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stocking holes, and, having strong and dumpy arms, pinned back his elbows like a flash of lightning, giving the other callants time to jump on his back, and hold him like a vice; while, having got time to draw my breath, and screw up my pluck, I ran for ward like a lion, and houghed the whole concernTommy Bodkin, the three faithful apprentices, Cursecowl, and all, coming to the ground like a battered castle.

It was now James Batter's turn to come up in line; and, though a douce man (being savage for the insulting way that Cursecowl had dared to use him), he dropped down like mad, with his knees on Cursecowl's breast, who was yelling, roaring, and grinding his buck-teeth like a mad bull, kicking right and spurring left with fire and fury; and, taking his Kilmarnock off his head, thrust it, like a battering ram, into Cursecowl's mouth, to hinder him from alarming the neighborhood, and bringing the whole world about our ears. Such a stramash of tumbling, roaring, tearing, swearing, kicking, pushing, cuffing, roughing, and riving about the floor!! I thought they would not have left one another with a shirt on; it seemed a combat even to the death. Curse cowl's breath was chocked up within him like wind in an empty bladder, and when I got a gliskie of his face, from beneath James's cowl, it was growing as black as the crown of my hat. It feared me much that murder would be the upshot, the webs being all heeled over, both of broad cloth, buckram, cassimir, and Welch flannel; and the paper shapings and worsted rounds coiled about their throats and bodies like fiery serpents. At long and last, I thought it became me, being the head of the house, to sound a parley, and bid them give the savage a mouthful of fresh air, to see if he had any thing to say in his defence.

Cursecowl, by this time, had forcible assurance of our ability to overpower him, and finding he had by far the worst of it, was obliged to grow tamer, using the first breath he got to cry out, "A barley, ye thieves, a barley! I tell ye, give me wind. There's not a man in nine of ye!"

Finding our own strength, we saw, by this time, that we were masters of the field; nevertheless we took care to make good terms, when they were in our power; nor would we allow Cursecowl to sit upright, till after he had said, three times over, on his honor as a gentleman, that he would behave as became one.

After giving his breeches-knees a skuff with his loof, to dad off the stoure, he came, right foot foremost, to the counter side, while the laddies were dighting their brows, and stowing away the webs upon their ends round about, saying, "Maister Wauch, how have ye the conscience to send hame such a piece o' wark as that coat to ony decent man? Do ye dare to imagine that I am a Jerusalem spider, that I could be crammed, neck and heels, into such a thing as that? Fye, shame-it would not button on yourself, man, scarecrow-looking mortal though ye be!"

tion paper with a broad margin, to claw your elbow with at your leisure, my good fellow."

"Pugh, pugh," cried Cursecowl, snapping his finger and thumb at James's beak, "I do not value your threatening an ill halfpenny. Come away out your ways to the crown of the causeway, and I'll box any three of ye, over the banny's, for half-a mutchkin. But od'sake, Batter, my man, nobody's speaking to you," added Cursecowl, giving a hack now and then, and a bit spit down on the floor: go hame, man, and get your cowl washed; I dare say you have pushioned me, so I have no more to say to the like of you. But now, Maister Wauch, just speaking hooly and fairly, do you not think black burning shame of yourself, for putting such an article into any decent Christian man's hand, like mine?"

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"Wait a wee-wait a wee, friend, and I'll give ye a lock salt to your broth," answered I, in a calm and cool way; for, being a confidential elder of Maister Wiggie's, I kept myself free from the sin of getting into a passion, or fighting, except in selfdefence, which is forbidden neither by law nor gospel; and, stooping down, I took up the towel from the corner, and, spreading it upon the counter, bade him look, and see if he knew an auld acquaintance!

Cursecowl, to be such a dragoon, had some rational points in his character; so, seeing that he lent hear to me with a smirk on his rough red face, I went on: "Take my advice as a friend, and make the best of your way home, killing-coat and all; for the most perfect will sometimes fall into an innocent mistake, and, at any rate, it cannot be helped now. But if ye show any symptom of obstrapulosity, I'll find myself under the necessity of publishing you abroad to the world for what you are, and show about that head in the towel for a wonder to broad Scotland, in a. manner that will make customers flee from your booth, as if it was infected with the seven plagues of Egypt."

At sight of the goat's-head, Cursecowl clapped his hand on his thigh two or three times, and could scarcely muster good manners enough to keep him from bursting out a laughing.

