Enter Friendly.

FRIENDLY. My dearest Matilda

LORD BELMONT. My child, I cannot. I have pledged my word. To-morrow you will be Lady' Malison.

MISS BELMONT. Villain-who would beguile one woman of her heart while he robbed another of her honor. [Exit Miss Belmont. FRIENDLY. I'm petrified.

Enter Jerry.

[Miss Belmont screams and faints. Lord Belmont rings the bell violently. Enter Servants and Lady Belmont, and form a group.

DROP FALLS.

ACT V.

SCENE I. A Room in Lord Belmont's House.
Enter Miss Belmont and Dorcas.

MISS BELMONT. You say so.

DORCAS. Lady, yes, a thousand times yes!

MISS BELMONT. Oh, Friendly, how have I wronged thee! Seek him, Dorcas-bring him hither. (Exit Dorcas). Alas! when suspicion rankles in the heart, love, instead of a healing balm, becomes a subtle poison. [Exit.

Enter Sir Frederick and Venom.

SIR FREDERICK. An hour after Miss Belmont becomes Lady Malison, the money shall be yours! VENOM. Agreed! Ha! ha! ha!

Enter Lord Belmont and Lady Belmont. LORD BELMONT. Is all prepared?

[The reports of two pistols are heard.

Mr. and Mrs. Gopus fall into each other's arms, and the Scene closes.

SCENE II. Lord Belmont's Library.

Enter Lord Belmont and Venom.

VENOM. My Lord, it must be. Sir Frederick must marry Miss Belmont. I have my reasons for it. If you don't press the marriage, I denounce you to-day, and will see you dragged to gaol to-morrow. Ha ha ha! [Exit Venom. LORD BELMONT. Earth open and swallow me!

Enter Miss Belmont.

LADY BELMONT.

Where is the bride?
MISS BELMONT (appearing at right). Here.
VENOM. And the bridegroom. I take it is-
FRIENDLY (appearing at left). Here!
ALL. Ha!

LORD BELMONT. What means this intrusion? SIR FREDERICK. Suffer me to chastise his insolence.

FRIENDLY. Miserable trickster! I know all.

SIR FREDERICK. Ha! betrayed!

VENOM. And receive mine. May the Devil take

[Is going, when he is stopped by Old Gopus. OLD GOPUS. Mr. Venom, your banker has failed. Enter Young Gopus.

YOUNG GOPUS. Mr. Venom, your house and all your property is burnt.

MRS. GOPUS.

Enter Mrs. Gopus.

All-Mr. Venom-except your wife! [Venom staggers out. SIR FREDERICK. I feel I have turned virtuous all of a sudden. Dorcas Cowslip, will you marry me? [They embrace. JERRY. Dang it-I'm a going clean mad wi' joy loike-who'll marry I?

MRS. M'CRIE was simplicity itself, and her heart overflowed with the warmest affections of human nature. Mr. Josiah Flowerdew, of Manchester, had occasion to visit Edinburgh, that free-stone village which Scotsmen call a metropolis, situated a mile or two from Leith, a sea-port town on the river Forth. He had a letter of introduction to the Rev. Dr. and Mrs. M'Crie, and was received by them with all the frank and courteous kindness of their disposition.

One Sunday, after having attended divine service in the Doctor's church, he returned with his hospitable friends to their residence. A nice, hot, tasty, but frugal dinner, was quickly placed upon the table.

"Good folk hunger after the word," observed the old lady, putting a haddock of fourteen inches long, with an ocean of oysters and butter, on Josiah's plate; and tak' a willy waught of that Malaga-it's gusty and priesome; our guidman he was dry in the pulpit, and ye hae as guide right to be dry out of it-hem! Excuse me, Doctor-Lord, sir, ye are filing your hands."

