Many are the traditions remaining in the country, relative to the seeking of midwives, or houdies, as they are universally denominated all over the south of Scotland; and strange adventures are related as having happened in these precipitate excursions, which were proverbially certain to happen by night. Indeed it would appear, that there hardly ever was a midwife brought, but some incident occurred indicative of the fate or fortunes of the little forthcoming stranger; but, amongst them all, I have selected this as the most remarkable. I am exceedingly grieved at the discontinuance of midwifery, that primitive and original calling, in this primitive and original country; for never were there such merry groups in Scotland as the midwives and their kimmers in former days, and never was there such store of capital stories and gossip circulated as on these occasions. But those days are over! and alack, and wo is me! no future old shepherd shall tell another tale of SEEKING THE HOUDY? LOVE IS LIKE A DIZZINESS. I LATELY lived in quiet case, She has trepann'd me fairly, O! Love is like a dizziness; To tell my feats this single week Ae morning, by the dawn o' day, BY JAMES HOGG. MORE THAN A PROVIDENTIAL ESCAPE.-A serving woman, who was sent to bring water for some domestic purposes, returned completely drenched, after what was considered rather an unreasonable length of time. Her mistress demanded what had kept her so long. "Kept me so long!" said the dripping absentee, with a look of surprise, deed, ye may be glad to see me again; the burn was runnin' frae bank to brae. I missed a fit and fell in, and if it hadna been for Providence and another woman, I'd ha'e been drowned." A WITTY REPLY.-Sir Walter Scott does not seem to have been the fool at school which some have stated. Once, a boy in the same class was asked by the "dominie" what part of speech with was. "A noun, sir," said the boy. "You young blockhead," cried the pedagogue, "what example can you give of such a thing?" "I can tell you, sir," interrupted Scott; 'you know there's a verse in the Bible which says, 'they bound Samson with withs."" I wrought that morning out an' out, Her wily glance I'll ne'er forget, The dear, the lovely blinkin o't Has pierced me through an' through the heart, An' plagues me wi' the prinkling o't. I tried to sing, I tried to pray, I tried to drown't wi' drinkin' o't, I tried wi' sport to drive't away, But n'er can sleep for thinkin' o't. Nae man can tell what pains I prove, Or how severe my pliskie, O! I swear I'm sairer drunk wi' love I first grew dizzy, then gaed daft, Love is like a dizziness A HIGHLAND CABINETMAKER.-A young Highlander was apprenticed to a cabinetmaker in Glasgow, and, as a first job, had a chest of veneered drawers to clean and polish. After a sufficient time had elapsed for doing the work assigned him, the foreman inquired whether he was ready with the dressers yet? "Oich no; it's a tough job; I've almost taken the skin off my ain two hand before I'll get it off the drawers." "L What!" replied the startled director of plane and chisel, "you are not taking the veneering off, you blockhead ?" "What I'll do then? I could not surely put a polish on before I'll teuk the bark aff!" A DESIDERATUM.-A traveller sitting down to a Scotch breakfast, gratified at the varied display of tempting viands, said to the lassie in attendance, "there is nothing wanting here to prevent me from making a most sumptuous breakfast, but an appetite." "An appetite," said the poor creature, anxious to please, "I dinna ken we ha' sic a thing in a' the house, but I'll rin and ask my mistress." THE WONDERFU' WEAN. BY WILLIAM MILLER. OUR wean's the most wonderfu' wean e'er I saw, What gars the win' blaw? an' whar frae comes the rain? He's a perfect divert-he's a wonderfu' wean. Or wha was the first bodie's father? an' wha An' he looks aye sae watchfu', the while I explain; And folk wha ha'e skill o' the lumps on the head, Hint there's mae ways than toilin' o' winnin' ane's bread; How he'll be a rich man, an' ha'e men to work for him, Wi' a kyte like a bailie's, shug shugging afore him; Wi' a face like the moon, sober, sonsy, and douce, An' a back, for its breadth, like the side o' a house. "Tweel I'm unco ta'en up wi't, they mak' a' sae plain; He's just a town's-talk-he's a bye-ord'nar wean. I ne'er can forget sic a laugh as I gat To see him put on father's waistcoat and hat? Then the lang-leggit boots gaed sae far ower his knees, The tap loops wi' his fingers he grippit wi' ease, Then he marcht thro' the house, he marcht but, he marcht ben, Sae like mony mae o' our great-little men, But mid a' his daffin sic kindness he shows, That he's dear to my heart as the dew to the rose; An' the unclouded hinnie-beam aye in his e'e, When bodies ha'e got ae bit bairn o' their ain, wean. COCKIE-LEERIE-LA. BY WILLIAM