756. PRECISENESS.-MR. AND MRS. QUIDDLE. Mr.Quiddle. My dear, notwithstanding all I have said, Molly has boiled one potatoe more than I directed to-day.

Mrs. Quiddle. Mr. Quiddle should have attended to this great concern himself.

Mr. Quiddle. No, my dear, it is your duty to do so; and though it pains me to complain of any neglect of yours, a sense of duty compels me to say, that the last quarter of a pound of tea has disappeared much too rapidly. There were twenty-five thimblefuls, and we have made tea but twenty-four times, by my memorandum.

Mrs. Quiddle. Indeed, Mr. Quiddle, you calculate very closely. Perhaps Molly's thimble is larger than yours; but I do not think the matter worth a moment's consideration.

Mr. Quiddle. Aye, there lies your error. No man can be exact in great things who does not attend to trifles. Atoms constitute worlds, my dear, and give a form to them. And, now I think of it, you gave Josepli seven spoonfuls of soup to-day, when, you know, I never allow him but sir.

Mrs. Quiddle. He was very hungry, and one spoonful could not hurt him.

Mr. Quiddle. That is a fatal mistake, my dear.

Mrs. Quiddle. Why, how do you know so exactly how many spoonfuls our boy can contain?

Mr. Quiddle. My father never allowed his children but six, or six and a half, at the

utmost.

Mrs. Quiddle. And your stomach is to regulate Joseph's! Well, poor boy! I do not blame him for disliking you.

Mr. Quiddle. The welfare of my child must be consulted, even if at the expense of his affection. Now, I do not love to find fault, but I observed that he did not change his shoes this morning. I never wore the same shoe on one foot two days in succession, in my life; it runs them down to the heel.

Mrs. Quiddle. I fear that your precision will so disgust Joseph, that he will rush to the other extreme; for I have often noticed, that children who are denied all reasonable indul. gences are apt to become licentious.

Mr. Quiddle. Joseph must be looked after. I intend, immediately, to send him to another

school.

Mrs. Quiddle. Why so, my dear? I thought

Mr. B. was an excellent teacher.

Mr. Quiddle. He may be so, but he is not particular enough for our Joseph. Why, I understand, he allows his pupils a recess of en minutes, and even plays with them himself! My master allowed but five minutes' recess, and would as soon have died as stoop to play

with us. Besides, I think he does not shape

the tail of his G's as I should.

Mrs. Quiddle. Perhaps, if you were to mention these important objections to Mr. B, he would obviate them at once. For my part, I wish the recess was twice as long. As to the letter G, I did not know that its tail had any precise length.

Mr. Quiddle. You have much to learn Mrs. Quiddle. By the way, I noticed, to-day. that Joseph called you mother, and you did not reprimand him.

Mrs. Quiddle. Reprimand him!

Mr. Quiddle. Such familiarity will lessen, if not destroy, your authority over him. If he were to call me father, I should chastise him.

Mrs. Quiddle Poor boy! there is no fear of his being chastised, then; for he does not feel towards you as if you were his father.

Mr. Quiddle. I like to preserve a whole some distance, that he may pay me proper respect.

Mrs. Quiddle. The respect of fear cannot be relied on; and such overnicety

Mr. Quiddle. Do you know that, to what you call my overnicety, I owe all my health and wealth?

Mrs. Quiddie. I know, that, to preserve your health, you have sacrificed the happiness, and to accumulate your wealth, you have forfeited the respect, of all around you.

Mr. Quiddle. Can it be that you are serious?

Mrs. Quiddle. I never was more so. I have told you the truth, at the risk of your displeasure.

