is the worst shod," so the cats'-meat dealer's dog clarioneting, “ The black joke,” and going round was the worst fed. I never had a morsel given to the corner, where he knew dwelt what is called a me that could possibly be sold.

serious family, he would plaintively commence the There was not the slightest increase of respect or "Evening Hymn." Dog as I was, I scorned him. affection between my mistress and myself. At My tale is coming towards an end. I had draglength, I was relieved from her tyranny. In the ged my old bagpipe of a master out of the Hyde course of her rambles, she had formed an acquaint- Park end of London; and toiled on, he getting all ance with a fat hoary old cripple, who at some early the pence, I all the annoyance, until I came to the period of life had the misfortune to lose both his corner of a well known lane, that recalled my early legs. For many years after that, he obtained a reminiscences. He was in the middle of blowing good income by playing on a cracked clarionet, “The blue bonnets over the border," when I was seated in a go-cart drawn by a single dog. This seized with an irresistible desire once more to bedog could go no longer, seeing that he died; and hold the inmates of a house wherein I had passed the cart would not go without the dog. In brief, I some felicitous hours. was promoted to the cart, vice Cæsar deceased. Without, therefore, caring for my driver, (who Here, however, began new troubles. For, oh, such by the way was dri (,) I set off at full speed down a clarionet !

the lane, dragging the cart and musician behind me, It has been asserted that dogs do not like music, and followed by a number of boys, who had surthat at certain notes many will howl. As regards rounded us, out of curiosity. myself, I now had the opportunity of proving the Some of the little Pennyfeathers seeing this fact.

strange sight, ran in to tell their parents: and the My present master, -oh, what an inexorable slave old lady and gentleman ventured out to the door, driver !—I had to drag his heavy trunk, surmounted he winking and sniffing as usual. I stopped sudby a capacious chest, all over the streets and sub- denly before the house, so suddenly that the intoxurbs of London; all day, drag, drag, drag, by the icated clarionet player fell over, and upset the cart, sides of the gutters. The old rascal had two in- tearing away a portion of the harness, from which struments; his cracked clarionet, and a hard I rapidly disengaged myself, and instantly set up thonged whip. With the one, his intention was to my well known and much dreaded howl. I was so amuse the public; with the other, to torture me. altered in my person, that it was with difficulty that Whenever he ran down several notes in “Maggy I was recognized; the favorite howl, which I reLauder," I invariably howled, I could not help my- peated, effected that. self: then out came the other instrument; and the Here was a tableau! My master's trunk and tone and flourishes of that about my ears were dis- clarionet prostrate in the gutter; all the Pennytinctly heard, and the music was of such a nature, feathers in mute astonishment, in various attitudes; that it was as distinctly felt.

1, mad for joy at my release, jumping up to lick Mr. My master was a musical hypocrite of uncommon Pennyfeather's face; his utter horror thereat; the tact; he knew the houses well where he was en arrival of the butcher's boy, attracted by the crowd, couraged, and where he was sure to be paid to go with a cleaver in his hand; the advent of two poaway. He was perfectly aware at what residence licemen to convey the remains of the drunken begthe hundred and fourth Psalm would be accepta- gar to the station house ; my determination to be ble, or where “Nix my dolly pals, fake away,” again received as an inmate; Jr. Pennyfeather's would be preferred. Oh! how I have execrated decided objection to that measure, expressed by the old impostor, when he has turned from a low showing the butcher's boy another half-crown; the public house, seethed in gin, where he has been butcher's boy's attempt to seize me; my boundless anger excited; the butcher's cruel grasp revenged, but out of reach of my pursuers—looked on the by my biting bim through the hand; the butcher's world with disgust—and became a vagrant as you upraised cleaver! Oh! oh!—it fell, and though now see me. intended for my head, cut off two-thirds of my Here the UNLUCKY Dog turned round, and retail !


marked, Maddened with pain, I ran, I know not whither,

“ Tuis is THE END OF MY TAIL."

[ocr errors]


Story for the Time to Tome.


It was a bitter night in January; few and shiver- him, and exclaimed—“Pray, Sir, look with pity on ing were the pedestrians of the streets of London; the poor and houseless on such a wretched night!" icebergs floated on the river, a sharp north-easterly To this appeal no reply was given; the old man wind cut every half-clad and homeless creature to hastened on, the woman seemed to gain courage, the bone; the chimes of Westminster Abbey tolled and kept pace with him; he waved her back with the hour of eleven; their very sounds seemed to his hand :-she stopped, uttered a piteous groan, tremble and die in the freezing air, as they were lis- and looked after the cruel one who had so repulsed tened to by a figure leaning against the low wall her. He arrived at the door of a dirty old-fashioned that faced å gloomy and moated building on that house, knocked and rang. Before the door could side of the Thames called Millbank. The form was be opened, the woman was again at his side—“For that of a woman: her face had been buried in her heaven's sake, Sir,” she said earnestly, “ be charihand till the chiming of the hour roused her from table—I have no home, and this poor child ”—He her position : she looked earnestly towards the mis- did not allow her to conclude the appeal, but in a erable building, walked or rather tottered a few harsh voice bade her “

go away ;” she sank on her paces, then turned and gazed again.

knees to him; he laughed, muttered the word "im“Three weeks only gone,” she exclaimed, “ of the postor!” and again rang the bell. A severe-looking long, long year that must pass before I may ever female appeared at the door, bearing a light. see him again—I shall not live till the end of it-I "Martha,” said the old man, as he entered the cannot-I feel that I cannot;”—and she drew a house, “give that woman in charge to the police.” thin and tattered cloak closely around her, as the The request, however, was not complied with, the ruthless wind swept by upon that desolate bank: the door was instantly closed; the noise of bolts and cry of a child was heard beneath her wretched gar- chains was heard-and, as the morning dawned, a ment: she strove in vain to hush it, till the cold-young female, and an infant clasped in her arms, stricken infant's screams struck terror into the heart were discovered on the step of that door frozen to of its miserable mother.

death ! “What can I do to help you, dear?" was her sob- Who can she be? anxiously inquired the crowd bing question. “You are cold, you must be, for I that gathered round the old man's house. am shivering from head to foot-I have not tasted They were bearing away the bodies, when a perfood to-day, and nothing have I for you, poor dear! son knocked to inquire if the inmate of the dwellwhere Nature teaches you to turn for nourishment: ing knew any thing of the sad catastrophe. The it were better that we both lie down to die—if we old man appeared at the door; his hair and beard, can but fall asleep on such a night as this, neither the latter of a week's growth, were gray ; bis eyes of us will ever wake again.” And she sank by the were deeply set in his head, and overshadowed by road-side, exhausted.

white and bushy brows; and, as he thrust forth his The cries of the child were silenced for a time, . witbered countenance in order to reply to the quesand she appeared to strive to invite slumber; but tion put to him, it assumed an expression of such in vain; for, suddenly starting up, she said, “ He ferocity, that the bystanders shrank in more fear will be again at liberty; the bitter lesson he has from the face of that living man, than from the plaknown will make him more cautious, he will not cid countenances of the dead before them. again be the dupe of wretches; and if some good | you know any thing about them ?" was the quesChristian would but listen to my sad story, and re- tion. “No," croaked the old man, “I do not, exlieve me for a time, all may yet be well. No, no, I cept that the woman was a beggar, and followed me must strive against this afliction: though I could last night as I came home late from the city: had not help crawling, even on this wretched night, to my servant done as I desired her, this might not look upon the dark walls that surround my husband, have happened. Now begone, and don't create a and the father of my child. God help me! for 1 am disturbance before my house." afraid none upon earth will."

Ile disappeared, the door was sharply closed, and She moved forwards with great rapidity, till she the crowd bearing the dead passed on. “ An old reached one of those lonely streets near the Abbey. brute!” remarked one; "he gave her nothing, I'll An old man walked hurriedly by her, well wrapped be bound, and they say that he is worth thousands.” up and defended against the weather-his mouth carefully covered to avoid a thick fog which had It was a lovely morning in spring; the fruit-trees suddenly followed the subsiding of the wind. In were clothed in blossom, the graceful laburnum spite of his precautions, the foul air penetrated to | drooped in golden beauty, the birds sang gaily in his lungse and a violent cough compelled him to the green hedges; the French windows of a small pause. The woman whom he had passed, approached | but elegant villa on the river side were open, and a


[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

young man walked forth upon the lawn, to enjoy His cab had followed him on the river-side ; he that genial and delightful day; he was attended by leaped into it, his smart tiger hung on, behind, and his valet; and, basking in the rays of the sun, sip- his fine horses nobly stepped out towards town. He ping his chocolate, took a letter from the pocket of dined at one of his clubs, and reading over the adhis elegantly-figured morning gown, and, giving it vertisements in the newspaper after dinner, his conto the man, desired him to deliver it in the course stant custom, with a view to discover some new case of the day as directed. “It contains," said he “a of distress which he could delight himself by relievtrifle for the widow of the poor fisherman who was ing, found one object of compassion perishing for drowned last week ; ” and, added he, “see that my want in the neighborhood of Walworth. Not a half-yearly subscription for the relief of the house. moment was to be lost: he would fly to her relief; less poor be paid to-morrow; ;" and with a smile he and ten minutes more found him crossing Waterloo gave his empty cup to the valet, and passed with an Bridge in his way to the abode of wretchedness. air of contentment into his garden, where his gar- The evening was as clear, and as calm, as the morndener was working; the young man approached | ing had been beautiful. He thought again, with him—“Are you happy now, Thomas ?" was the i heartfelt satisfaction, on all the good that he had question put to the laborer.

done, and on that which he was going to do, and, as “Quite, Sir, and I shall ever bless the day that I he complacently looked upwards to the brightly shinmet you. If you had not taken me without a char- ing stars, “ Oh lovely worlds,” he exclaimed; “if acter, my little family must have gone to the work you are the abodes of the blessed, surely I may hope house," was the reply.

to inhabit one of you, when it may be my lot to “Well,” added the young man, whether the quit this less favored planet !” His reveries were charge against you were false or not—"

interrupted by observing a man ascend the parapet “Quite false, Sir,” interrupted the man.

of the bridge within a few yards of him, who flung “Whether it was false or not, I hope that my his arms wildly in the air, and seemed preparing to kindness in receiving you into my service will make plunge into the rolling tide beneath; the young phiyou grateful, and that your gratitude will teach you lanthropist rushed towards him, seized him by the honesty while you are with me: I believe the coat-a shrill and unearthly scream burst from the charge of theft made against you in your last place frustrated suicide, as he firmly held him back. to be unfounded, and trust that your good conduct Three or four passengers crossed over to the spot here will prove it so."

from the most frequented side of the bridge; the “It shall, Sir, and Heaven bless you!" was the man was dragged from the parapet, and flung reply of the wrinkled gardener. And the young upon the ground. man passed on, with a light step and a cheek flushed “He is drunk !" was the observation of the paswith the consciousness of a heart possessing every sengers, as they passed on, leaving the young man charitable feeling for human nature. He walked to alone with the desperate stranger. the front of his villa, and hung over the gate open- “Why are you so rash? what is your trouble ? ing to the high-road: while looking with satisfaction | Tell me, and I will relieve you if I can.” on all around, a beautiful girl approached the gate, The man staggered exhausted against the balus. carrying a letter; she blushed as she presented it trades; he panted for breath. The question was to him. It was from her father, an industrious repeated. tradesman in the neighborhood, who, in losing his " You can do me no service," said the unknown. wife, had, in his sorrow, suffered his business to be “I wish to die.” neglected. He became the inmate of a prison, leav- “Why?" ing his eldest daughter, the bearer of the letter, and “Sir,said the stranger, “I am the manager of two younger children, unprotected: his misfortunes a theatre; to-morrow is Saturday, and I cannot pay reached the ears of the young philanthropist now my salaries ; ” and the would-be suicide glanced at hanging over the gate. The tradesman's debts were the philanthropist with a strange leer. paid, and his family reinstated in their old house “What sum do you require?". and business. This letter was one of thanks: he “A hundred pounds." perused it with pleasure, asked the young girl into “Is that all?" his house, directed the servants to offer her refresh- “ All!” added the manager with a look of dements, and put a bank-note into her hand as she de. spondency. “How can I face my people without parted. The girl trembled, curtsied, and went home. that all? How many families will go dinnerless on

The young man reclined in his easy chair, and, Sunday, now that I am without that all!”. surveying himself in a Psyche before him, was, for “Ha!” thought the philanthropist,“ how many the moment, the happiest man in existence; the families then will bless my name if I supply him blessings and praises of all who had experienced his with the means of paying them !” “You shall have kindness rang in his ears. “Every body respects the sum that you require,” said the young man: me," said he ; “respects me! they love me !"—and, “ lead me to a place where I can obtain pen and in the joy of his heart, he sprang into a light wherry ink, and I will instantly write you a check." that was moored at the extremity of his lawn, and "You will!” replied the manager, rubbing his pulled gaily with the tide down the river. “How hands with glee. “You have not only saved my delightful it is,” thought he, “to have wealth and life, but have sustained my character for punctualapply it as I do! How every one must talk of me! ity in my payments, without which a manager, from I should like to hear what they say ; but that is having it in his power to be the pettiest of all petty impossible ; and, with a sigh, he landed at Chel- | tyrants, suddenly becomes the most insignificant sca, trusted his wherry to the care of a waterman, creature on the face of the earth. Follow me, my to whom he flung a guinea, and to “Poor Jack” a kind, my best friend; it is a non-play night—the

Both stared after him in astonishment. “I anniversary of Charles the Martyr; the actors only wonder what they will say of me?” thought he to suffer for that event nowadays-poor devils !” and himself.

the manager again rubbed his hands, and seemed


[ocr errors]

to chuckle at something that tickled his fancy “Don't be alarmed," said he; “ a theatre is the mightily. He led the way; they arrived at the the legitimate place for transformation, and where could atre, entered it by a small door in a back street, I undergo mine in a more befitting locality? I am and were soon seated in a dark and dingy room, the the embodied organ of inquisitiveness; many, many walls of which were hung with tiles of play-bills. years ago I was an insignificant lump on the craAn office table with a desk upon it occupied the nium of the last wife of the great Blue-beard. At centre of the apartment; some faded damask chairs, her death, I was released from obscurity, and took with dirty white and gold arms and legs, completed my place amongst the myriads of liberated organs the rest of the furniture. On the table were seve- of every human passion that throngs the invisible ral soiled manuscripts and paper parcels tied up and air. These little eyes of mine, when I wish to pry directed.

into any matter that interests me, I can espand to “ These are rejected dramas," said the manager, the size of the crown of your hat.” And he immeas he perceived his friend eyeing them. “Every diately gave an evidence of the truth of his boast, man to whom I return one of those parcels is hence by fixing on the alarmed philanthropist a pair of forth my enemy for life.” He then threw himself immense black orbs, which he as suddenly reduced into a chair, and assumed a look of vast importance. to their former twinkling dimensions. Again he “There are pen, ink and paper,” said he.

laughed long and loud at the astonishment of the “And there,” added the young man, “is the young man. check."

“Behold,” said he, pointing to his tin tube, “Attend in the treasury to-morrow," said the “when I apply this instrument to my ear, I can manager, “and behold the gratified faces of my plainly distinguish all that is said of me amongst my company; for,” said he, in his ear, “they do not companions behind my back.” He placed it to his expect a halfpenny. You will hear what they say.” car:—“That's right,” said he, with a grin.

"Shall I ?" exclaimed the philanthropist, and his on- defame!- detract !- backbite!- I can hear face flushed with delight.

you—those infernal organs of destructiveness and The manager now fixed his eyes on his friend, philoprogenitiveness are giving me a fine character. and seemed to read his very soul.

I know that I am far from a paragon of excellence, “I have no doubt,” said he, “ that you have done but really not such a wretch as my friends wish to many kind actions like this?”

make me out. Ah! now I see you have an inkling Yes," replied the young man.

to try my trumpet; take it, my friend :-don't be “ And you find every body grateful ?”

alarmed, it won't bite you.” “I think I do."

He handed his tube to the young man, who in“And in your own circle of course you are be- stinctively applied it to the proper organ—he immeloved ?"

diately turned pale. “ I believe I am."

"What do they say?" inquired the embodied “ And the objects of your charity reverence you?” | organ. “I believe they do.”

• Is it possible ?” ejaculated the philanthropist. “But you wish,” said the manager, his eyes My friend,” said the little gentleman, in the suit twinkling with an arch expression; "you wish, I of spotted yellow, “What is the matter?" dare say, to hear what is really said of you ?" “I hear a dozen voices reviling me.” “To confess the truth, it would greatly gratify

“ Indeed! what do they say ?".

“I relieved a fisherman's young widow this morn“Well, sir,” added the manager, “you have this ing, and her friends are persuading her that I have night done me a great kindness; perhaps it is in a base motive for my charity.” my power to return the favor by giving you your “And she believes them, no doubt,” said the exwish.”

manager. “What!” exclaimed the young man; “give me “She does: her reply is “who'd have thought to hear what is really said of me—is it possible ?” it?' and I plainly hear her simper of satisfaction.

“Possible !” said the manager, and he burst into Another peal of laughter from the bow-legged a laugh, so long and so loud, that the philanthropist gentleman shook the apartment. doubted the sanity of the Thespian ruler; but as he “ Try again,” said he ; “better luck next time." laughed so merrily, his countenance underwent a The young man's face once more paled with complete change, the clothes in which he was at- rage. tired seemed to become uninhabited, like the “What now?" inquired the owner of the tube. dresses in the opening of a Christmas pantomime “My gardener, that I took into my service withbefore the changes to the motley group take place out a character, is talking to his wife. The man --his head sank into his coat-his coat into his was accused of theft, was starving, and I took pity nether garments—they, in their turn, fell into his

on him.' stockings, and, sitting on the ground before the be- “Well, what does he say of you ?" wildered young man, appeared an odd little figure, “ Ilis opinion is, that as I seem so rich, and have about three feet in height—his legs most grotesque. taken him without a character, if I don't work a ly bowed, and supporting a very corpulent body. private still, he is almost sure that I am one of the His head was large, his nose long and hooked, and swell mob, and he shall begin to look about hima mouth, that alternately expanded from ear to ear, a wretch !” and instantaneously drew up into a small oval of The little gentleman rolled about the floor in ecthe size of an egg; he held a brown tin ear-trumpet stasies: again the tube was at the eager ear of the in his hand, his dress was a tightly-fitting suit of young man, whose countenance reflected his vexayellow, spotted with black, and, at the first glance, tion. he looked like a huge frog; his face, however, was “What now?" inquired the man with the mouth, red and jolly, and his little black eyes seemed on in a burlesque tone of commiseration. fire with delight.

“A party of friends, to whom I gave a splendid

[ocr errors]



* Yes.

dinner last week, are discussing my charitable dis- | sires her to be constant in her attendance at church position.”

-to take her little sister only with her, and he has “And what do they say ?"

no doubt that some afternoon I may offer my arm, They attribute all that I have done to ostenta- which she must timidly take.” tion. Even my subscription to the Society for the ' Oh, dear-oh, dear!" sighed the owner of the Relief of the Houseless Poor cannot escape their tube, “what a world it is !”.

* Poor young man!' says one, he feels The young man's face now turned red with fury. gratified at reading his name among the list of sub- “Any thing more ?" asked the embodied organ. scribers."

“Who is speaking of you now?" “Ah!" responded the owner of the tube, with a “ The man by the river-side, to whom I gave the profound sigh:—“How bitter it is, sometimes, to care of my wherry, and Jack-in-the-water; they are listen to the truth ;" and then he grinned again gossiping over a cool tankard at the Adam and Eve from ear to ear, his mouth immediately afterwards —they are speaking

me." assuming its oval form, as he cast a sidelong glance

What do they say?" at the mortified philanthropist. “Can you hear The devil,” exclaimed the philanthropist, and he any thing further?" said he.

dashed the tube on the ground; it seemed to fly

into a thousand pieces—a loud clap of thunder " What ?"

shook the building. The young man received a “The tradesman whom I released from prison is violent blow, and fell stunned upon the floor. On talking to his daughter-a beautiful girl, who recovering, the white lines with which the shutters brought me a letter of thanks from her father this of the room were ruled told him that it was break of morning.”

day. He groped about in fear and astonishment, “Indeed! You are the subject of their discourse, and, when recollection of the incidents of the past no doubt. What may they say?"

night returned to him, he anxiously sought the door “The father is asking his girl how I behaved to of the apartment, and explored his way thence her; she replies, ‘most kindly, and that she thinks I through the dark wings of the play-house :—the pressed her hand at parting, when I presented her night-porter had opened the stage-door, and was with money.'

surveying the state of the weather on the pave"And the father, what says he ?"

ment. The philanthropist darted unobserved into “Pooh!-psha!—no such thing."

the street, called a hackney-coach, and in two hours “ The father says so ?”

was stretched upon his bed, with an aching head, “No, no, 'tis my reply to his ridiculous assertion." and a heart bursting with vexation. "And what is that?” “He tells his daughter, that if she minds how she

Forty years and more glided away. The Young plays her cards, she may be my wife; and ascribes all my kindness to him, my releasing him from Philanthropist of the elegant villa on the banks of prison, my paying liis debts, and re-establishing him the Thames, and the Old Brute of the lonely street in business, to -to"

near the Abbey, were one and the same person, “What?"

changed only by years and a matured knowledge of

the world. Being smitten with the girl's charms. IIe de

[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

A BOLD TRANSLATOR, Ix certain clubs in London, it has been found The translator, when called on to explain the useful to check the inclination to classical quota- hackneyed phrase, " De mortuis nil nisi bonum," tion, by introducing a translator, to which position answered, “It is the watchword of the resurrection some well-known humorist is generally appointed. men—when dead, how nicely we'll bone 'em!'” When any gentleman indulges in Horatian or Vir- (i. e. steal them.) gilian rhapsodies, or introduces a pedantic or out- The conversation turning on a speaker, who, at of-the way phrase of foreign origin, a cry of “Trans- a public meeting, had notes handed up to him, lator!" brings that functionary to the rescue-his “from which hints he spoke," a gentleman advertduty being to paraphrase the meaning, if possible, ing to it used the phrase, Gladiator in arena." but at the same time invest it with some ridiculous “ Translator!" sounded loudly, on all sides; when association.

the ingenious gentleman explained that it arose Mr. Paul Bedford, a well known comedian, was from the destruction of a woman by a Roman, who at one time the Translator of a certain society near devoured her, and, in the joy of a successful reDrury Lane. A gentleman conversed learnedly on venge, declared, he was glad he ate her in the the classical meaning of the word Omnibus. “Translator," said the President, very gravely,

" what is Talking of antediluvian and pre-adamite relics, the English for omnibus ?" “Shillibeer!" replied the Megatherium was named. Some skeptical perBedford instantly.

sons present denied that such an animal ever exA certain musician having been seen flirting with isted. “Translator," cried the president, “what a fair one at the box-door of Drury Lane Theatre, animals existed before Adam's time?" Nothing was charged, on entering the club, with inconstancy | but one chay-hoss (chaos),” said the erudite officer. towards the fair proprietor of his heart and hand. Nor was this the only use made of this word; for, Non," he exclaimed, Je suis fidèle !" The trans- in a learned dispute as to Bryant's denial of Troy lator was instantly called for, who rendered it thus, and its siege, the Translator was called on to name I am a fiddler.The person in question was the earliest conflict on record. “It was in the reign celebrated for his artistic excellence on the merry of chaos,” he replied, “when nihil fit.bit of wood."


« ElőzőTovább »