The only thing like revellin' thet ever

come to me

Wuz bein' routed out o' sleep by thet darned revelee.

They say the quarrel 's settled now; fer

my part I've some doubt on 't, 'T'll take more fish-skin than folks think

to take the rile clean out on 't; At any rate, I'm so used up I can't do

no more fightin',

The on'y chance thet's left to me is politics or writin' ;

Now, ez the people 's gut to hev a milingtary man,

An' I aint nothin' else jest now, I've hit upon a plan;

The can'idatin' line, you know, 'ould suit me to a T,

An' ef I lose, 't wunt hurt my ears to lodge another flea ;

So I'll set up ez can'idate fer any kin' o' office,

(I mean fer any thet includes good easy

cheers an' soffies;

Fer ez tu runnin' fer a place ware work's the time o' day, You know thet 's wut I never did, except the other way ;) Ef it's the Presidential cheer fer wich I'd better run,

Wut two legs anywares about could keep up with my one? There aint no kin' o' quality in can'idates, it's said,

So useful ez a wooden leg, - except a

wooden head;

There's nothin' aint so poppylar- (wy, it's a parfect sin

To think wut Mexico hez paid fer Santy Anny's pin ;)

Then I haint gut no princerples, an', sence I wuz knee-high,

I never did hev any gret, ez you can testify;

I'm a decided peace-man, tu, an' go agin the war, —

Fer now the holl on 't 's gone an' past, Iwut is there to go for? Ef, wile you 're 'lectioneerin' round, some curus chaps should beg To know my views o' state affairs, jest answer woODEN LEG!

Ef they aint settisfied with thet, an' kin' o' pry an' doubt

An' ax fer sutthin' deffynit, jest say ONE EYE PUT OUT!

Thet kin' o' talk I guess you'll find 'll answer to a charm,

An' wen you're druv tu nigh the wall, hol' up my missin' arm; Ef they should nose round fer a pledge, put on a vartoous look An' tell 'em thet's percisely wut I never gin nor- took!

Then you can call me "Timbertoes," thet's wut the people likes; Sutthin' combinin' morril truth with phrases sech ez strikes ;

Some say the people's fond o' this, or thet, or wut you please, I tell ye wut the people want is jest cor rect idees;

"Old Timbertoes," you see, 's a creed it's safe to be quite bold on, There's nothin' in 't the other side can any ways git hold on;

It's a good tangible idee, a sutthin' to embody

Thet valooable class o' men who look thru brandy-toddy;

It gives a Party Platform, tu, jest level with the mind

Of all right-thinkin', honest folks thet mean to go it blind;

Then there air other good hooraws to dror on ez you need 'em, Sech ez the ONE-EYED SLARTERER, the BLOODY BIRDOFREDUM; Them's wut takes hold o' folks thet think, ez well ez o' the masses, An' makes you sartin o' the aid o' good men of all classes.

There's one thing I'm in doubt about; in order to be Presidunt, It's absolutely ne'ssary to be a Southern residunt;

The Constitution settles thet, an' also thet a feller

Must own a nigger o' some sort, jet black, or brown, or yeller. Now I haint no objections agin particklar climes,

