over his factory gate, citizens. He's the chap that has got both speed, at Lowell, “no cigars or Irishmen admitted within wind, and bottom; he's clear grit, ginger to the these walls,” for said he, “the one will set a flame backbone, you may depend. It's generally allowed agoin' among my cottons, and the t'other among there ain't the beat of them to be found anywhere. my gals.

I won't have no such inflammable and Spry as a fox, supple as an cel, and 'cute as a dangerous things about me on no account.” weasel. Though I say it that shouldn't say it, they

fairly take the shine off creation—they are actilly Natur' is natur' wherever you find it-in rags or equal to cash.

aş rates.

« ElőzőTovább »