Mr. Josiah was a devoted admirer of the fair sex, and could not, even when an aged and wrinkled face met his gaze, fail to remember, that once the same cheek was dyed with the hue of the rose, and the eyes cast a lustre which would have maddened

an anchorite. He therefore, out of devotion to what was past, ate and drank as directed, of what was present. After having in this fashion labored with a vigor and industry which would have done credit to an Irish laborer deepening the Thames, or a student of Stinkomalee ettling at comprehending the last number of the Edinburgh Review, he was constrained, from absolute want of local capacity, to give over-" to cease labor, to dig and to delve,' in a horrid brute, of the bird species, which must have been cousin-german to the penguins of the Falkland Island.

"The 'tither leg, Mr. Josiah Powderjew?" said the Doctor. "The 'tither leg, Doctor! May I perish if one joint of the whole carcase has moved the flutter of a gnat's wing," answered Josiah. "Ye are ower genty with the beast, Mr. Flowerdew," observed the old lady. 'Doctor, mark ye that, and abuse nae man's gude name. Rive it, sir-Rive it." "It is teugh-it is, of a verity," said the Doctor, as his eye-tooth snapped in a struggle with a tendon which would have held his Majesty's yacht in a hurricane. "And toothsome forbye," observed Mrs. M'Crie; "but it's wrang to sport wi' a human creature's distresses. Na, na, Mr. Josiah, ye needna look sae wae like. Possession, nae doubt, is nine points of the law; but the rightful owner of that yellow stump is lang syne gathered to his for

Mr. Flowerdew shuddered, and for reasons that can very well be understood, agreed most heartily with his hostess. "But as I'm in the land of the living!" continued Mrs. M'Crie, our taupy lass has a'thegether neglected the syllabub. There it stands, in the pride of its beauty, in the aumry. Surely I've been carried mysell. Doctor, whenever you gae by the hour and five minutes, I'm clean done for ony mair use that day-I can mind naething." "Neither can I, Mrs. M'Crie," observed Mr. Josiah, innocently. "It's a blessing for you, Mr. Josiah," answered the old lady; "if I had minded a' I've heard, I would by this time have been demented." "Right, my dear," replied the Doctor, "the female is the weaker vessel-a cracked pitcher, as a man may say, and in no way fit to be the repository of the wonders of airt and science." "And yet," retorted Mrs. M'Crie, somewhat piqued at the observation, "there are some airts, of the whilk ye are as ignorant as a dead dog-saving the compairishon." "And in what, may I be permitted to ask?" answered the Doctor, with much solemnity; "in what? Ye see, Mr. Lourhew," he added, "I in naewise eschew the inquiry." "Na, then, gudeman," exclaimed the old lady exultingly, "I had you now on the hip-that is-God save us-excuse the expression, Mr. Josiah; we are plain folk." "Madam," answered Mr. Flowerdew, "make no apology. "The recollections of youth are delightful. I have many warm remembrances of the kind. But pray, madam, don't let us lose the advantage of knowing in what matter of lore you transcend the Doctor. Pray be so condescending." "Nay, kind sir," said the old lady, "it's a joke of my own; but, as it is connected

So ye see, Mr. Flowerdew"

But before the secret is disclosed, we must inform our readers that there is a certain jug or pipkin of earthenware, used in various culinary and detergent purposes in Scotland, called a pig," and which, from the tenacious kind of earth (laam or loam) of which it is composed, goes by the distinctive name of a "lame pig;" a utensil of which, fifty years ago, to have been ignorant, would have been a confession of stultification as great as if you thought that the Red Sea was rubicund.

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So, sir," continued Mrs. M'Crie, "when I want to make a syllabub-it's grand for a cold, or a kittling in the throat""Madam!"

'Yes, it's nae doubt of healing virtues," observed the Doctor,-" medicinal in all matters, thoracical, if I may use the expression; and Mr. Towerflew, it has the advantage of being divertive and jocund in the swallow. Sir, I hold in utter execration your sennas and globars; the latter are, of a certy, an abomination before the Lord. I ance had a dose thereof-gin I live to the age of Methusalem, the day will be to me like yestreen: they took a good forty minutes to chow, my inside was curmurring like doos in a dooket. It was most special unsavory, Mr. Sourspew."

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So," continued the old lady, after an impatient pause, "I send to the market, and our Bell brings me a lame pig."

"But why a lame pig?"

even to the most extreme corner of the concern.' "No doubt, madam, if you are permitted "Permitted, Mr. Josiah! and gin I buy a pig, may I no do what I chuse wi' it? or wi' ony ither face of clay for which I gave ready cuinzic? Ye have, sir, great character in England for cleanliness, and I am sure that Mrs. Flowerdew never has a pig in her aught for she washes it inside and out, as clean as the driven snaw."

Ay, to be sure, sir; where would you have it put?-a pig's mouth was nae gien to it for naething -or jelly will do as weel. Na, I've tried your large bergamot preserved pear; but whiles the pig's neck is no that wide to admit of a pear of size, and it's fashious squeezing it in."

"No doubt, madam, and dangerous." "Yes, gin the neck break; but when ye mell and meddle wi' pigs, ye maun mind ye deal wi' slippery gear."

"Very true, madam."

"Weel, then, our lass carries the pig to the cow, and there she gently milks a pint and a half of warm milk in upon the henny or jelly, or pear, as it may be."

"Into the pig, madam!"

Ay, into the mouth o't. Surely that's nae kittle

matter ?"

'Now, madam, as I am an ordinary sinner, that is an operation that would puzzle all Lancashire. Into its mouth!"

"Weel, I'm astonished at you, sir: is there ony mystery or sorcery in Bell hauding a pig wi' the tae hands, and milking a cow with the tither ?" "I really, madam, in my innocence of heart, thought that the pig might have run"Run o'er? Nae doubt? so wud it gin ye filled it o'er fu'. So hame comes the pig""Of itself, madam !"

"Sir! Lord, sir, you speak as if the pig could walk!"

"I beg you a thousand pardons, madam; I truly forgot the milk and jelly. It would be extraordinary if it could."

"Very, sir. So the lass brings me my lame pig." "Ah, that's another reason. Well, may I be drawn to a thread if I could divine why you preferred a lame pig!"

"Ye needna gang to Rome to learn that; a lame pig is aye fendiest. So I begin to steer and steer the milk and jelly."

"Steer and steer, madam!"

"

Ay-mix a' weel up thegether."

แ "And may I entreat to know with what you stir it ?"

"Wi' a spoon, to be sure; ye wadna hae me to do it wi' my fingers?"

"God forbid, madam! I would use, if heaven ever employed me in the manner you mention, a spoon with a most respectably long handle."

"It's better of length, certainly, sir. Naething can escape you, then! Weel, the next thing we do is this, to gently put the pig afore the fire to simmer."

"To simmer!"

"Yes, sir, and there stand or it reeks again. But you must not let it get o'er het: it would burn the milk."

"And the pig too, madam."

"Oh! that's naething. We dinna fash ourselves wi' the pig. What vere they made for?"

"Why, truly, ma lam, I thought, until this day, that I knew something of their history; but I find I have been wofully ignorant."

"We canna reach perfection at ance, as our gudeman says (wha, by-the-bye, is and has been this half hour, as sound as a top). And so, after the pig has simmered and simmered, ye in wi' the spoon again."

Again, madam!"

"Ay, sir; ye wadna hae it all in a mess at the bottom?" "Far from it, madam; as far as possible." "So ye maun gie anither stir or twa, until it sings."

Sings, madam? And does the pig make no other noise during all this operation ?"

"Scarce any other, gin it's a good pig;, but all depends on that. I've seen a lame pig, that afore the heat had touched its sides a matter of five minutes, would have gane off in a crack."

"I don't wonder at that in the least, madam." "You would wonder, if your English pigs had half the value of the Scotch."

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Possibly, madam."

"Of a verity," continued Mrs. M'Crie, "there was a pig played me ance a maist mischancy trick. Ye see, I expected a pairty of our presbytery to denner, and I had sent our Bell out for the maist capacious pig she could grip; and I had poured in the quantum suff, as the mediciners say, of het milk on the gooseberries (I was making a posset), and a' went weel; but when I thought it was done to a hair, out lap a het aizle; our Bell (the hizzy!) sprang to the tae side; the pig gaed the tither-a' was ruined."

"And the poor pig-what became of it?"

"Puir, indeed! It wasna worth the minding: its head was dung in, and it gat a sma' fracture on the side; but as it was bonny in its color, and genty in its mak, Bell syned it out in clear water, then rubbed it up wi' a duster, and clapped it on the shelf in the kitchen, where it lies to this blessed day, in peace and quiet, as I may say. In my opinion, sir, the pig hadna been right made."

"Not right made, madam?"

"Not right made, sir. You look surprised. Think you ony body can make a pig?" "Far from it, madam."

"It would sarely fash you and me, I'm jalousing, Mr. Josiah Flowerdew."

Admitted, madam; admitted.-But, my dear Mrs. M'Crie, I have just one other thing to ask. You have told me-(here Josiah gave a shudder)—

how the milk and honey gets in. Now, madam, may I be allowed to ask, how you get the syllabub out?"

"How we get it out? Lord, sir, you surprise me! Just the way we put it in. How would you get it out? Sure, there's nae magic in that!"

"Nay, madam, I don't pretend to venture upon any speculations on the point. There are many reasons, no doubt, why the pig would easier let it out than in; and I am quite willing to prefer the mouth. But, after it is out, pray, madam, who eats the syllabub?-or, pray, madam, do you also eat the pig?"

Ha, ha! Weel, that's guide. Lord, sir, the pig's as hard as a stane!"

"Ged, madam, you are right; I had forgot the frying. But as to the milk and jelly, or the bergamot pear, after the pig's, for whose intestines are they devoted ?"

"Sir?"

"Pray, madam, who devours that?" pointing with his finger to the horrid potion before him.

You, sir, if you will do me that honor."

Me, madam! Me! Good night, madam. Pray don't waken the doctor. I am particularly engaged. Nay, madam, not a morsel-(I would as soon bolt a barbecued toad, or mouth a curried hedge-hog)I do entreat you to keep it for the next presbytery. If they resemble our clergy in the south, they are more familiar with pigs than I am.-Well, well?" Mr. Flowerdew was heard to exclaim, as he, in a manner, tumbled down, in his haste, from top to the bottom of the stair, "I have often heard that the Scotch were dirty; but, by all the stripes in a yard of gingham, they were born barbarians!" "Mr. Dourstew!" exclaimed the Doctor, awaken

ELL, Bryce," said Mrs. Maxwell one day to her housekeeper, "what has the gamekeeper sent this week from Maxwell Hall?"-"Why, madam, there are three pair of partridges, a brace of grouse, a woodcock, three hares, a couple of pheasants, and a solan goose."-"A solan goose!" ejaculated the lady; "what could induce him to think I would poison my house with a solan goose?"-" He knows it is a dish that my master is very fond of," replied Mrs. Bryce. "It is more than your mistress is," retorted the lady; "let it be thrown out directly before Mr. Maxwell sees it."

The housekeeper retired, and Mrs. Maxwell resumed her cogitations, the subject of which was how to obtain an introduction to the French noblesse who had recently taken up their abode in Edinburgh. "Good heavens!" said she, as she hastily rung the bell, "how could I be so stupid?there is nothing in the world that old Lady Crosby is so fond of as a solan goose, and I understand she knows all the French people, and that they are constantly with her.-Bryce," she continued, as the housekeeper obeyed her summons, "is the goose a fine bird?" 46 Very fine indeed, madam; the beak is broken, and one of the legs is a little ruffled, but I never saw a finer bird." Well, then, don't throw it away, as I mean to send it to my friend, lady Crosby, as soon as I have written a note." Mrs.

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