Mr. Quiddle. Well, well-if it is so bad as that, I must alter my conduct. I will do so from this moment. [Stoops and picks up a pin] There, this is the fifth pin, besides a headless one, that I have picked up to-day! But, as I was saying, I intend to reform. Oh, if you send Joseph to the shop, tell him not to give fourpence-half-penny for six cents; for you know, my dear, it is six cents and a quarter.-I certainly must watch my conduct. But where is dinner? It is more than a minute after the time. My dear, do see to it.There is another pin! Well, it is amazing to mehow careless some folks are! Mrs. Quiddle, tell Molly to bring her thimble to me, that I may see whether it holds more than mine!I must think of what you told me.

757. THE VILLAGE SCHOOL.

CHARACTERS.

(F. F. D.)

M23. WEATHERBOX, the Teacher. SUSANNA, am Orphan that she has taken to bring up. PupilsCATHARINE RICH, LUCY HEART, MARIA SMALL, SARAH Ross, ABBA MIX, ISABEL FOX, MARY SPARE, JANE SMITH, FANNY MILLS, MARTHA WELLS; other smaller Scholars, also.

[The scene represents a school-room, with desks benches, &c. The scholars are talking together, and waiting for the teacher's arrival.]

Catharine. I GUESS, Susanna, your ugly old aunt is taking a nap after dinner, she makes it so late. Had she something uncomm monly nice for dinner?

Susanna. She had a chicken, I believe; but she gave me a long task, and told me to stay here till I had done it.

Catharine. She did that to prevent your baving any of the chicken-a stingy old thing! Susanna. I cannot believe that she would be so selfish and unjust.

Lucy. Why, I am sure it is just of a piece with all her conduct towards you. She never gives you any thing fit to wear; and much as ever she alters her old, cast off rags, when she turns them over to you.

Susanna. But she took me, when no one else in the world would have done so; and I hope to get a tolerable education under her care, although she is not always so kind to me as I try to deserve.

Lucy. You are too good by half, Susanna; and I dare say now, you are half starved, while that selfish old creature is so full she can do nothing but sleep. Here, take this apple. I have had my dinner, and don't want it.

Susanna. I'thank you, Lucy; but my aunt told me I must not eat any thing till I had done my task.

Lucy.

You must take it, my dear girl, or I shall be affronted. Your aunt only meant, that you must not eat any food that cost her any thing.

Susanna. Well, I will eat it; for I am really faint.

Catharine. There she comes! I see her old cap. Look out, girls! Run to your seats, or you'll get it.

[The scholars all run, and sit as if afraid.] [Enter Mrs. Weatherbox, fanning herself, and

looking very cross.)

Mrs. Weatherbox. Susanna, how dare you eat that apple ?

Susanna. I did not think you would object, ma'am; it was a present from one of the scholars.

Mrs. Weatherbox. Present, indeed! I should like to see how a present tastes. It does one's heart good to have a present now-adays; but the time was, when I had a present every day. [To Susanna.] Your apple is forfeited, miss. [She takes it away, and begins to eat it herself.] Resume your seat, miss. Let the first class in reading come up. [She unlocks the drawer of her table, while six stand up, three on each side of her.

Mrs. Weatherbox. Maria Small, begin at the 45th page, "On the Beauties of Nature." Maria. Reading very slowly and blunderingly.] "Although-the-moon-we-behold-is-anO. P. Q. body-like-our-earth."

Mrs. Weatherbox. [Gaping.] What sort a body did you call it?

Maria. O. P. Q., ma'am.

Mrs. Weatherbox. Opaque, you mean. The word means dark; and, dear me, how dark the room is! [She gapes again.) I guess my specs want wiping. Go on with your reading. [She wipes her spectacles.]

Maria. "Although the moon we behold is an opaque body, still its surface is rendered visible to us, by the reflection of the sun's light."

[Mrs. Weatherboa's head begins to fall, as if she was sleepy. Catharine gives a sign to Maria to leave off reading, and she herself begins, but only makes a humming noise Um, um, um, um, &c. Mrs. Weatherbox, in the mean time, lets her book fall from one hand, and the apple from the other, and her head falls on her shoulder.]

Lucy. [Going close up, and looking to see if she is actually asleep.] Hush, girls! let her get well asleep before you stir. [Some move about on tiptoe, and all whisper.]

