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we may refer the reader to an able, though not over were the dresses of a Punch and nine blue devils, indulgent, article in “ The Quarterly Review." and the body of a man from Lambeth-bone house,
Of what occurred, at that which appears to have who had the day before been found drowned in the been Mr. Barham's first interview with his old com- | Thames. panion after their separation at college, we have a “In the evening, after Lady had sung, “I've somewhat detailed account:
been roaming,' Hook placed himself at the piano“ November 6th.—Passed one of the pleasantest forte, and gave a most extraordinary display of his evenings I ever spent at Lord 's. The company, powers, both as a musician and an improvisatore. beside the host and hostess, consisted of Mr. Can- His assumed object was to give a specimen of the non, Mr. C. Walpole, Mr. Hill, generally known as burlettas formerly produced at Sadlers' Wells, and • Tom Hill,' Theodore Hook, and myself. It was he went through the whole of one which he comHook's first visit there, and none of the party but posed upon the spot. He commenced with the tunmyself, Cannon, and Hill, who were old friends of ing of the instruments, the prompter's bell, the raphis, had ever seen him before. While at dinner he ping of the fiddlestick by the leader of the band, began to be excessively amusing. The subject of and the overture, till, the curtain being supposed to conversation was an absurdly bombastic prologue, rise, he proceeded to describe : which had been given to C-, of D. L. T., to get “The first scene.-A country village-cottage by heart, as a hoax, beginning
(0. P.)—church (P. s.) Large tree near wing. When first the drama's muse by freedom reared,
Bridge over a river occupying the centre of the In Grecian splendor unadorned appeared, etc. background. Music.—Little men in red coats seen
riding over bridge. Enter-Gaffer from cottage, to “Gattie, whose vanity is proverbial, was included the symphony usually played on introducing old in the joke. The stage-manager, who had the ar- folks on such occasions. Gaffer, in recitative, intiranging of it, offered him also some equally ridicu- mates that he is aware that the purpose of the lous lines, which he said the author of the new com- Squire in thus early edy had written for himself, but that he had not
A crossing over the water, sufficient nerve to deliver them.
Is to hunt not tho stay, but my lovely daughter. “No man on the stage has such nerve as I,' interrupted Gattie.
Sings a song and retires, to observe Squire's motions, • Then it must be spoken in five characters; the expressing a determination to balk his intentions ; dresses to be thrown off one after the other.'
For a peasant's a man, and a sqnire's no more, "No performer can change his dress so quickly And a father has feelings, though never so poor. as I can,' quoth Gattie. "Then I am afraid of the French dialect and the huntsmen-Merry toned horn, Blythe is the morn,'
• Enter Squire with his train.—Grand chorus of Irish brogue.' ""I'm the only Frenchman and Irishman on the bus,'« Aurora, etc., etc.
Hark forward, away, Glorious day,' “ Bright Phoestage,' roared Gattie.
“The Squire dismisses all save Confidart, to * The hoax was complete, and poor Gattie sat up whom, in recitative, he avows his design of carrythe whole night to learn the epilogue; went through ing off the old man's daughter, then sings under three rehearsals with tive dresses on, one over the her window. The casement up one pair of stairs other, as a Lady, a Dutchman, a Highlander, a
opens. Susan appears at it, and singsmasking Teague, and lastly, as Monsieur Tonson come again.'' All sorts of impediments were thrown in is that of her 'true blue William, who on the seas,
whether the voice which bas been serenading her his way, such as sticking his breeches to his kilt, -is blown about by every breeze.' The Squire
The time at length arrived, when the stage hiding behind the tree she descends to satisfy hermanager informed him with a long face, that Col- self'; is accosted by him, and refuses his offer : he man, the licenser, instigated, no doubt, by Mathews, attempts force. The old man interferes, lectures who trembled for his reputation, had refused to
the Squire, locks up his daughter, and exit (P. s.) license the epilogue: and poor Gattie, after waiting Squire sings a song expressive of rage and his deduring the whole of the interlude, in hopes that the license might yet come down, was obliged to retire termination to obtain the girl, and exit (p. s.)