MILLER. THERE is a country gentleman, who leads a thrifty | His step is firm and evenly, his look both grave and life, sage bear his rich and stately tail should have a pretty page; An' tho' he hauds his head fu' hie, he glinteth to the grun, Nor fyles his silver spurs in dubs wi' glow'rin' at the sun: And whyles I've thoct had he a haun wharwi' to grip a stickie, A pair o' specks across his neb, an' roun his neck a dickie, That weans wad laughin' haud their sides, an' cry"Preserve us a'! Ye're some frien' to Doctor Drawblood, douce Cockie-leerie-la!" ing liberality, the various good things that constitute a Scottish breakfast. "Are you not for breakfasting, good man," said at length, "before you go forth this morning?" "No, please God," said he, with almost a jump, no carnal comfort shall pass my lips on this side the mill of Warlock !" "The mill of Warlock!" repeated I, with surprise, "that should be at least twelve miles from thisand I can tell you, my friend, it is not pleasant travelling so far on an empty stomach. If you have any urgent reason for an abstinence that we of the kirk of Scotland attach no merit to, you should not have loitered in bed till this hour of the morning." Ir was yet pretty early in the morning when I arrived at the inn of Skreigh, and never having been in that part of the country before, my heart misgave me at the appearance of the house, and II, thought that surely I had mistaken the road, an awful idea to a man who had walked twelve miles before breakfast! It was a huge, gray, dismantled edifice, standing alone in a wild country, and presenting evident traces of a time when the bawbees of the traveller might have procured him lodgings within its walls for a longer period than suited his convenience. On entering the parlor, although the "base uses" to which this ancient mansion had returned were clearly indicated by certain gillstroups scattered about the dirty tables, yet the extraordinary size of the room, the lowness of the walls, and the scantiness of the furniture, kept up in my mind the associations which had been suggested by the exterior; and it was not till the aroma of tea, and the still more fragrant lunt" of a Finnan haddie had saluted my senses, that the visions of the olden time fled from my eyes. While busy with my breakfast, another traveller came into the room. He had a pack on his back and an ellwand in his hand, and appeared to be one of those travelling philanthropists-answering to the peddlers of the south-who carry into the holes and corners of the sylvan world the luxuries of the city. Our scene being on the best side of the Tweed, I need not say that the body had a sharp eye, an oily face, and a God-fearing look. He sat down over against me, upon one of the tables, to rest his pack, and from his shining shoes and orderly apparel, I judged that he had passed the night in the house, and was waiting to pay his score, and fare forth again upon his journey. There was, notwithstanding, a singular expression of fatigue on his yellow countenance. A common observer would have guessed that he had been brim-fou over night, and had risen before he had quite slept off the effects; but to me, who am curious in such matters, there appeared a something in his face which invested with a moral dignity an expression that would otherwise have been ludicrous or pitiable. The packman at my reproof, put on a kind of blate look, but his features gathering gradually into solemnity "Sir," said he, "I have urgent reasons for my conduct, and while this weary wife is making out my score, I will, if you desire it, tell you the story." Having eagerly signified my assent, the packman wiped his glistening forehead, and with a heavy sigh began to discourse as follows: Aweel, sir-it was at this time yesterday morning I arrived at the mill of Warlock. The miller was out, and his wife, glad of the opportunity, rampauged over my pack like one demented. She made me turn out every article in my aught, and kept me bargaining about this and that, and flyting by the hour about the price; and after all it came to pass that the jaud (God forgive me!) wanted naething of more value than three ells of riband! You may be sure that I was not that pleased; and what with fatigue, and what with my vexation, while I was measuring the riband, and the wife sklanting round at the looking-glass, I just clipped - by mistake like a half-ell short. Aweel, ye'll say that was just naething after the fash I had had, and moreover, I stoutly refused the second glass of whiskey she offered me to the douroch; and so, shouldering my pack again, I took the way in an evil hour to the inn of Skreigh. "It was late at night when I arrived here, and I Ever and anon he turned a longing eye upon the had been on my legs all day, so that you may think Finnan haddie, but as often edged himself with a