Nor agin ownin' anythin' (except the truth sometimes),

pecunia primum, virtus post nummos. He hoisted sail for Eldorado, and shipwrecked on Point Tribulation. Quid non mortalia pectora cogis, auri sacra james? The speculation has sometimes crossed my mind, in that dreary interval of drought which intervenes between quarterly stipendiary showers, that Providence, by the creation of a moneytree, might have simplified wonderfully the sometimes perplexing problem o human life. We read of bread-trees, the butter for which lies ready-churned in Irish bogs. Milk-trees we are assured of in South America, and stout Sir John Hawkins testifies to water-trees in the Canaries. Boot-trees bear abundantly in Lynn and elsewhere; and I have seen, in the entries of the wealthy, hat-trees with a fair show of fruit. A family-tree I once cultivated myself, and found therefrom but a scanty yield, and that quite tasteless and innutritious. Of trees bearing men we are not without examples; as those in the park of Louis the Eleventh of France. Who has forgotten, moreover, that olive-tree, growing, in the Athenian's back-garden, with its strange uxorious crop, for the general propagation of which, as of a new and precious variety, the philosopher Diogenes, hitherto uninterested in arboriculture, was so zealous? In the sylva of our own Southern States, the females of my family have called my attention to the china-tree. Not to multiply examples, I will barely add to my list the birch-tree, in the smaller branches of which has been implanted so miraculous a virtue for communicating the Latin and Greek languages, and which may well, therefore, be classed among the trees producing necessaries of life,venerabile donum fatalis virga. That money-trees existed in the golden age there want not prevalent reasons for our believing. For does not the old proverb, when it asserts that money does not grow on every bush, imply a fortiori that there were certain bushes which did produce it? Again, there is another ancient saw to the effect that money is the root of all evil. From which two adages it may be safe to infer that the aforesaid species of tree first degenerated into a shrub, then absconded underground, and finally, in our iron age, vanished altogether. In favorable exposures it may te conjectured that a specimen or two survived to a great age, as in the garden of the Hesperides; and, indeed, what else could that tree in the Sixth Eneid have been, with a branch whereof the Trojan hero procured admission to a territory, for the entering of which money is a surer passport than to a certain other more profitable (too) foreign kingdom? Whether these speculations of mine have any force in them, or whether they will not rather, by most readers, be deemed impertinent to the matter in hand, is a question which I leave to the determination of an indulgent posterity. That there were, in more primitive and happier times, shops

where money was sold, and that, too, on credit and at a bargain, I take to be matter of demonstration. For what but a dealer in this article was that Eolus who supplied Ulysses with motive power for his fleet in bags? What that Ericus, king of Sweden, who is said to have kept the winds in his cap? what, in more recent times, those Lapland Nornas who traded in favorable breezes? All which will appear the more clearly when we consider, that, even to this day, raising the wind is proverbial for raising money, and that brokers and banks were invented by the Venetians at a later period.

And now for the improvement of this digression. I find a parallel to Mr. Sawin's fortune in an adventure of my own. For, shortly after I had first broached to myself the before-stated natural-historical and archæological theories, as I was passing, hæc negotia penitus mecum revolvens, through one of the obscure suburbs of our New England metropolis, my eye was attracted by these words upon a sign-board, CHEAP CASH-STORE. Here was at once the confirmation of my speculations, and the substance of my hopes. Here lingered the fragment of a happier past, or stretched out the first tremulous organic filament of a more fortunate future. Thus glowed the distant Mexico to the eyes of Sawin, as he looked through the dirty pane of the recruiting-office window, or speculated from the summit of that mirage-Pisgah which the imps of the bottle are so cunning in raising up. Already had my Alnaschar-fancy (even during that first half-believing glance) expended in various useful directions the funds to be obtained by pledging the manuscript of a proposed volume of discourses. Already did a clock ornament the tower of the Jaalam meetinghouse, a gift appropriately, but modestly, commemorated in the parish and town records, both, for now many years, kept by myself. Already had my son Seneca completed his course at the University. Whether, for the moment, we may not be considered as actually lording it over those Baratarias with the viceroyalty of which Hope invests us, and whether we are ever so warmly housed as in our Spanish castles, would afford matter of argument. Enough that I found that sign-board to be no other than a bait to the trap of a decayed grocer. Nevertheless, I bought a pound of dates (getting short weight by reason of immense flights of harpy flies who pursued and lighted upon their prey even in the very scales), which purchase I made, not only with an eye to the little ones at home, but also as a figurative reproof of that too frequent habit of my mind, which, forgetting the due order of chronology, will often persuade me that the happy sceptre of Saturn is stretched over this Astræaforsaken nineteenth century..