“Whistle—Scene changes with a slap.—Publicmost reluctantly and disrobe. “Hook took occasion from this story to repeat checked shirts, glazed hats, and blue trousers.
house door; sailors carousing with long pig-tails, part of a prologue which he once spoke as an ama: Chorus—Jolly' tars, Plough the main,-Kiss the teur, before a country andience, without one word girls, Sea again. William, in recitative, states that being intelligible from the beginning to the end. he has been “With brave Rodney,' and has got He afterwards preached part of a sermon in the style of the Rev.
"Gold galore; ' tells his messmates be lias heard a of Norwich, of whom he land-lubber means to run away with his sweetheart, gave a very humorous account; not one sentence and asks their assistance. They promise it. of the harangue could be understood, and yet you could not help, all through, straining your atten
Tip is your fin! We'll stick t'ye, my hearty, tion to catch the meaning. IIe then gave us many
And beat him! Ilaven't we beat Boneyparty? absurd particulars of the Berners street hoax, which Solo, by William, “Girl of my heart, Never part. he admitted was contrived by himself and Henry Chorus of sailors—Shiver my timbers,' “Smoke, H—, who was formerly contemporary with me at and fire, d-n the Squire,' etc., etc. (WhistleBrazenose, and whom I knew there, now a popular scene closes-slap.) preacher. He also mentioned another of a similar “Scene—the village as before. Enter Squire; character, but previous in point of time, of which reconnoitres in recitative; beckons on gipsies, headhe had been the sole originator. The object of it ed by confidant in red. Chorus of gipsies entering was a Quaker who lived in. Henrietta street, Covent .Hark! hark! Butchers' dogs bark! Bow, Garden. Among other things brought to his house | wow, wow. Not now, not now.' “Silence, hush!
Behind the bush. Hush, hush, hush. “Bow, wow, atre, who, having given out the play of 'Douglas,' wow.' Hush, hush.''Bow, wow.' 'Hush! hush! found the whole entertainment nearly put to a stop hush!!' Enter Susan from cottage. Recitative, by the arrest of “Young Norval’ as he was enter
ing the theatre. In this dilemma, no other performer What can keep father so long at market ? The sun has set, although it's not quite dark yet.
of the company being able to take the part, he Butter and ecos,
dressed up a tall, gawky lad who snuffed the canWeary legs.
dles, in a plaid and philabeg, and pushing him on “Gipsies rush on and seize her; she screams;
the stage, advanced himself to the footlights with Squire comes forward. Recitative affettuoso— She the book in his hand, and addressed the audience scornful, imploring, furious, frightened!' Squire with, ‘Ladies and Gentlemenoffers to seize her; True Blue rushes down and in- This young gentleman's name is Norval. On the Gram. terposes; Music agitato; Sailors in pig-tails beat off
Ilis father feeds his flock, a frugal swain, gipsies; Confidant runs up the tree; True Blue col
Whose constant care was to increase his store, lars Squire. Enter Gaffer:
And keep his only son (this young gentleman) at home.
For this young gentleman bad heard,' etc.
And so on through the whole of the play, much to “William releases Squire, turns to Sue; she the delectation of the audience. screams and runs to him ; enbrace; ‘Lovely Sue;
“In the evening, Hook went to the piano, and Own True Blue;' faints; 'Gafler goes for gin; she played and sang a long extempore song, principally recovers, and refuses it; Gaffer winks, and drinks than the rest, and fallen asleep on the sofa in the
levelled against Cannon, who had gone up earlier it himself; Squire, Recitative- Never knew, about drawing-roon'. Sir A. B— who now met the True Blue ; constant Sue; ' “Devilish glad, here, my lad; what says dad?' William, recitative"Thank former for the first time, expressed a wish to witye, Squire; heart's desire; roam no more ; moored
ness more of his talent as an improvisatore, and ashore.' Squire joins lorers—" Take her hand; gave him Sir Christopher Wren* as a subject, on house, and bit of land; my own ground;
which he immediately commenced and sang, without
a moment's hesitation, twenty or thirty stanzas to a And for a portion here's two hundred pound ! different air, all replete with humor. Grand chorus huntsmen, gipsies, and sailors with
“ March 23.-Dined at Sir A. B- -'s, who was pig-tails; Solo, Susan— Constant Sue; own True summoned away to attend the king. Blue.' Chorus; Solo, William— Dearest wite, laid Hook made but one pun: on Walpole's remarking up for life.' Chorus; Solo, Squire—Happy lovers, that, of two paintings mentioned, one was a shade truth discovers.' Chorus; Solo, Gaffer— Curtain above the other in point of merit, he replied, draws, your applause.' Grand Chorus ; huntsmen, presume you mean to say it was a shade over (chef gipsies, sailors in pig-tails; William and Susan in
d'aure). centre; Gaffer (o. P.), Squire (P. s), retires singing,
“He told us an amusing story of his going down
to Worcester, to see his brother, the dean, with Blithe and gay-lark away!
Henry H-— (bis companion in many of his frolies).
They arrived separately at the coach, and taking
their places inside, opposite to each other, pretendSuch is a brief sketch, or skeleton, thrown to-ed to be strangers. After some time, they began to gether from memory, of one of those extempora- hoax their fellow travellers—the one affecting to neous melo-dramas with which Hook, when in the
see a great many things not to be seen, the other vein, would keep his audience in convulsions for the confirming it and admiring them. best part of an hour. Perhaps had his improvisa- “What a beautiful house that on the hill !' cried tising powers been restricted to that particular class 11-, when no house was near the spot; ‘it must of composition, the impromptu might have been command a most magnificent prospect from the elquestioned; but he more generally took for subjects evation on which it stands.' of his drollery the company present, never succeed- "Why, yes,' returned Hook, 'the view must be ing better than when he had been kept in ignorance extensive enough, but I cannot think those windows of the names of those he was about to meet; but, at in good taste ; to run out bay windows in a Gothic all times, the facility with which he wronght in front, in my opinion, ruins the effect of the whole what had occurred at table, and the points he made building.' bearing upon circumstances impossible to have been "Ah! that is the new proprietor's doings,' was foreseen, afforded sufficient proof that the whole the reply, “ they were not there when the Marquis was unpremeditated. Neither in this, nor in any bad possession. Here one of their companions inother of his conversational triumphs, was there any terfered; he had been stretching his neck for some thing of trickery or effort. No abruptness was ap- time, in the vain hope of getting a glimpse of the parent in the introduction of an anecdote; no eager mansion in question, and now asked, looking for an opportunity to fire off a pun, and no “Pray, Sir, what house do you mean? I don't anxiety touching the fate of what he had said. In
see any." fact, he had none of the artifice of the professional " • That, Sir, with the turrets and large bay winwit about him, and none of that assumption and dows on the hill,' said Ilook, with profound gravity, caprice which minor ‘Lions' exhibit so liberally to pointing to a thick wood. their admirers. It may be fairly said, as he knew ««• Dear me,' returned the old gentleman, bobbing no rival, so he has left no successor :
about to catch the desired object, 'I can't see it for Natura lo fece, e poi ruppe la stampa.
those confounded trees.' “ March 13, 1828.—Lord
“The old gentleman, luckily for them, proved an
Sir A. B-, Theodore Hook, Stephen Price and 'Cannon dined here. indefatigable asker of questions, and the answers Cannon told a story of a manager at a country the- * Mr. Barham's house was situated in St. Paul's Churchyard. he received, of course, added much to his stock of Jane (about ten), those are the Barons of England, genuine information.
and the Juniors, (that's the youngest, you know) "Pray, Sir, do you happen to know to whom always goes first. Tell her to be sure and rememthat house belongs?' inquired he, pointing to a ber that, when we get home.' magnificent mansion and handsome park in the dis- “Dear me, Ma!' said Louisa, 'can that gentletance.
man be one of the youngest? I am sure he looks “That, Sir,' replied Hook, ‘is Womberly Hall, very old.' the seat of Sir Abraham Hume, which he won at Human nature,' added Hook, 'could not stand billiards from the Bishop of Bath and Wells.' this; any one, though with no more mischief in
" You don't say so !' cried the old gentleman in him than a dove, must have been excited to a pious horror, and taking out his pocket-book, beg- hoax.' ged his informant to repeat the name of the seat, “ . And pray, Sir,' continued the lady, 'what genwhich he readily did, and it was entered accordingly tlemen are these?' pointing to the Bishops who -the old gentleman shaking his head gravely the came next in order, in the dress which they wear while, and bewailing the profligacy of an age in on state occasions, viz., the rochet and lawn sleeves which dignitaries of the church encouraged gam- over their doctors' robes. bling to so alarming an extent.
