watch) which had been carefully wrapped up in cotton wool; from which soft depository, also, he drew HIS RING (those must have been sharp eyes that could tell, at a distance, and in a hurry, that it was not diamond), which he placed on the stumpy little finger of his red and thick right hand-and contemplated its sparkle with exquisite satisfaction.

stretched underneath his chin, coming curled out | (to purchase which he had sold a serviceable silver on each side of it, above his stock, like two little horns or tusks. An imperial-i. e., a dirt-colored tuft of hair, permitted to grow perpendicularly down the upper lip of puppies-and a pair of promising mustachios, poor Mr. Titmouse had been compelled to sacrifice some time before, to the tyrannical whimsies of his vulgar employers, Messrs. Dowlas and Tagrag, who imagined them not to be exactly Having proceeded thus far with his toilet, he sat suitable appendages for counter-jumpers. So that down to his breakfast, spreading the shirt he had it will be seen that the space shaved over on this taken off upon his lap, to preserve his white trowoccasion was somewhat circumscribed. This opera- sers from spot or stain-his thoughts alternating tion over, he took out of his trunk an old dirty- between his late waking vision and his purposes for looking pomatum-pot. A little of its contents, ex- the day. He had no butter, having used the last tracted on the tips of his two forefingers, he stroked on the preceding morning; so he was fain to put carefully into his eyebrows; then spreading some up with dry bread-and very dry and teeth-trying on the palms of his hands, he rubbed it vigorously it was, poor fellow-but his eye lit on his ring! into his stubborn hair and whiskers for some quar- Having swallowed two cups of his quasi-coffee, ter of an hour; and then combed and brushed his (eugh! such stuff!) he resumed his toilet, by drawhair into half a dozen different dispositions-so fas- ing out of his other trunk his blue surtout, with emtidious in that matter was Mr. Titmouse. Then he bossed silk buttons and velvet collar, and an outside dipped the end of a towel into a little water, and pocket in the left breast. Having smoothed down twisting it round his right fore-finger, passed it a few creases, he put it on. Then, before him the gently over his face, carefully avoiding his eye- little vulgar fraction of a glass, he stood twitching brows, and the hair at the top, sides, and bottom of about the collar, and sleeves, and front, so as to his face, which he then wiped with a dry corner of make them sit well; concluding with a careful elonthe towel; and no further did Mr. Tittlebat Tit- gation of the wristbands of his shirt, so as to show mouse think it necessary to carry his ablutions. their whiteness gracefully beyond the cuff of his Had he been able to "see himself as others saw coat-sleeve-and he succeeded in producing a sort him," in respect of those neglected regions which of white boundary line between the blue of his coatlay somewhere behind and beneath his ears, he sleeve and the red of his hand. At that useful memmight not possibly have thought it superfluous to ber he could not help looking with a sigh, as he had irritate them with a little soap and water; but, after often done before-for it was not a handsome hand. all, he knew best; it might have given him cold; It was broad and red, and the fingers were thick and besides, his hair was very thick and long be- and stumpy, and very coarse deep wrinkles at every hind, and might, perhaps, conceal any thing that joint. His nails also were flat and shapeless; and was unsightly. Then Mr. Titmouse drew from un- he used to be continually gnawing them, till he had derneath the bed a bottle of Warren's "incompara- succeeded in getting them down to the quick-and ble blacking," and a couple of brushes, with great they were a sight to set a Christian's teeth on edge. labor and skill polishing his boots up to a wonder- Then he extracted from the first-mentioned trunk a ful point of brilliancy. Having washed his hands, white pocket-handkerchief-an exemplary one, that and replaced his blacking implements under the had gone through four Sundays' show (not use, be bed, he devoted a few moments to boiling about it understood,) and yet was capable of exhibition three teaspoonfuls of coffee (as it was styled on the again. A pair of sky-colored kid gloves next made paper from which he took, and in which he had their appearance; which, however, showed such bought it whereas it was, in fact, chicory.) Then barefaced marks of former service as rendered inhe drew forth from his trunk a calico shirt, with dispensable a ten minutes' rubbing with bread linen wristbands and collars, which had been worn crumbs. His Sunday hat, carefully covered with only twice since its last washing-i. e., on the pre- silver-paper, was next gently removed from its wellceding two Sundays-and put it on, taking great worn box-ah, how lightly and delicately did he care not to rumple a very showy front, containing pass his smoothing hand round its glossy surface! three little rows of frills; in the middle one of Lastly, he took down a thin black cane, with a gilt which he stuck three "studs," connected together head, and full brown tassel, from a peg behind the with two little gilt chains, looking exceedingly sty-door-and his toilet was complete. Laying down lish-especially coupled with a span-new satin stock, which he next buckled round his neck. Having put on his bright boots (without, I am sorry to say, any stockings) he carefully insinuated his legs into a pair of white trowsers, for the first time since their last washing; and what with his short straps and high braces, they were so tight that you would have feared their bursting, if he should have sat hastily. I am almost afraid that I shall hardly be believed, but it is a fact, that the next thing that he did was to attach a pair of spurs to his boots;-but, to be sure, it was not impossible that he might intend to ride during the day. Then he put on a queer kind of under-waistcoat, which in fact was only a roll-collar of rather faded pea-green silk, and designed to set off a very fine flowered damson-colored silk waistcoat; over which he drew a massive mosaic gold chain

his cane for a moment, he passed his hands again through his hair, arranging it so as to fall nicely on each side beneath his hat, which he then placed upon his head, with an elegant inclination towards the left side. He was really not bad-looking, in spite of his sandy-colored hair. His forehead, to be sure, was contracted, and his eyes of a very light color, and a trifle too protuberant; but his mouth was rather well-formed, and being seldom closed, exhibited very beautiful teeth; and his nose was of that description which generally passes for a Roman nose. His countenance wore generally a smile, and was expressive of self-satisfaction; and surely any expression is better than none at all. As for the slightest trace of intellect in it, I should be misleading the reader if I were to say any thing of the sort. He was about five feet five inches in height, and

ready mentioned, disposing it so as to let a little of it appear above the edge of the pocket, with a sort of careful carelessness-a graceful contrast to the blue; drew on his gloves; took his cane in his hand; drained the last sad remnant in his coffee-cup; and, the sun shining in the full splendor of a July noon, and promising a glorious day, forth sallied this poor fellow, an Oxford street Adonis, going forth conquering and to

possessed of his magnificent rival's means and opportunities for the perpetration of gentlemanly frauds on a splendid scale. But we shall, perhaps, see by and by. He walked along with leisurely step; for haste and perspiration were vulgar, and he had the day before him.

Observe the careless glance of self-satisfaction with which he occasionally regarded his bright boots, with their martial appendage, giving out a faint tingling sound as he heavily trod the broad flags; his spotless trowsers, his tight surtout, and the tip of white handkerchief peeping accidentally out in front! A pleasant sight it was to behold him in a chance rencontre with some one genteel enough to be recognized-as he stood, resting on his left leg; his left arm stuck upon his hip; his right leg easily bent outwards; his right hand lightly holding his ebon cane, with the gilt head of which he occasionally tapped his teeth; and his eyes, half-closed, scrutinizing the face and figure of each "pretty gal" as she passed! This was indeed happiness, as far as his forlorn condition could admit of his enjoying it. He had no particular object in view. A tiff over night with two of his shopmates had broken off a party which they had agreed the Sunday preceding in forming, to go to Greenwich on the ensuing Sunday; and this little circumstance a little soured his temper, depressed as were his spirits before. He resolved to-day to walk straight on, and dine somewhere a little way out of town, by way of passing the time till four o'clock, at which hour he intended to make his appearance in Hyde Park, "to see the fashions," which was his favorite Sunday occupation.

conquer! Petty finery without, a pinched and stinted stomach within; a case of Back versus Belly (as the lawyers would say) the plaintiff winning in His condition was, indeed, forlorn in the extreme. a canter! Forth sallied, I say, Mr. Titmouse, down To say nothing of his prospects in life-what was the narrow, creaking, close staircase, which he had his present condition? A shopman, with £35 a-year, not quitted before he heard exclaimed from an op- out of which he had to find his clothing, washing, posite window, "My eyes, ain't that a swell!" He lodging, and all other incidental expenses-his felt how true the observation was, and that at that board being found him by his employers. He was moment he was somewhat out of his element; so he five weeks in arrear to his landlady-a corpulent hurried on, and soon reached the great broad strect, old termagant, whom nothing could have induced apostrophized by the celebrated Opium-Eater, with him to risk offending, but his overmastering love of bitter feeling, as-"Oxford street!-stony-hearted finery; for I grieve to say, that this deficiency had step-mother!-Thou that listenest to the sighs of been occasioned by his purchase of the ring he then orphans, and drinkest the tears of children." Here, wore with so much pride. How he had contrived though his spirits were not just then very buoyant, to pacify her-lie upon lie as he must have had rethe poor dandy breathed more freely than when he course to-I know not. He was in debt, too, to his was passing through the nasty crowded court poor washerwoman in six or seven shillings for (Closet Court) which he had just quitted. He nearly a quarter's washing; and owed five times passed and met hundreds who, like himself, seemed that amount to a little old tailor, who, with huge released for a precious day's interval from intense spectacles on his nose, turned up to him, out of a toil and miserable confinement during the week; little cupboard which he occupied in Closet Court, but there were not many of them who had any pre- and which Titmouse had to pass whenever he went tensions to vie with him in elegance of appearance- to or from his lodgings, a lean, sallow, wrinkled and that was a luxury! Who could do justice to face, imploring him to "settle his small account." the air with which he strutted along? He felt as All the cash in hand which he had to meet continhappy, poor soul, in his little ostentation, as his Co- gencies between that day and quarter-day, which rinthian rival in tip-top turnout, after twice as long, was six weeks off, was about twenty-six shillings, of and as anxious, and fifty times as expensive prepara- which he had taken one for the present day's extions for effective public display! Nay, my poor penses! swell was greatly the superior of such a one as I have alluded to. Titmouse did, to a great degree, bedizen his back at the expense of his belly; whereas, the Corinthian exquisite, too often taking advantage of station and influence, recklessly both satiates his appetite within, and decorates his person without, at the expense of innumerable heart-aching creditors. I do not mean, however, to claim any real merit for Titmouse on this score, because I am not sure how he would act if he were to become