"Ye seem to have found a fiddle, friend," said I; "but give me leave to tell you, that ye'll may be find it liker a hanging-match than a musical matter. Are you not aware that I could hand you over to the sheriff, on two special indictments: in the first place, for an action of assault and batterfication, in cuffing me, an elder of our kirk, with a sticked killing-coat, in my own shop; and, in the second place, as a swindler, imposing on his Majesty's loyal subjects, taking the coin of the realm on false pretences, and palming off goat's flesh upon Christians, as if they were perfect pagans."

Heathen though Cursecowl was, this oration alarmed him in a jiffy, soon showing him, in a couple of hurries, that it was necessary for him to be our humble servant:. so he said, still keeping the smirk on his face, "Kay, kay, it's not worth making a noise about, after all. Gie me the jacket, Mansie, my man, and it 'll maybe serve my nephew, young Killim, who is as lingit in the waiste as a wasp. Let us take a shake of your paw over the counter, and be friends. Bye-ganes should be bye-ganes."

James Batter's blood was now up, and broiling like an old Roman's; so he was determined to show Cursecowl that I had a friend in court, able and willing to keep him at stave's-end. "Keep a calm soogh," said James Batter, interfering, "and not miscall the head of the house in his own shop; or, Never let it be said that Mansie Wauch, though to say nothing of present consequences, by way of one of the king's volunteers, ever thrust aside the showing ye the road to the door, perhaps Maister olive branch of peace; so, ill-used though I had Sneckdrawer, the penny-writer, 'll give ye a cap-been, to say nothing of James Batter, who had got

hls pipe smashed to crunches, and one of the eyes of his spectacles knocked out, I gave him my fist frankly.

James Batter's birse had been so fiercely put up, and no wonder, that it was not so easily sleeked down; so, for a while, he looked unco glum, till Cursecowl insisted that our meeting should not be a dry one; nor would he hear a single word on me and James Batter not accepting his treat of a mutchkin of Kilbagie.

I did not think James would have been so doure and refractory,-funking and flinging like old Jeroboam; but at last, with the persuasion of the treat, he came to, and, sleeking down his front hair, we all three took a step down to the far end of the close, at the back street, where widow Thompson kept the sign of "The Tankard and the Tappit Hen," Cursecowl, when we got ourselves seated, ordering in the spirits with a loud rap on the table with his knuckles, and a whistle on the landlady through his fore-teeth, that made the roof ring. A bottle of beer was also brought; so, after drinking one another's healths round, with a tasting out of the dram-glass, Curse cowl swashed the rest of the raw creature into the tankard, saying,-"Now take your will o't; there's drink fit for a king; that's real' pap-in.'

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He was an awful body, Curse cowl, and had a power of queer stories, which, weil-a-wat, did not lose in the telling. James Batter, beginning to brighten up, hodged and leuch like a nine-year-old; and I freely confess, for another, that I was so diverted, that, I dare say, had it not been for his fearsome oaths, which made our very hair stand on end, and were enough to open the stone-wall, we would have both sate from that time to this.

We got the whole story of the Willie-Goat, out and out, it seeming to be, with Cursecowl, a prime matter of diversion, especially that part of it relating to the head, by which he had won a crown-piece from Deacon Paunch, who wagered that the wife and me would eat it, without ever finding out our mistake. But, ah ha, lad!

The long and the short of the matter was this. The Willie-Goat had, for eighteen year, belonged to a dragoon marching regiment, and, in its better days, had seen a power of service abroad; till, being now old and infirm, it had fallen off one of the baggage-carts, and got its leg broken on the road to Piershell, where it was sold to Curse cowl, by a corporal, for half-a-crown and a dram. The four quarters he had managed to sell for mutton, like lightning-this one buying a jigget, that one a back-ribs, and so on. However, he had to weather a gay brisk gale, in making his point good. One woman remarked, that it had an unearthly, rank smell; to which he said, "No, no-ye do not ken your blessings, friend,-that's the smell of venison, for the beast was brought up along with the deers in the Duke's parks." And to another wife, that, after smell-smelling at it, though it was a wee humphed, he replied, "Faith, that's all the thanks folks gets for letting their sheep crop heather among the Cheviot Hills;" and such like lies. But as for the head, that had been the doure business. Six times had it been sold and away, and six times had it been brought back again. One bairn said, that her "mother did na like a sheep's head with horns like these, and wanted it changed for another one." A second one said, that "it had tup's een, and her father liked weather mutton." A third customer

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found mortal fault with the colors, which, she said, were not canny, or in the course of nature." What the fourth one said, and the fifth one took leave to observe, I have stupidly forgotten, though, I am sure, I heard both; but I mind one remarked, quite off-hand, as she sought back her money, that, "unless sheep could do without beards, like their neighbors, she would keep the pot boiling with a piece beef, in the mean time." After all this, would any mortal man believe, Deacon Paunch, the greasy Daniel Lambert that he is, had taken the wager, as I before took opportunity to remark, that our family would swallow the bait? But, ah ha, he was off his eggs there.

James and me were so tickled with Cursecowl's wild, outrageous, off-hand, humorsome way of telling his crack, that, though sore with the neighering, none of the two of us ever thought of rising; Cursecowl chapping in first one stoup, and then another, and birling the tankard round the table, as if we had been drinking dub-water. I dare say I would never have got away, had I not slipped out behind Lucky Thompson's back-for she was a broad fat body, with a round-eared mutch, and a full-plaited check apron-when she was drawing the sixth bottle of small beer, with her corkscrew between her knees; Curse cowl lecturing away at the dividual moment, like a Glasgow professor, to James Batter, whose een were gathering straws, on a pliskie he had once, in the course of trade, played on a conceited body of a French sick-nurse, by selling her a lump of fat pork to make beef-tea of to her mistress, who was dwining in the blue Beelzebubs.

Ohone, and woes me, for old Father Adam and the fall of man! Poor, sober, good, honest James Batter was not, by a thousand miles, a match for such company. Every thing, however, has its

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IN the year 17-, before the light of literature and science had made such progress among the peasantry of this country-when our less enlightened forefathers ascribed every phenomenon of nature, which they did not understand, to some supernatural agency, either benevolent or malevolent, as the case might be; and an avowal of disbelief in the existence of witchcraft, necromancy, the black art, hobgoblins, fairies, brownies, etc., would have subjected a person to more annoyance and persecution, than an open avowal of infidelity would do at present-three young men of family set out from Edinburgh, on a pleasure excursion into the country. After visiting Linlithgow, Falkirk, Stirling, and Glasgow, they took up their quarters at the head inn in Midcalder, on their way back to Auld Reekie. Finding a set of youthful revellers there to their mind, they spent several days and nights in drinking and carousing, never dreaming of the heavy bill they were running up with the "kind landlady." The truth flashed upon them at last; and they discovered, when it was too late, that they had not wherewithal to clear their heavy score. A consultation was held by the trio, and many plans for getting rid of their disagreeable situation were proposed and rejected. At last, one of them, more fertile in expedients than the other two, hit upon the following method, which good fortune seemed to favor, of extricating both himself and his brethren :

:

"Don't you see yon cadger's ass standing at the door over the way ?" said he."

"Yes; but what of that?"

"Come along with me-loose the ass-unburden him of his creels-disengage him from his sunks and branks-put me in his place-equip me with his harness-hang the creels likewise upon me-tie me to the door with his own halter-get another for him-lead him away to the next town-you will

get him easily sold-return with the money-pay the bill-and leave me to get out of the halter the best way I can."

The plan was instantly put in practice; the youth was soon accoutred in the ass's furniture, and away went the other two to sell the ass.

In the mean time, out comes the honest cadger from the house, where he had been making a contract with the guidwife for eggs; but the moment he beheld, as he supposed, his ass transformed into a fine gentleman, he held up his hands in the utmost wonder, exclaiming at the same time, "Guid hae a care o' us! what means a' this o't? Speak, in the name o' Gude, an' tell me what ye are-are ye an earthly creature, or the auld thief himsel' ?"

"Alas!" responded the youth, putting on a sad countenance, "hae ye forgotten your ain ass? Do ye no ken me now?-me! that has served you sae lang and sae faithfu'; that has trudged and toiled through wat and through dry, mid cauld and hunger; hooted at by blackguard callants-lashed by yoursel'-an' yet ye dinna ken me! that ever I becam' your ass! that ever I should, by my ain disobedience, hae cast out wi' my father, an' provoked him to turn me into a stupid creature sic as ye now see me!"