" Gentlemen, Madam !' said Hook, these are “The frequency of the remarks, however, made not gentlemen; these are ladies, elderly ladiesby the associates on, objects which the eyesight of the Dowager Peeresses in their own right.' no one else was good enough to take in, began at “ The fair inquirer fixed a penetrating glance length to excite some suspicion, and Hook's burst- upon his countenance, saying, as plainly as an eye ing suddenly into a rapturous exclamation at the can say, “Are you quizzing me or no?' Not a musmagnificent burst of the ocean' in the midst of an cle moved; till at last, tolerably well satisfied with inland country—a Wiltshire farmer who had been her scrutiny, she turned round and whispered,for some time staring alternately at them and the “Louisa, dear, the gentleman says that these window, thrust out his head, and after reconnoi- are elderly ladies and Dowager Peeresses in their tring for a couple of minutes, drew it in again, and own right. Tell Jane not to forget that.' looking full in the face of the sea-gazer, exclaimed “ All went on smoothly, till the Speaker of the with considerable emphasis,
House of Commons attracted her attention by the "Well, now, then, I'm d—d if I think you can rich embroidery of bis robes. see the ocean, as you call it, for all you pretends,' "'Pray, Sir,' said she, “and who is that fine-look-and continued very sulky all the rest of the ing person opposite ? way.”
That, Madam,' was the answer, “is Cardinal One more instance of Mr. Theodore Hook's in- | Wolsey !' nate love of hoaxing.
“No, Sir!' cried the lady, drawing herself up, “ December 8.-Hook called, and in the course and casting at her informant a look of angry disof conversation gave me an account of his going dain, 'we knows a little better than that; Cardinal to Lord Melville's trial with a friend. They went Wolsey has been dead many a good year!' early, and were engaged in conversation when the " " No such thing, my dear Madam, I assure you,' peers began to enter. At this moment, a country- replied Hook, with a gravity that must have been looking lady, whom he afterwards found to be a almost preternatural, ‘it has been, I know, so reresident at Rye, in Sussex, touched his arm and ported in the country, but without the least foundasaid,
tion in fact ; those rascally newspapers will say “I beg your pardon, sir, but pray who are those any thing.' gentlemen in red now coming in ?'
The good old gentlewoman appeared thunder"Those, Ma'am,' returned Theodore, ‘are the struck, opened her eyes to their full extent, and Barons of England; in these cases the junior Peers gasped like a dying carp; vox faucibus hæsit; seizalways come first.'
ing a daughter with each hand, she hurried without “iThank you, Sir, much obliged to you. Louisa, a word from the spot.” my dear! (turning to a girl about fourteen) tell
In the morning, the old gentleman received the guet, all pronouncing the man of ton; and when he visits of sundry tradesmen, to whom he had given came really to comprehend that the sweet-scented, orders for different articles of dress; and Wilson, ring-fingered gentleman before him, was willing to who was fully installed in his high office, presented dress a dinner on trial, for the purpose of displayfor his approbation, Monsieur Rissolle, “without ing his skill, he was thunderstruck. exception, the best cook in the United Kingdom.” “Do I mistake ?” said the Colonel : “I really beg
The particular profession of this person, the Col- pardon—it is fifty-eight years since I learned French onel, who understood very little French, was for -am I speaking to—a—and he hardly dared to some time puzzled to find out; he heard a vocabu- pronounce the word)—cook ?” lary of dishes enumerated with grace and fluency, * Oui, Monsieur,” said M. Rissolle; “I believe I he saw a remarkably gentlemanly-looking man, his have de first reputation in the profession; I live well-tied neckcloth, his well-trimmed whiskers, his four years wiz de Marqui de Chester, and je me white kid gloves, his glossy hat, his massive chain flatte dat, if I had not turn him off last months, I encircling his neck, and protecting a repeating Bre- should have superintend his cuisine at dis moment." soup?"
Oh, you have discharged the Marquis, sir ?" said, from Lord Trefoil, who, being a joker, as well as the Colonel.
a minister, had actually stated the fact related by “Yes, mon Colonel, I discharge him; because he the unconscious turnspit, as the reason for their sepcast affront upon me, insupportable to an artist of aration. sentiment."