Sarah. I mean to rummage the old lady's drawer, and see what she has stolen from the scholars. [She opens the table drawer and all the scholars crowd round. Sarah says.] Here's your cup and ball, Lucy. Now take it, and hide it. Jane Smith, here is your picturebook. She has been reading it first, to see whether it is a suitable book for you to read. Mary Spare, here is your cake, that she was afraid would hurt you. Little girls' stomachs, like ours, cannot bear any rich food, you know; and so she eats it for us!

Lucy. Here is her old snuff-box. Why is not snuff as good as pepper and mustard, that she loves so dearly? [She sprinkles some snuff on the apple, and lays it on the table, and says.] There, Susanna, she shall pay for robbing you, if she eats any more of her plunder.

Abba. Here is the fool's cap. Come, girls, let's see if it becomes ma'am as well as it does the rest of us. [She puts it upon Mrs. Weatherbox's head. She then doubles her fist in the old lady's face, and says,] Eh! you ugly old thing! I'd put a pipe in your mouth, if it wouldn't wake you up!

[Isabel Fox puts on the old lady's spectacles and, calling two or three very small girls around her, pretends to keep school, mimicking the old lady.]

Catharine. Oh, here is her precious memo randum-book! Come, girls, now for a treat! They say she writes all her secrets here. Let's see. Here is a memorandum of what she intends to say at mother's party, to-night. I have heard tha: she always studies, beforehand, some smart speeches. Now let's see. Susanna. Miss Catharine, I beg you not to read that book. It is dishonorable to read any writing that is not intended to be seen. Catharine. She has read my billets a hundred times; and tit for tat, I say.

Susarna. Let me entreat you to put back the memorardum-book.

Catharins. Not I, indeed! It shall be read in committee of the whole. So form a circle, all hands of you, and hold your tongues. Come, Susanna, you must join es.

Susanna. Excuse me; I am unwilling to do any thing while my aunt is asleep, that I would not attempt if she were awake.

Lucy. You are altogether too scrupulous, Suzy, dear. Do not try to make us believe you feel any great respect for such a cross ald crone as this.

[The old lady moves one arm, and Sarah Ross says,]

Sarah. Hush! she is waking. Run for your lives.

wake, and Catharine calls them around her again]

Catharine. Come, girls, let's have the treat. Come, Suzy, you must hear it too.

Susanna. I really cannot join in what I do not approve. Do, pray, give me the book, and let me put it back.

Catharine. No, no, not till we have had a taste of it. She expects "to astonish the natives" at our house to-night, and I am determined, beforehand, to know what she is to say. Now, Susanna, do not carry your honor so far as to wake your aunt, and betray us all as soon as we begin. There she sits, for all the world like the Sleeping Beauty in the Woods. [Making a face at her.]

Susanna. What have you seen in me, Cathariuc, to lead you to suspect that I could be mean enough to betray you?

Catharine. Well, my dear girl, stand and watch her, then, and give us a hint if she moves. Now for it! Reads.] "Memorandums for Mrs. Rich's tea-party. To stir my tea a long time, that I may say to my next neighbor, I like to have all the composite parts of my beverage both saturated and coagulated."

"To fan myself, that I may say, 'How sweetly the zephyrs of Boreas temper the beat of Phœbus!"

"To tell the story of the man who ran his head against a shop-shade, and said, halfstunned by the blow, 'What is that? That is a conjunction,' said a school-boy, who was passing."

"To speak French as often as I can, not forgetting to mention the eclaw of Mrs. Rich's carriage; to allude to the fox-paw of Colonel Trip, and the na-vette of Miss Catharine. If no one leads me to the table, to say, 'Shakun power soy."

Susanna. Hush! hush! she is waking! [Mrs. Weatherbox begins to move a little and Catharine shuts the book, and says to Susanna,]

Catharine. Pray, pray, put it into the drawer instantly. Run all, for your lives, to your seats.