Waes me,

"Sic as I now see ye!-instead o' an ass, I now see a braw young gentleman."

"A braw young gentleman!-0 Gude be praised that my father has at last been pleased to restore me

to my ain shape, and that I can now see wi' the een, an' speak wi' the tongue o' a man!" "But wha are ye, my braw lad, and wha is your father?"

"Oh, did you never hear o' Maister James Sandilands, the third son o' the Earl o' Torpichen?"

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"Heard o' him! ay, an' kent him too, when he was a bairn, but he was sent awa' abroad when he was young, an' I ne'er heard tell o' him sin' syne." Weel, I'm that same Maister James; and ye maun ken that my father learned the black art at the college, an' that I happened to anger him by makin' love to a fine young leddy, against his will, an' that, in short, when he faund out that I was in love wi' her, he turned me into an ass for my disobedience."

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Away went the youth, released from his bondage, and soon meeting with his comrades, related, to their joint gratification, his strange adventure with the honest cadger. Suffice it to say, that the ass was sold, the bill paid, and the youths got safely back to Edinburgh.

So soon as they got matters arranged, they sent a sum to the worthy cadger, sufficient to purchase three asses. On receiving the money, he lost no time in looking out for another ass, and as next week was "Calder fair," he repaired thither with the full intention of making a purchase. He was not long in the fair, looking about for an animal to suit his purpose, when, behold! he saw with new wonder and astonishment, his own identical old ass! The dumb brute knew him also, and made signs of recognition in the best manner he could. The honest cadger could not contain himself, the tears gushed from his eyes, he looked wistfully in the creature's face, and anxiously cried out, "Gude have a care o' us! hae you and your father cuisten out again ?"

THE SCHOOL FOR SCAMPS.

( "Standard Old Comedy," in Fibe Acts.) Dedicated to the Legitimists.

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Enter Lawyer Venom.

LAWYER VENOM. How is your Lordship? Plotting mischief? Ha! ha! ha! Nothing like it. I hate all the world; don't you? Here is the instrument for turning the Cowslips out of their cottageit only wants your signature. [Gives paper. LORD BELMONT. Alas! must I affix it? (Aside.) Crime, crime, how thou forcest us on from one villany to another.

Scene closes.

[He writes.

SCENE II.-A Street in the Village.

Enter Old Gopus and Young Gopus.

OLD GOPUS. Stick up, my boy; stick up to Miss Belmont. You are the fellow for her. Gad! when I was your age

YOUNG GOPUS. Oh! You old heathen! along. But do you think she'd have me, dad?

Go

OLD GOPUS. Think. D, I know it. She'd jump at you like a cat-a-mountain. Phew! YOUNG GOPus. I'm in such spirits. (Sings) Fal de ral de ral de la.

[Exeunt both, dancing and singing. SCENE III.-A Room in Lord Belmont's House.

Enter Lady Belmont and Miss Belmont. LADY BELMONT. Pr'ythee, child, talk no more. The blood of the Belmonts

MISS BELMONT. Can never be degraded by an alliance in which love consecrates the heart, and honor seals the hands.

LADY BELMONT. Sir Frederick-
MISS BELMONT. Again that odious name.

Enter Sir Frederick unperceived at back.
SIR FREDERICK (aside). Ha! Confusion!
LADY BELMONT. While that Frank Friendly-
MISS BELMONT. Frank Friendly! Heavenly
sound!

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ACT III.

T

Lord Belmont's Garden.-Enter Friendly and Miss Belmont, talking.

FRIENDLY. It was so. I know not my parentsI never did. My love for you is my only solacemy only comfort.

MISS BELMONT. Be still, bursting heart! Oh, Frank, do you really love me?

FRIENDLY. And can then Miss Belmont doubt the sincerity of my devotion?

MISS BELMONT. Never. For the heart which worships at the shrine is hallowed by the altar. [Exeunt. SCENE II. The Village.-Enter Jerry Cowslip. JERRY. Dang'd if I beant as glad as our red cow in a field of clover, loike.

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ACT IV.

SCENE I. Lord Belmont's House. Enter Miss Belmont and Sir Frederick. MISS BELMONT. My brain is bursting. It cannot be!

SIR FREDERICK. It is. [Exit Sir Frederick. MISS BELMONT. Why did I love him--why do I love him? But no, no-I must tear him from my heart for ever.

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