“And pray, sir,” said the Colonel, “what wages “Artist !” mentally ejaculated the Colonel. do you expect ?"
“Mon Colonel, de Marqui had de mauvais goût "Wajes! Je n'entend pas, mon Colonel,” anone day, when he had large partie to dine, to put answered Rissolle; do you mean de stipend—de salt into his soup, before all his compagnie.'
salarie?" “ Indeed,” said Arden ; "and, may I ask, is that “As you please," said Arden. considered a crime, sir, in your code ?"
“My Lor Trefoil,” said Rissolle, “give to me “I don't know Code," said the man, “Morue?— seven hundred pounds a-year, my wine, and horse dat is salt enough without."
and tilbury, with small tigre for him.” “I don't mean that, sir," said the Colonel ; “I “Small what, sir?" exclaimed the astonished Colask, is it a crime for a gentleman to put salt into his onel.
* Tigre,” said Rissolle, "little man-boy, to hold "Not a crime, mon Colonel,” said Rissolle, “but de horse." it would be de ruin of me, as cook, should it be “Ah !” said Arden, “seven hundred pounds aknown to the world,
,—so I told his Lordship I must year, and a tiger!” leave him; that de butler had said, dat he saw his “Exclusive of de pâtisserrie, mon Colonel, I never Lordship put de salt into de soup, which was to pro- touch dat departement, but I have de honor to reclaim to the universe dat I did not know de propre commend Jenkin, my sister's husband, for the paquantite of salt required to season my soup.' tisserrie, at five hundred pound, and his wine. Oh
“And you left his Lordship for that ?" inquired Jenkin is dog ship at dat, mon Colonel.” the astonished country gentleman.
“Oh! exclusive of pastry,” said the Colonel, en“Oui, sir, his Lordship gave me excellent char- phatically. acter; I go afterward to live wid my Lord Trefoil, “Oui, mon Colonel," said Rissolle. very good, respectable man, my Lord, of good fam- “Which is to be contrived for five hundred pounds ily, and very honest man, I believe—but de king, per annum, additional. Why, sir, the rector of my one day, made him his governeur in Ireland, and I parish, a clergyman, and a gentleman, with an found I could not live in dat devil Dublin."
amiable wife and seven children, has but half the “No!"
sum to live upon.” “No, mon Colonel—it is fine city?” said Rissolle “ Dat is hard,” said Rissolle, sbrugging up his
good place—but dere is no Italian Opera.” shoulders. “How shocking !” said Arden, “and you left his “ Hard—it is hard, sir,” said Arden; "and yet Excellency on that occount?”
you will hear the men who pay their cooks seven “Oui, mon Colonel.”
hundred a-year for dressing dinners, get up in their "Why, his Excellency managed to live there places in Parliament, declaim against the exorbitant without an Italian Opera,” said Arden.
wealth of the Church of England, and tell the peoYes, mon Colonel, c'est vrai—but I presume he ple that our clergy are over-paid.” did not know dere was none when he took the place “Poor clergie! mon Colonel," said the man, “I -I have de character from my lord, to state why I pity your clergie ; but den, you don't remember de leave him."
science and experience dat it require to make an Saying which, he produced a written character omelette souffle.”
“The devil take your omeletie, sir,” said Arden; | the irate Colonel, brought Wilson into the room, “ do you mean seriously and gravely to ask me who, equally terrified with his Gallic friend at the seven hundred pour a-year for your services?"
symptoms of violent anger which his master's coun“Oui, vraiment, mon Colonel,” said Rissolle, at tenance displayed, stood wondering at the animation the same moment gracefully taking snuff from a of the scene; when Arden, whose rage at the nonsuperb gold box.
chalance of Rissolle, at first impeded his speech, “Why then, d—nit, sir, I can't stand this any uttered with an emphasis not to be misunderstood longer," cried the irritated novice in the fashionable “Good morning-sir-seven hundredworld; seven hundred pounds! make it guinea:), What the rest of this address might have been it. sir, and I'll be your cook for the rest of my life.” is impossible to say, for before it was concluded
The noise of this annunciation, the sudden leap Rissolle had left the apartment, and Wilson closed taken by Monsieur Rissolle, to avoid something the door. more serious than words, which he anticipated from
A CHAPTER ON PUNS.
