Lord T. Gone! what way, madam? Lady T. Half the town over, I believe, by this time. Lord T. 'Tis well; I see ruin will make no impression, till it falls upon you. Lady T. Your style, my lord, is much of the same delicacy with your sentiments of honour! Lord T. Madam, madam, this is no time for compliments-I have done with you. Lady T. Done with me! If we had never met, my lord, I had not broke my heart for it-but have a care; I may not, perhaps, be so easily recalled as you may imagine. Lord T. Recalled! Who's there? Enter WILLIAMS. up. Desire my sister and Mr. Manly to walk [Exit Williams. Lady T. In short, my lord, if money is Lady T. My lord, you may proceed as you always the subject of our conversation, I shall please; but pray what indiscretions have I committed, that are not daily practised by a make you no answer. Lord T. Madam, madam, I will be heard, hundred other women of quality? and make you answer. Lord T. 'Tis not the number of ill wives, Lady T. Make me! Then I must tell you, madam, that makes the patience of a husband my lord, this is a language I have not been less contemptible; and though a bad one may used to, and I won't bear it. be the best man's lot, yet he'll make a better Lord T. Come, come, madam, you shall figure in the world, that keeps his misforbear a great deal more, before I part with you. tunes out of doors, than he that tamely keeps Lady T. My lord, if you insult me, you them within. will have as much to bear on your side, I can assure you. Lady T. I don't know what figure you may make, my lord; but I shall have no reason to Lord T. Pooh! your spirit grows ridicu- be ashamed of mine, in whatever company, I lous!-you have neither honour, worth, or may meet you. innocence to support it. Lord T. Be sparing of your spirit, madam; you'll need it to support you. Enter LADY GRACE and MANLY. Lady T. You'll find at least I have resentment; and do you look well to the provocation. Lord T. After those you have given me, madam, 'tis almost infamous to talk with you. Mr. Manly, I have an act of friendship to beg Lady T. I scorn your imputation and your of you, which wants more apologies than menaces. The narrowness of your heart is words can make for it. I you too. your monitor-'tis there, there, my lord, you Man. Then pray make none, my lord, that are wounded; you have less to complain of may have the greater merit in obliging you. than many husbands of an equal rank to you, Lord T. Sister, I have the same excuse to Lord T. Death, madam! do you presume entreat of upon your corporeal merit, that your person's Lady G. To your request, I beg, my lord. less tainted than your mind? Is it there, there Lord T. Thus then As you both were alone, an honest husband can be injured? present at my ill-considered marriage, I now Have you not every other vice that can de- desire you each will be a witness of my debase your birth or stain the heart of woman? termined separation-I know, sir, your good Is not your health, your beauty, husband, nature, and my sister's, must be shocked at fortune, family disclaimed-for nights con- the office I impose on you; but as I don't sumed in riot and extravagance? The wanton ask your justification of my cause, so I hope does no more-if she conceals her shame, you are conscious that an ill woman can't does less; and sure the dissolute avowed, as reproach you, if you are silent on her side. sorely wrongs my honour and my quiet. Man. My lord, I never thought, till now, Lady T. I see, my lord, what sort of wife it could be difficult to oblige you. might please you. Lord T. For you, my lady Townly, I need Lord T. Ungrateful woman! could you have not here repeat the provocations of my partseen yourself, you in yourself had seen her-ing with you-the world, I fear, is too well I am amazed our legislature has left no prece-informed of them-For the good lord, your dent of a divorce, for this more visible in- dear father's sake, I will still support you as jury, this adultery of the mind, as well as his daughter. As the Lord Townly's wife, that of the person! When a woman's whole you have had every thing a fond husband heart is alienated to pleasures I have no share could bestow, and, to our mutual shame I in, what is it to me, whether a black ace, or speak it, more than happy wives desire-But a powdered coxcomb, has possession of it? those indulgencies must end-state, equipage, Lady T. If you have not found it yet, my and splendour, but ill become the vices that lord, this is not the way to get possession of misuse them-The decent necessaries of life mine, depend upon it. shall be supplied, but not one article to luxury Lord T. That, madam, I have long despaired-not even the coach, that waits to carry you of; and, since our happiness cannot be mu- from hence, shall you ever use again. Your tual, 'tis fit that, with our hearts, our persons tender aunt, my Lady Lovemore, with tears, too should separate.-This house you sleep no this morning, has consented to receive you; more in; though your content might grossly where, if time and your condition bring you feed upon the dishonour of a husband, yet my to a due reflection, your allowance shall be desires would starve upon the features of a wife. increased but if you still are lavish of your little, or pine for past licentious pleasures, | father's firm commands enjoined me to make that little shall be less; nor will I call that choice of one, I even there declined the liberty soul my friend that names you in my hearing. he gave, and to his own election yielded up -Oh, Manly, look there! turn back thy thoughts my youth-his tender care, my lord, directed with me, and witness to my growing love.-him to you. Our hands were joined, but still There was a time, when I believed that form my heart was wedded to its folly. My only incapable of vice or of decay; there I proposed joy was power, command, society, profuseness, the partner of an easy home; there I for ever and to lead in pleasures.-The husband's right hoped to find a cheerful companion, a faithful to rule I thought a vulgar law, which only friend, a useful helpmate, and a tender mother the deformed or meanly spirited obeyed.—I -but, oh, how bitter now the disappointment! knew no directors but my passions, no master Man. The world is different in its sense of but my will.-Even you, my lord, sometime happiness; offended as you are, I know you o'ercome by love, were pleased with my dewill still be just. lights; nor then foresaw this mad misuse of Lord T. Fear me not. your indulgence. And though I call myself Man. This last reproach, I see, has struck ungrateful while I own it, yet as a truth it her! [Aside. cannot be denied, that kind indulgence has Lord T. No, let me not (though I this mo- undone me; it added strength to my habitual ment cast her from my heart for ever), let failings, and, in a heart thus warm in wild, me not urge her punishment beyond her unthinking life, no wonder if the gentler sense. crimes I know the world is fond of any tale of love was lost. [Apart. that feeds its appetite of scandal; - and as I Lord T. Oh, Manly! where has this creaam conscious severities of this kind seldom fail ture's heart been buried? [Apart. of imputations too gross to mention, I here, Man. If yet recoverable, how vast the treabefore you both, acquit her of the least sus-sure! picion raised against the honour of my bed. Therefore, when abroad her conduct may be questioned, do her fame that justice. Lady T. Oh, sister! Lady T. What I have said, my lord, is not my excuse, but my confession; my errors (give them, if you please, a harder name) cannot be defended-No, what's in its nature [Turns to Lady Grace, weeping. wrong, no words can palliate-no plea can Lord T. When I am spoken of, where, alter! What then remains in my condition, without favour, this action may be canvassed, but resignation to your pleasure? Time only relate but half my provocations, and give me can convince you of my future conduct: thereup to censure. Lady T. Support me-save mefrom the world! Going. fore, till I have lived an object of forgiveness, hide me I dare not hope for pardon-The penance of a lonely, contrite life, were little to the inno [Falling on Lady Grace's Neck. cent; but, to have deserved this separation, Lord T. [Returning] I had forgot me- will strew perpetual thorns upon my pillow. You have no share in my resentment, there--Sister, farewell! [Kisses her] Your virtue fore, as you have lived in friendship with her, needs no warning from the shame that falls your parting may admit of gentler terms than on me; but when you think I have atoned my suit the honour of an injured husband. follies past, persuade your injured brother to [Offers to go out. forgive them. Man. [Interposing] My lord, you must Lord T. No, madam! your errors, thus renot, shall not, leave her thus!-One moment's nounced, this instant are forgotten! So deep, stay can do your cause no wrong. If looks so due a sense of them has made you what can speak the anguish of her heart, I'll an- my utmost wishes form'd, and all my heart swer, with my life, there's something labouring has sigh'd for.-Long parted friends, that pass in her mind, that, would you bear the hear- through easy voyages of life, receive but coming, might deserve it. mon gladness in their meeting; but, from a Lord T. Consider-since we no more can shipwreck saved, we mingle tears with our meet, press not my staying to insult her. embraces. [Embraces Lady Townly. Lady T. Yet stay, my lord-the little I would Lady T. What words what love what say will not deserve an insult; and, undeserv-duty can repay such obligations? ed, I know your nature gives it not. But as Lord T. Preserve but this desire to please, you've called in friends to witness your re- your power is endless. sentment, let them be equal hearers of my last Lady T. Oh! till this moment never did I reply. [be it. so. know, my lord, I had a heart to give you! Lord T. I shan't refuse you that, madam- Lord T. By heaven! this yielding hand, Lady T. My lord, you ever have complained when first it gave you to my wishes, presented I wanted love; but as you kindly have allowed not a treasure more desirable! -Oh, Manly! I never gave it to another, so, when you hear sister! as you have often shared in dismy the story of my heart, though you may still quiet, partake of my felicity-my new-born complain, you will not wonder at my coldness. joy! See here, the bride of my desires! This may be called my wedding-day. Lady G. Sister (for now, methinks, that name is dearer to me than ever), let me congratulate the happiness that opens to you. Lord T. Proceed-I am attentive. Lady T. Before I was your bride, my lord, the flattering world had talked me into beauty; which, at my glass, my youthful vanity confirmed. Wild with that fame, I thought man- Man. Long, long, and mutual, may it flow! kind my slaves-I triumphed over hearts, while Lord T. To make our happiness complete, all my pleasure was their pain yet was my my dear, join here with me to give a hand, own so equally insensible to all, that, when a that amply will repay the obligation.. Lady T. Sister, a day like this— Lady G. Admits of no excuse against the general joy. [Gives her Hand to Manly. Man. A joy like mine-despairs of words to speak it. Lord T. Oh, Manly, how the name of friend endears the brother! [Embraces him. Man. Your words, my lord, will warm me to deserve them. Lady T. Sister, to your unerring virtue I [Exeunt. SHE WOULD AND SHE WOULD NOT; Or, The kind Impostor, acted at Drury Lane 1703. This is a very busy, sprightly, and entertaining comedy, and still continues a stock play. The plot of it is borrowed from Leonard's Counterfeits, and perhaps from the Novel The Trepanner trepanned, on which that Comedy itself was built, Flora. And now, madam, pray what do you propose will be the end of our journey? Hyp. Why, now I hope the end of my wishes-Don Philip, I need not tell you how Trap. INDEED, my friend Trappanti, thou'rt far he is in my heart. in a very thin condition; thou hast neither Flora. No, your sweet usage of him told master, meat, nor money: not but, couldst thou me that long enough ago; but now, it seems, part with that unappeasable itch of eating too, you think fit to confess it; and what is it you thou hast all the ragged virtues that were re-love him for, pray? quisite to set up an ancient philosopher. Con- Hyp. His manner of bearing that usage. tempt and poverty, kicks, thumps, and think- Flora. Ah! dear pride! how we love to ing thou hast endured with the best of 'em; have it tickled! But he does not bear it, you but-when fortune turns thee up to hard fast-see, for he's coming post to Madrid to marry ing, that is to say, positively not eating at all, another woman; nay, one he never saw. I perceive thou art a downright dunce, with Hyp. An unknown face can't have very far the same stomach, and no more philosophy engaged him. than a bound upon horse-flesh-Fasting's the devil!-Let me see-this, I take it, is the most at all? frequented inn about Madrid; and if a keen guest or two should drop in now-Hark! Host. [Within] Take care of the gentlemens' horses there; see 'em well rubb'd and litter'd. Trap. Just alighted! If they do but stay to eat now! Impudence assist me; hah! a couple of pretty young sparks, faith! Flora. How came he to be engaged to her Hyp. Why, I engaged him. Flora. To another! Hyp. To my whole sex, rather than own I loved him. Flora. Ah! done like a woman of courage. Hyp. I could not bear the thoughts of parting with my power; besides, he took me at such an advantage, and pressed me so home to a surrender, I could have 'tore him piecemeal. Flora. Ay! I warrant you, an însolent— agreeable puppy. But let us hear. Enter HYPOLITA and FLORA, in Men's Habits; a Postboy, with a Portmanteau. Welcome to ¡adrid, sir; welcome, sir. Hyp. I'll tell thee, Flora; you know don Flora. Sir, your servant. Philip wants no charm that can recommend Post. Have the horses pleased your honour? him. As a lover in rank and fortune, I conHyp. Very well indeed, friend; pr'ythee set fess him my superior; 'tis the thoughts of that down the portmanteau, and see that the poor has been a constant thorn upon my wishes; creatures want nothing: they have performed I never saw him in the humblest posture, but well, and deserve our care. still I fancied he secretly presumed his rank Trap. I'll take care of that, sir; here, ostler. and fortune might command me; this always [Exeunt Trappanti and Servant. stung my pride, and made me over-act it: Flora. And pray, madam, what do I deserve? nay sometimes, when his sufferings have al-. Hyp. Poor Flora! thou art fatigued indeed, most drawn the tears into my eyes, I have but I shall find a way to thank thee for't. turn'd the subject with