[One little girl stumbles over a cricket, and makes so much noise, that Mrs. Weatherboz awakes. The six readers stand in their places. Mrs. Weatherbox starts up, rubs her eyes, and says,]

Mrs. Weatherbox. What's that noise? Dear me! I was beginning to lose myself. Maria, my dear, finish the sentence you were reading.

Catharine. I hope, ma'am, you will give us some merits for keeping so still while you were taking your nap.

Mrs. Weatherbox. Nap! nap! Who says I have been taking a nap? I have heard every word that has been read. Come, girls, go on with your reading. Let me seewhere was the place? Where are my spectacles?

Isabel. Here, ma'am. I was afraid they would fall on the floor, and so I held them till you waked up.

Mrs. Weatherbox. Waked up, you minx!

asleep than you have.

Isabel. Then how did you lose your spectacles, ma'am without knowing it?

Mrs. Weatherbox. I mark Miss Fox for impertinence. Go on with your reading, Maria [Maria reads, and while she is doing so, Mrs. Weatherbox bites the apple, and begins to make faces and spit She then says,] What's this? Snuff? snuff? snuff on my apple? Who put snuff on my apple?

Lucy. Who could do so, ma'am, and you all the time awake, and looking on 1

Catharine. Perhaps the apple touched your snuff-box, ma'am. Poor Susan did not have a chance to see whether it tasted of snuff before you took it away from her.

Mrs. Weatherbox. I mark Miss Rich for talking unnecessarily. Go on with your reading, Maria. [Maria reads a few words, ana Mrs. Weatherbox opens her drawer, and, seeing the confusion, says,] My stars! who ha dared to touch my drawer! Somebody, I see, has been here! Where is my memorandum book? Has any one dared to touch it! Susanna, where is my memorandum-book! [Susanna hides her face in her work, but door not answer. Mrs. Weatherbox rises, seces her by the arm, and says,] Now look me fuck in the face. and say you did not take that memorandum book out of my drawer! Speak out, speak loud!

Susanna. I did not, I did not, indeed! Mrs. Weatherbox. I do not believe you, and shall make bold to search you. (She thrusts her hands into Susanna's pocket, and draws out the memorandum-book, and holds t up, saying, You did not take it, hey? You did not take it? What do you say now ?

Susanna. [Sobbing.] I did not take it from the drawer, ma'am.

Mrs. Weatherbox. Then you know whe did. So tell me this instant. [Susanna does not answer.) I know, then, you took it yourself; it is exactly like you.

Susanna. Oh, aunt! it is not like me to do such a thing.

Mrs. Weatherbox. Not another word! I shall believe you did it, till you can prove your innocence by pointing out the culprit. But I am certain it was yourself, and I shall punisk you accordingly. I suppose you have taken care to read every word of it?

Susanna. I really did not read one line of it.

Mrs. Weatherbox. You did not read it? Then why did you steal it? I'll punish you to your heart's content. You shall be shut up in this room for a week, and shall have only bread and water, and a short allowance of even that; and you shall sew on that hard linen from morning till night, I promise you. Girls, you may all go home; school is dismissed.

The girls go out.

Susanna sits and sobs as

she works.]

Mrs. Weatherbox. There, now do not stir till I come back! Leave off crying, and mind your sewing. I shall not see you till morning Susanna. Aunt, I assure you that I am innocent

Catharine. And yet you submit to it.
Susanna. I have no home but this.

Catharine. I will lend you one, for one night, at least. My dear girl, you shall suffer no more for my wickedness. It is my offence that you are to be punished for, and I am determined to undergo the penalty myself. Now put my shawl and bonnet on yourself, and go home, and tell my parents that I have hanged beds with you for one night. Leave me here, and return in the morning.

Susanna, You are not used to suffering, and I am used to nothing else.

Catharine. I am determined, and you must submit. There-don't speak. Putting on her things. There-go and enjoy, for one night, at least. a happy home.