BY THEODORE HOOK.
There is one class of people who, with a depra- If a man is pathetically describing the funeral of vity of appetite not excelled by that of the cele- his mother or sister, or wife, it is quite allowable to brated Anna Maria Schurman, who rejoiced in eat- call it a "black-burying party,” or to talk of a “fit ing spiders, thirst after puns. If you fall in with of coffin ;” a weeping relative struggling to conceal these, you have no resource but to indulge them to his grief may be likened to a commander of “pritheir hearts' content; but, in order to rescue your- vate tears ;" throw in a joke about the phrase of self from the imputation of believing punning to be “funerals performed,” and a re-hearsal ; and wind wit, quote the definition of Swift, and be like him, up with the anagram real-fun, funeral. as inveterate a punster as you possibly can, imme- I give this instance first, in order to explain that diately after resting every thing, and bazarding all, nothing, however solemn the subject, is to stand in upon the principle, that the worse the pun the the way of a pun. better.
It is allowable, when you have run a subject dry In order to be prepared for this sort of punic in English, to hitch in a bit of any other language war, (for the disorder is provocative and epidemic,) which may sound to your liking. For instance, on the moment any one gentleman or lady has, as they a fishing party. You say fishing is out of your say in Scotland, “let a pun,” every body else in the line; yet, if you did not keep a float, you would room who can, or cannot do the same, sets to work deserve a rod; and if anybody affects to find fault to endeavor to emulate the example. From that with your joke, exclaim “Oh, vous bête !" There period, all rational conversation is at an end, and a you have line, rod, float, and bait ready to your jargon of nonsense succeeds, which lasts till the hand. Call two noodles from the city in a punt, announcement of coffee or supper, or the car- endeavoring to catch small fry, “ East Angles;” or, riages, puts a happy termination to the riot. if you please, observe that “the punters are losing Addison says,
one may say of a pun, as the the fish,” “ catching nothing but a cold,” or that countryman described his nightingale, that it is vox “the fish are too deep for them.” Call the Thames et præterea nihil, a sound, and nothing but a sound ;" a “tidy” river; but say you prefer the Isis in hot and, in another place he tells us that “the greatest weather. authors in their most serious works make frequent Personal deformities or constitutional calamities use of puns; the sermons of Bishop Andrews, and are always to be laid hold of. If any body tells the tragedies of Shakspere are full of them; if a you that a dear friend has lost his sight, observe sinner was punned into repentance as in the latter, that it will make him more hospitable than ever, nothing is more usual than to see a hero weeping since now he would be glad to see any body. If á and grumbling for a dozen lines together;" but he clergyman breaks his leg, remark that he is no also says, “it is indeed impossible to kill a weed longer a clergyman, but a lame man. If a poet is which the soil has a natural disposition to produce. seized with apoplexy, affect to disbelieve it, although The seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, you know it to be true, in order to sayand though they may be subdued by reason, re
Poeta nascitur non fit ; flection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius that is not broken and then, to carry the joke one step further, add, and cultivated by the rules of art.”
“that it is not a fit subject for a jest.” A man fallHere is something like a justification of the enor- ing into a tan-pit you may call “sinking in the submity; and, as the pupil is to mix in all societies, he lime ;” a climbing boy suffocated in a chimney may as well be prepared.
meets with a sootable death; and a pretty girl bavPuns may be divided into different classes; they ing caught the small-pox is to be much pitted. On may be made in different ways, introduced by pass- the subject of the ear and its defects, talk first of ing circumstances, or by references to by-gone something in which a cow sticks, and end by telling events; they may be thrown in anecdotically, or the story of the man who, having taken great conundrumwise. It is to be observed that feeling, pains' to explain something to his companion, at or pity, or commiseration, or grief, are not to stand last got into a rage at his apparent stupidity, and in the way of a pun—that personal defects are to exclaimed, “Why, my dear Sir, don't you comprebe made available, and that sense, so as the sound hend? the thing is as plain as A, B, C.” “I dare answers, has nothing to do with the business. say it is,” said the other; “but I am D, E, F.”