some trifling talk, or humm'd a spiteful tune, though I believe his my troth, right and sound, I warrant 'em; heart was breaking. they deserve care, and they have had it, and Flora. But, love be praised, your proud shall have it if they stay in this house-I alstomach's come down for it. ways stand by, sir, see 'em rubb'd down with Hyp. Indeed, 'tis not altogether so high as my own eyes-catch me trusting an ostler, 'twas. In a word, his last letter set me at my I'll give you leave to fill for me, and drink wit's end, and when I came to myself, you for me too. may remember you thought me bewitch'd, for Flora. I have seen this fellow somewhere. I immediately called for my boy's clothes, and [Apart to Hypolita. so rode after him. Trap, Hey-day! what, no cloth laid! was ever such attendance! hey, house! tapster! landlord! hey! [Knocks] What was it you bespoke, gentlemen? Flora. Why truly, madam, as to your wits, I've not much altered my opinion of 'em, for I can't see what you propose by it. Hyp. My whole design, Flora, lies in this portmanteau, and these breeches. Flora. A notable design, no doubt; but pray let's hear it. Hyp. Why, I do propose to be twice married between 'em. Flora. How! twice? Hyp, By the help of the portmanteau I intend to marry myself to don Philip's new mistress, and then-I'll put off my breeches and marry him. Flora. Now I begin to take ye: but pray what's in the portmanteau? and how came you by it? Hyp. Really, sir, I ask your pardon, I have almost forgot you. Trap. Pshaw! dear sir, never talk of it; I live here hard by-I have a lodging- I can't call it a lodging neither-that is, I have asometimes I am here, and sometimes I am there; and so here and there one makes shift, you know.-Hey! will these people never come? Hyp. You give a very good account of yourself, sir. Trap. O! nothing at all, sir. Lord, sir!— was it fish or flesh, sir? Flora. Really, sir, we have bespoke nothing yet. Hyp. I hired one to steal it from his ser- Trap. Nothing! for shame! it's a sign you vant at the last inn we lay at in Toledo: in are young travellers; you don't know this it are jewels of value, presents to my bride, house, sir; why they'll let you starve if you gold, good store, settlements, and credential don't stir, and call, and that like thunder too letters to certify that the bearer (which I in--Hollo! tend to be myself) is don Philip, only son Hyp. Ha! you eat here sometimes, I preand heir of don Fernando de las Torres, now sume, sir? residing at Seville, whence we came. Trap. Umph!-Ay, sir, that's as it happens Flora. A very smart undertaking, by my-I seldom eat at home, indeed-Hollo!" troth and pray, madam, what part am I to act? Hyp. My woman still; when I can't lie for myself you are to do it for me, in the person of a cousin-german. Flora. And my name is to beHyp. Don Guzman, Diego, Mendez, or what you please; be your own godfather. Flora. 'Egad, I begin to like it mightily; this may prove a very pleasant adventure, if we can but come off without fighting, which, by the way, I don't easily perceive we shall; for to be sure don Philip will make the devil to do with us when he finds himself here before he comes hither, Hyp. O let me alone to give him satisfaction. Flora. I'm afraid it must be alone, if you do give him satisfaction; for my part I can push no more than I can swim. Hyp. But you can bully, upon occasion. Flora. I can scold when my blood's up. Hyp. That's the same thing. Bullying in breeches, would be scolding in petticoats. Flora, Say ye so: why then do look to yourself; if I don't give you as good as you bring, I'll be content to wear breeches as long as I live. Well, madam, now you have open'd the plot, pray when is the play to begin? Hyp. I hope to have it all over in less than four hours; we'll just refresh ourselves with what the house affords, and wait upon my father-in-law-How now! what would this fellow have? Re-enter TRAPPANTI. Trap. Servant, gentlemen, I have taken nice Enter Host. Host. Did you call, gentlemen? Trap. Yes, and bawl too, sir: here, the gentlemen are almost famish'd, and nobody comes near 'em: what have you in the house now that will be ready presently? Host. You may have what you please, sir. Host. Sir, we have no partidges; but we'll get you what you please in a moment: we have a very good neck of mutton, sir; if you please it shall be clapp'd down in a moment. Hyp. Have you no pigeons or chickens? Host. Truly, sir, we have no fowl in the house at present; if you please you may have any thing else in a moment. Hyp. Then pr'ythee get us some young rabbits. Host. Rabbits! odd rabbit it, rabbits are so scarce they are not to be had for money. Flora. Have you any fish? Host. Fish! sir, I dress'd yesterday the finest dish that ever came upon a table; I am sorry we have none left, sir; but, if you please, you may have any thing else in a moment. Trap. Plague on thee, hast thou nothing but any-thing-else in the house? Host. Very good mutton, sir. Host. Really, sir, we don't use to be so unprovided, but at present we have nothing else left. care of your nags; good cattle they are, by 1) A saddle of mutton is the two loins not separated. Trap. 