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A PASTORALE IN A FLAT,
No. 1.–From Blaster RICHARD PUGSLEY to Master
ROBERT ROGERs, at Number 132, Barbican. DEAR Bob,—Huzza! Here I am in Lincolnshire! It's good-bye to Wellingtons and Cossacks, Ladies' double channels, Gentlemen's stout calf, and ditto, ditto. They've all been sold off under prime cost, and the old Shoe Mart is disposed of, goodwill and
fixtures, for ever and ever. Father has been made How the following correspondence came into my a rich Squire of by will, and we've got a house and hands must remain a Waverley mystery. The fields, and trees of our own. Such a garden, Bob! Pugsley Papers were neither rescued from a garret, It beats White Conduit. like the Evelyn-collected from cartridges like the Now, Bob, I'll tell you what I want. I want you Culloden,-nor saved, like the Garrick, from being to come down here for the holidays. Don't be shredded into a snow storm at a Winter Theatre. afraid. Ask your Sister to ask your Mother to ask They were not snatched from a tailor's shears, like your Father to let you come. It's only ninety mile. the original parchment of Magna Charta. They were if you're out of pocket money, you can walk, and neither the Legacy of a Dominie, nor the communi- beg a lift now and then, or swing by the dickeys. cations of My Landlord, —a consignment, like the Put on corduroys, and don't care for cut behind. Clinker Letters, from some Rev. Jonathan Dust- The two prentices, George and Will, are here to be wich,
--nor the waifs and strays of a Twopenny made farmers of, and brother Nick is took home Post Bag. They were not unrolled from ancient from school to help in agriculture. We like farmpapyri. They were none of those that “line trunks, ing very much, it's capital fun. Us four have got a clothe spices,” or paper the walls of old attics. gun, and go out shooting; it's a famous good un, They were neither given to me nor sold to me, and sure to go off if you don't full cock it. Tiger nor stolen,-nor borrowed and surreptitiously co- is to be our shooting dog as soon as he has left off pied, ,—nor left in a hackney coach, like Sheridan's killing the sheep. He's a real savage, and worries play,
--nor misdelivered by a carrier pigeon,--nor cats beautiful. Before Father comes down, we dreamt of, like Coleridge's Kubla Khan,-nor turned mean to bait our bull with him. up in the Tower, like Milton's Foundling MS.,
There's plenty of New Rivers about, and we're dug up—nor trumped up, like the eastern tales of going a fishing as soon as we have mended our top Horam Harum Horam, the son of Asmar, - nor joint. We've killed one of our sheep on the sly brought over by Rammohun Roy, -nor translated to get gentles. We've a pony, too, to ride upon by Doctor Bowring from the Scandinavian, Bata- when we can catch him, but he's loose in the padvian, Pomeranian, Spanish, or Danish, or Russian, dock, and has neither mane nor tail to signify to or Prussian, or any other language dead or living. I lay hold of. Isn't it prime, Bob? You must come. If your Mother won't give your Father leave to perfect Vauxhall—excepting of course the rotunda, allow you,—run away. Remember, you turn up the orchestra, the company, the variegated lamps, Gosnell street to go to Lincolnshire, and ask for the fireworks, and those very lofty trees. But I Middlefen Hall. There's a pond full of frogs, but trust my dear Jemima will supersede topography we won't pelt them till you come, but let it be be by ocular inspection; and in the interim I send for fore Sunday, as there's our own orchard to rob, and aoceptance a graphical view of the locality, shaded the fruit's to be gathered on Monday.
in Indian ink, which will suffice to convey an idea If you like sucking raw eggs, we know where the of the terrestrial verdure and celestial azure we hens lay, and mother don't ; and I'm bound there's enjoy, in lieu of the sable exhalations and archilots of birds' nests. Do come, Bob, and I'll show tectural nigritude of the metropolis. you the wasp's nest, and every thing that can make You who know my pastoral aspirings, and have you comfortable. I dare say you could borrow been the indulgent confidant of my votive tributes your father's volunteer musket of him without his to the Muses, will conceive the refined nature of knowing of it; but be sure anyhow to bring the my enjoyment when I mention the intellectual reramrod, as we have mislaid ours by firing it off. past of this morning. I never could enjoy BloomDon't forget some bird-lime, Bob, and some fish- field in Barbican,—but to-day he read beautifully hooks-and some different sorts of shot and some under our pear tree. I look forward to the felicity gut and some gunpowder—and a gentle-box, and of reading Thomson's Summer with you on the some flints,—some May flies—and a powder horn, - green seat, and if engagements at Christmas perand a landing net and a dog-whistle—and some por- mit your participation in the bard, there is a bower cupine quills, and a bullet mould—and a trolling of evergreens that will be delightful for the perusal winch, and a shot-bolt and a tin can. You pay for of his Winter. 'em Bob, and I'll owe it you.