Having glanced at the ledger of Glory under the title Sawin, B., let us extend our in

vestigations, and discover if that stractive volume does not contain some args more personally interesting to ourselves. I think we should be more economical of our resources, did we thoroughly appreciate the fact, that, whenever Brother Jonathan seems to be thrusting his hand into his own pocket, he is, in fact, picking ours. I confess that the late muck which the country has been running has materially changed my views as to the best method of raising revenue. lf, by means of direct taxation, the bills for every extraordinary outlay were brought under our immediate eye, so that, like thrifty housekeepers, we could see where and how fast the money was going, we should be less likely to commit extravagances. At present, these things are managed in such a huggermugger way, that we know not what we pay for; the poor man is charged as much as the rich; and, while we are saving and scrimping at the spigot, the government is drawing off at the bung. If we could know that a part of the money we expend for tea and coffee goes to buy powder and balls, and that it is Mexican blood which makes the clothes on our backs more costly, it would set some of us athinking. During the present fall, I have often pictured to myself a government official entering my study and handing me the following bill:

N. B. Thankful for former favors, U. S. requests a continuance of patronage. Or ders executed with neatness and despatch. Terms as low as those of any other contractor for the same kind and style of work.

I can fancy the official answering my look of horror with,-"Yes, Sir, it looks like a high charge, Sir; but in these days slaughtering is slaughtering." Verily, I would that every one understood that it was; for it goes about obtaining money under the false pretence of being glory. For me, I have an imagination which plays me uncomfortable tricks. It happens to me sometimes to see a slaughterer on his way home from his day's work, and forthwith my imagination puts a cocked-hat upon his head and epaulettes upon his shoulders, and sets him up as a candidate for the Presidency. So, also, on a recent public occasion, as the place assigned to the Reverend Clergy" is just behind that of "Officers of the Army and Navy" in processions, it was my fortune to be seated at the dinner table over against one of these respectable persons. He was arrayed as (out of his own profession) only kings, courtofficers, and footmen are in Europe, and Indians in America. Now what does my over-officious imagination but set to work upon him, strip him of his gay livery, and present him to me coatless, his trowsers thrust into the tops of a pair of boots thick with clotted blood, and a basket on his arm out of which lolled a gore-smeared axe, thereby destroying my relish for the temporal mercies upon the board before me!H. W.]

No. IX.

A THIRD LETTER FROM B. SAWIN, ESQ.

[UPON the following letter slender comment will be needful. In what river Selemnus has Mr. Sawin bathed, that he has be come so swiftly oblivious of his former loves? From an ardent and (as befits a soldier) confident wooer of that coy bride, the popular favor, we see him subside of a sudden into the (I trust not jilted) Cincinnatus, returning to his plough with a goodly sized branch of willow in his hand; figuratively returning, however, to a figurative plough, and from no profound affection for that honored implement of husbandry (for which, indeed, Mr. Sawin never displayed any decided predilection), but in order to be gracefully summoned therefrom to more congenial labors. It would seem that the character of the ancient Dictator had become part of the recognized stock of our modern political comedy, though, as our term of office extends to a quadrenujal length, the parallel is not so minutely exact

as could be desired. It is sufficiently so, however, for purposes of scenic representation. An humble cottage (if built of logs, the better) forms the Arcadian background of the stage. This rustic paradise is labelled Ashland, Jaalam, North Bend, Marshfield, Kinderhook, or Bâton Rouge, as occasion demands. Before the door stands a something with one handle (the other painted in proper perspective), which represents, in happy ideal vagueness, the plough. To this the defeated candidate rushes with delirious joy, welcomed as a father by appropriate groups of happy laborers, or from it the successful one is torn with difficulty, sustained alone by a noble sense of public duty. Only I have observed, that, if the scene be laid at Bâton Rouge or Ashland, the laborers are kept carefully in the background, and are heard to shout from behind the scenes in a singular tone resembling ululation, and accompanied by a sound not unlike vigorous clapping. This, however, may be artistically in keeping with the habits of the rustic population of those localities. The precise connection between agricultural pursuits and statesmanship, I have not been able, after diligent inquiry, to discover. But, that my investigations may not be barren of all fruit, I will mention one curious statistical fact, which I consider thoroughly established, namely, that no real farmer ever attains practically beyond a seat in General Court, however theoretically qualified for more exalted station.