my heart warmed to the auld biggin, and I looked jerk farther away from the temptation; and when- forward to naething waur than a cozy seat by the ever the landlady came into the room, his remon- ingle-side, or chat with the landlady-a douce strances on her delay, at first delivered in a moan- woman, sir, and not aye so slow as the now, foul ing, heart-broken tone, became at last absolutely fa' her! (God forgive me!) forby, maybe, a half cankered. The honest wife, however, appeared mutchin-or twa: and all these things of a truth I determined to extend the hospitality of breakfast had. Not that I exceeded the second stoup, a to her guest, and made sundry lame excuses for not practice which I hold to be contra bonos mores"bringing ben his score," while she was occupied but ye'll no understand Latin? ye'll be from the in displaying upon my table, with the most tempt-south? Aweel-but there was something mair, ye was not a whish in the house, and not a stime of light in the room. I counted over my bargains for the day, and half wished I had not made the mistake with the miller's wife; I put my hand out at the stock of the bed and felt my pack, amusing myself by thinking what was this lump and that; but still I could not sleep. Then by degrees my other senses, as well as the touch, wearied of being awake and doing nothing-fiend tak them-(God forgive me!) sought employment. I listened as if in spite of myself, to hear whether there was any thing stirring in the house, and looked out of the curtains to see if any light came through the window chinks. Not a whish-not a stime! Then I said my prayers over again, and began to wish grievously that the creature had her half-ell of riband. Then my nose must needs be in the hobble, and I thought I felt a smell. It was not that bad a smell, but it was a smell I did not know, and therefore did not like. The air 666 Aweel, aweel,' said the landlady, in the hinder end, quite forfaughten, a wilfu' man maun hae his way. There is but ae room in the house where there is no a living soul, and it's naething but an auld lumber-room. However, if you can pass the time with another half-mutchin while Jenny and me rig up the bed, it will be as much at your service as a decenter place.' And so, having gotten the battle, I sat myself down again, and Jenny brought in the other stoup-ye'll be saying that was the third; but there's nae rule without an exception, and moreover ye ken, 'three's aye canny.' "At last and at length, I got into my bed-room, and it was no that ill-looking at all. It was a good sizeable room, with a few sticks of old furniture, forby a large old-fashioned bed. I laid my pack down, as is my custom, by the bedside, and after saying my prayers, put out the candle and tumbled in. Aweel, sir, whether it was owing to my being over fatigued, or to the third stoup in defiance of the proverb being no canny, I know not, but for the life of me I could not sleep. The bed was not a bad bed, it was roomy and convenient, and there seemed close-feverish; I threw off the bedclothes, and began to puff and pant. Oh, I did wish then that I had never seen the physiog of the miller's wife! "I began to be afraid. The entire silence seemed strange, the utter darkness more strange, and the strange smell stranger than all. I at first grasped at the bed-clothes, and pulled them over my head; but I had bottled in the smell with me; and, rendered intolerable by the heat, it seemed like the very essence of typhus. I threw off the clothes again in a fright, and felt persuaded that I was just in the act of taking some awful fever. I would have given the world to have been able to rise and open the window, but the world would have been offered me in vain to do such a thing. I contented myself with flapping the sheet like a fan, and throwing my arms abroad to catch the wind. My right hand, which was towards the stock of the bed, constantly lighted upon my pack, but my left could feel naething at all, save that there was a space between the bed and the wall. At last, leaning more over in that direction than heretofore, my hand encountered something a little lower than the surface of the bed, and I snatched it back with a smothered cry, I knew no more than the man in the moon what the something was, but it sent a tingle through my frame, and I felt the sweat begin to break over my brow. I would have turned to the other side, but I felt as heavy to my own muscles as if I had been made of lead; and besides, a fearful curiosity nailed me to the spot. I persuaded myself that it was from this part of the bed that the smell arose. Soon, however, with a sudden desperation, I plunged my hand again into the terrible abyss, and it rested upon a cauld, stiff, clammy face! "Now, sir, I would have you to ken, that although I cannot wrestle with the hidden sympathies of nature, I am not easily frightened. If the stoutest robber that ever broke breeks-ay, or ran bare, for there be such in the Hielands,—was to lay a finger on my pack, I would haud on like grim death; and it is not to tell, that I can flyte about ae bawbee with the dourest wife in the country-side; but och, and alas! to see me at that moment, on the braid of my back, with my eyes shut, and my teeth set, and one hand on the physiog of a corp! The greatest pain I endured was from the trembling of my body, for the motion forced my hand into closer connection with the horrors of its restingplace; while I had no more power to withdraw it than if it had been in the thumb-screws. "And there I lay, sir, with my eyes steeked, as if with screw-nails, my brain wandering and confused, and whole rivers of sweat spouting down my body, till at times I thought I had got fou, and was lying sleeping in a ditch. To tell you the history of my thoughts at that time is impossible; but the miller's wife, wo be upon her! she rode me like the night-hag. I think I must have been asleep a part of the time, for I imagined that the wearisome half-ell of riband was tied about my neck like a halter, and that I was on the eve of being choked. I ken not how long I tholed this torment; but at last I heard voices and sounds, as if the sheriffs' officers of hell were about me, and in a sudden agony of great fear, I opened my eyes. "It was broad morning; the sun was shining into the room; and the landlady and her lasses were riving my hand from the face of the corpse. After casting a bewildered glance around, it was on that fearful object my eyes rested, and I recognized the remains of an old serving lass, who it seems died the day before, and was huddled into that room, to be out of the way of the company.' At this moment the landlady entered the room with his score, and while the packman sat wiping his brow, entered upon her defence. "Ye ken, sir," said she, "that ye wad sleep in the house, and a wilfu' man maun hae his way; but gin ye had lain still, like an honest body wi' a clean conscience, and no gaen rampauging about wi' your hands where ye had no business, the feint a harm it would hae done ye!" The packman only answered with a glance of ire, as he thundered down the bawbees upon the table, and turning one last look upon the Finnan haddie, groaned deeply, and went forth upon his journey. THE SCOTTISH TEA-PARTY. BY JOHN DONALD CARRICK. Now let's sing how Miss M'Wharty, In their lily-whites so gay; In the fashion of the day. (Spoken in different female voices.) 'Dear me, how hae ye been this lang time, mem?' 'Pretty weel, I thank ye, mem. How hae ye been yoursel?' O mem, I've been vera ill wi' the rheumatisms, and though I were your tippet, I couldna be fu'er o' stitches than I am; but whan did ye see Mrs. Pinkerton?' 'O mem, I haena seen her this lang time. Did ye no hear that Mrs. Pinkerton and I hae had a difference?' 'No, mem, I didna hear. What was't about, mem?' 'I'll tell you what it was about, mem. I gaed o'er to ca' upon her ae day, and when I gaed in, ye see, she's sitting feeding the parrot, and I says to her, Mrs. Pinkerton, how d ye do, mem?' and she never let on she heard me; and I says again, Mrs. Pinkerton, how d'ye do?' I says, and wi' that she turns about, and says she, 'Mrs. M'Saunter, I'm really astonished you should come and ask me how I do, considering the manner you've ridiculed me and my husband in public companies!' 'Mrs. Pinkerton,' quo' I, what's that ye mean, mem?' and then she began and gied me a' the ill-mannered abuse you can pos sibly conceive. And I just says to her, quo' I, 'Mrs. Pinkerton,' quo' I, 'that's no what I cam to hear, and if that's the way ye intend to gae on,' quo' I, ‘I wish ye gude morning;' so I comes awa. Now I'll tell ye what a' this was about. Ye see, it was just about the term time, ye ken, they flitted aboon us, and I gaed up on the term morning to see if they wanted a kettle boiled or any thing o' that kind; and when I gaed in, Mr. Pinkerton, he's sitting in the middle o' the floor, and the barber's shaving him, and the barber had laid a' his face round wi' the white saip, and Mr. Pinkerton, ye ken, has a very red nose, and the red nose sticking through the white saip, just put me in mind o' a carrot sticking through a collyflower; and I very innocently happened to mention this in a party where I had been dining, and some officious body's gane and tell't Mrs. Pinkerton, and Mrs. Pinkerton's ta'en this wonderfully amiss. What d'ye think o' Mrs. Pinks?' 'Deed, mem, she's no worth your while; but did you hear what happened to Mrs. Clapperton the ither day?' No, mem. What's happened to her, poor body?' 'I'll tell you that, mem. You see, she was coming down Montrose street, and she had on a red pelisse and a white muff, and there's a bubbly-jock* coming * Turkey-cock. |