Susanna. What do you intend to do? Catharine. No matter. Leave it to me. Go now, or your aunt may return and prevent you.

[Susanna goes out.] [Catharine sits at work, with her head down. Mrs. Weatherbox enters ]

Mrs. Weatherbox. I forgot to say, that no one will be permitted to speak to you for a week; and I shall take the precaution to lock the door, and keep the key myself. What did Catharine Rich have to say to you? I met

Ler as I came in.

Mrs. Weatherbox. Highty-tighty! [Seizing her arm, and twitching her up on her feet.] Catharine. Touch me, if you dare, madam! Your persecuted prisoner has escaped.

Mrs. Weatherbox. Catharine Rich! What does this mean, miss?

Catharine. It means, madam. that I could not bear to see your innocent victim suffering for me; and I have persuaded her to take shelter with my parents, and leave me to be punished, if you dare to touch me. I took the memorandum-book from your drawer, when you were asleep, sound asleep; in consequence of eating your own portion of chicken and hers also. She took it from me to restore it to you: but you awoke before she had an opportunity to de so. The generous girl preferred to sufier, mther than to expose me. 1 know the respect which is due from pupils to their teachers;

but, madam, pupils have rights, and teachers must respect them, if they wish to be respected. Susanna is beyond your reach. and I am in your power. Punish me, if you think I deserve it, for anticipating the wit you intended to let me share freely at my mother's tea-party. The memorandum will do yet; for I have not repeated the conjunction story, nor the French, to any soul living.

Mrs. Weatherbox. Go home, miss, and tell Susanna to come back immediately. Catharine. Say you pardon her, then. Mrs. Weatherbox. 1 do. Catharine. Say you will love and treat

her well, as she deserves, poor girl!

Mrs. Weatherbox. I will. I am too much mortified to be angry; and, for the first time in my life, I am ready to confess to my pupils that I am in the wrong. Oh, how much happiness I have lost in the foolish attempt to make my pupils believe that my judgment and conduct were always right! My dear girl, you have set me a lesson to-day, that will never be forgotten. [Looking at the audience.] It is singular, that taking a nap should open my eyes so wide.

758. THE DEBATING CLUB.

THE PRESIDENT, MR. BUNKER, MR. KING, MR. BULL MR. VERNON, MR. SLOWMATCH, MR. STEAMER, MR. BRANDYWINE, MR. YORK, MONS. BONJOUR, MR. MIT TIMUS, MR. SLACK, MR. FAIRSIDE, SECRETARY.

[The President and Secretary sitting at atable.

and the other members seated around.] President. GENTLEMEN, the ordinary business of the club having been performed, the next business in order will be the regular debate. If you will give your attention, gentlemen, the Secretary will read from the records the question to be discussed.

Secretary. [Reads.] "The subject pro posed for discussion, at the next meeting, is, Which was the greater man, Washington or Lafayette?" On the side of Washington, Messrs. Bunker, King, Bull, Vernon, Slowmatch, and Steamer, were appointed; and, on the other side, Messrs. Brandywine. York, Fairside, Bonjour, Mittimus, and Slack. It was also voted, that the next meeting should be holden at Hall, that the numerous friends of the members might hear the discussion without inconvenience.

Attest, JOHN SCRIP, Secretary." President. You have heard the record, gentlemen; and, if no objection is made, the regular discussion of the proposed question will commence.

Mr. Slack. Mr. President!
President. Mr. Slack, gentlemen.

Mr. Slack. [Very rapidly.] Mr. President -I rise, sir, to say that, as every member, probably, has a desire to say something upon the subject to be discussed this evening, and some folks have not any too much control over their tongues, it will be but fair that no member be allowed to speak more than five minutes at one time. I have no fear but what I shall get my share of the time; but I speak for the sake of others, sir, who may not be so fortunate; those, sir, who, like the lame man at Bethesda, wish to get into the troubled

tious, sir, that somebody always gets in before them. I disapprove, sir, of monopolizing the whole time and attention of the Society; and 1 trust, sir, my motives for making this suggestion will not be misunderstood.

