Instead of mentally advancing,

Your miss's first grand object's dancing; *
By which one truth I must reveal is,
Empty's the head; as light the heel is.

Next to ensure the brilliant sortie,
Miss strikes the grand piano forté ;†

If the mind cannot elicit one way, it certainly will another: and thence we find, that among the many, some will propogate bad, and others, good. But instead of watching these several propensities which should constitute the leading principle of tutors, they, on the contrary, attend to superface only; which is a sufficient reason why the propensity to evil so much overbalances the practice of good.

* To such an extravagant pitch has this accomplishment arrived, that, instead of the mere steps which formerly constituted its excellence, being deemed sufficient for the ballroom, every little miss must now emulate the Opera House ladies, whose manners, a few years since, excited such disgust in the eyes of the lawn sleeved right reverends of the woolpack: and, indeed, we may exclaim with the Roman, in speaking of the conduct of our misses in this particular:

Saltabat melius quam necesse est probae.

To hear the battle of Prague most unmercifully crucified by one of these export daughters of Euterpe, who is not only devoid of taste, but ears, hath frequently been the

Knows lessons, airs, duets, in plenty,
And plays the octave of Clementi.
And, as the body's decoration
Employs one half of this great nation,
Miss to that science is inducted,
And in each petty art instructed.

The jabb'ring of ill spoken French is
The learning of our pretty wenches,
With now and then Italian smatter,
I poco, Signor, and such matter;
And, as from innocence they wander,
With brazen mask, hear double entendre.
The modest blush must be translated;
And miss's front with brass be plated.

Wisdom by folly's thus perverted,

And ev'ry moral controverted:

The sound, the sense: the heel, the head is:
Feather the one; the other lead is:

Flightiness, wit: modesty, primness:

Study, romance: and science, dimness;

lot of the writer, whose feelings can only be conceived by those that have suffered a similar torture. Such I conceive to be one of the insufferable miseries of human life.

In fine, my dames, your sapient * rules are
Fitted to prove your pupils fools are.†

* E da un matto voler insegnare non havendo imperato.

This is not to be wondered at, when we consider the contents of the foregoing stanzas of the poet. But in order to make the reader better acquainted with causes, it is necessary to observe, that the more masters the pupil hath, the more money is derived by the preceptors. As to the idea of genius in the scholar, that is never taken into consideration; and I have literally seen school drawings that would have disgraced an Ouran Outang. And to speak truly of the persons employed to teach at seminaries, they are but the fag end, the tag rag and bobtail of proficients in those very arts they pretend to be so well schooled in; , and I must confess that they very frequently remind me of the old woman, who took infinite pains to teach her boy to milk a boar. But to the point: it is truly surprising to see how easily a school bill is whipped up, what with entrances of masters, or rather labourers; charges for books which were never had; usage of the globes and piano forté, whose tones might well vie with the clank that resounds from a cracked tin kettle; and the more genteel sum which is tacked to the account, for miss being a parlour boarder, who is honoured with slip slop tea and a bit of the brown off the meat. These are the wheels within wheels that set so many seminaries in motion. Apropos: I had very nearly forgotten to descant on the topic of whipping, which is generally followed up pretty smartly by old maids, who

revenge their own disappointments and ill humours on the breeches of their pupils: and although, in this instance, they adhere to the text of Solomon, who saith, He that spareth his rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him, chasteneth him betimes; and Butler also, who, speaking of flogging,

says,

Whipping that's virtue's governess;

Tutress of arts and sciences:

That mends the gross mistakes of nature,

And puts new life into dull matter:

yet I am rather of opinion with Terence, who thus emphatically expresseth himself:

Pudore et liberalitate liberos

Retinere, satius esse credo, quam metu.

And now, by way of leave-taking, let me use the lines of Butler to these heads of schools:

Can you, that understand all books,
By judging only with your looks?
Unriddle all that mankind knows,
With solid bending of your brows:
All arts and sciences advance,
With screwing of your countenance:
And, with a penetrating eye,
Into th' abstrusest learning pry;
And yet have no art, true or false,
To help your own bad naturals:
But still the more you strive t'appear,
Are found to be the wretcheder.
For fools are known by looking wise,
As men find woodcocks by their eyes.

L'ENVOY OF THE POET.

Good sense and reason never yet were found,
By teaching youth externally to shine:
The gem's procur'd by delving under ground.
Be yours the task to make the brain the mine.

THE POET'S CHORUS TO FOOLS.

Come, trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis,
Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis.