SECTION II.

OF NEW FASHIONS, AND FOOLS THAT WEAR
DISGUISED GARMENTS.

Ad populum phaleras, ego te intus et in cute novi.

Go hide thy face, dame Decency, while I
Descant on fashions and our ladies' dress;
Their modes are folly, and their drapery
One yard of gauze† to cover nakedness.

With lawn transparent are their bosoms bound,
Alluring ev'ry eye to view the sight;
While stomach, taper waist, and contour round,
Are visible thro' cambric twin'd so tight.

It is absolutely impossible to walk the streets of London, without witnessing the truth of this remark; as the ladies, not contented with parading all but naked, must needs heighten the scene, by grasping tightly round them the small portion of drapery they have, whereby the whole contour from the waist downwards, is just as perceptible, as if they had no covering at all.

One petticoat or drawers* of muslin thin,

From heav'n's rude blast protects the fragile

MAID;

Maid did I say! What diff'rence in the sin,

The harlot's act, or limbs by lust array'd?

Or view the milliner's inventive art,
In hips elastic, and full swell behind;
Stays "à la Je ne† scais quoi,” at once impart,
That nature's naught without such modes re-

fin'd.

* As a trifling effort of Boréas might elevate, or the rude push of a passenger cause a rent in the thin petticoat or chemise, whereby a total exposure would be inevitable, 'the expedient of wearing drawers of muslin has been resorted to, which, in some instances, are converted by Dashers into trowsers, with the addition of a deep fringe of lace, which is carefully displayed by the shortness of the petticoat dangling about the ancles. So much for decency!

This article of dress, not only obviates any pressure upon the bosom, but, if necessity requires it, substitutes, by cotton wadding, any deficiency. With respect to the stomach, and Butler's renowned seat of honour, the wadding is also continued to that part, with the addition of whalebone, so as to compress the devant, and give elasticity

Naught was the swelling Pad* compar'd to this,
Indeed, for beauty it was ne'er design'd;

But that a woman still might seem a miss,
A single hour before she was confin'd.

Tight let the Grecian tresses bind the head,

And countless ringlets, "A la Recamière," ↑

and rotundity to the derrière, by which means, should the rude touch of an inebriated carman chance to come in contact with honour's throne, the grasp would not be felt, and that much redoubted seat of majesty, would consequently escape insult.

* This convenient appendage to the stomach, levelled at once all distinctions with single and married ladies, excepting, that what was artificial in the mother, was frequently natural in the daughter.

This appellation was derived from the Parisian lady who gave the ton to a vast profusion of cork-screw curls, ranged upon the forehead like rows of twisted wires, similar to what are placed near the cranks of bells to give them elasticity. In order to produce the thin glossy appearance which constitutes the beauty of these tresses, (not unlike the love locks in the time of Charles the First) it is necessary, after curling with the irons, to divide and subdivide each ringlet, which is then passed through the fingers of the dressing woman, who has previously wetted them with some sweet scented oil.

In greasy order o'er the front be spread,
The whole a peruque,* fye on natʼral hair.

The deaden'd lustre of that once bright eye,
The tinge vermilion with white lead conjoin'd,
Fain would revive, while health's rose blooming
dye,

By dissipation long hath been purloin'd.

Naked the arms, the shoulders too are bare,
Lest calves and ancles blush men's eyes to meet
In silk array'd; while crimson† clocks compare
To flames of fire on Satan's cloven feet.

* As to nature, she has literally no more to do with modern taste in this particular, than a magpie has occasion for a Greek lexicon. How, in the name of common sense, should the simple goddess define what is so suitable to our complexions as we ourselves can? besides, what would become of Mr. Collick the hair-merchant, and the numerous gentlemen of Mr. Vicary's calling. No lady of ton can pos sibly think of less than ten wigs in constant wear; in short, there should be one suited to every look and to every passion.

†The diversity of coloured silk stockings, which have graced the legs of our Belles, has conduced, it is imagined, to heighten their predilection for making those limbs so

No more must female beauties be conceal'd,
Poor decency, alas! hath had a fall;

For men were us'd to wed charms unreveal'd;
But now they marry what is known to all.

L'ENVOY OF THE POET.

Though common decency implores in vain,
Still must I counsel, and the truth disclose;
For nakedness ensures rheumatic pain,

So be advis'd, my maids, put on your clothes.

THE POET'S CHORUS TO FOOLS.

Come, trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis,
Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis.

very public, by a uniform method now adopted of twitching up the gown on one side as high as the garter,

"Honi soit qui mal y pense."

Some fashionables, however, have not confined these harlequinade hose to their own legs, but have equipped even their lacqueys in variegated stockings. We do not, however, mean by this, any comparison whatsoever with the bas jaunâtre of our blue-coat boys, the former being the insignias of puppyism and folly, whereas the latter, are the united badges of charity, wisdom, and science.