cline. Then we kept the doors and windows open; | and in one day I got a fit of the rheumatism. And in spite of doors or windows, blowers, registers, or Count Rumford-precaution in putting on coals, or mathematical management of poker-down the enemy would come to our very faces,-poof! poof! -as if in derision! till I prayed heaven that smoke had life and being, that I might commit murder on it at once, and so be hanged; and at length, after throwing every movable I could command at the grate and the chimney by turns, and paying "no cure no pay" doctors by dozens, who did nothing but make dirt and mischief, I sent for a respectable surveyor, paid him for his opinion beforehand, and heard that the fault in the chimneys was "radical," and not to be remedied without pulling the house down! I paid my twelvemonth's rent, and wished only that my landlord might live through his lease. I heard afterwards, that he had himself been imposed upon; and that the house, from the first fire ever lighted in it, had been a scandal to the neighborhood. But this whole volume would not suffice to enumerate the variety of wretchedness-and smoky chimneys the very least of them!-which drove me a second time to change my plan of life; the numberless lodgings that I lived in, and the inconveniences, greater or lesser, attending each. In one place, my servants quarrelled with the servants of "the people of the house." In another, "the people of the house's" servants quarrelled with mine. Here, my housekeeper refused to stay, because the kitchen was "damp." There, my footman begged I would "provide myself," as there were rats in his cockloft." Then somebody fell over a pail of water, left upon "my stairs;" and "my maid" declared it was "the other maid" had put it there. Then the cats fought; and I was assured that mine had given the first scratch. On the whole, the disputes were so manifold, always ending to my discomfiture, for the lady of the mansion would assail me, I never could get the gentleman to be dissatisfied, (and so conclude the controversy by kicking him down stairs,)—that seeing one clear advantage maintained by the ground possessor, viz., that I, when we squabbled, was obliged to vacate, and he remained where he was, I resolved, once for all, to turn the tables upon mankind at large, and become a "landlord" and a "housekeeper," in my own immediate person. แ Sir, the gray goose hath laid an egg.-Sir, the old barn doth need repair.-The cook sweareth, the meat doth burn at the fire.-John Thomas is in the stocks; and every thing stays on your arrival." I would not advise any single gentleman hastily to conclude that he is in distress. Bachelors are discontented, and take wives; footmen are ambitious, and take eating-houses. What does either party gain by the change? "We know," the wise man has said, "what we are; but we know not what we may be." In estimating the happiness of householders, I had imagined all tenants to be like myself,-mild, forbearing, punctual, and contented; but I "kept house" three years, and was never out of hot water the whole time! I did manage, after some trouble, to get fairly into a creditable mansion-just missing one, by a stroke of fortune, which had a brazier's shop at the back of it, and was always shown at hours when the workmen were gone to dinner-and sent a notice to the papers, that a bachelor of sober habits, having "a larger residence than he wanted," would dispose of half of it to a family of respectability. But the whole world seemed to be, and I think is, in a plot to drive me out of my senses. In the first ten days of my new dignity, I was visited by about twenty tax-gatherers, half of them with claims that I had never heard of, and the other half with claims far exceeding my expectations. The householder seemed to be the minister's very milch cow-the positive scape-goat of the whole community! I was called on for house-tax, window-tax, land-tax, and servant's-tax! Poor's-rate, sewers'rate, pavement-rate, and scavengers'-rate! I had to pay for watering streets on which other people walked; for lighting lamps which other people saw by; for maintaining watchmen who slept all night; and for building churches that I never went into. And-I never knew that the country was taxed till that moment !—these were but a few of the "dues" to be sheared off from me. There was the clergyman of the parish, whom I never saw, sent to me at Easter for "an offering." There was the charityschool of the parish, solicited "the honor" of my "subscription and support." One man came to inform me that I was "drawn for the militia," and offered to "get me off," on payment of a sum of money. Another insisted that I was "chosen constable," and actually brought the insignia of office to my door. Then I had petitions to read (in writing) from all the people who chose to be in distress; personal beggars, who penetrated into my parlor, to send to Bridewell, or otherwise get rid of. Windows were broken, and "nobody" had "done it." The key of the street door was lost, and "nobody" had "had it." Then my cook stopped up the kitchen "sink;" and the bricklayers took a month to open it. Then my gutter ran over, and flooded my neighbor's garret; and I was served with notice of an action for dilapidation. And at Christmas!-Oh! it was no longer dealing with ones and twos!-The whole hundred, on the day after that festival, rose up, by concert, to devour me! Dustmen, street-keepers, lamplighters, turncocks, postmen, beadles, scavengers, chimney-sweeps—the whole pecus of parochial servitorship were at my gate before eleven at noon. Then the "waits" came-two sets! and fought which should have "my bounty." Rival patrols disputed whether I did or did not lie within their "beat." At one time there was a doubt as to which, of two parishes, I belonged; and I fully expected that (to make sure) I should have been visited by the collectors from both! Meantime the knocker groaned, until very evening, under the dull, stunning, single thumps-each villain would have struck, although it had been upon the head of his own grandfather!—of bakers, butchers, tallowchandlers, grocers, fishmongers, poulterers, and oilmen! Every ruffian who made his livelihood by swindling me through the whole year, thought himself entitled to a peculiar benefaction (for his robberies) on this day. And Host! now by my life I scorn the name! All this was child's play-bagatelle, I protest, and "perfumed," to what I had to go through in the "letting off" of my dwelling! The swarms of crocodiles that assailed me, on every fine daythree-fourths of them, to avoid an impending shower, or to pass away a stupid morning-in the shape Experience, however, gives lights; and a nished lodging" is the best arrangement among the bad. I had seven transitions last month, but that was owing to accidents; a man who chooses well, may commonly stay a fortnight in a place. Indeed, as I said in the beginning, I have been ten days where I am; and I don't, up to this moment, see clearly what point I shall go away upon. The mistress of the house entertains a pet monkey; and I have got a new footman, who, I understand, plays upon the fiddle. The matter, I suspect, will lie between these two. I am most nervous myself ahout the monkey. He broke loose the other day. I saw him escape over the next garden-wall, and drop down by the side of a middle-aged gentleman, who was setting polyanthuses! The respectable man, as was prudent, took refuge in a summer-house; and then he pulled up all the polyanthuses; and then tried to get in at the summer-house window! I think that of stale dowagers, city coxcombs, 'professional | for the next ten years. I did this in order that I gentlemen," and "single ladies!" And all (except may know when he is hanged-a fact I wish para few that were swindlers) finding something wrong ticularly to ascertain, because his father and I had about my arrangements! Gil Blas' mule, which an altercation about it. was nothing but faults, never had half so many "furfaults as my house. Carlton Palace, if it were to be "let" to-morrow, would be objected to by a tailor. One man found my rooms "too small;" another thought them rather "too large;" a third wished that they had been loftier; a fourth, that there had been more of them. One lady hinted a sort of doubt, "whether the neighborhood was quite respectable ;" another asked, "if I had any family;" and, then, "whether I would bind myself not to have any during her stay." Two hundred, after detaining me an hour, had called only "for friends." Ten thousand went through all the particulars, and would "call again to-morrow." At last there came a lady who gave the coup-de-grace to my "housekeeping;" she was a clergyman's widow, she said, from Somersetshire; if she had been an "officer's" I had suspected her; but, in an evil hour, I let her in; and she had come for the express purpose of marrying me! Sometimes she heard a mouse behind the wainscot, and I was called in to scare it. Her canary bird got loose; would I be so good as Eh!-Why, what the deuce is all this?-Why, to catch it? I fell sick, but was soon glad to get the room is full of smoke!-Thomas!--[I ring the well again; for she sent five times a day to ask if I | bell violently.]—Thomas!-[I call my new footman.] was better; beside pouring in plates of blanc mange, Tho-o-mas!-Why, somebody has set the house on jellies, cordials, raspberry vinegar, fruits fresh from fire. the country, and hasty-puddings made by her own hand. And, at last, after the constant borrowings of books, the eternal interchange of newspapers, and the daily repair of crow-quills, the opinions upon wine, and the corrections of hackney coachmen, I determined to get rid of many troubles at once; I therefore presented Mrs. F with my house, and every thing in it, and determined never again, as a man's only protection against female cupidity, to possess even a tooth-brush that I could legally call my own. This resolution, gentle reader, compelled me to shelter myself in "furnished lodgings," where the most of accommodation, (sublunary!) after all, I believe, is to be found. I had sad work, as you may imagine, to find my way at first. Once I ventured to inhabit (as there was no board in the case) with a surgeon. But, what between the patients and the resurrection-men, the "night bell" was intolerable; and he ordered the watchman, too, I found, to pull it privately six or seven times a-week, in order to impress the neighborhood with an opinion of