I enclose, by request, an epistolary effusion from Your old friend and schoo!fellow, sister Dorothy, which I know will provoke your RICHARD PUGSLEY. risible powers, by the domesticity of its details.
You know she was always in the homely charac
teristics a perfect Cinderella, though I doubt wheNo. II.- From the Same to the Same.
ther even supernatural agency could adapt her foot Dear Bob, —When you come, bring us a 'bacco- to a diminutive vitrified slipper, or her hand for a pipe to load the gun with. If you don't come, it prince of regal primogeniture. But I am sumcan come by the waggon. Our Public House is moned to receive, with family members, the felicithree mile off, and when you've walked there it's tations of Lincolnshire aristocracy; though whatout of every thing. Yours, etc.
ever necessary distinctions may prospectively occur Rich. PUGSLEY. between respective grades in life, they will only
superficiaily affect the sentiments of eternal friend
ship between my dear Jemima and her affectionate No. III.- From Miss Anastasia PUGSLEY, to Miss friend, JEMIMA MOGGRIDGE, at Gregory House Establish
ANASTASIA PUGSLEY, ment for Young Ladies, Mile End.
MY DEAR JEMIMA,—Deeply solicitous to gratify sensibility, by sympathising with our fortuitous No. IV.–From Miss Dorothy Pugsley to the Same. elevation, I seize the epistolatory implements to in- My dear Miss JEMIMA.—Providence having been form you, that, by the testamentary disposition of pleased to remove my domestic duties from Barbia remote branch of consanguinity, our tutelary res- can to Lincolnshire, I trust I shall have strength of idence is removed from the metropolitan horizon constitution to fulfil them as becomes my new alto a pastoral district and its congenial pursuits. In lotted line of life. As we are not sent into this futurity I shall be more pertinaciously superstitious world to be idle, and Anastasia has declined housein the astrological revelations of human destiny. wifery, I have undertaken the Diary, and the You remember the mysterious gipsy at Hornsey Brewery, and the Baking, and the Poultry, the Wood? Well, the eventful fortune she obscurely Pigs, and the Pastry,—and though I feel fatigued intimated, though couched in vague terms, has come at first, use reconciles to labors and trials, more to pass in minutest particulars; for I perceive per- severe than I at present enjoy. Altho' things may spicuously, that it predicted that papa should sell not turn out to wish at present, yet all well-directed off his boot and shoe business at 133, Barbican, to efforts are sure to meet reward in the end, and Clack and Son, of 144, IIatton Garden, and that we altho' I have chumped and churned two days runshould retire, in a station of affluence, to Middlefen ning, and it's nothing yet but curds and whey, I Hall, in Lincolnshire, by bequest of our great-great should be wrong to despair of eating butter of my maternal uncle, Pollexfen Goldsworthy Wriggles- own making before I die. Considering the adulworth, Esq., who deceased suddenly of apoplexy at teration committed by every article in London, I Wisbeach Market, in the ninety-third year of his was never happier in any prospect, than of drinkvenerable and lamented age.
ing my own milk, fattening my own calves, and layAt the risk of tedium, I will attempt a cursory ing my own eggs.
We cackle so much I am sure delineation of our rural paradise, altho' I feel it we new-lay somewhere, tho' I cannot find out our would be morally arduous to give any idea of the nests; and I am looking every day to have chickens, romantic scenery of the Lincolnshire Fens. Con- as one pepper-and-salt colored hen has been sitting ceive, as far as the visual organ expands, an im- these two months. When a poor ignorant bird sets mense sequestered level, abundantly irrigated with me such an example of patience, how can I repine minute rivulets, and studded with tufted oaks, whilst at the hardest domestic drudgery! Mother and I more than a hundred wind-mills diversify the pros- have worked like horses to be sure ever since we pect and give a revolving animation to the scene. came to the estate; but if we die in it, we know it's As for our own gardens and grounds, they are a for the good of the family, and to agreeably sur
prise my Father, who is still in town winding up his books. For my own part, if it was right to look at things so selfishly, I should say I never was so happy in my life; though I own I have cried more since coming here than I ever remember before. You will confess my crosses and losses have been unusual trials, when I tell you, out of all my makings, and bakings, and brewings, and preservings, there has been nothing either eatable or drinkable; and what is more painful to an affectionate mind, have half poisoned the whole family with homemade ketchup of toadstools, by mistake for mush
When I reflect that they are preserved, I ought not to grieve about my damsons and bullaces, done by Mrs. Maria Dover's receipt.