President. Do you make a motion to that effect, sir?

Mr. Slack. I do, sir; for it appears to me, sir, that the sin of modern times, sir, is the propensity to talk, sir, when men have nothing to say, sir, and an unwillingness to leave off, sir, when one has done. I am a friend to equal rights, sir-and I wish to give every man an opportunity to exercise his tongue, if ne has any disposition to do so, sir.

Mr. Steamer. Mr. President-I rise to ask If there is any question before the meeting? President. Does any one second the motion of Mr. Slack?

Mr. Stowmatch. [Drawling very slowly.] 1 will second his motion, Mr. President; though five minutes will hardly allow me tame to hurry over all the ground I had marked ost for myself on this occasion. I will second ue motion, however, Mr. President.

President. Gentlemen, it has been moved aud seconded, that no gentleman be allowed to speak upon the question

Mr. Slack. No, sir; no, sir; I did not move that they be not allowed to speak upon the question, but

President. It is moved and seconded that no gentieman be allowed to speak more than five minutes

Mr. Slack. Upon the question, sir-Lot more than five minutes upon the question.

President. If the gentleman will give me ne minute, I will put the question so as to suit him. Gentlemen, if it be your minds that no member shall be allowed to speak more than five minutes upon the question before

as

owed all the greatness he possessed to his master? I should as soon think of instituting a comparison between the sun and moon, sirbetween the body that warms, enlightens, and guides the earth, and that inferior orb, which moves, sir, as it is compelled, and, shedding no warmth in its beams, is dependent upon the sun for even the cold light it dispenses. Sir, I can hardly treat the comparison seriously; for, much as I have admired the romantic heroism of the young Frenchman, it never before entered into my head, that he was a rival of Washington-that any American could be willing, for a moment, to allow that a foreigner could be as dear to him as his own beloved Washington.

Mons. Bonjour. Ma foi, Monsieur le President; the kes-ti-on is not who de gentilhomme shall love, but who is de most grand homme. I hope de gentilhomme will stick himself to the kes-ti-on.

Mr. Bunker. I had nearly done, Mr. President. I cannot think that any American will attempt to institute a comparison between the immortal Washington, and any other man that ever lived.

Mr. Brandywine. Mr. President! President. Mr. Brandywine, gentlemen. Mr. Brandywine. Sir, the gentleman bas, very unceremoniously, assumed the very point in dispute. He has allowed his feelings. I fear, sir, to warp his judgment in this matter. He is at liberty, sir, to love Washington better than any other man He is justified in feeling under greater obligation to him than to any other man; but, sir, in considering the question before us, it is the duty of every disputant to divest himself of all partialities of every sort, however patriotic and amiable they may appear, and dispassionately to view the claims of the two great men in question. It is true, sir, that Lafayette was the pupil of Washington; but this is the first time, sir, that I ever heard that a pupil must, necessarily, all his life long, be inferior to his master Washington himself once had a master, sir, but the probability is, that he excelled him. The gentleman, sir, compares his favorite to the sun; he does right to do so, sir; but he should recollect that there are more suns than one. It is not for the inhabitants of our system, who are warmed and cheered by our sun, sir, to say that the glorious suns of other systems are inferior, sir, and only moons. The gentleman thinks, sir, that no American will venture to assert the claim of Lafayette to equal rank with Washington; but, sir, I am an American, and a countryman of Washington-and 1 am not ashamed to acknowledge the claims, the equal claims, of Lafayette, to the love and homage of the world. The gentleman may think of me as he pleases, sir, for this avowal; but, sir, neither his contempt for me, nor his love for Washington, will prove the position he assumes. I wait, sir, to hear sometbing besides bare assertion, unsupported, as in this case, by reason. fact, or argument. Mr. King. Mr. President! President. Mr. King, gentlemen,