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SECTION XIV.

OF FOOLISH PRIESTS AND BABBLING PARSONS
IN THE CHOIR.

I veri predicatori danno frutti, e non fiori.

To wear the sable garb of sanctity,
And be the slave of mundane vanity,*
Displeaseth most my thought:

*There is no rule without an exception; an instance of which will be found in the following anecdote, redounding highly to the credit of the testator; who thereby evinced a just sentiment of love for decency, and contempt for the prevalent follies of the age.

A worthy clergyman, in Yorkshire, lately deceased, bequeathed in his will a considerable property to his only daughter, on the subsequent conditions: First, That she did not enter into the state of matrimony without the consent of his two executors, or their representatives. Secondly, That she dressed with greater decency than she had hitherto been accustomed to do. The testators words were:

hath not attended to "But as my daughter Ann my admonitions, respecting the filthy and lewd custom of dressing with naked elbows, my will is, that in case she

Yet fools there are that boast religion's guise,

Whose conduct slurs their functions in men's

eyes,

Who think the calling naught.*

persists in so gross a violation of female decency, the whole of the property devised by me as aforesaid, and intended as a provision for her future life, shall go to the eldest son of my sister Caroline and his heirs lawfully begotten. To those who may say this restriction is severe, I answer, that an indecent display of personal habiliments in women, is a certain indication of intellectual depravity."

* As a specimen of that indefatigable zeal which should characterise the clerical robe, the following extract from the Harleian MSS. No. 6824, fol. 190, is offered, by way of lesson, to all idle fools of this class.

Saturday, June 24, 1724, I was at the funeral of the Rev. Mr. Foard, curate of Marybone. The Rev. Mr. Thos. Riddle, who was curate of St. Giles in the Fields, and since lecturer, gave the following account, that on one certain Sunday he [Mr. Riddle] performed the following duties;

In the morning, married six couple; then read the whole prayers, and preached; after that churched six women.

In the afternoon, read prayers and preached; christened 32 children; six at home, the rest at the font; buried 13

In vain these idiot priests this theme pursue,

*

"Do as I say, but act not as I do;"

As if the quirk would tell :

corpses, and read the distinct service over each of them separately, and this done by nine at night.

It was then mentioned by another clergyman, that he had a paper given him to pray for the accomplishment of a young woman's desires.

Il buon religioso non sà stare ozioso.

This trite adage cannot be better applied than in speaking of the clergy, who at all periods, and in all countries, have proved themselves deficient in establishing their precepts by example. From hence has originated all those divisions in religious opinions, which are no where so prevalent as in England, where sectaries may be called the whippers-in of faith: nor can we close this note without a quotation from Butler, who, treating on this head, exclaims,

Where ev'ry village is a see,

As well as Rome, and must maintain

A tithe pig metropolitan:

Where ev'ry presbyter and deacon

Commands the keys of cheese and bacon;

And ev'ry hamlet's governed

By 's holiness, the church's head,

More haughty and severe in 's place

Than Gregory and Boniface.

"Why acts thou thus?" demands the untaught

hind,

"If with thy wisdom thou dost so; I find

" "Twill serve my turn as well."

All eyes, 'tis said, are fix'd on Cato's son.
If Cato's son's a fool, 'tis ten to one,

The multitude reveres :

For why? The fool to his desires* gives scope:
Then, if the pastor strays, farewel all hope;
His flock the same course steers.

Show me a drunkard more adept than priest;
Show me a cormorant more staunch at feast;

* For a very biting and just satire on every class of ecclesiastical fools connected with the Catholic church, the reader may refer to Erasmus on Folly, who, in the same work, is not merely free in the delivery of his sterling opinions respecting many dogmas of that religion, but even proceeds to such lengths, that, considering the era in which he flourished, it is a little astonishing that the hatred of the clergy, which was of course manifested towards him, should not have led them to pursue the most effectual method of silencing so potent an adversary.

With pride to keep the farce on.†

Show me hypocrisy that's more demure;
Show me, who can, less feeling to the poor,
Than's to be found in parson.

Instead of clemency-he's unforgiving;
Instead of meekness, his pursuit's a living ; ‡
For which through thick and thin:

† The pride of priestcraft hath ever been proverbial; in contradiction to that irresistible humility, which characterized the proceedings of the Divine Author of Christianity; and the Ego et rex meus of Wolsey is applicable to every wearer of little buckles, canon curls, with the skimming dish hat, and dapper rose, which constitutes its prim ornament.

Let but the lawn sleeves appear in vista, and who ever heard a churchman exclaim nolo episcopari? On the contrary, it is then we view the priest in his real colours: no sycophancy is too degrading, no flattery, though at the expense of truth, is too fulsome: but when the object of his ambition is attained, his low-born pride looks with contempt on all, from the pinnacle, to whose summit he hath climbed, and rules with the rod of tyranny the miserable dependents on his haughty caprice. A truly noble spirit never plays the tyrant: it is only the base-born churl, like Thomas à Becket, that would outfrown the brow of majesty;

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