Among other things we came into a beautiful closet of old China, which, I am shocked to say, is all destroyed by my preserving. The bullaces and damsons fomented, and blew up a great jar with a violent shock that smashed all the tea and coffee cups, and left nothing but the handles hanging in rows on the tenter-hooks. But to a resigned spirit there's always some comfort in calamities, and if the preserves work and foment so, there's some hope that my beer will, as it has been a month next Monday in the mash tub. As for the loss of the elder wine, candor compels me to say it was my own fault for letting the poor blind animals crawl into the copper; but experience dictates next year not to boil the berries and kittens at the same time. fresh straw, and a hundred similar things that
I mean to attempt cream cheese as soon as we country people are obliged to think of. can get cream,—but as yet we can't drive the Cows The children, I am happy to say, are all well, home to be milked for the Bull—he has twice baby is a little fractious, we think from Grace sethunted Grace and me into fits, and kept my poor | ting him down in the nettles, and he was shortMother a whole morning in the pigstye. As I know coated last week. Grace is poorly with a cold, and you like country delicacies, you will receive a pound Anastasia has got a sore throat, from sitting up of my fresh butter when it comes, and I mean to fruitlessly in the orchard to hear the nightingale ; add a cheese as soon as I can get one to stick to- perhaps there may not be any in the Fens. I seem .gether. I shall send also some family pork for to have a trifling ague and rheumatism myself, but Governess, of our own killing, as we wring a pig's it may be only a stiffness from so much churning, neck on Saturday. I did hope to give you the un- and the great family wash-up of every thing we had expected treat of a home-made loaf, but it was directly we came down, for the sake of grass-bleachforgot in the oven from ten to six, and so too black ing on the lawn. With these exceptions, we are to offer. However, I hope to surprise you with one all in perfect health and happiness, and unite in by Monday's carrier. Anastasia bids me add she love, with will send a nosegay for respected Mrs. Tombleson, Dear Miss Jenima's affectionate friend, if the plants don't die off before, which I am sorry
DOROTHY PUGSLEY. to say is not improbable.
It's really shocking to see the failure of her cultivated taste, and one in particular, that must be No. V.–From Mrs. PuGSLEY to Mrs. Mumford, owned a very pretty idea. When we came, there
Bucklersbury. was a vast number of flower roots, but jumbled MY DEAR MARTIA,—In my ultimatum I informed without any regular order, till Anastasia trowelled of old Wrigglesworth paying his natural debts, and them all up, and set them in again, in the quadrille of the whole Middlesen estate coming from Linfigures. It must have looked sweetly elegant, if it colnshire to Barbican. I charged Mr. P. to send had agreed with them, but they have all dwindled bulletings into you with progressive reports, but and drooped like deep declines and consumptions. between sisters, as I know you are very curious, I Her dahlias and tulips, too, have turned out no- am going to make myself more particular. I take thing but onions and kidney potatoes, and her ten the opportunity of the family being all restive in week stocks have not come up in twenty. But as | bed, and the house all still, to give an account of Shakspere says, Adversity is a precious toad—that our moving. The things all got here safe, with the teaches us Patience is a jewel.
exception of the Crockery and Glass, which came Considering the unsettled state of coming in, I down with the dresser, about an hour after its armust conclude, but could not resist giving your rival. Perhaps if we hadn't overloaded it with the friendliness a short account of the happy change whole of our breakables, it wouldn't have given that has occurred, and our increase of comforts. I way, -as it is, we have only one plate left, and would write more, but I know you will excuse my that's chipt, and a mug without a spout to keep it listening to the calls of dumb animals. It's the in countenance. Our furniture, etc., came by the time I always scald the little pigs' bread and milk, wagon, and I am sorry to say a poor family at the and put saucers of clean water for the ducks and same time, and the little idle boys with their knives geese. There are the fowls' beds to make with carved and scarified my rosewood legs, and, what