Revolving these somewhat disheartening matters in his mind, he passed easily and leisurely along the whole length of Oxford street. No one could have judged from his dressy appearance, the constant smirk on his face, and his confident air, how very miserable that poor dandy was; but three-fourths of his misery were occasioned by the impossibility he felt of his ever being able to indulge in his propensities for finery and display. Nothing better had he to occupy his few thoughts. He had had

only a plain mercantile education, as it is called, i. e., reading, writing, and arithmetic: beyond a very moderate acquaintance with these, he knew nothing whatever; not having read more than a few novels, and plays, and sporting newspapers.

On he walked towards Bayswater; and finding it

was yet early, and considering that the farthest he went from town the better prospect there was of his being able, with a little sacrifice of appearances, to get a dinner consistent with the means he carried about with him, viz., one shilling, he pursued his way a mile or two beyond Bayswater, and, sure enough, came at length upon a nice little publichouse on the roadside, called the Squaretoes Arms. Very tired, and quite smothered with dust, he first sat down in a small back room to rest himself; and took the opportunity to call for a clothes-brush and shoe-brush, to relieve his clothes and boots from the heavy dust upon them. Having thus attended to his outer man, as far as circumstances would permit, he bethought himself of his inner man, whose cravings he satisfied with a pretty substantial mutton-pie and a pint of porter. This fare, together with a penny to the little girl who waited on him, cost him tenpence; and having somewhat refreshed himself, he began to think of returning to town. Having lit one of his two segars, he sallied forth, puffing along with an air of quiet enjoyment. Dinner, however humble, seldom fails, especially when accompanied by a fair draught of good porter, in some considerable degree to tranquillize the animal spirits; and that soothing effect began soon to be experienced by Mr. Titmouse. The sedative cause he erroneously attributed to the segar he was smoking; whereas in fact the only tobacco he had imbibed was from the porter. But, however that might be, he certainly returned towards town in a far calmer and even more cheerful humor than that in which he had quitted it an hour or two before.

THE FIRST-FLOOR LODGER.

ANONYMOUS.

There are two lodged together.-SHAKSPERE.

(6 no

Next, was the commanding at the very "head and front" of the Morning Post. 'Vicinity of the fashionable Squares!"- -"Two. persons, to increase society"-"Family of condition" and "Terms at Mr. Sams's, the bookseller's."

IT so happens that, throughout my life, I have | sirable circle"-"Airy situation"-"Limited numhad occasion only for half a house, and, from mo- ber of guests"-" Every attention”—and tives of economy, have been unwilling to pay rent children." for a whole one; but-there can be on earth, I find, no resting-place for him who is so unhappy as to want only "half a house." In the course of the last eight years, I have occupied one hundred and forty-three different lodgings, running the gauntlet twice through all London and Westminster, and, oftener than I can remember, the "out-parishes" through! As "two removes" are as bad as a fire, it follows that I have gone seventy-one times and a half through the horrors of conflagration! And, in every place where I have lived, it has been my fate to be domiciled with a monster! But my voice shall be heard, as a voice upon the house-top, crying out until I find relief. I have been ten days already in the abode from which I now write, so I cannot, in reason, look to stay more than three or four more. I hear people talk of "the grave" as a lodging (at worst) that a man is "sure of;" but, if there be one resurrection-man alive when I die, as sure as quarter-day, I shall be taken up again.

The first trial I endured when I came to London, was making the tour of all the boarding-housesbeing deluded, I believe, seriatim, by every prescriptive form of "advertisement."

First, I was lured by the pretence modest-this appeared in The Times all the year round. "De

Then came the irresistible. "Widow of an officer of rank"-"Unprotected early in life"-"Desirous to extend family circle"- "Flatters herself," etc. Moonshine all together! "Desirable circle" -a bank clerk and five daughters who wanted husbands. Brandy and water after supper, and booby from Devonshire snapt up before my eyes. Little boy, too, in the family, that belonged to a sister who "had died." I hate scandal; but I never could find out where that sister had been buried.

"Fashionable Square"-The fire, to the fryingpan! The worst item-(on consideration)-in all my experience. Dishes without meat, and beds without blankets. "Terms," "two hundred guineas a-year," and surcharges for night-candle. And, as for dinner! as I am a Yorkshireman, I never knew what it meant while I was in Manchester Square!

I have had two step-mothers, Mr. Editor, and I was six months at a preparatory school, but I never saw a woman since I was born cut meat like Lady Catharine Skinflint! There was a transparency