Ther. Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy
talk: thou art thought to be Achilles' male
varlet.

Patr. Male varlet, you rogue! what's that?
Ther. Why, his masculine whore. Now, the rotten
diseases of the south, the guts-griping, rup-
tures, catarrhs, loads o' gravel i' the back,
lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten
livers, wheezing lungs, bladders full of impos-
thume, sciaticas, limekilns i' the palm, incurable
bone-ache, and the rivelled fee-simple of the
tetter, take and take again such preposterous
discoveries!

Patr. Why, thou damnable box of envy, thou,
what mean'st thou to curse thus?

Ther. Do I curse thee?

Patr. Why, no, you ruinous butt; you whoreson

indistinguishable cur, no.

Ther. No! why art thou then exasperate, thou idle immaterial skein of sleave silk, thou green sarcenet flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal's purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered with such waterflies, diminutives of nature!

Patr. Out, gall!

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30

40

Ther. Finch-egg!

Achil. My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
From my great purpose in to-morrow's battle.
Here is a letter from Queen Hecuba,

A token from her daughter, my fair love,
Both taxing me and gaging me to keep

An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it:
Fall Greeks; fail fame; honour or go or stay;
My major vow lies here, this I'll obey.

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Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent:
This night in banqueting must all be spent.
Away, Patroclus! [Exeunt Achilles and Patroclus.
Ther. With too much blood and too little brain,

these two may run mad; but, if with too much
brain and too little blood they do, I'll be a
curer of madmen. Here's Agamemnon, an
honest fellow enough and one that loves quails;
but he has not so much brain as ear-wax: and
the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his
brother, the bull, the primitive statue and oblique 60
memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty shoeing-horn in
a chain, hanging at his brother's leg,-to what
form but that he is, should wit larded with
malice and malice forced with wit turn him to?
To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and

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ox to an ox, were nothing; he is both ox and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would not care; but to be Menelaus! I would conspire against destiny. Ask me not what I would be, if I were not Thersites ; for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus. Hoy-day! spirits and fires! Enter Hector, Troilus, Ajax, Agamemnon, Ulysses, Nestor, Menelaus, and Diomedes, with lights.

Achil. Welcome, brave Hector; welcome, princes all. Agam. So now, fair Prince of Troy, I bid good night. Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.

Hect. Thanks and good night to the Greeks' general. 80 Men. Good night, my lord.

Hect.

Good night, sweet Lord Menelaus.

Ther. Sweet draught: sweet, quoth a'! sweet sink,

sweet sewer.

Achil. Good night and welcome, both at once, to those

That go or tarry.

Agam. Good night. [Exeunt Agamemnon and Menelaus. Achil. Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed,

Keep Hector company an hour or two. Dio. I cannot, lord; I have important business,

The tide whereof is now. Good night, great

.

Hector.

Hect. Give me your hand.

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Ulyss. [Aside to Troilus] Follow his torch; he goes to Calchas' tent:

Tro.

I'll keep you company.

Hect. And so, good night.

Sweet sir, you honour me.

[Exit Diomedes; Ulysses and Troilus following.

Achil. Come, come, enter my tent.

[Exeunt Achilles, Hector, Ajax, and Nestor. Ther. That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers than I will a serpent when he hisses he will spend his mouth and promise, like Brabbler the hound; but when he performs, astronomers foretell it; it is prodigious, there 100

will come some change; the sun borrows of the
moon when Diomed keeps his word. I will
rather leave to see Hector than not to dog him:
they say he keeps a Trojan drab and uses the
traitor Calchas' tent: I'll after. Nothing but
lechery! all incontinent varlets!

[Exit.

Dio. What, are you up here, ho? speak.

Cal. [Within] Who calls?

Dio. Diomed. Calchas, I think. daughter?

Cal. [Within] She comes to you.

Where's your

Enter Troilus and Ulysses, at a distance; after them,

Thersites.

Ulyss. Stand where the torch may not discover us.

Enter Cressida.

Tro. Cressid comes forth to him.

Dio.

How now, my charge!