'Egad, it's neck or nothing 1) here, Hyp. Hang him, 'tis inoffensive; I'll humour sir. Faith, sir, I don't know but a nothing him.-[Apart] Pray, sir (for I find we are else may be very good meat, when any thing like to be better acquainted, therefore I hope else is not to be had. you won't take my question ill)— Hyp. Then pr'ythee, friend, let's have thy neck of mutton before that is gone too. Trap. O, dear sir! Hyp. What profession may you be of? Trap. Sir, he shall lay it down this minute; Pl see it done:-gentlemen, I'll wait upon ye the wine. presently; for a minute I must beg your pardon, and leave to lay the cloth myself. Re-enter Host, Hyp. By no means, sir. Come, fill out-hold-let me taste it first-ye Trap. No ceremony, dear sir; indeed I'll blockhead, would ye have the gentleman drink do't. [Exeunt Host and Trappanti. before he knows whether it be good or not? Hyp. What can this familiar puppy be? [Drinks] Yes, 'twill do-give me the bottle, Flora. With much ado I have recollected I'll fill myself. Now, sir, is not that a glass his face. Don't you remember, madam, about of right wine? [To Hypolita. two or three years ago, don Philip had a trusty Hyp. Extremely good indeed-But, sir, as servant, called Trappanti, that used now and to my question. then to slip a note into your hand, as you came from church? Hyp. Is this he that Philip turn'd away for saying I was as proud as a beauty, and homely enough to be good humour'd'?' Flora. The very same, I assure ye; only, as you see starving has altered his air a little. Hyp. Poor fellow! I am concern'd for him: what makes him so far from Seville? Flora. I'm afraid all places are alike to him. Hyp. I have a great mind to take him into my service, his assurance may be useful, as my case stands. Flora. You would not tell him who you are? Hyp. There's no occasion for it I'll talk with him. Re-enter TRAPPANTI, Trap. Your dinner's upon the spit, gentlemen, and the cloth is laid in the best room-— Are you not for a whet, 2) sir? What wine? what wine?-Hey! Flora. We give you trouble, sir. Re-enter Host. Host. D'ye call, gentlemen? Trap. Nay, pray, sir-- Trap. Upon my soul, you'll make me leave ye, gentlemen. Hyp. Come, come, no words! pr'ythee, you sball. Trap, Pshaw! but why this among friends now? Here-have ye any right Galicia? Host. The best in Spain, I warrant it. Trap. Let's taste it; if it be good, set us out half a dozen bottles for dinner, Host. Yes, sir. Flora. Who says this fellow's a starving now? On my conscience, the rogue has more impudence than a lover at midnight. [Exit. [Apart to Hypolita. 1) Fox-hunters in jumping over a hedge or a five-barred that they are sure either to break their neck or break nothing; hence the expression. The pun is easily understood. gate, on horseback, expose themselves to such danger, 2) A whet is one of the numerous expressions for taking a glass of brandy, etc. to sharpen the appetite, keep out the cold; or some other such excuse. Trap. I'm afraid, sir, that mutton won't be enough for us all. Hyp. O, pray, sir, bespeak what you please. Trap. Sir, your most humble servant. Here, master! pr'ythee get us-Ha! ay, get us a dozen of poach'd eggs-a dozen, d'ye hear -just to-pop down a little. Host. Yes, sir. [Going. Trap. Friend-let there be a little slice of bacon to every one of 'em. Host. Yes, sir-a little thin slice, sir? Trap. No, you dog, not too thin. [Going. Trap. Odso! I had like to have forgothere, a-Sancho! Sancho! ay, isn't your name Sancho? Host. Diego, sir. Trap. Oh! ay, Diego! that's true indeed, Diego! Umph! Hyp. I must e'en let him alone; there's no putting in a word till his mouth's full. [Apart. Trap. Come, here's to thee, Diego-[Drinks and fills again] That I should forget thy name though. Host. No great harm, sir. Trap. Diego, ha! a very pretty name, faith! -I think you are married, are you not, Diego? Host. Ay, ay, sir. Trap. Hah! how many children? Host. Nine girls and a boy, sir. Trap. Hah! nine girls Come, here's to thee again, Diego-Nine girls! a stirring woman, I dare say; a good housewife, ha! Diego? Host, Pretty well, sir. Trap. Makes all her pickles herself, I warrant ye-Does she do olives well? Host. Will you be pleased to taste 'em, sir? Trap. Taste 'em! humph! pr'ythee let's have a plate, Diego. Host. Yes, sir. Hyp. And our dinner as soon as you please, sir; when it's ready, call us. Host. Yes, sir. [Exit. Hyp. But, sir, I was asking you of your profession, Trap. Profession! really, sir, I don't use to profess much; I am a plain dealing sort of a man; if I say I'll serve a gentleman, he may depend upon me. Flora. Have you ever served, sir? Trap. Some words with my superior offi |