his practice. From one place I was driven away by a music-master, who gave concerts opposite to me; and at a second, after two days' abiding, I found that a madman was confined on the second floor! Two houses I left because my hostesses made love to me. Three, because parrots were kept in the streets. One, because a cock (who would crow all night) came to live in a yard at the back of me; and another, in which I had staid two months, (and should perhaps have remained till now,) because a boy of eight years old (there is to me no earthly creature so utterly intolerable as a boy of eight years old!) came home from school to " pass the holidays." I had thoughts, I don't care who knows it, of taking him off by poison; and bought two raspberry tarts to give him arsenic in, as I met him on the stairs, where he was, up and down, all day. As it is, I have sent an order to the Seven Dials, to have an "early delivery" of all the "dying speeches" Enter THOMAS. Indeed no, your honor-indeed-no—it—it's only the chimney. The chimney! you dog!-get away this moment and put it out.-Stay!-Thomas!-Come back, I say.-What chimney is it? THOMAS. Only the kitchen chimney, sir. fire. Where's the landlord, sirrah? THOMAS. She's in fits, sir. You'll be hanged, to a certainty!—there's a statute for you, caitiff! there is--Come, sir-comestrip, and go up the chimney directly. Strip, or I'll kill you with the toasting-fork, and bury your body in the dust-hole. [Enter the cat, with a tail as thick as my arm, galloping round the room.] Zounds and death, what's to be done? My life's not insured! I must get out of the house. [Rattling of wheels, and cries of "Fire" in the street.] Here comes the parish engine, and as many thieves with it as might serve six parishes-Shut the doors below, I say. [Calling down stairs.] Don't let 'em in.-Thomas!-The house will be gutted from top to bottom!-Thomas!-Thomas!-Where is that rascally servant of mine?-Thomas! [Calling in all directions.] I-I must see, myself. [Scene changes to the kitchen. The housemaid in hysterics under the dresser.] Pooh! what a smell of sulphur! Thomas!-I remember, it was on a Friday I hired him!—Thomas! take a wet blanket, you rascal, and get through the garret window. Crawl up the tiles, and muffle the chimney-pot! THOMAS. Down the chimney.] Sir! One more peep [I run up stairs] from the win We shall all be destructed, is your honor's double-bar My gun? up stairs. What d'ye want with the gun? Cook. Oh, sir! if it was to be shot off up the chimney, it would surely put it out. She's right. Run, Thomas! At the head of the bed. Away with you. Mind--it's loaded-take care what you are about. as black as a soot-bag!-Why, stop her, I say!- Come in, you villain. Is the woman burnt? Reader, if you have compassion, hear a man of five-and-forty's prayer! I can't stay here!-where 'am I to go to?-If you should think-Thomas !-I must get into a hackney coach!-If you should think-Call me a hackney-coach, sirrah-and ask the man what he charges for it (d'ye hear) by the There they go!-They have found it.-Now they week.-If you should think that there is any chance are down stairs.-Why, the woman has got the of my doing well in Edinburgh or Dublin-I shouldn't gun!-Take it from her!-He don't hear me.- like to be above the fifth story (I understand most Thomas! She's going to fire it, as I live!-Yes! of your houses run ten), a line to say so would she's sitting down in the grate!-Thomas!-With greatly oblige me. As I have no home, at present, her body half way up the chimney!-Bang! bang! except the hackney-coach that I have sent for, I [Report heard.] Ah! there she goes backwards! I can't say exactly in what place of suffering your let THE VALUE OF A WORD. "" FROM THE LIFE AND TIMES OF FREDERIC REYNOLDS." BY HIMSELF. WANTING to walk on the pier (at Calais), I asked the garcon, who spoke English very tolerably, the French for it. He, thinking as Milord Anglais I could mean nothing but peer, a lord, replied paire. Away I then went, and passing over the market-place, and drawbridge, stumbled on the pier, without having had occasion to inquire my way to it by the garcon's novel appellation. There I remained, strutting my half-hour, till dinner-time. At the table d'hôte, the Commandant of the troops of the town sat next me; and among other officers and gentlemen at the table, were the President of the Council at Ratisbon, a Russian count, and several Prussians—in all amounting to about twenty, not one of whom, as it appeared to me, spoke a word of English. I thought I could never please a Frenchman so much as by praising his town:-'Monsieur,' I said, condescendingly, to the Commandant, J'ai vu votre paire,' meaning, 'I have seen your pier;' but which he naturally understood, 'I have seen your père, father.' This address from a perfect stranger surprised him. 'Il est beau et grand, monsieur,' I continued. The Commandant examined me from head to foot with an astonishment that imparted to me an almost equal share. I saw there was a mistake, and I attempted to explain, by pronouncing very articulately, Oui, monsieur, j'ai vu votre paire―votre paire, sur le havre.' "Eh bien, monsieur,' replied the Commandant, et que vous a-t-il dit?' (What did he say to you?) I was astounded, and looking round the room for the keeper to the supposed madman, I discovered that the eyes of the whole of the company were upon me. 'Monsieur,' I cried, again attempting to explain, with as much deliberation and precision, and in as good French as I could command-Monsieur, estil possible que vous résidez ici, et que vous ne connoissez pas votre paire-votre paire-si long!' This speech only increased the incomprehensibility of the whole conversation; and the Commandant beginning, in rather haut en bas terms, to demand an explanation, like all cowards, when driven into a corner, I became desperate. 'Monsieur,' I cried, somewhat boisterously, ‘il faut que vous connoissez votre paire! le paire de votre ville, qui est fait de pierre, et a la tête de bois, et a ce moment on travaille a lui racommoder sa fin, a laquelle le vent a fait du mal.' This was the coup de grace to all the decorum; every Frenchman abandoned himself to his laughter, till the room fairly shook with their shouts and even the Commandant himself could not help joining them. 'Allow me, sir,' said a gentleman whom I had not previously observed 'My dear sir,' interrupted I, 'you are an Englishman, pray, pray explain.' 'Sir,' he replied, 'you have just told this gentleman,' pointing to the Commandant, that his father is the father of the whole town, that he is made of stone, but has a wooden head! and at this moment the workmen are engaged in mending his end, that the wind has damaged.' I was paralyzed. 'Tell me,' I cried, as if my life depended on an answer, 'what is the French for pier? 'Jetée,' he replied, or according to the common people, pont?' I had scarcely sense enough left to assist the Englishman in his good-natured attempts to unravel the error. He succeeded, however, and then commenced in French an explanation to the officers. At this moment the waiter informed me that the St. Omer diligence was about to depart. I rushed from the scene of my disgrace, and stepped into the vehicle, just as the termination of the Englishman's recital exploded an additional éclat de rire at my expense. Ridentem dicere verum quid vetat?* In the first place, all the sour faces in the world, stiffening into a yet more rigid asperity at the least glimpse of a smile. I have seen faces, too, which, so long as you let them lie in their sleepy torpor, unshaken and unstirred, have a creamy softness and smoothness, and might beguile you into suspecting their owners of being gentle; but, if they catch the sound of a laugh, it acts on them like thunder, and they also turn sour. Nay, strange as it may seem, there have been such incarnate paradoxes as would rather see their fellow-creatures cry than smile. But is not this in exact accordance with the spirit *What forbids one to say what is true in a laughing man ner? BY JULIUS AND AUGUSTUS HARE. which pronounces a blessing on the weeper, and a woe on the laugher? Not in the persons I have in view. That blessing and woe are pronounced in the knowledge how apt the course of this world is to run counter to the kingdom of God. They who weep are declared to be blessed, not because they weep, but because they shall laugh; and the woe threatened to the laughers is in like manner, that they shall mourn and weep. Therefore, they who have this spirit in them, will endeavor to forward the blessing and to avert the woe. They will try to comfort the mourner, so as to lead him to rejoice; and they will warn the laugher, that he may be preserved from the mourning and weeping, and may exchange his passing for lasting joy. But there are many who merely in dulge in the antipathy, without opening their hearts | The word ridicule, it is true, has a narrow, oneto the sympathy. Such is the spirit found in those who have cast off the bonds of the lower earthly affections, without having risen as yet into the freedom of heavenly love-in those who have stopped short in the state of transition between the two lives, like so many skeletons stripped of their earthly, and not yet clothed with a heavenly body. It is the spirit of Stoicism, for instance, in philosophy, and of vulgar Calvinism, which in so many things answers to Stoicism in religion. They who feel the harm they have received from worldly pleasures, are prone at first to quarrel with pleasure of every kind altogether; and it is one of the strange perversities of our self-will to entertain anger, instead of pity, towards those whom we fancy to judge or act less wisely than ourselves. This, however, is only while the scaffolding is still standing around the edifice of their Christian life, so that they cannot see clearly out of the windows, and their view is broken up into disjointed parts. When the scaffolding is removed, and they look abroad without hindrance, they are readier than any to delight in all the beauty and true pleasure around them. They feel that it is their blessed calling not only to rejoice always themselves, but likewise to rejoice with all who do rejoice in innocence of heart. They feel that this must be well-pleasing to Him who has filled His universe with ever-bubbling springs of gladness; so that whithersoever we turn our eyes, through earth and sky as well as sea, we behold the ἀνήριθμον γέλασμα* of nature. On the other hand, it is the harshness of an irreligious temper clothing itself in religious zeal, and not seldom exhibiting symptoms of mental disorganization, that looks scowlingly on every indication of happiness and mirth. Moreover, there is a large class of people who deem the business of life far too weighty and momentous to be made light of; who would leave merriment to children, and laughter to idiots; and who hold that a joke would be as much out of place on their lips as on a grave-stone or in a ledger. Wit and wisdom being sisters, not only are they afraid of being indicted for bigamy were they to wed them both, but they shudder at such a union as incestuous. So, to keep clear of temptation, and to preserve their faith where they have plighted it, they turn the younger out of doors; and if they see or hear of any body taking her in, they are positive he can know nothing of the elder. They would not be witty for the world. Now, to escape being so, is not very difficult for those whom nature has so favored that wit with them is always at zero, or below it. Or, as to their wisdom, since they are careful never to overfeed her, she jogs leisurely along the turnpike-road, with lank and meagre carcass, displaying all her bones, and never getting out of her own dust. She feels no inclination to be frisky, but, if a coach or wagon passes her, is glad, like her rider, to run behind a thing so big. Now, all these people take grievous offence if any one comes near them better mounted, and they are in a tremor lest the neighing and snorting and prancing should be contagious. Surely, however, ridicule implies contempt; and so the feeling must be condemnable, subversive of gentleness, incompatible with kindness? Not necessarily so, or universally; far from it. Boundless laughter. sided meaning. From our proneness to mix up personal feelings with those which are more purely objective and intellectual, we have in great measure restricted the meaning of ridicule, which would properly extend over the whole region of the ridiculous, the laughable, where we may disport ourselves innocently, without any evil emotion; and we have narrowed it, so that in common usage it mostly corresponds to derision, which does indeed involve personal and offensive feelings. As the great business of wisdom in her speculative office is to detect and reveal the hidden harmonies of things, those harmonies which are the sources and the ever-flowing emanations of Law, the dealings of Wit, on the other hand, are with incongruities. And it is the perception of incongruity, flashing upon us, when unaccompanied, as Aristotle observes (Poet. c. v.), by pain, or by any predominant moral disgust, that provokes laughter, and excites the feeling of the ridiculous. But it no more follows that the perception of such an incongruity must breed or foster haughtiness or disdain, than that the perception of any thing else that may be erroneous or wrong should do so. You might as well argue that a man must be proud and scornful be. cause he sees that there is such a thing as sin, or such a thing as folly, in the world. Yet, unless we blind our eyes, and gag our ears, and hoodwink our minds, we shall seldom pass through a day without having some form of evil brought in one way or other before us. Besides, the perception of incongruity may exist, and may awaken laughter, without the slightest reprobation of the object laughed at. We laugh at a pun, surely without a shade of contempt either for the words punned upon or for the punster; and if a very bad pun be the next best thing to a very good one, this is not from its flattering any feeling of superiority in us, but because the incongruity is broader and more glaring. Nor, when we laugh at a droll combination of imagery, do we feel any contempt, but often admiration at the ingenuity shown in it, and an almost affectionate thankfulness toward the person by whom we have been amused, such as is rarely excited by any other display of intellectual power, as those who have ever enjoyed the delight of Professor Sedgwick's society will bear witness. It is true, an exclusive attention to the ridiculous side of things is hurtful to the character, and destructive of earnestness and gravity. But no less mischievous is it to fix our attention exclusively, or even mainly, on the vices and other follies of mankind. Such contemplations, unless counteracted by wholesomer thoughts, harden or rot the heart, deaden the moral principle, and make us hopeless and reckless. The objects toward which we should turn our minds habitually are those which are great, and good, and pure; the throne of virtue, and she who sits upon it; the majesty of truth, the beauty of holiness. This is the spiritual sky through which we should strive to mount, "springing from crystal step to crystal step," and bathing our souls in its living, life-giving ether. These are the thoughts by which we should whet and polish our swords for the warfare against evil, that the vapors of the earth may not rust them. But in a warfare against evil, under one or other of its forms, we are all of us called to engage; and it is a childish dream to fancy that we can walk about among mankind without perpetual necessity of remarking that |