It is probable that some other prospect has been opened to Mr. Sawin, and that he has not made this great sacrifice without some definite understanding in regard to a seat in the cabinet or a foreign mission. It may be supposed that we of Jaalam were not untouched by a feeling of villatic pride in beholding our townsman occupying so large a space in the public eye. And to me, deeply revolving the qualifications necessary to a candidate in these frugal times, those of Mr. S. seemed peculiarly adapted to a successful campaign. The loss of a leg, an arm, an eye, and four fingers, reduced him so nearly to the condition of a vox et præterea nihil, that I could think of nothing but the loss of his head by which his chance could have been bettered. But since he has chosen to balk our suffrages, we must content ourselves with what we can get, remembering lactucas non esse dandas,dum cardui sufficiant.-H. W.]

I SPOSE you recollect thet I explained my gennle views

In the last billet thet I writ, 'way dowǹ frum Veery Cruze,

Jest arter I'd a kind o' ben spontanously sot up

To run unanimously fer the Presidential

cup;

O' course it worn't no wish o' mine, 't wuz ferflely distressin', But poppiler enthusiasm gut so almighty pressin'

I

Thet, though like sixty all along I fumed an' fussed an' sorrered, There didn't seem no ways to stop their bringin' on me forrerd: Fact is, they udged the matter so, could n't help admittin' The Father o' his Country's shoes no feet but mine 'ould fit in, Besides the savin' o' the soles fer ages to succeed,

Seein' thet with one wannut foot, a pair 'd be more 'n I need ; An', tell ye wut, them shoes 'll want a thund'rin sight o' patchin',

Ef this 'ere fashion is to last we've gut into o' hatchin'

A pair o' second Washintons fer every
new election, -
Though, fur ez number one's consarned,
I don't make no objection.

I wuz agoin' on to say thet wen at fust
I saw

The masses would stick to 't I wuz the

Country's father-'n-law, (They would ha' hed it Father, but I told 'em 't would n't du, Coz thet wuz sutthin' of a sort they couldn't split in tu,

An' Washinton hed hed the thing laid fairly to his door,

Nor dars n't say 't worn't his'n, much ez sixty year afore,)

But 't aint no matter ez to thet; wen I

wuz nomernated,

'T worn't natur but wut I should feel consid'able elated,

An' wile the hooraw o' the thing wuz kind o' noo an' fresh,

I thought our ticket would ha' caird the country with a resh.

Sence I've come hum, though, an' looked round, I think I seem to find

Strong argimunts ez thick ez fleas to make me change my mind; It's clear to any one whose brain aint fur gone in a phthisis, Thet hail Columby's happy land is goin' thru a crisis,

An' 't would n't noways du to hev the people's mind distracted

By bein' all to once by sev'ral pop'lar names attackted;

'T would save holl haycartloads o' fuss an' three four months o' jaw, Ef some illustrous paytriot should back out an' withdraw;

So, ez I aint a crooked stick, jest like like ole (I swow,

I dunno ez I know his name)- I'll go back to my plough.

Wenever an Amerikin distinguished politishin

Begins to try et wut they call definin' his posishin,

Wal, I, fer one, feel sure he aint gut nothin' to define ;

It's so nine cases out o' ten, but jest that tenth is mine;

And 'taint no more'n is proper 'n' right in sech a sitooation To hint the course you think 'll be the savin' o' the nation;

To funk right out o' p'lit'cal strife aint thought to be the thing,

Without you deacon off the toon you want your folks should sing; So I edvise the noomrous friends thet's in one boat with me

To jest up killock, jam right down their hellum hard a lee,

Haul the sheets taut, an', laying out
upon the Suthun tack,
Make fer the safest port they can, wich,
I think, is Ole Zack.

Next thing you'll want to know, I
spose, wut argimunts I seem
To see thet makes me think this ere 'll
be the strongest team;
Fust place, I've ben consid'ble round
in bar-rooms an' saloons
Agethrin' public sentiment, 'mongst
Demmercrats and Coons,
An' 't aint ve'y offen thet I meet a chap
but wut goes in

Fer Rough an' Ready, fair an' square,
hufs, taller, horns, an' skin;
I don't deny but wut, fer one, ez fur ez
I could see,

I didn't like at fust the Pheladelphy

nomernee: